i've swallowed a cloudy sky

Kylo Ren Baby, you're the highlight of my lowlife.

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

Breath caught in her throat at the sight of a smile she had only seen in dreams, one life had stolen the light from. And she smiled. The corner of her lips tugged, forming a smile that illuminated her features. Any doubt vanished and only the certainty of doing the right thing filled her whole being with hope. What had the Resistance done for her? They had used her, forgotten about her, and sent her off to a man who had wanted to escape from his own mistakes.

Ben and Rey, they were their creatures – they both had been used and controlled, and set aside when they were no longer needed. Luke had allowed his judgment to take the best of him and attacked Ben, without giving him the chance to prove him wrong. Rey knew the Resistance was her friends, but she didn’t owe them a thing. She had never asked to be part of them, of this war; all she had wanted was to find his family.

Ben.

He was his family. And so her arms were around him before she could even give it a thought, their bodies fitting together in a way she didn’t know was even possible and she melted, lowering her defenses and forgetting about everything but the warmth of his body. It felt as though everything she had searched for was right there, and infinite happiness, raw and instinctual, took over her body.

But there was no time to lose. Soon someone would realize what has happened in there, that Snoke was dead and so were his guards. It physically pained her to step back, away from him and out of his arms, yet they needed to more. Only that she didn’t know where to go and how. Chewbacca had instructions to find the Resistance, and even if he was still around, he wouldn’t help them. Kriff, it had taken a lot of convincing so he would allow her to send herself off to Ben.

“We have to go,” she finally broke the silence, reaching for his hand as it was impossible for her to let go. She needed the reassurance that he was there, that it was no a dream, that he wouldn’t disappear into thin air if she exhaled. With a gentle pull, she tried to move him towards the door. It wasn’t Jakku and it wasn’t the island anymore, she didn’t know where to go. Rey only knew they had minutes.

“Ben, please.”

      Reys body was honey-warm against his. Every nerve, every inch of his body was  h y p e r a w a r e of her— her breaths, her hands on his back, the very sensation of a kind touch felt so foreign to him it felt like he might BURST apart. It had been so long since he’s last felt anything like this. His mind whirred, trying to remember his last encounter with kindness. It hadn’t come from Snoke, of course, or Hux, for that matter. They were both BEASTS, concrete creatures with a lust for power. ( Hadn’t he belonged with them, before? ) No, it had been Luke, he realized, as a jab of guilt pierced the lump of muscles between his ribs and his embrace tightened around Reys shoulders. Luke, who had attempted to murder him. Luke, whom he had betrayed in return. Ben pressed the thought to the back of his mind to fester, focusing instead on the girl in his arms. In that moment, however, he felt her pull away, felt how his fingers stiffened in an attempt to keep her pressed against his chest.

      If she expected him to speak, even make a sound, she would be gravely disappointed. It was as if he’s been rendered mute, as if his tongue had been glued down, throat laced shut. He WANTED to speak, wanted to put every single confusing thought into words, but syllables slipped through his fingers as if they were sand.

      When she took his hand, Ben could only utter a shuddering sigh, gripping her hand tightly. It would take an army to pry them apart, of that he was sure. He just hoped she couldn’t tell how vigorously his fingers were shaking.

      Her words tore him out of the mill of his thoughts, and his words returned to him.

      ❝ Y— yeah. ❞ Then, after a moment’s consideration, he added: ❝ I— I think I know where we can find a shuttle. ❞

      And with that, he began leading her out of the burning throne room, back turned on his old master, his old life. After a few passages however, the  u n m i s t a k a b l e  sound of Stormtrooper footsteps drifted down the hall toward the pair of them. They were close, very close, and as the sound grew steadily louder Ben turned to Rey, wide-eyed and nauseous. He pulled her to the side, until their backs were pressed against the cool metal of the hallway. His next words were a mere WHISPER.

            ❝ We have got .   .   .   company. ❞

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

The smell of burned flesh that she knew so well reached her nostrils, her stomach clenching painfully in disgust, breath caught her in throat as she stared at Ben’s back. They could leave this place now, go back to the Resistance and start something new, something better, it was all matter of a choice. Right or wrong, it depended on him, and such knowledge brought a heavy weight to her heart.

There was no past. Jakku would always be a nightmare that would follow her whenever she went, reminding her of how cruel life could be, and that nothing could last forever. She was nothing, she came from nothing, from two parents who hadn’t cared about her enough to stay. Sold. She had been sold like a piece of garbage, like a thing that didn’t have thoughts, feelings, life.

She had lost so much. She had nothing, no one. The Resistance and Luke, yes, a voice didn’t allow her to forget. But Luke hadn’t accepted her, not truly, and only had when he had sensed d a r k n e s s in her. Luke had wanted to mend his mistake by training her. He didn’t care about her, not in the way she had wanted, she had longed for. She had lost so much. The illusion of finding her parents, an explanation as to why they had left her, and the truth had hurt way more than he could ever think was even possible.

It’s time for the Jedi to die.

Hadn’t been those Luke’s words? It was over. All over. Snoke was dead and Luke refused to be her master. She refused him to be her master. Luke, the brave Luke Skywalker everyone praised had tried to murder his own nephew in his sleep. He had let them all believed that Ben had betrayed him, when in reality, he had betrayed Ben. And she was alone. All alone.

There was no past, only a future they could build together if he allowed it, for Rey didn’t know how… she didn’t know how to be without him anymore. The grief was heavier than the legacy the lightsaber in her hand carried. And the temptation was slowly creeping under her skin, pumping through her veins, filling her with a new h o p e. Perhaps this was the way to save him, to save both of them. No light. No darkness. Only Ben.

I am no one. 

Nothing.

But not to me.

A gasp escaped her lips. She had never had a place to belong, until now. And Rey couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact she had found everything she had always looking for in him, in Ben. He was not Kylo Ren. She was not a Jedi. They were nothing. But together, they were everything. There was no hesitation when she took his hand, and even through the glove she could feel the warmth. It sent shivers down her spine, igniting something powerful within her – there were no words, but the consuming desire to… His blood called for hers. His light, and so his darkness. It was intoxicating.

Ben was there. Ben was real. Ben w a n t e d her.

“Yes.”

            Her silence seemed to last a LIFETIME.

      Seconds stretched into centuries as his fingered trembled, hanging in midair in a plea he feared might never be answered. Ben was not a fool — he knew his family had written him off, knew he could not expect Rey to trust him after everything that had happened. ( Too much had happened. ) When he closed his eyes he could still see his father’s face, pale & terror-struck as he toppled off the bridge, could still see Luke’s face, illuminated by his lightsaber as he prepared to strike him down like a rabid animal.

            The memories stung.

      They showed life in all its ugliness, in all its unfairness & viciousness, and as Rey stared at him he braced himself for her rejection, for the blow that would knock him down into the dirt and keep him there. Ben clenched his jaw, dared not breathe for those few endless seconds.

      But. But her hand closed around his, warm & kind & real, so real it almost hurt. It was her voice, though, loud as a THUNDERCLAP in the silent room, that forced everything else to the back of his mind.

            Yes. Yes. Yes.

      His heart beat like it was a bird trying to break out of his ribcage. His entire frame shook & for the first time in forever it was not out of fear or rage, but out of JOY. Breaths came easier to him now, and Ben noticed he was smiling. His smile was hesitant and strange-looking, as if he wasn’t sure what muscles to tighten, what way to fold the dimples in his cheeks, but he smiled nonetheless and it felt better than any surge of POWER ever had.

      Ben could only look at Rey. At her gleaming eyes, her disheveled hair, her hand in his. His insides felt warmer than they had in ages, as if the fire around them was inside him, too.Before he could stop himself his muscles sprang into motion, arms rising up and pulling Rey close to his chest. Ben feared she might pull away, would not blame her for doing so — they had been enemies mere minutes ago — , but her nearness was  e v e r y t h i n g  to him in that moment, even if it would only last a second. Before she could pull away, though, he spoke, soft and hoarse, his voice shaking.

            ❝ Thank you.❞

[thekylosren]

@ferociity

            The world was on fire.

      There were flames raining down from above & around him a sea of dead red bodies and his would-be master half-slumped off his throne. That should make him feel something, he was sure of it. Something good. Something bad. Anything at all. But instead there was only a knot the size of the UNIVERSE in his stomach and doubt  doubt  doubt in his chest. Ben could feel it thump against his rib cage to the beat of his heart. He was almost choking on the smoke but at least it was air. At least it was air. 

                    ❝ It is time to let old things die. ❞

      He turned. In front of him, a light so brilliant, so dazzling he could hardly believe she was really there. The last time he’d seen Rey – really seen her – she’d had a saber to his throat & a snarl on her lips, ready to slice to him pieces. She’d looked at him and only seen a MONSTER, feral & brutal. But now her features were softer, almost forgiving; the face of an ally, not an enemy.

                    ❝ Snoke. Skywalker. The Sith. The Jedi. The rebels. Let it all die. ❞

      Molars sank into the insides of fleshy cheeks. His feet carried him closer to her, eyes scanning hers for any trace of understanding. ( Or, alternatively, loathing, but that was a notion Ben couldn’t bear to entertain, could hardly stand to think about. ) His mouth was dry, lips having momentarily forgotten the shape of speech before he continued:

                    ❝ Rey. I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy. ❞

      The taste of her name on his tongue sent a ripple of electricity down his backbone. His heart was hammering now, so violently he feared for a moment his ribs might crack under the force. There was a completely new feeling blooming within him, one of a LONGING so strong it almost scared him. Ben could envision it now, almost touch it: a world where there was no HIGHER POWER, no master to treat him like a student or a slave. Only him. And Rey. And an entire galaxy as their playground, void of old powers and institutions that would divide it. No more resistance, no more First Order. No Republic or Empire. Only him & the girl in front of him. If only she said yes.

      Ben extended his hand, hoped she wouldn’t notice the trembling of his fingers.  Then, a word which was barely more than a whisper, with beseech creeping into his voice:

            ❝ Please. ❞ 

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

“I can’t leave.” Her family would come back for her. Her life was there and she wasn’t going to abandon everything just because a stranger had showed out of the blue, demanding her to leave the planet just because he felt like it. There were no explanations as to why he was there with her, why he wanted to take her away, and his clothes weren’t exactly the most comforting view.

There was something intimidating about him, and it made her wonder if being with him was safe at all. Of course Rey didn’t know much about the galaxy or its rulers, she only knew about Jakku and the never ending sun burning into her skin. He wasn’t a friend, he wasn’t even an ally, and yet she reached for her secret stack of portions when his stomach growled. “You need to eat.” Rey knew all about having an empty stomach and how painful it could be, and she wasn’t cruel enough to ignore his hunger.

After all, she could work for more portions the next day. “I’ll help you find a way out of here, but I’m staying.” And that was final. He couldn’t expect her to follow an order from a man she didn’t know, following him out of the planet simply because he said so. The droid beeped again and she nodded, completely agreeing with it. She shouldn’t trust him and she surely wouldn’t go with him. “You can stay and eat if you want to, or you can leave now.”

There was no way that she voluntarily leave Jakku without a valid reason, and she doubted her parents had sent him. “I’m not leaving,” she told him again as she prepared him a meal.  "I’m not expecting you to understand why it’s so important that I stay, but my life is here and I won’t leave. Why do you want me to anyway? You don’t even know me.”

        The heat  a d o r n e d  freckled cheeks with a thin layer of sweat. Or maybe it wasn’t the heat, but rather the ANXIETY that boiled in Ben’s stomach at the girl’s words. Thin lips parted, but the finality of her words killed every single syllable before they had a chance to roll over his tongue. Truth be told, Ben had NOT taken this turn of events into calculation. After all, Rey had no real reason to stay on Jakku, according to what Snoke had told him. She was a scavenger, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the galaxy and here he was, offering her a way out. & she told him no, thanks.

        ❝ Rey .   .   .  ❞

        The sentence trailed off as Ben took a step in her direction. Spindly fingers ran through sweaty, ebony locks. The man tried his best to look as  NON-THREATENING  as he possibly could, but since he towered over her and was dressed in all black, that was easier said than done.

        ❝ I’m trying to save your life. ❞

        The words hung in the air, the  t e n s i o n  between the two individuals charging the air with an ELECTRIC current. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up straight, running down straight backbone & sending a wave of goose bumps over his entire body. Of course, Ben knew she had no reason to trust him— if anything, he looked like a bad omen poured into a human form. Inhaled CHAOS, exhaled MISERY. Heart beating like a WAR DRUM inside his chest. But that was exactly what Rey would become too if she didn’t leave right away. She was strong, yes, but a child still. A doe-eyed girl with an incredible power she didn’t even know she possessed— the ultimate asset for Snoke, granted that he successfully captured her. They would break her, bend and twist her in ways that would lead her further and further away from the girl that sat in front of him. The girl kind enough to offer a total stranger the last of her food. The girl who collected flowers in a desert and who still had enough HOPE in her heart to count her days in this scorching wasteland as if she was convinced someone was actually coming for her after all this time.

        At her question, a heavy sigh fell from his lips.

        ❝ There are some very, very bad people after you. ❞ A pause, a moment of  c o n s i d e r a t i o n . Then: ❝ They wish to .   .   .  USE you. For their own ends. ❞

                Hesitation, hesitation, hesitation.

        ❝ I’m sorry. ❞

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

@thekylosren

Han had almost died. Rey couldn’t remember the details, some said it was the trauma, but there wasn’t much she couldn’t explain yet. They all had seen Kylo Ren’s red lightsaber igniting through Han. She remember screaming as she saw him fell into what seemed an endless abyss. She remembered Chewie shooting Kylo Ren and how he dropped to his knees and the hate in his eyes as he noticed her and Finn.

There had been a battle in the snow; a lightsaber duel between the dark and the light. Finn had been in a coma since then and, while the doctor gave them hope, she could tell his friend wasn’t Finn anymore. Han was recovering, slowly but surely, and refused to talk about his son. They had found him in the snow, and she had brought them both back home. Rey could remember the anger, her need to hurt him just as much as he had hurt Han and Finn, but the earth has separated before they couldn’t even touch each other. And now… she was waitng for the moment they both faced each other again. She had been training with Luke, she was more powerful than she ever imagined, and she was ready.

The First Order didn’t have the force to continue fighting after losing Starkiller and the Resistance was still morning the lost soldiers they had lost in the battle of Takodana and the Starkiller destruction; neither of both sides could return to the battlefield anytime soon. It had been the New Republic and the Galactic Senate the ones to call both leaders to Coruscant, and while they were worried about General Leia, they all waited for her at the base.

Rey wished she hadn’t.

At first, she had thought it was just a joke, something the General thought funny just to relax before telling them the truth. Everyone in the command room had been staring at her, and she had wanted to scream and cry, and yet she only nodded. It’s for the Resistance, we have to make sacrifices, Leia had told her and Rey had seen the sadness in Luke’s eyes.

So there she was, on Coruscant, wearing a bride gown that probably was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes on. There were only three force sensitives, two young and powerful enough to create a new life. What the kriff was that supposed to mean? Rey had never thought about marriage and children; she wanted to become a Jedi, win the war and travelled across the galaxy. She didn’t want to do this.

The war was over, both sides had agreed on it, but it would only be valid at the moment their firstborn arrived. A child of the light and the darkness, a child that would be bring peace and balance to the galaxy. That was bullshit! “You don’t have to do this if you don’t have to.” Poe’s gentle voice asked and she nodded, giving him a smile. Only that she did have to. “I’ll be alright.”

The knock on the door announced that it was time to go. They would marry on Coruscant and live on Naboo, in Padmé Amidala’s lake house. It sounds like a wonderful place, full of light and water, and yet Rey hated it. Han walked into the room, his cane clicking on the floor as he made his way to her. “Ready?” He asked and she could only nod, again, because that was all she could do. “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”

      Even in his dreams, it haunted him. Flashing red, gushing red, burning red. Everything was always red red red. His father, stained crimson, COLLAPSING on the cold metal of the bridge. His own mouth, filling with blood and if he was not already  s u f f o c a t i n g  on his own, as if his throat wasn’t laced shut with muffled sobs and GUILT, so much guilt.

      Mornings brought relief, yes, but they too felt wrong. Everything was too soft, from the sunlight  s p i l l i n g  through the large windows of his new, temporary bedroom to the very people that haunted the base. They were all righteousness, straight backbones and clear eyes, saving the world with every breath they took. From him. Kylo could see it in their eyes—  he would always be the villain to them, always the person who they had to  s a v e  the universe from. & could he really blame them ? His hands were war-wrought, the pull of the dark side still trying to haul him back into the ABYSS.

      But those things seemed small and oh-so insignificant in comparison to his mother. She appeared to be behind every corner he rounded, eyes ever so sad and wrinkles digging into the smooth skin he so faintly remembered. Kylo had yet to meet those eyes, always averting dark optics to the walls, to the floors. In those moments regret colored his otherwise pale cheeks a bright shade of scarlet, sent chills down rigid backbone. Regret for what he’d done, for who he’d BECOME.

      He couldn’t keep avoiding her —  he knew that perfectly well — , but his heart still skipped a beat when she suddenly appeared on the doorstep of his bedroom. All in all, she probably wasn’t in there for more than two minutes, but every second stretched into ETERNITY as her voice, stately and regal as ever, spoke to him. It was not an offer, or a proposition, or even a question — instead, it sounded like an order, as if she were merely telling him to go brush his teeth instead of marrying a girl he barely even knew “for the greater good”. ( Not to mention that he’d attempted to kill her just a few weeks earlier. ) Words stuck in his throat, but before he could utter them, Leia was already GONE.

      Kylo sat on his bed for what felt like hours after that, staring down at twig-like fingers, marred with scars. He turned his mother’s words over and over in his mind, attempting to find a method to this MADNESS. The man had long ago accepted that he would be alone —  forever. It had always been that way: everything was much simpler, black and white, when you didn’t have to take others into CONSIDERATION. It was only at night, when shadows crept closer and nightmares plagued his mind, that a part of him longed for company. And now .   .   . No, no, this couldn’t be right. Kylo was not made to be gentle, to CREATE life. All he had ever done — ever known — was DESTROY life wherever he went. The mere thought of doing the opposite turned his stomach inside out with fear.

      But he was left no choice —  Kylo left as the light was fading, heart thump thump thumping against his breastbone. He felt trapped, confined, despite the fact that he was finally leaving that suffocating base. They’d given him a suit, stuffed him with painkillers so the blaster wound on his side wouldn’t plague him as much, and then they’d simply sent him on way. Everyone was glad he was leaving—  even if nobody said it, their excitement STAINED the air wherever he went. He was surprised they hadn’t applauded the shuttle as it left, carrying him to Coruscant.

      During the flight, Kylo could not stop his mind from  w a n d e r i n g  off to the girl he was about to marry. It felt strange, to think of her like an ally, a would-be lover, instead of an enemy. How would she look ? What would she say ? Why was he even thinking about these things, when the only image he had of her was one where her eyes were filled with HATRED ?

      Coruscant’s SKYSCRAPERS came into view first, a network of lights glowing on the surface as a giant golden river, lighting up the entire planet. The shuttle settled down on a large, concrete square, and — to Kylo’s surprise —  it was almost completely empty. He disliked Coruscant—  it was loud and ugly and God, there were people e v e r y w h e r e. But somehow the Resistance had managed to find a remote spot, where even the most lost tourist would not wander off to.

      The spacecraft left as soon as his feet touched Coruscant soil, leaving him all alone on the deserted square. However, not for long, as a few minutes later another, almost identical shuttle touched down on the ground. Kylo felt strangely E X P O S E D, weight of his lightsaber missing from his hip, his armor no longer pressing down on freckled shoulders.

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

When he smiled at her, she knew it was goodbye. It was obvious. Rey was just a barista, and her presence wasn’t that relevant in his life unless he really needed his coffee. It was alright, she accepted it and knew that perhaps it was for the best if things stayed that way. Poe had warned her many times about guys like him; powerful, handsome and rich. It was true that she didn’t know much about Ben, yet they all could tell that he was an important man, or at least he looked like one.

Not that she would admit it, but she had tried to google him more than once and yet she hadn’t found anything about him. He was a mystery, a pretty good one, and she wanted to know everything about him. But every time she tried to talk to him, words would catch in her throat and any common sense would fly out of her mind. She always said a dumb thing and he always walked out, probably thinking that she wasn’t smart enough for a conversation with him.

Oh? Had he forgotten something? His napkin! Of course. She had been so distracted with him that she had forgotten giving him a napkin. Hopefully Poe and Finn hadn’t been paying attention; otherwise they wouldn’t let her live that one down. “Right, I– what?” Her heart skipped a beat as Rey processed his words, a ridiculous grin adorning her features at the moment she finally got it. “In five minutes,” she replied. Well, if Finn stopped kissing Poe and returned to work.

Fuck it. She reached back to undo her apron in such rush her fingers were making a mess of it, and she probably looked silly, but she didn’t care. “Wait, I’ll just… wait.” It was then when she felt her friends’ eyes on her and she blushed, ignoring them. How embarrassing. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen, with her making a fool of herself in front of the guy she liked.

        Her bumbling tugged at the corner of his mouth, a grin slowly  s p r e a d i n g  over his features.  ❝ Take all the time you need. ❞ Smooth, Ben—  you couldn’t even hide that slight  s t u m b l e over words. To be fair, the man hadn’t expected she would actually say yes, every muscle in his body already tensed up in preparation to flee right out of the coffee shop the moment she shot him down.

                But what now ?

        He had acted on a whim, an impulse, and now he was at loss for what to do. ( He wasn’t the type who usually picked up women in coffee shops, you see. ) So when Rey finally won the battle with her apron, Ben still hadn’t found an answer to the question, instead running fumbling fingers through black locks. In an attempt to come off as even VAGUELY CASUAL & hiding the nerves that were slowly  s p r e a d i n g  through his chest, brown eyes scanned the space. Despite the fact that it was lunchtime, not many people were sitting in the small shop, save for a couple of giggling teenagers in the corner and two men who had been making out just moments ago, but were now looking straight at him. An audience. Great.

        Ben turned back to Rey, trying not to pay attention to the eyes burning into his shoulders, waiting for him to make a MISTAKE. ❝ Do you want to .   .   .  ❞ His voice trailed off, hand gesturing at one of the tables in the far corner of Jakku Bean. ❝ Do you want to sit down? I-I’ll buy you a cup of coffee. I mean, if you want. ❞

        Honeyed eyes sought brown optics, stuttering lips curling into a nervous smile as Ben turned and started towards the table, eyes fixed on Rey & coffee left on the counter, F O R G O T T E N.

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

Ben. Rey had never paid attention to names; they were meaningless in a place like Jakku. However, his… Ben. She liked it. It was soft, somehow sweet, and she had to– “Ben.” It had felt natural, the way his name rolled off her tongue as if she had wait her entire life to say it, the way her lips molded in the perfect shape to allow that short, but gentle sound to come out.

Answering his question wasn’t as important as making it in one piece to the AT-AT, however she knew this could be confusing for him. It was bizarre, the fact that she was taking a man to her home without real reason, and while part of her knew she should listen to BB-8, she simply couldn’t leave him there where Teedo could find him. “We need to move,” was her only answer as she rushed back to her territories. Rey had learned to never mess with Teedo, it was for the best if she minded her own business instead of looking for trouble, yet she couldn’t help herself when it came to those who couldn’t defend themselves.

Her AT-AT wasn’t much, but it was home, and she allowed herself a sigh of relief as it came to view. “That’s my home.” After all, there on Jakku, many people lived in tents that didn’t protect them as much as they needed in the desert, and having found the walker had been a blessing. She had to fight for it, protect it for days without much sleep, but it had been worth it.

Without any other word, she grabbed her helmet and walked into her home. After leaving her stuff in a corner, she took a seat and waited for him to make himself as comfortable as he could. “You need to change if you’re planning to stay here for a while.” They didn’t wear black there, not when the sun was cruel and the heat unbearable. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much she could do to help him when she barely had enough clothes herself. BB-8 stared at the man, probably scanning him in search for answers. For a moment, Rey wished she could do that, read him to see what his true intentions were.

“Are you hungry?” Certainly, she didn’t have food, but being the smart girl she was, she had hidden a few portions for a rainy day and she couldn’t be selfish enough to keep them if he hadn’t eaten anything in a while.

        HOME, she called it. Ben didn’t have a clear image of what a home was supposed to look like, but he was quite sure this wasn’t it. Entering the AT-AT, he could feel his heart  c r a c k  open. Despite the pieces of homemade decor that adorned the interior of the ship, it felt cold, lonely. The walls were marred with markings, and the ebony-haired man wondered how many there were. A couple of hundred, at least. Maybe even thousands. My God, how long had this girl been here ? Brown eyes trailed on, lingering on a crudely made doll that slumped against the scratched wall for a moment before finally settling on a vase of desert flowers. Dried, ugly little things, with snapped stems and bent heads. His gaze shot to Rey, who had settled down on a makeshift seat and was now looking straight at him. Ben wondered what went on inside her head, how someone who had been on this miserable planet for so long still had enough LIFE left in her to collect flowers in a desert.         ❝ I’m not staying, ❞ he responded, leaning against the marred wall.  ❝ And neither are you. ❞ They were safe for now, hidden within this strange, makeshift home, but that would not last. Ben knew the First Order like no other, and thus he knew that as soon as they figured out what he had done, they wouldn’t rest until they had peeled every inch of his skin from his bones. Ben  s h u d d e r e d  at the thought.  ❝ Rey, we have to leave. ❞ The man bit his tongue before he could say any more. When had “you” turned into “we”? That was not the plan. She was supposed to leave all on her own, in whatever RICKETY SHIP she could find, off to another solar system, another identity, another life. 

        Ben shot the girl another look as her question  s h a t t e r e d  the silence that had formed after his last statement, eyeing her UP and DOWN for a moment before shaking his head. It wasn’t that he wasn’t hungry—  the growling in his stomach told him that he was, in fact, very hungry, - but just by looking at the girl he could tell that food was scarce in a place like Jakku. Her collarbones stuck out like MOUNTAIN RANGES, slender limbs looking as if they would break at even the slightest touch. Of course, Ben knew those limbs harbored strength —  he’d watched her beat up Teedo, after all — but still he couldn’t bear eating whatever measly food supply the girl had. And besides, he had to get Rey out of there. PRONTO.

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

The other scavengers had been staring at her every single time she went to Niima Outpost, whispering behind her back, spreading cruel rumors about their current situation. Jakku was ruthless place, they both knew that very well. Some said she had sold herself in exchange for a few portions, other said she had done it on purpose so Ben wouldn’t leave her, and Rey had decided to stop paying attention after that. They didn’t know them. Ben and Rey had been together since pretty forever. She didn’t remember much about the day they were left on Jakku, but she did remember that Ben had done everything he could to keep her safe and alive.

At first, she had tried to hide it, taking advantage of the fact she had always been small. But now she was showing her growing belly, and while she knew she could take care of herself, she knew how terrible the other scavengers could be. They saw her now as a target, her pregnancy was putting her in a vulnerable position, and now she was to stay home and wait for Ben. Rey didn’t like it. Rey hated it. It made her feel useless, and she could tell Ben wasn’t taking care of himself. When they both worked, they managed to get their own portions, but now it was only one of them scavenging.

That wasn’t the only thing she worried about. It had been fine, just the two of them, surviving together. Now it was different, there was a little life growing inside of her, a tiny human being who would depend on them for everything, and she wasn’t sure if they would be able to provide it. They could barely eat some days, it was difficult enough to find water and their small AT-AT didn’t have space for three people. This had been all her fault.

They had ben careful, as much as they could be in the middle of the desert, but there were things that were out of their control. It wasn’t that they weren’t happy, because how could they not? They were a family, and she loved Ben. Of course that she wanted to have his child. She worried; a child needed so many things they couldn’t afford. Sure they could find a way, yet it wouldn’t be enough. That was home, it was enough for the two of them, just not for an innocent child.

So Rey pretended to be fine, smiling at Ben when he walked into their shuttle after hours of not seeing him. Her back rested against the metal wall, her legs crossed as one of her hands rested against her belly and the other rubbed it absently. He worked so hard just to get one half portion he wouldn’t ever dare to touch, even though he was the one scavenging under the sun, pushing his body to its limits. She worried. She felt useless. And as much as she had tried to convince him that she could go with him, the answer was always no.

“Ben,” she called softly, her hand reaching for his as she silently asked him to sit with her. “You need to eat. I’m not hungry anyway.” Before he could say anything, she shook her head and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I’m getting nauseous and I would hate to throw up the food you worked so hard to get.” It had happened before. “Please, we need to you to stay healthy as well.” Without waitng for an answer, Rey made her way to the table and distracted herself with his meal.

        The small, cold hands of fear wrapped themselves around the lump of beating muscles between his ribs. Ben shook his head before Rey had even finished her sentence, every  a t o m of his being protesting against her words. NO. He wouldn’t let her go to bed on an empty stomach. He wouldn’t let her curl herself around the rumbling in her belly in the dead of night, hunger gnawing away at her like it did at him and at the child. God, not the child. Ben’s heart stung with grief whenever he thought about the world this tiny thing would have to live in. It had done nothing to deserve this— to have to spend its days sun-burnt and devoured by that gut wrenching pain HUNGER induced. And neither did Rey.

        Ben had never fully understood why he had been left on Jakku. All of his memories were foggy, fragments of a movie he couldn’t quite piece together. He remembered his mother, though, earnest but gentle as she sat him down to explain the situation to him. He’d been SMALL still, feet  d a n g l i n g  above the ground as he wiggled around in his chair. They were doing this to keep him safe, she had told him. But from what ? Why had they never come back for him ? Surely they hadn’t FORGOTTEN about him .   .   . 

        ❝ Promise me you’ll be brave. ❞ Ben still heard his mother say it, a single memory he clung onto for dear life. Six-year-old him had nodded VALIANTLY, but that promise had meant nothing as he watched his mother’s ship leave him in the scorching sand, as he screamed and cried at the unforgiving sky. To this day, he still had trouble keeping that promise. Ben was far from LIONHEARTED, but there was one thing that made him brave—  Rey. For Rey, he’d do anything.         So he stood up, twig-like fingers wrapping around Rey’s arm in the gentlest way possible. ❝ Rey, ❞ he said, her name coming out  f a i n t e r  than he would have wanted it to. ❝ I’ll be fine. Please .   .   . please eat something. ❞ The words were everything but convincing, faint syllables barely even making it across his lips. Despite this, however, Ben still followed her to the table, still placed his hands on her shoulders. ❝ If anything were to happen to the two of you I’d —  ❞

        Neither of them would ever find out what it was that Ben would do, as his words were interrupted by the indistinct noises of .   .   . was that a DROID? He shot Rey a quick look, as if to check if she’d heard it too. It was beyond strange; their AT-AT lay in the most remote location possible, and visitors were RARE.

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

Rey wasn’texactly sure what she had expected to find behind the mask; a monster, a manwho hide his face for a reason. Surprise and shock painted her features as sheblinked just to make sure she wasn’t seeing things. His dark hair framed hisface, his skin looked soft, and her fingers ache to touch his cheek. The palenessof his skin as something she had never seen before, and somehow she liked it.It was refreshing, new, attractive.

Attractive.

The fallback to reality had everything spinning around, and the air around her trembledviolently, as if something toxic had been released and reached her lungs everytime she inhaled. It was the first time used that word to describe anotherperson, as her survival had always come first, and she hadn’t had the time towaste on childish crushes that would lead to nowhere. And there he was, a manwithout name.

He knew hername.

Her curiosityhad always taken the best of her; she loved figuring out how things worked.“You know my name,” she said, and they couldn’t pretend he hadn’tcalled her Rey many times. There was a possibility that he had asked around forher, the other scavengers knew her, yet something told her there was more tohim that met the eye. “I’d like to know yours.” It was a compromise,she supposed. He had taken the mask off because she had asked him to, and sheonly hoped he would tell her his name as well.

Better.Just one word, but his voice was different, human, and Rey found herselfwanting to listen to him once again. BB-8 beeped again, louder this time, in a nervousmanner. The little droid was right, they couldn’t stay there out in the openwhen Teedo had just attacked them and would probably come back with his group ofbullies. “We need to move.” The three of them. “My–” Herhome. Her small shuttle. “Follow me.”

       The look in her eyes was as foreign to him as everything else on this planet. It had something in it that he had not seen in a very long time. It was curious, an I-am-not-afraid-of-you, and maybe, somewhere, it was an I’d-like-to-get-to-know-you. Or perhaps he was just imagining things that he wanted to see. He knew he didn’t deserve it - this one good deed could not wipe out years and years of wrong-doing and cruelty - but God, he wanted it all the same.        The question was not asked- it was demanded, and it scared him for a heartbeat before he replied with a word he had not said in a very long time. ❝ Ben, ❞ he said, and it tasted like rebellion, like freedom. He’d wanted to take his name back for so long, but it was always Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren, Kylo goddamned Ren.                   ❝ My name is Ben. ❞        Suddenly far more aware of the weight on his hip, Ben pulled his cloak a little tighter around his frame, covering the saber at his side. Rey didn’t know - shouldn’t know - what he was. It would only scare her away, and that was the last thing he wanted right now. Not now that he was so close to setting her  f r e e.        The droid was really starting to get on his nerves, with its meaningless beeping and booping. But for some reason, Rey seemed to understand, even trust, the droid. Follow me, she said. Did that mean that she trusted him?

       ❝ What’s wrong ? ❞ Ben asked, as he followed the girl through the sand towards what seemed to be only more sand, more nothingness. His eyes shot up to the sky, scanning it for the familiar shape of a First Order starship that would mean the end of all this. Of Rey’s life, and of his own. But instead he found a sky so large and so empty it felt like it weighed down on his shoulder. Jakku was a strange little corner of the universe, he concluded, harsh and empty and miserable. But it was also SAFE. For now.

[thekylosren]

ferociity:

He waseither really nice or he hadn’t been paying attention to her enough to noticethat she was making a fool of herself right there in front of him. Or, and thatwas the most terrible option of all, he simply didn’t care. Why would heanyway? She was just the barista, he would take his coffee and walk out of theplace without looking back like he did every morning. Only that this time, hewas talking to her. Double espresso Ben was talking to her! To. Her.

“Idon’t miss the sun at all,” she said as she leaned against the counter,gathering the courage to look at him. His eyes were brown, sweet and warm likechocolate, and she exhaled deeply, already getting lost in them. “I livedin the hottest place for years, and it was so bad that if I don’t see the sunagain, that would be fine. I like rain. It never rained over there. Here’s beautiful.I swear, I didn’t know there was this much green in the whole planet.” Shebit her lip, trying to keep cool. He was older, really handsome, and she justwanted to talk to him all day long if she could have her way.

At his words,she shook her head and grinned at him. Poe would kill her, but this shop washers as well, and she could do this, right? After all, he was busy with Finnand he wouldn’t even notice anyway. “Nothing. It’s on the house. I mean,you come here every day, so…” She gulped and shrugged. “It’s on thehouse.” As long as he returned the next morning.

       ❝ Are you sure ? ❞ Ebony eyebrows shot up in surprise, tone lined with hesitation. The last thing he wanted was to get the girl in trouble; after all, she made the best coffee in town. At least, that’s what he was telling himself as he stood at the bar, considering the girl in front of him. Maybe the real reason was that Rey was one of the few people who looked at him like a human being instead of some heartless monster who liked to torture harmless animals in his basement after hours. ( which he did not do, for the record. ) Not that he would ever admit it, but she b r i g h t e n e d his day.

       After another confirmation from the girl that she was, in fact, sure, brown eyes shot at the clock on the wall, which told him that he still had more than forty-five minutes left before his next meeting. That meant that he had the time to finish his coffee here, on the soft couches that lined the wall instead of in his desk chair in-between stacks of paperwork and his always-ringing phone. Ben’s fingers wrapped around the coffee cup again, careful this time not to burn himself again, and began turning away from the bar in the direction of one of the pillow-covered couches. The coffee smelled even better than usual, as if he was experiencing the world in high definition. Don’t be an idiot, he told himself. Drink your coffee and leave.

       And Ben was about to do just that, shooting Rey the same smile he’d given her every single day for the past month; one that said thanks, see you tomorrow and nothing more. But as he started towards the couches, he changed his mind. Ben Solo rarely changed his mind: his decisiveness was one of the things that had gotten him to where he was right now. But it happened all the same. On a whim, one might say. From the heart, might another.

       Ben turned back to the bar, coffee still firmly clutched in his hand as he looked at the girl in front of him. Eyes full of something very close to doubt, his lips parted, words s p i l l i n g over them before he could stop himself.

               ❝ Rey, ❞ he said, doubt shaking his voice, ❝ When does your break start ? ❞

[thekylosren]

        The sun is a merciless lover, an old Jakku saying went, and as Ben struggled to pry an ion flux stabilizer loose from the carcass of an old starship, he found that that was more than true. The metal was scorching hot to the touch, and if his fingers hadn’t been covered in calluses from years and years of labor, he’d surely cried out in pain. But now, after all this time, the ebony-haired man just gritted his teeth and freed the stabilizer from its rusted surroundings, tossing it onto the pile next to him. The pile was heartbreakingly small, consisting solely of a couple of magna locks, a power damper and the stabilizer he’d just managed to acquire. It’d barely be worth one half portion, from which he wouldn’t consume a bite. Not because there were some bigger, badder scavengers waiting for him right outside Unkar Plutt’s hangar, who would rip the meager amount of food from his hands with a mean right hook and a kick in the stomach — although that had happened to him in the past —  but because he’d shove it into Rey’s hands the moment he entered the small starship they’d made into their home.         Rey simply needed the food more — after all, she had to feed two people at once now — but that didn’t mean that this lifestyle wasn’t beginning to take its toll on Ben. He didn’t regret any of it, not even for a moment, but his hipbones stuck out like hooks, shoulder blades almost piercing the sun-kissed skin on his back as if he were growing w i n g s. It was his hollowness that had begun to instill fear in his heart, induced by living on the bare minimum of what one needed. But if it meant that Rey was healthy, that she was alive, he’d gladly embrace that hollowness like a long-lost mistress.

        As Ben neared their shuttle, portions clutched tightly in his fist, he was reminded of how ambitious he’d been when the two of them had first settled into it. We’re getting out of here, he’d promised Rey. ( A promise he’d failed to keep. ) He had planned to fix the spaceship, and give Rey a front-row seat as he showed her every single corner of the universe. But they were still pinned down on Jakku, backs  b l i s t e r e d  by the sun, hands bleeding from the labor they did every single goddamned day without complaining. ( At least, not out loud. )         Crossing over the threshold that provided entrance to their own little domain felt like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. It wasn’t much, but it was home. In the past few years, HOME had taken on a different meaning. When he was younger, home was a place. It was the room where he slept at night, the kitchen that always smelled like cookies for some reason. But now .   .   .  Home was not this shuttle nor this planet. Home was a person. Home was Rey. The scent of her hair, the way her belly grew a little every single day. 

        Ben dropped the portion on the wobbly table in the corner and closed the gap between the two of them in just a few steps, pressing a kiss of her forehead.

        ❝ Plutt was feeling generous today, ❞ he said, words lined with sarcasm as brown eyes darted to the tiny portion of food on the table. ❝ I’d really love to bash his blubbery skull in one day. ❞

[ferociity]

If they could make it back to her AT-AT, then they would get her speeder and fly back to Niima Outpost. It probably wasn’t the safest place ever, but other scavengers where there, and she was sure that masked man would leave them alone once they found a place to hide until he left.

That was a terrible plan, one that wouldn’t work. Still, there was a something dragging her back, so powerful and intense she could barely take a breath without thinking about stopping, telling her that she should listen to him and give him the chance to explain what was going on. Yet BB-8’s beeps kept warning her that he could be dangerous, that he could be involved in whatever had happened to his master.

It hurt, it almost made her lose balance; his touch was hard and almost cruel as she turned around just to collide against his chest. This wasn’t supposed to happen; Rey had tried to survive the day and wait for her family, not to find a droid and a stranger who followed her around like she had the answers to all their questions. “Is that a threat?” She managed to breathe out, her free hand resting against his chest, so close she could feel his heart beating. An odd sense of safety took over her when she realized his heartbeat matched her pulse pumping in her ears.

“You said you’re a friend, but…” Rey looked up at him, deciding to ignore BB-8 as the droid rolled around them. “It’s hard to trust you when you wear a mask to hide yourself.” But there was something about him. Her logical side told her that she should be scared, that she should run away. Yet she couldn’t move. No. She didn’t want to move as she waited for him to– “Take that off or I’ll do it myself.”

[thekylosren]

        Every atom of his being told him to pull away, to s h a t t e r  whatever moment they were having into pieces and let the sand cover it up. The hand on his chest felt like a three hundred pound WEIGHT, but he wanted to keep it there forever. Ben wanted to wrap his hand around hers and ensure she kept her fingers pressed against the rough fabric of his armor for the rest of his life, but he didn’t. He didn’t because of three reasons.

I. If his heart would beat any faster, he’d surely die. ( It was already racing. ) II. Rey was probably already terrified of him—  to actually see it in her eyes would hurt worse than anything. III. She deserved better.

        The words were a series of meticulously aimed BULLETS and Rey was a goddamned sniper. Take that off. Ben considered her for a moment, brown eyes scanning her face. The freckles that adorned her cheeks. The sparkling, lively eyes. Slowly, his hands reached up to his mask. They hung still for a moment, fingers resting on the warm metal, before taking it off in one fluent movement. Ben blinked, the brightness of Jakku only now hitting him. There were dark circles under his eyes, and the paleness of his skin suggested that it had been a very long time since he’d last seen the sun. Cracked lips pulled into a half hearted smile.

                ❝ Better ? ❞

        Ben marveled at the sound of his own voice; how much softer is sounded, without the metallic tone that usually wrapped itself around every word he uttered. He marveled at the feeling of the sun on his skin. He marveled at how utterly EXPOSED he felt as he dropped the mask in the sand at his feet. 

[ferociity]

Oh. Double espresso Ben. Rey gave him a bright smile and nodded. If he hadn’t been so lost in his phone, the girl would have recognized him in a heartbeat. He was tall, handsome and mysterious; a man who barely spoke and always ordered the same. It felt familiar and she was used to his presence even though they had never spoken more than just a few polite words. Rey didn’t dare to ask for more than just his name, that was enough. At least for now. Finn had warned her; her protective best friend looked after her, reminding her that he was only there for coffee and that there were limits they should keep.

Poe, on the other hand, had told her that making small talk work like a charm, or so he said that had worked with Finn. They both were ridiculous, and she loved them to death, but dating advices weren’t their forte. And yet, she reminded herself, they both were in a committed, happy relationship, and she was as single as she had been for years.

“I heard it’s going to rain tonight,” she said as casual as she possibly could. It wasn’t a secret that Rey couldn’t flirt to save her life; Finn had once told her that she was the reason why there was a ‘me’ in lame. “I hope you have an umbrella. I mean, not that you need it if you have a car. I-I don’t know if you– Well, it was just–” Rey cleared her throat in an awkward manner, kicking herself mentally for making a fool of herself in front of him.

After all, he was an older man, experienced; there was an air of elegance floating around him. He probably was an important lawyer or a doctor, someone who would never see her under a different light. She was a barista, the girl who provided him coffee and nothing else. That was the reality check she gave herself every day as he walked out of Jakku Bean. Thankfully, she managed to finish his drink without any other ridiculous nonsense. “A double espresso. Black.” She placed the cup on the counter and bit her lip, avoiding any eye contact.

[thekylosren]

           Her words tugged at his lips, pulling them into a smile before he could stop himself. The girl’s stammering enticed him in a strange way, and as he watched her elegant fingers fiddle with coffee cups and teaspoons and whatnot, he wondered what it was that made him come back here every single day. ( The coffee maker had been fixed two weeks ago, and yet every single cardboard cup in his office had Ben scrawled on it in the girl’s handwriting. ) Maybe it was the homely ambiance that hung around the shop. Maybe it was the multicolored dog that always lay curled up against the radiator, snoring loudly. Maybe it was simply that being here meant not being at work. Or maybe .   .   .   maybe it was this girl in front of him, whose name he only knew because she wore it on her chest and who always drew a smiley face behind his name with c h i l d l i k e enthusiasm and a radiant smile.

        ❝ It might rain. I hope not, though, ❞ he replied, fingers drumming out the wooden counter as he watched her work. Ben always wondered about her; he’d been coming into the shop for weeks now and he still knew close to nothing about her. He figured it was because she didn’t want to talk to him— it wouldn’t surprise him, anyway. She probably had to deal with a million customers a day, and he was just a FACE IN THE CROWD. Nevertheless, he tried to keep the conversation going, said: ❝ It feels like I haven’t seen the sun in ages.  ❞

           Ben almost burned his fingers when he touches the coffee cup placed in front of him, still searching for words. He pulls his hand back, instead putting his now red fingertips in the pocket of his tailor-made tailor made suit and fishing out his wallet. Brown eyes shift from the cup to the girl, smile still wrapped around his lips.

          ❝ How much do I owe you ? ❞  

[ferociity]

Long fingers wrapped around her wrist, smooth leather tightening, trapping her so close to him she could inhale the smell of sweat and metal and something else. It was musky and somehow sweet at the same time, clean and pure, almost like those beautiful flowers she had traded a week’s worth of portion for a few years back. It was home, a faint scent that reminded her of something she did not know. She was so close to sense the heat radiating off him, enveloping her like a safe cocoon where nothing and no one could ever harm her.

Gravity pulled her to him and an overpowering magnetic impulse had time freezing right there and then, and somehow, everything else just faded away. For a second, there was no other but him in her universe. There was no fear, no doubt, just overwhelming light filling her being with familiarity and belonging. It felt as though the missing piece she had lost the day her parents abandoned her on Jakku had suddenly found its way back to her, and it just clicked. Rey felt like she couldn’t breathe, feeling jolts of electricity igniting an odd fluttering sensation in her stomach, finding a way back to her chest and her heart was beating thunderously against her ribcage; it hurt and, at the same time, she felt so alive… so complete.

Her breath hitched and her lips parted in a gasp as she tried to speak, her body betraying her mind as it got lost in him. Rey. The sound of her own name coming from his lips was enough to break the spell, and she suddenly was aware of the droid’s frantic beeps and the intense sunlight on them. “How did yo–” But before she could continue, the droid fired up his laser, aiming at the man’s leg.

The distraction was welcomed as she hit him in the stomach with her quarterstaff, kicking his leg so he would lose the balance. Physical contact wasn’t something she enjoyed, after so many years of abuse and loneliness, and he had no right to step into her personal space. Yet… it felt like she knew him, and his touch was something she craved just like she craved water in the middle of the desert after working for hours in the deeps of a broken ship. The droid bumped into her leg, begging her to run, and so she did. Without looking back, knowing the little droid was rolling right behind her, Rey ran away from the man and the confusion he had brought into her life.

[thekylosren]

                For a moment, Ben Solo was suffocating.

        The air was knocked out of his lungs with the abruptness of a lightning strike; one moment he was standing on his own two feet, and the next he lay face-down in the burning sand, Rey fleeing away from him like a scared doe. He wasn’t going to lie: it HURT. The young Solo lay motionless for a moment, teeth gritting and fists clenching. A familiar  a n g e r  spread through his chest, and for a second, he let it in. In a strange, twisted way, it was soothing. It was everything he had known for the last years of his life; the one thing constant in his life. KYLO picked himself back up, eyes spitting fire. Molars speared the inside of his cheek, and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. He saw her go, and in that one moment, he was tempted to let her go. To go back to base, tell Snoke he’d failed and let Hux clean this whole mess up. 

                NO. 

        He’d come to far. She was right there, mere meters away from him. All he had to do was make her understand. 

        Boots stomped through the sand, graceful composure completely lost. He was all ragged edges now, anger barely suppressed in his chest. Ben tried— he really did. As he chased her through the scorching desert, Ben tried to stow away everything he was feeling in the deepest chasm of his soul. Only, it kept spilling back out. &. he was catching up to her. Years of training made sure of that. Just a little farther, and then .   .   .

        Fingers encircled Rey’s arm once again, only this time every trace of gentleness had  g o n e. If she’d been able to look into his eyes, she would’ve known. She would’ve seen how hard he was trying to stop everything he used to be from hurting her. But she couldn’t. All she saw now was a m o n s t e r o u s  mask and a harsh, cruel touch.

        ❝ Rey .   .   . ❞ his voice shook ever so slightly. Maybe because he was heaving, maybe because of the fact he was about to burst, no matter how badly he didn’t want to. ❝ You have to listen to me. You’re going to die. ❞

[ferociity]

@thekylosren

Laughter and sweet aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the air in the small shop, different converationsconversations eachoedechoed in evryevery corner as peplepeople entered and walked out of the place with a cheerful bell ring. A smile played on her lips as her eeseyes landed on a couple whispering into each other’s ears, a soft blush adorning her best friend’s cheeks. Finn and Poe were so disgustingly adorable and she couldn’t be any happier for them, and not only because they were her family.

While it wasn’t a big place, their coffee shop was fairly popular. Finn and Rey had just graduated from high school when they met Poe, a man who had bought a small place close to their apartment building. He had been looking for help, they had needed the job, and the rest was history. Three years had passed by and they had become a family, not only working together but living together as well.

Everything would be perfect if it weren’t for the fact she had been working on a way to stop a company that tested their products on animals. Innocent animals that deserved a better life, to have a home and a family. Rey didn’t consider herself a hippie like many people had called her, more like an activist. She wanted to work for a better world.

The bell rang as the front door opened, a very tall man walked into the place. Rey couldn’t see his face, as he stared at his phone like it contained the answer to every question in the universe. It was one of those workaholics, she supposed, and didn’t give it a second thought. “Welcome to Jakku Bean, may I take your order?”

[thekylosren]

        Time had never passed as slowly as it did this morning; Ben was sure of it. Maybe someone had taken the batteries out of his clock — he suspected Hux from IT —, because the goddamned clock hands didn’t seem to move at all. He just wanted this day to be over and done with; it had brought him nothing but bad news, bad coffee and an extraordinarily annoying interviewer who had asked him the same questions over and over again. No, he could confirm nor deny that Sith Inc. was testing its products on animals. No, he didn’t want to make an off-the-records statement about it. Yes, that was the last he’d say about the matter. And it wasn’t even twelve o’clock yet. 

        Truth be told, Ben, better known as  KYLO REN ,  just didn’t have the time to feel bad for the rodents who may or may not get experimented on. Between work, work and even more work, Ben’s agenda was packed.

        His long fingers stretched out to the cardboard coffee cup that balanced on top of a stack of papers, but when he brought it to his lips, he found it to be e m p t y. With an agitated sigh he tossed the cup in the trash can, on top of the small stack of cups that had already formed there. The only thing that got him through the day was coffee; at night he barely slept &. during the day it was a constant stream of nagging, idiotic people who didn’t know how to think for themselves. Slowly, the tall, willowy figure rose from his desk chair and crossed his office with a few long strides. Plucking his coat from the coat rack, Ben made his way outside. Only a few meters away from the gigantic building that housed Sith Inc., lay a small coffee shop that he’d began to frequent ever since the coffee maker in the canteen had broken down. It was also the only place, besides his own home, where people didn’t want anything from him.

        Ben stared down at his phone, the small screen illuminating his face. It was a trick he’d learned out of pure necessity; he was hardly a well-liked individual , and he’d found that people were less likely to give him dirty looks when they couldn’t look him straight in the eye.         As he entered Jakku Bean, Ben stuffed his trusty iPhone back in his pocket. Pleased to find that there was no line at the counter, the ebony-haired man approached the barista and shot are a smile. 

                ❝ A double espresso, please. B l a c k. For BEN.  ❞

[ferociity]

A shiver ran down her spine at the sound of his voice; it was a distant caress as the wind swept his words away and just a soft whisper reached her ears, loud enough for her to stare at him in confusion. There he was, in the middle of nowhere, hiding behind a mask and he wasn’t asking for anything in return. The droid’s beeps were getting louder, warning her, reminding her that they couldn’t trust him. Seeing that Rey wasn’t moving, BB-8 rolled over in front of her and beeped at Ben, telling him that they didn’t need his help and assuring that they would have been just fine without him at all.

“Shhh,” Rey rushed to quiet the droid. They didn’t need to push their luck, not when that man was huge and dangerous looking. It wasn’t that Rey wasn’t intimidated, or maybe just a little, it was more the fact that he was so out of place there in the middle of the desert. He wasn’t from there, that much she could tell, and it only made her feel anxious.

A friend. His words caught her off guard, igniting a weird sensation in the pit of her stomach. Rey didn’t know what it was to have friends, or anyone there to help her. Perhaps that was why she had been waiting for her family for so long, because disappointment had been her only friend when the night arrived. And when Devi and Strunk had taken her Ghtroc, Rey had simply walked away, knowing that she shouldn’t have trusted them in the first place. She was used to it, to find herself so alone that there were days she didn’t say any word.

BB-8’s sad beeps brought her back to reality, begging her not to leave him there with that masked man. His desperation broke his heart, and it reminded her of the way she had begged her family to come back when they left. Those memories were pushed to the back of her head, drowning the feelings that ate her alive. “I have no friends.” Her voice trembled a little, the emotion caught in her throat as she openly admitted how lonely she was. “We’re leaving,” she told BB-8. If he was trying to make fun of her, she would kick his ass out of Jakku.

[thekylosren]

                        I have no friends.

        The words hung in the air between them, a self-fulfilling prophecy lined with sadness. Ben gritted his teeth, muscles tensing up underneath his heavy armor. She was leaving. She was going to turn her back on him and leave him here all alone with a target on her back the size of the sun. Ben wasn’t going to let that happen. He’d come here on a whim — an idiotic one at that —  and his fate was already sealed; Snoke would catch him, eventually. He always did. But Rey .   .   . Rey still had all her options open. She could leave; she could LIVE.

        Heavy boots moved through the sand before he could stop himself, gloved fingers wrapping around her wrist. ❝ WAIT. ❞ A single word, laced with a pleading undertone.  ❝ You don’t understand. ❞ As an emphasis, his fingers curled even tighter around her wrist.  At his feet, the droid was going berserk, beeping at him with such an intensity that it sounded like it was swearing at him. Resisting the urge to give the droid a kick in its metal abdomen, Ben continued. ❝ Rey .   .   . You need to leave this place. Right now. ❞

        It felt strange to say her name out loud, to know so much about someone he’d never met. A flash of guilt shot through his chest; it felt like a strange violation of her privacy, knowing all of these things. Ben sensed something in this girl, in her wild eyes and tangled hair. It was foreign, even to him, and  p o w e r f u l  at that. And yet, when he looked at her, he could hardly imagine that that power was truly hers.

        ❝ If you don’t .   .   .  ❞ Ben’s voice trailed off, reluctant to finish the sentence.The mere sight of him was frightening enough; the last thing she needed was a description of the million different ways Snoke could put an end to her life. He’d already gone through every single one of them himself, and he was not keen on planting the same fear in her heart, too.

[ferociity]

Rey would be lying if she didn’t admit that it wasn’t the first time she had a problem with Teedo. In fact, as growing up, she had managed to get on the alien’s bad side for some reason or another. It was her feud with him that Rey had grown up into the young woman who could protect herself and was one for the best scavengers around, and that playing fair.

There were many painful memories attached to her childhood; while she was supposed to be protected and loved, she had been forced to live on a desert planet and work all day to survive. It had never been easy. There had been one moment, something that had changed everything forever. If anyone asked her when had been exactly the moment she felt that she wasn’t a child anymore, Rey would answer the day Teedo and his friends attacked her. She had been eleven when Teedo saw when she found a small starship. She spent hours trying to get as many parts she could, and she was so sure she would get enough rations to survive for at least a month or two. When she was finally on her way to the see the junk boss, Teedo and his friends intercepted her and stole everything, and no one cared that those were hers. They had left her in the middle of nowhere, beaten and bruised.

After that she decided that she needed to move faster, so she had built a speeder from scratch, but it hadn’t been fast enough. It took her months, but then she discovered that it was all about getting the right parts. After that, the other scavengers, Teedo included, left her alone. Now her precious speeder was the fasted on Jakku, and no one dared to say otherwise. That was, of course, until now. She knew better than sticking her nose into other’s business, that only led to terrible things there on Jakku. That way to live, the fact that everyone decided to pretend they hadn’t seen anything just to protect themselves, was just the worst part of Jakku. Perhaps Rey had tried her best to mind her own, it had worked for a while, but now she couldn’t just see the injustice and just let it happen.

A few years back, Rey had tried to build a droid, in a silly attempt to find herself some company, a friend. She found all the right parts, however the hunger had been stronger and she decided to give Unkar Plutt all the pieces in exchange for food, and sometimes she regretted her decision. Perhaps that was in part why she wanted so hard to save that tiny droid; it was a second chance to do the right thing.

The fists on her face only fueled the fire within her, but at the moment she was about to defend herself, a voice reached her ears as Teedo get off her. The alien cursed at the strange individual in his language, threating him with doing terrible things that Rey knew for sure Teedo had done before. The scavenger, however, stared at the dark figure. She had seen him before, at least she thought so. In a nightmare or a dream, it didn’t matter. But it wasn’t the moment to wonder why she wasn’t scared of him, when others would be running for the hills if a masked man showed there out of nowhere. Instead of worrying, and taking advantage of the distraction provided, Rey reached for her quarterstaff and hit Teedo in the legs and then in his back, bringing him to his knees only to hit him in the head.

There was a one single rule on Jakku; ‘if someone helps you, if because they want something in return’. She could take care of herself, and she didn’t need some masked man to jump into her rescue. Without a word, with Teedo on the sand, Rey turned around and helped the little droid to escape. “Are you okay?” She asked, soft beeps filling the wind. The masked man scared the droid and it couldn’t calm down, so she got to her feet. “What do you want? I have nothing.” She had no credits, and it didn’t matter because there on Jakku, credits had no value. She for sure wasn’t going to share her portions, and had her quarterstaff ready in case he attacked.

[thekylosren]

        The girl moved with the grace of a dancer, and as Ben watched her through the slits of his mask he wondered why he even worried about her in the first place. She knocked the creature off of her back in a heartbeat, as if it were merely a fly buzzing around her head. Ben’s eyes shot to the droid — what an ODD LITTLE THING — for a moment. It beeped and booped at him, as if it knew. As if it knew where he came from, what he was. Don’t be an idiot, he told himself. The droid was probably just some scrap metal DIY project. Still, the thought made him nervous. If anyone found out who he was used to be .   .   .  He wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

        Rey’s voice tore him from his musings, and Ben shifted his gaze from the droid to the girl, only to find himself looking at her weapon, pointed at him, instead of at her face.  Slowly, as if not to startle her, he raised his gloved hands, saber untouched at his hip. ❝ I don’t want .   .   . ❞ he began, the rest of the sentence dying on his lips. His voice sounded harsh, twisted by his mask, syllables with ragged edges cutting the inside of his mouth. It was supposed to be imposing, to make anyone and everyone do as he said without a second thought. To hide the sound of a throat laced shut, a voice trembling. Instead, it made him sound like a  m o n s t e r. 

        ❝ I don’t want .   .   . ❞ he repeated, wetting his cracked lips for a moment before continuing.  ❝ anything from you. ❞ A pause, brown irises scanning Rey’s face. He wasn’t sure what he expected to see. Relief? Fear? Repulsion? The latter two were certainly more likely, if you asked Ben. He was used to seeing those things in people’s eyes. Phasma, Stormtroopers, even Hux. 

        The silence lasted one two twenty-three heartbeats. Then:

                ❝ I’m a FRIEND. ❞