[thelonleyghost]

main blog : @minuteofdecaay

[thelonleyghost]

all i want to do is cry, but i can’t.

[thelonleyghost]

i guess i manifested my tears cause all i’ve been doing this week is CRY

[thelonleyghost]

miss my baby voids.

[thelonleyghost]

all i want to do is cry, but i can’t.

[thelonleyghost]

get me out of this body

[thelonleyghost]

life really does go full circle

[thelonleyghost]

white gummy vape ✨

[thelonleyghost]

i never read these until today and noticed that the last one i wrote was in new years of 2022. there was a few pages from october that were 3+ pages of ranting that i will never forget about.

i read these with a heavy heart, the feelings haven’t changed as of now. i was filled with grief, anger, and confusion. those feelings still linger, the grief still lingers, but it’s something that i have now gotten used to and will forever be apart of me.

i journal now for the same purpose as this, looking back and seeing how i felt, how i thought, and how i expressed myself is heart warming, but also gut wrenching. it’s as if im reading the book “ no longer human “ again by osuamu dazai. although, my only con is that my mind races thoughts 24/7 and i cannot keep up with them when it comes to writing them down.

[thelonleyghost]

i’m impatiently waiting for my vape n my pen to come in the mail like a crazy person.

[thelonleyghost]

so many ideas, but no way of expressing them.

[thelonleyghost]

in my gothic literature era.

[thelonleyghost]

i wonder if everything is what it's supposed to be. life has many options, many outcomes, many everything. sometimes i wonder if i went thru the right path, or if i'm going thru the wrong one, etc. life is endless and it really does scare me. as i get older, the more i get scared of the time and the endless things that always seem to pop up like nothing. i'm really tired of always feeling on edge, i wonder if i will ever feel some type of peace where i don't have to worry about anything or at least about what is going to happen.

[thelonleyghost]

[thelonleyghost]

i am four days into my journal. so far, i think i find it comforting because im writing and letting everything out. my hand does get tired, but i also have always loved to write. it’s also looking really plain rn, i hope i can make it more cute later as i go.

[minuteofdecaay]

i used to be so passionate about many things, many hobbies, myself, everything. i have lost touch with it for a while and it makes me sad. there’s something in me that wants to because i miss it, but then the other feeling tells me “ no, don’t do it “ i would’ve thought that the older you get, the more passionate you are, but i guess you loose touch with things that once used to fill you with joy ? i still love and enjoy my hobbies, but now it feels like such a chore. there’s no spark in me anymore, there’s nothing that lights my brain on fire to get me to do them as it once did nor does it give me any unique ideas. i feel so stuck, my brain feels so blocked even tho there’s no reason for it to. i’m unsure.

[thelonleyghost]

caught up with someone i met a few years ago, it was very random. i feel for them, life really is crazy and life can be very disrespectful as well. i think my life is in shambles rn, but ig it’s just basic chaos atm rather than what i just heard. no one deserves disrespect, nor having to do something u wish not to do. in times like these, or in many times i ask myself, where is the good in this world, in humanity, in faith ? the world keeps getting worse, people kept getting worse, and we all keep getting hurt.

[thelonleyghost]

just got the last sprays out of my billie 2 scent :( i love that masc scent.