The cold February night Byron and his homeboys were shot was definitely the worst night of my life. Before I learned about the shooting, it had been the best day of my life because Iâd received a full-ride scholarship to NYUâs Tisch School of the Arts. Iâd found my way out of West Baltimore but my joy was cut short because the only boy Iâd ever loved was shot five times and was fighting for his life. I remember going to the crime scene and seeing the black Ford Expedition riddled with so many bullet holes. There was blood everywhere and even though it had happened hours before and I wasnât there when it happened, I could still hear his screams and his cries for help. My breath was taken away. My heart was taken away.
      By that summer, he was still in a coma and I was depressed. I was barely eating anything and I only wore black. I never hung out with my friends and I only left my house to practice dance routines at the studio. All I could do was think about my Byron and pray that heâd make it through. For some reason, our last conversation would always pop up in my mind. It wasnât an argument or anything like that. Our last conversation was about me having his back no matter what. His last words to me were, âNever let me go.â It was so random but I didnât even think about it at the time he said it. I didnât understand how important those words would be later.
      âAre you sure you donât want to go with me?â my mama asked me as she put in her earrings. âYou know Lynn and Gayle wonât mind.â
      âMa, itâs a ladiesâ night out,â I said. âYâall go have fun.â
      âYou sure?â
      âYes, Iâm sure. Youâve been working all week and you need to have some fun for a change. I have some reading to catch up on.â
      âReading? You just graduated high school a couple of months ago and youâre reading?â She laughed and shook her head. âWhen I graduated high school, the last thing I wanted to do was read something that reminded me of classwork.â She noticed that I wasnât laughing and came over to the sofa where I was sitting. âSweetie, I know this year has been difficult but you have to keep your focus on your future. Youâre going to New York in a few weeks to start a whole new life.â She softly stroked my hair and sat down beside me.
      âHow can I start a new life when Byron will still be here? What if he never wakes up, mama?â
      âKyle, I know you love that boy but what happened to him isnât that much of a surprise.â
      âMamaâŠâ
      âNo, you need to hear this. I have been walking around here on eggshells for months hoping that youâd move on but itâs gone on too long now. Byron was a thug. Heâs in that stupid Lafayette Street Killas gang and he sold drugs. He couldnât even be with you in public. I do not understand what you saw in him. Iâll never understand it.â
      âYou could never understand it because my connection with him is unexplainable, mama. Itâs like heâs a part of me and Iâm a part of him, and when weâre together thereâs this overwhelming sense of unity. Weâre complete opposites but we fit together so perfectly.â
      âYouâre going to have to let him go, Kyle. You cannot put your life on hold just so that you can hold onto some shred of hope that heâll wake up out of that coma. What happened to him and his thug friends was unfortunate but he put himself in that situation.â
      âI donât want to talk about this right now.â
      âSee, every time I try to get through to you, you shut me down and then you shut yourself down. You canât keep going on like this, sweetheart. You werenât the one sitting in that car, he was. Youâre not the one in the coma, he is. Count your blessings and move on.â
      âCount my blessings? Mama, besides you, Byron was all I had. I shared things with him that you could never understand. He was more than just my boyfriend and my first love, he was mine. I truly believe he and I were put on this earth to be together. And the fact that I canât be with him right nowâŠitâs a pain that you could never know.â Tears filled my eyes and I buried my face in my hands.
      âIâm sorry but all I want is for you to take advantage of the big opportunity that has been given to you. I want you to get out of this place and never look back. And when you make it big, send money for my cute ass to get out of here.â She laughed and I couldnât help but look at her and crack a smile. âThereâs that smile I miss.â She hugged me. âI donât care how old you get, youâre always gonna be my lilâ itty bitty. I love you, baby.â
      âI love you, too, mama.â
                     Me (Kyle McKell)
      After assuring her that Iâd be fine, she headed out to have fun with her friends. Instead of reading the novel Iâd planned on reading that night, I decided to just curl up on the sofa and scroll through my phone and look at all of the pics of me and Byron that I had stored on it and on my micro SD card. Some of the pics on my micro SD were from my old digital camera, back when he and I first started talking and I was still a virgin. We spent most of our time in my bedroom talking and cuddling, so most of the pics were in that setting.
      I met Byron Patterson on the first day of ninth grade at Frederick Douglass High School. It was after school and I was walking home when a group of boys started picking on me and threatened to beat me up. They chased me down an alley and just as they were about to jump me, Byron and his homeboys came out of nowhere and fought the guys who were messing with me. They whooped their asses and I took off running. I didnât even realize Iâd dropped my backpack in the alley until Byron showed up at my door with it. My wallet was inside and so was my ID, which was how he found me. He told me he saw the group of guys chasing me and that he rounded up his boys to save me. When I asked him why he did that, he just smiled and then handed me his number.
      I learned that day that Byron and his friends back then lived by a specific code. They never harmed children or older people, and they always stood up for people who were outnumbered in a situationâsuch as the one Iâd been in. Byron was my first everything. He treated me like royalty and I was so in love with him. Even when we I did something to make him mad, heâd easily forgive me and then kiss me.
      âI canât stay mad at you,â heâd say with that cute smile of his. âHow can I stay mad at my boo?â
      I swear whenever he called me his boo, I melted inside. Things changed when he dropped out of school near the end of our tenth grade year. He joined the Lafayette Street Killas and began selling drugs. I wanted him to leave that gang but he said he couldnât because his brother was a member and when he died, the gang approached him to join. He told them no at first but they threatened to kill him if he didnât join. So he joined and I hated it, but I wasnât going to give up on him or our relationship. I stayed with him and we made sure we were careful. The only people who knew about our relationship were my best friend Erika and my mama.
      So there I was curled up on the sofa looking at old pics of me and Byron, when all of a sudden I heard footsteps running upstairs. Startled, I jumped up and hurried over to the staircase. I looked up but didnât see anyone. The lights were off upstairs so I slowly walked up the stairs. When I got up there, I turned on the hall light to see my bedroom door had been closed. I distinctly remembered leaving it open.
      âHello?â I called out as I approached my door. âIs anybody in here?â I opened the door and screamed when I saw Byron lying on my bed shirtless. I grabbed my chest because my heart was pounding.
                      Byron Patterson
      âOh, I ainât mean to scare you,â he said with that smile on his face. âYou aâight?â
      âWhat are you doing here? How are you here right now?â I pinched myself. âHave I lost my mind?â
      âKyle, you didnât lose your mind. Boo, Iâm here.â
      âThatâs not possible.â
      He sat up and climbed off my bed and told me, âIâm here.â He grabbed my hand and thatâs when tears filled my eyes. âI need you.â
      âI need you, too.â
      âNo, I really need you. Boo, you gotta pay close attention because there ainât much time left.â He stared into my eyes. âYou have to stop them.â
      âStop who?â
      âThe people in my hospital room right now. Theyâre gonna kill me, Kyle.â
      âIf you donât stop them theyâll kill me. Itâs not my time. Youâre my only hope, baby.â
      âBut I donât understand. How canâŠâ
      âNever let me go, Kyle.â He wrapped his arms around me. âNever let me go.â
      Before I could say anything else to him, I woke up on the sofa. It was a dream. Iâd fallen asleep on the sofa while looking at the pics of me and him. My heart was still pounding in my chest and I had the strangest feeling in my gut. I put my hands up to my face and thatâs when I realized his scent was all over me. He always smelled of Axe body wash, cocoa butter and a hint of Black & Mild because he smoked those all the time. That scent was on me as if heâd just been holding me. And I kept hearing his voice over and over in my head saying, âNever let me go.â
      I didnât even put on presentable clothes, I just slid on a pair of shoes, grabbed my keys and phone, and dashed out of my house. I figured Iâd get to the hospital faster if I ran, so I ran past the bus stop instead of waiting on the next bus. The urgency in Byronâs voice was driving me by that point. I knew it was only a dream but I had to be sure. I had to know if he was really in danger and if I could save him the way that heâd saved me years ago.
      When I got to the hospital heâd been in since February, I took the elevator up to the tenth floor where his room was. I got to the door and paused for a few seconds to catch my breath. I then opened the door and stepped inside to see some of his family and friends gathered around his bed. Sitting next to him was a doctor, who looked like he was trying to remove something.
      âStop!â I called out, causing everyone to turn their attention to me.
      âWho the hell is this faggot?â asked one of Byronâs homeboys.
      âI think youâre in the wrong room, honey,â said Byronâs mama. I knew who she was because heâd shown my pictures of her before.
      âNo, Iâm not in the wrong room. I know Byron fromâŠschool. I used to tutor him before he dropped out andâŠâ
      âGet the fuck outta here!â another gang member shouted.
      âNah hold up,â said Dequan, one of Byronâs old friends. âYour name is Kyle, right?â
      âYeah. Do you remember me? Remember the guys tried to jump me after school and yâall helped me?â
      âI remember. What you doinâ here?â
      âI know this sounds crazy butâŠitâs not his time.â
      âItâs time for you to leave,â said one of Byronâs family members.
      âNo, please,â I pleaded. âMy grandma used to always say God speaks to us in many different ways, and all we have to do is listen. God spoke to me tonight and he told me that it isnât Byronâs time. I donât know when heâll wake up or if heâll be alright after waking up, but he is going to wake up.â
      âThis is fucked up,â said Byronâs homeboy. âI know yâall not gonna let some faggot ass bitch come up in here and play games!â He reached to the back of his pants and said, âI should smoke this bitch right here.â
      âI wanna see you try,â I snapped at him. âI am so sick of you and your poison. Itâs your fault this happened to him in the first place! He didnât deserve this! Heâs not bad like you and your fake ass thug wannabe homeboys. Fuck you and fuck the Lafayette Street Killas!â
      Everyone lost their cool by that point. We were all shouting at each other and getting in each otherâs faces. All of a sudden, I noticed the doctor leaning over Byron. The machines were beeping faster and louder. The doctor raised his hand and our yelling died down gradually. We all turned our attention to the doctor. The moment I heard Byron wheezing, tears filled my eyes.
      âHeâs coming out of his comatose state,â said the doctor.
      âOh thank the Lord,â called out Byronâs mama.
      The doctor looked at me and informed me, âHad you not walked in that door at the exact time you did, this patient would be dead. I was moments away from disconnecting the machines keeping him alive.â
      It only took about twenty minutes for Byron to wake up and get through some excessive coughing. The doctor made us all step out into the hall while he and some nurses checked Byronâs vital signs and other functions. While his fellow gang members still looked like they wanted to kill me, his family were thankful.
      âI donât know who you are,â said his mama with tears in her eyes, âbut you saved my babyâs life. Thatâs my only child in there and Iâd given up on the hope of him ever waking up.â
      âIt wasnât me,â I told her. âIt was Byron.â
      The doctor stepped out of the room and told us, âIn my twenty years of dealing with comatose patients, Iâve never witnessed this. Heâs going to make a full recovery. Heâll need to stay in the hospital for monitoring for two weeks but after that, heâll be able to return home.â
      âThank you so much, Dr. Radcliff,â said Byronâs mama.
      âOh, he wants to see Kyle,â the doctor told us. âHe specifically requested to talk to Kyle in private.â
      They all looked at me and I assured them, âHe probably heard me when I entered the room. Iâll tell him youâre all out here waiting to see him.â I stepped into the room and closed the door. There were still some nurses in there moving things around, so I was expecting him to be coded with me in front of them.
      He smiled and coughed a little before saying, âDamn, look at you. You look just like you did the last time I saw you.â
      âYou remember?â I asked him as tears rolled down my face.
      âI remember everything. Come here, boo.â I sat down beside him and he placed his hand over mine. âIâm sorry.â
      âNo, you have nothing to apologize for.â
      âYes I do. I fucked up. Fuckinâ around with that stupid gang shitâŠâ He shook his head. âI canât even think about what you been goinâ through.â
      âByron, youâre here and youâre going to be fine. Thatâs all that matters.â
      âNo, Iâm supposed to protect you. How can I do that if Iâm not here?â He touched my face. âI love you, baby.â
      I looked around and laughed nervously before telling him, âByron, weâre not alone.â
      âI donât care. Iâve been in this hospital a long ass time, ainât I?â
      âYeah, itâs been about six months.â
      âSix months without seeinâ you and touchinâ you.â He leaned forward and kissed my lips. âI promise you Iâll never leave you alone again. On my life, baby.â He wiped my tears.
      âI wasnât sure if I was going to go to New York in a few weeks.â
      âOh yeah, the dance scholarship. You found out about that the day I gotâŠâ He stopped and shook his head. âYou were gonna stay here because of me? Nah, I wouldnât have wanted that.â
      âI couldnât leave you.â
      âYou know your moms woulda kicked your ass if you tried to stay here instead of goinâ.â We shared a good laugh.
      He paused and had this look on his face as if he was remembering something. âYo, I had this crazy dream. I probably had a lot of them but I can only remember this one.â
      âWhat was it about?â
      âI was in bed with you in your room and we were about to go to sleep. Of course we were naked.â He laughed and I smiled at him. âSo we was in bed and I told you I had to be somewhere at ten, and that I needed you to wake me up at nine-forty-five.â He looked into my eyes for a second and then turned and looked up at the big clock on the wall. âBoo, when I woke up in this hospital tonight the first thing I did was look up at that clock. It was nine-forty-five on the dot. You woke me up just like you said you would.â
      It was in that moment that I realized we really were one entity at times. It wasnât just some coincidence that we both had surreal dreams and that he woke up from the coma following those surreal dreams. We were meant to be together and there really was no denying it. I was more than just happy that he was going to be alright, I was overjoyed. I had to keep pinching myself to make sure it was really happening.
      So after talking and kissing for the longest, he finally explained to me what happened the night he and his homeboys were shot. He told me they were parked outside of a fish market waiting on their food when a white van pulled up and just started shooting. He remembered getting hit once in the shoulder but passed out after that. He had no idea who shot them and when I told him he was the only one in the SUV to survive the shooting, it really sunk in how lucky he was.
      Before I left to let him spend time with his family and friends, he told me to do something very important. Heâd stashed a duffle bag full of money under the floorboards of a trap house him and his homeboys did work at. He told me I was the only person he could trust with it, and gave me instructions on how to get into the house without being seen.
      âYou gotta enter from the broken kitchen window in the back,â he told me. âThat window is our escape outta the house in case some shit goes down. Sneak in through that window and go into the pantry on the right. The money is under the floorboards in that pantry. Itâs gotta be like fifty thousand in that bag, maybe more.â
      âWhat do you want me to do with it?â I asked him.
      âTake it with you to New York. Put it in an account or somethinâ. Thatâs our money, boo.â
      âBut what about you?â
      âI damn sure ainât stayinâ here. Once I get released from here and I can get around by myself, Iâm outta Baltimore. Iâll come up there with you.â
      âI donât wanna leave you, Byron.â
      âIt wonât be for long, boo. I promise.â He gently placed his forehead to mine. âYou have my word. I love you.â
      âI love you, too.â
      After leaving the hospital, I did just as heâd said. Luckily, no one was at the trap house. I was able to get the money and take it back to my house. I took it up to my room and hid it in my closet just before my mama came home. I told her Byron woke up and while she still wasnât ready to accept my relationship with him, she was happy to see me happy. I didnât tell her about the money and the plan Iâd made with Byron, but I did tell her that I looked forward to going to New York.
      Three weeks later, I enrolled at NYUâs Tisch School of the Arts. Iâd been talking on the phone with Byron daily and Iâd put the money in an account with both our names on it. One day after my classes, I had to return to my studio apartment to get something Iâd left behind. I had the strangest feeling in my gut the moment I got to my building. I entered the lobby and dropped all my stuff the moment I saw him sitting there waiting on me. I couldnât believe it. I had everything I couldâve ever wanted, and he was everything I wanted. And I was never going to let go.
[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
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