The Story of Dicks, Told
Dicks, as we know it, better known as the penis in anatomical sense, is both a taboo and an amusement for either half of the earth’s population. (Okay, I’m not sure of that but I myself have a love-hate relationship with dicks, be it a person or just that… thing.)
Okay, let me get this straight. When I mention the word Dick or Orgasm, don’t take it literally, personally or offensively. Grow up, you prick! Don’t read this if you’re under 18 or when you can’t take it cos I’m too tired to give a crap.
Some dicks could ruin your day, some could give you a happy ending, some could just be plain boring and it could be useful in things like poetry and the like. In my case I use it for my art and so far, the Dick department and I have signed a lifetime contract agreeing upon some terms and conditions I would be half-assed happy to disclose. We both know we need each other. How about you? How’s your own version of dick going?
Dicks could be in the form of human beings. Ring a bell? It could be that annoying neighbor who bangs your whole apartment with loud music during the wee hours. It could be that driver on the other lane who cut your way just to be ahead of you. It could be Trump, although this one is socially acceptable— it could be your boss, your office mate who complains and gossips about everything, your brother who keeps on calling you on your ridiculous childhood nickname in front of your cool friends… For the nth time, you know that a dick is the ex you can’t get over it because he cheated on you, dumped, abused and ghosted on you for no reason. Now here’s the catch… A dick could be you. And you don’t even know it. Surprise!
For the past three months, I’ve been struggling to finish a small-sized painting due to the meticulous job its details require. I recently started putting dicks on it, in relation to its meaning and theme. Don’t think that I’m a psycho or a perv because bitch, it’s art and it knows no boundaries or inhibitions. As I finish my way to paint another dick yet again, it surprisingly reminds me of the vast range of things it can bring to our lives, not to mention that life itself is a dick most of the time. It could fuck you gently or when it’s angry and in the mood, it will fuck you hard you can’t even walk straight with your own pair of feet. And then you wake up the following morning shedding off the fuckery that life brought you only to be struck by another bout of depression, for the lack of a better term. Depression and Dick starts with the same letter. What a coincidence.
There are glorious moments with dicks. When you make someone’s D hard, for example, and you know you’re the one proudly responsible for it. It’s a shining moment. A good feeling. It’s a flattering boner because you must have turned on that human being across you who is equally grammatically proficient and financially stable as you. Let’s face it, you’re witty, smoking hot and gorgeous as hell, most days, men will forcefully shove their Ds on your throat and all you can then you find yourself running for your life. The terror of this whole thing comes after that first dinner date, because that guy’s next target is to undress you without taking into consideration whether or not you’re single or dating because the last time you checked, he’s still a man and he thinks with his brain between his legs like anybody of his kind will do. The world is a huge Tinder app where DPs come handy but true love is so fucking expensive you won’t even think of getting one. The Ds are just there for their pleasure and they’re selfish as fuck, that’s why they’re called dicks after all.
This fascinating thing is a gift. Imagine a world without dicks, would there be new-borns every second? Would you come out as a stronger, self-sufficient woman after dealing with a breakup with the biggest dick you’ll ever find? Would you, by any chance, wish to eradicate the existence of dicks because they could be unbelievably small, stupid and annoying? How about the major D that is life, do you wish not to live it when it knocks you out big time? I doubt it.
Anyway, I only wish to enlighten and please myself this immensely sorrowful morning after I realized a lot of things from living a restless, dreamy life with occasional dicks on the side. (Of course occasional is an understatement) By now, many of you might be fed up of my ridiculous usage of metaphor (so am I) so I’m going to end this with two things:
1.) Choose the worthy dicks in life to challenge you and use them as a weapon. A bazooka, for example. Wipe out all the drama in life by using this new-found bazooka and use it efficiently to your advantage coz dammit, you deserve an O-worthy life! 2.) So when life puts up its dickery drama on you, learn to fuck it or suck it, squeeze, push, pinch, pull, cut, bite, smash, do whatever.
Don’t be sorry for anything less than winning. After all, what’s there to lose?













