How to: come out to your parents that you're a Quidditch player
So, to be frank, my parents think that Quidditch is dumb. Not a real sport. A waste of time.
When I first started a team with my friends in high school, it was really my dad I was worried about. My mom didnāt really care as long as I got good grades. My dad, on the other hand, was the type who would never let me play video games because I needed to spend my time training. Fortunately, at the time, my dad didnāt really give a shit because I was additionally on my schoolās Cross Country and Soccer teams, so I was still a normal athlete. He thought I was just doing this during my spare time.
When it came time to apply for college, I was not planning on getting an athletic scholarship. So obviously, my dad expected me to play intramurals and run marathons and whatnot.
At first it was easy - I donāt exactly talk to my parents anyway. As long as they donāt know Iām doing anything wrong, Iām A-OK in their eyes. But then it got to the point where I was so involved in this sport that I sort of had to tell them about it. I had to go to my father and explain to him that I was holding a broom between my legs while running around trying to tug on a guys ball. Not really something your father wants to hear. I eventually explained everything to him, and he eventually came to a match and silently cried as I ran around insulting his values. And while I dealt with it just fine because I donāt exactly give a fuck what anyone thinks of me, HERE are some ways you might want to explain this to your parents, if you are still hiding said secret:
1) Come right out and say it: āI PLAY QUIDDITCH!ā Got it off your chest? good. Now go onā¦
2) Maybe your parents donāt have a clue what the fuck that even means. Even better. Walk away. Donāt look back.
3) Maybe your parents didnāt hear you. Personally, my dad canāt hear anything said more than 3 feet away from him. Good. Walk away. Donāt look back.
4) If your parents both heard and understood what you said, suck in your gut, look them in the eye, and explain exactly what you do. Tell them you pretend to fly. Tell them you are 67% convinced that you might be a real wizard. Tell them you enjoy full body contact with people who spend their free time reading fiction novels. Tell them you like playing with deflated balls. Tell them you dress in yellow and shove tennis balls down your pants, and not because you are compensating for anything. Tell them not to worry because itās not as dangerous as in Harry Potter. Oh no. All 100 pounds of your innocent body being taken down by a 300 pound train. Not as dangerous. At all.
Iām not really one for advice so thatās really all I have to give. No matter if your parents just laugh straight in your face or cry tears of āhow the fuck did I raise my child like this,ā you TOLD them. YOU told them. You told THEM. And when youāre in the Olympics for Quidditch in 5 years - YOU TOLD THEM.
And thereās always the off chance that your parents will be proud ofā¦ oh sorry weāre talking about Quidditch.. just kidding.
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