Mixed and Proud

A mixed race blog in a mixed up world

[themixedraceguy]

Some random thoughts I wanted to write about

1)      I think the irony is lost on people when they say that racism doesn’t exist with one breath whilst with the next breath throw some sort of racial slur my way and call it ‘banter’.   Even if it is banter, you don’t usually make fun of things you find really appealing and desirable!

 2)      I’m still shocked at the way people (and I’m afraid it’s usually white, and they are usually men) are so, almost desperate to argue against racism existing.  I mean surely it’s just easier to accept and admit it exists, to argue against it seems so difficult and futile, so I can’t help but find myself asking why the desperation to deny it.  Many of course take it a step further and start to claim victim status themselves, ‘middle aged, middle class white men are the most endangered group of society’ (God have you heard such nonsense, the type of drivel usually coming out of Piers Morgan’s mouth).  I find myself asking is this simply a response to the threat of equality that many people have.  This equality thing might just impact them and take away some of that famed privilege that they don’t think exists!  

 3)      I was asked recently about my view on the George Floyd murder, someone wanted the ‘black’ view.   Naturally I reminded them I was mixed race but went on to say “as human beings I think we can all agree….” I was cut off and told to answer as a black person.  I don’t know if it was meant in such a way but when it’s written down it looks awful – doesn’t this infer that black people aren’t humans, or less than human perhaps – that unconscious bias that so many people have a hard job admitting coming out perhaps? Or perhaps I’m the one reading too much into that……not sure, I’ll let you decide that one but it doesn’t look great does it? Anyway, unperturbed I continued, “as human beings, I think we can all agree that it was wrong, a man was killed by police brutality and he shouldn’t have been”.  The response then came “well what they don’t tell you is that he held a pregnant woman at knife point trying to rob her, so got what he deserved”.  Being murdered in the street without due process by police brutality was deserved, really?  It struck me as the classic desperate attempt of someone trying to find any reason to argue that racism exists – essentially saying, he wasn’t killed due to racism, he was killed because he was a violent criminal and that’s ok!  I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand the desperation that some have to admit the bleeding obvious, that racism play a part in his murder.  The conversation soon turned to how it’s ridiculous to even talk about George Floyd as it happened in America and we have nothing in common with their police force, also as it happened in another country why are we so bothered here……..and with that I’ll be sure not to pay any attention or make any comment on the on-going Israel-Gaza violence!

[themixedraceguy]

Banter or Racism?

So I’ve started keeping a list of things that have been said to me recently, which have a racism connotation, some say it’s simply banter, means I’m accepted, part of the group.  “Everyone has their thing that gets taken the piss out of, yours is being black” (naturally I corrected this person I was in fact mixed race). I’m not going to write much else but let you j judge for yourself whether being called the following things is just ‘banter’.....

·         Jerk chicken

·         Sand nigga

·         Gambia

·         Congo

·         Caribbean bastard

·         Harvey Price lookalike

·         Foreigner

·         Half caste

·         Black nipple fuck

 (this was handwritten on a scrap of paper, when I showed it to people, they criticised my handwriting more than they did the content on the list……..interesting isn’t it!)

[themixedraceguy]

Are children really colour blind?

So I was out walking with my 5 year old recently and he said “Daddy, that man’s skin is darker than yours…….Mummy has peach skin and you have peach and brown skin”.  That got me thinking about something I heard recently “Kids don’t see colour”.  It’s a touching sentiment sure, plays well on a meme maybe, but it’s inaccurate.  Kids do see colour, my own is testament to that. However, the important part is that kids don’t give any significance or bias to it.  They see it for what it is, a factual truth and no more.  Ascribing prejudice, bias and negativity is a learned behaviour.  

Now immediately you might be thinking, well it’s the same thing, you’re just nit-picking.  I’m really not because if you believe the ‘kids don’t see colour’ line then it’s easy to get caught up thinking “my child is colour blind, therefore I must not talk to them about race and colour, I must act as if it doesn’t exist”.  Which would be fine if the entire world was a colour blind, racism free utopia, but unfortunately, it’s not, but you didn’t really need me to tell you that did you? Race exists and so does racism and as I’ve said many times and will continue to say many times, this racism can and does manifest itself in unconscious bias that some people don’t even know exists (that’s why so many people have a hard time even admitting that racism is alive and kicking in the modern world).  If you think the right thing to do is avoid talking about race and racism with your kids what you are really doing is leaving them to their own devices to go and learn this stuff on their own and the last time I checked race wasn’t on the national curriculum.  So where are they going to learn about this stuff - TV? Social Media? Friends? other parents? My blog? (well that one’s ok but you know what I’m getting at).  You wouldn’t leave your child’s English, Maths or Science education to such chance would you, so don’t leave them learning about race to chance.

Talk to your children about this stuff.   It’s incumbent on all of us to talk to our children about race and equality issues. Educate them on the history of it from around the world, tell them about slavery, talk about Apartheid in South Africa, talk about segregation in the States.  Educate them on racial issues so when they grow up they don’t have those unconscious bias that many of us ended up developing without even knowing it.  Help them maintain that mindset that colour, creed or race is just another thing about a person no different to the colour of someone’s t-shirt,  because trust me, that’s how they currently see it and it’s important that it doesn’t change.  Because after all, none of this is really about us or for us, it’s for the next generation to grow up without racism, but it won’t happen by chance, we’ve got to make it happen.

Anyway, that’s my thought for the day, I’m off to put my boys to bed with a Little People, Big Dreams book about Martin Luther King Jnr (I’d recommend it for anyone with young kids).  

[themixedraceguy]

GROWING UP MIXED RACE

I think I really struggled with self-identification for a long time.  What am I? Mixed race? White? Black?  My guess is if you’re white you’ve never thought about your race, I don’t know that, I’m just assuming, I’ve never asked….my bad…..you’ve never asked me…..your bad.

I struggled with this a lot growing up but I’m in a good place with it now though, I think.  

I think about my race a lot more than you would probably imagine, it’s never far from my mind actually; the clothes I buy; the music I listen to; even the sports I watch – I’m always thinking, which part of my ethnicity does this link to.  When I meet someone I usually think ‘do they know’ ‘what do they think I am’.  This thought process usually ends with me blurting out something about my race like a sort of nervous tick I can’t contain inside.   Now this might all sound weird to you and you might think that the issue is mine but 30 years of being told you are different for being mixed race understandably takes it toll.  Also let us not forget that society (at least the one I live in) tells us that certain things/interests are linked to ethnicity.  I recently bought some trainers and I was told they were too ‘black’ (and no they weren’t talking about the colour) but being black I could pull them off.  This might sound insignificant to you, perhaps you think this is just a throw-away comment, ‘banter’ with no malice, however, after 30 years of this that is not how it lands with me.  How could my race not be at the forefront of my mind? It seems to be at the forefront of everyone else’s…………..

I struggled with self-identification growing up.  I grew up with a white parent and a black parent, but I didn’t know any of my black family.  Until I was 15 I’d only met 1 other black family member other than my Mum. I knew all my white family, I grew up in a white community and I was the only mixed kid in nearly all the schools I went to.  My point in saying all this is that growing up I felt white, how could I not - white family, white friends, white school, white community, why would or should I feel any different to anyone else I went to school with or grew up with.  Well I did (and still do) feel different because people told me I was different (and still do).  I was 6 years old the first time I was racially abused, almost 30 years later that one still hurts.  Of course at the time I didn’t know I was being racially abused, I didn’t even know what racism was, but I remember that this one felt different to the usual playground taunting, even then I knew it.  I remember crying at home with my Mum about it.  That was the first but certainly not the last and I remember all of them.

This was repeated throughout my early school life, more insults aimed at my colour and perceived ethnicity.  When I got to secondary school, I was still targeted but it wasn’t overtly racist like it had been about the colour of my skin.  I suspect the boys that went after me didn’t, and still don’t, think of it as racism, but it was.  Kids in middle class white communities know not to say overtly racist things but this unconscious bias spilled out of them.   I’ll let you decide – do you think this is racist? A group of 5 boys who I did not know, had never known targeted me, making slurs about how I smoked weed with my ‘homies’ (I didn’t even smoke a cigarette until I was 16), repeatedly making fun of me for listening to jungle music (I never have), telling me I was poor and lived on a council estate (nope that’s not true either) and saying that there was a burnt out ford escort on the drive (my Dad once had a MK2 Ford Escort I think does that count?).  You might read this and think that’s it’s insignificant but to a young teenager this wasn’t. Also it’s not like it was a one off thing, I got this verbal abuse daily, I didn’t understand it then, I understand it now…….racism.  It was rarely physical although I do recall one time I was dumped into a bin by 2 of them and someone threw an uppercut in the process.  I felt bullied at school and with hindsight I believe it was racially motivated.

Coming back to the point of this – self identification.  I struggled with this because I felt white, or rather I should say I didn’t feel different to everyone else around me.  However, everyone told me I was black (or different in some way). Between the ages of 6 and 14, all I could think was ‘what the hell am I? I don’t feel any different, I don’t sound any different, I look a tiny bit different (I’m light skinned) so what’s going on’.  I remember during this period of my life wishing I wasn’t mixed race and that I was white.

When I reached 14 things changed.  I don’t know if it was some sort of rebellious thing against all of this but suddenly I wanted to be 100% black, I remember thinking I wish my skin was darker, I wish I had black friends because they would be just like me. I started doing all the things I thought were black - listening to gangsta rap, wearing baggy jeans and bandanas, I even remember a week when I was 14 and I tried to drop the ‘H’s whenever I said thing (so ting) so I would sound Jamaican.  It would be easy to say that looking back these are all quite amusing but it’s not to me.  Being a teenager is hard enough without having massive struggles with self-identification, not knowing your place in the world because a mixed-race person doesn’t fit nicely in a box.  It took me, my ego and my self-esteem a long time to recover from this.

So, where am I with all this stuff now…..well hopefully the title of the blog says that - I’m mixed and proud, that’s who I am, that’s my place in society.   That’s the easy answer at least and the one I tell myself most days because you see I still have the problem that our society, our culture doesn’t let me be mixed, I’m either black or white to most people.

Now most of you will have read through all this and will be thinking to yourself ‘yeah we feel bad for you but this is all inside your own head’ and you might be right, but if you are right, who do you think put it there, because I sure didn’t………………..

[themixedraceguy]

READ THIS - this is article is about more than a statue but it should help fill in the blanks for anyone who can’t understand why this was done.

There’s one section in particular that really resonated with me, when talking about the group of people who are going to boycott the Colston Hall when it changes its name:

‘Think about that for a moment. Rational, educated, 21st-century people earnestly concluded that they were taking a moral stance by refusing to listen to music performed within the walls of a concert hall unless that venue was named after a man who bought, sold and killed human beings’

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/jun/08/edward-colston-statue-history-slave-trader-bristol-protest

The toppling of Edward Colston's statue is not an attack on history. It is history | David Olusoga

The slave trader’s figure loomed over Bristol for 125 years. Now a multiracial protest has achieved what past campaigns couldn’t, says histo

[themixedraceguy]

When you grow up in that (multi-ethnic) environment, you see the world differently. Being a mixed-race child, I didn't always see colour in people, I really didn't. It was other people that made me see the colour all the time. 

I saw this old quote (from Halle Berry of all people) and it got me thinking...... 

I didn’t see the colour in other people, I didn’t see the colour in myself, other people made me see it.  They still do to this day.

I once had someone argue with me when I corrected him and said I wasn’t black, I was in fact mixed race.  I was then told that I was black “because your Mum is black”. I’ve also been told “well it’s the same thing anyway” - It’s not to me but that never seems to matter.

I’m proud to be mixed race and it’s time people started letting me be mixed!

[themixedraceguy]

I shaved my head until I was 25, mostly because I was teased mercilessly about my curls. I decided to ignore the noise and now I love my curls! 10 years later I’m still mocked (casual racism) but I don’t care and now I’m teaching my little mixie to embrace his curls.

[themixedraceguy]

Hello tumblr, I am themixedraceguy and if you haven’t guessed it……I am mixed race.  

I’m new to tumblr, I’ve never blogged before and I don’t use any sort of social media (gave it up 6 months ago for some much-needed relief).  So……..why am I writing a blog……………………………

Well I guess it’s prompted by the BLM movement that’s ramped up in the last couple of weeks, following the death of George Floyd.  I should point out I’m from the UK but this has had a profound impact in the BAME community here.  

However, the sleepy suburban middle-class town that I live in has reacted to it rather differently and particularly a number of my close friends and family (whites ones before you ask).  They just don’t seem to want to educate themselves around racism.  I’ve heard a lot of shocking things over the last few days but the most shocking has to be the complete and utter denial that there is any racism in our country because “people can only provide examples that are 30 years old”. Never have the words ‘white privilege rang through my ears so loudly’.  

I’ve heard it many time before that privilege can’t see privilege, I guess I never really understood that until a middle age, middle class white man claimed that racism didn’t exist in the UK.

For the first time in my life I’m finally understanding why many people always talk about the need to educate people around racism before it can tackled and I’m finally starting to understand why it’s such a difficult thing.  

It seems to me that many people (certainly where I live) think that racism is only defined as overt, direct racism – throwing bananas, using the ‘n’ word, disliking people purely because of the colour of their skin or their ethnicity.  How they are able to say ‘well none of us think like that so it’s not a problem’.  How can intelligent individuals be so blind to the fact that racism in 2020 cannot only be defined by these overtly racist displays (which still happen by the way) but also exists because of stereotyping, unconscious bias and blind prejudice.  

So I guess to sum up, this has shocked and appalled me into trying to do my bit so here we go, this is me embarking on my journey to try and educate some from my own personal experiences.  

Hopefully someone out there is listening………………………………