I’m writing this like an open letter to you. I know in the beginning, you were making a lot of effort to talk to me and I was standoffish. I liked you right away, and I think that kinda scared me. I wasnt accustomed to someone putting in effort and actually wanting to talk to me. I was accustomed to being ignored and struggling to get someone to communicate. You came in kinda hot, but I think you must’ve felt the vibes the way I did but you were more open rather than letting fear get the best of you. Then when you stopped responding and I didn’t hear from you, I realized right away that I fumbled. I realized what I had and didn’t want to lose you. You messaging me back was the biggest relief I’ve felt in so long. I can’t even begin to explain the happiness. It was like the missing piece I needed to complete the picture was back. The last couple weeks talking to you, FaceTiming, playing games, learning about bees, about the family, and finally getting to see you, hold you, kiss you, and be by your side is the happiest I’ve felt in so long. I hate saying I didn’t feel whole before, but it’s true. I know I’m whole all on my own, but again it’s like you were that missing puzzle piece to complete me. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you Jay. I always wondered if love at first sight was a thing, and that day I learned it was. Being in your arms- I’ve never felt so safe and like all was right in the world. I know I tried to play it cool and made a joke about your kisses being “okay”, and I know I try to play it cool often. I guess I just don’t want to come across as “too much” or scare you away. I’m a lover girl at heart and when I give myself to someone, I give fully 120%. Some people can’t handle that depth, and it’s made me protective of who I give my love to. As much as I do love you, and yes I love you Jamell, I love myself too and I’m very protective of my heart. I know you are too, I see it in you and I understand. Me sending you the poem I wrote was my way of starting to open up and be more vulnerable. And for you not to respond, and still not responding, is really fucking hard. I’m trying my best to not be in my head about it but my mind has always been my favorite and worst part simultaneously. Lately it feels like the only peace I get is when I go to sleep. Each moment I’m awake is a reminder that I haven’t heard back from you. Wondering if you’re okay physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Wondering if you met someone else you had a better connection with. Wondering if once you saw me in person you decided you didn’t like me as much. Wondering if I’m not enough or too much. Wondering if you like me so much, how can you just stop talking to me like nothing. Wondering if this is going to continue being a thing as time progresses. And I’ve just been spiraling fucking hard. I cried about it. I haven’t spiraled like this or cried over a man in close to 2 years since Martin was playing his games, and I worked so hard on myself and my healing that I really hate feeling like this once again. Especially from you, i feel you’re so great at communicating but then you go ghost on me and I don’t understand. If you truly like me and feel me the way I feel you, I’d think you’d know that you can talk to me and be vulnerable. That I’m always here for you no matter what. But I can’t be there if you don’t let me in. I can’t hold space if you push me away. I love you Jay, but you gotta let me love you. In all your phases. I just hope and pray you come back, and stay this time.
vaporwave
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
areudirty
blakekathryn
snowghoul
turnnoffyourmind
