Why have you forsaken me?
“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.
Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they make mouths at me; they wag their heads; ‘He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!’
Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother’s breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help.”
My first thoughts:
How the heck does David have the balls to even say that God forsook him?
Then my preceding thoughts:
I feel like God forsakes me too sometimes. I feel like God is far from saving me. I feel like I cry to him and he doesn’t answer. In fact, I feel like that right now.
But whenever I think those thoughts, I feel guilty.
“How could I think that. I shouldn’t think that about God because he obviously never leaves us nor forsakes us”
But man, those are my honest feelings and God already knows them so there’s no point hiding those thoughts. God wants to hear it all, even if it’s the most immature, un-”God-fearing, mature woman of Christ”-like thing. It’s not about guilting myself into thinking those thoughts are wrong and weak, but it’s about being able to rise from those thoughts because the truth wins - not some head knowledge, but actual truth that resonates in the heart.
Here, David is crying out to God, asking why he’s forsaken him. I don’t know how far apart David wrote Psalm 21 and Psalm 22 but he seems pretty bipolar to me. The two chapters are literally titled “The King Rejoices in the Lord’s Strength” and “Why Have You Forsaken Me?”
In a weird way, these two chapters stick out to me because everything he’s saying sounds so familiar. First he’s all “praise da lawd he is so great!!” and then right after he’s like “God.... where you at..... I need help...” but let’s be real, that’s my heart speaking.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this post but I was just sitting in bed and I felt empty, like my soul needed Jesus, so I picked up my sister’s bible and this is the chapter that the bookmark was laying on. I don’t really have any eloquent words, even though I wish I did.. I’ll actually probably end up reading this post later and hating it because my writing is gross. But I just wanted to document the rawness of David’s heart when he was crying out to God in this psalm. And just like David, I don’t need to hide what I’m feeling from God and even from myself.
And another thing I love about this passage is that even though there’s so much real pain and heart wrenching questions lifted up to God, David truly truly believes in his heart that God is still so good. I see him fighting his flesh and struggling between what he’s feeling and what is truth.
In verses 3-5 and 9-11, God’s truth becomes David’s truth. And even in this chapter of psalms, no matter how much David is struggling, his heart is at peace in the end because God’s truth is his. Then he goes on to Psalm 23 where he’s all “Lawd you are my shepherd, you make me lie in green pastures and you lead me beside still waters, restoring my soul.”
I want to be all strong and mature but I’m not. I hate having to fully rely on God and being humbled in this way because I hate not being in control and relying on someone other than myself, but Abba I want to give up my control to you. But just how many times do I have to be reminded of this truth and rededicate this life to you?
Life with the Lord is such a daily process. Constant renewal each and every day. He knows how forgetful I am and how I need to be reminded of this every single day.
