Jules of Nature
Keni
Misplaced Lens Cap
⁂
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Sade Olutola
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
RMH
Three Goblin Art
Show & Tell
Andulka
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
todays bird
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
will byers stan first human second
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
seen from Russia
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from Morocco
seen from Morocco
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Australia
@thenightmaresdontstop
I don’t have the time to come back, but feel nostalgic because this blog brought out some of the best writing I’ve ever done. I wish I had the time, but at this point in my life, it’s quicker and probably more productive to write my own stories.
But my god i see threads that I'd love to continue. Crap.
Maybe exceptions can be made
I don't have the time to come back, but feel nostalgic because this blog brought out some of the best writing I've ever done. I wish I had the time, but at this point in my life, it's quicker and probably more productive to write my own stories.
⊰◈⊱ — It wasn’t hard to guess that Rossi wanted answers, not an apology. Spencer placed down the files, looking to the other. There was nothing left to do, no one else to turn to. Why not try to get help while someone was offering it?
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I’d gotten over it, but… Tobias, Maeve, Gideon– everything’s flooding back to me at once, It feels like it all just happened. I think it’s my headaches. I assume they’re what’s triggering my nightmares. The nightmares about them, I–”
“I- I don’t know. I’m not making any sense.”
Rossi relaxed when it was clear that he had finally worked past Spencer’s defenses. He knew he wasn’t the usual confidant, but in this matter he had more experience than anyone else. And wasn’t that a title to hold? Emma, Ray, Carolyn, Harrison, Erin, Jason….
“Sorry, kiddo. There’s no such thing as over it. They become a part of you for better or worse. Seems like you’re getting more of the worse right now.”
⊰◈⊱ — Spencer paused, listening to Rossi’s words, with his head faced down.
“If I’m not with you all, I think about them even more.” He glanced at Rossi for a brief moment, voice cracking. He was overwhelmed with emotion, lifting his hand to anxiously get hair out of his face. “How am I supposed to move on from this?” Spencer asked, close to tears.
do you accept anonymous roleplaying through ask?
I accept all types of roleplay. :)
Feel free to message me if you want to RP! I’m busy this week but I might be able to sneak a post in at some point.
Hey everyone! I am still alive, just very off and on this blog. Sometimes I’m busy, sometimes just not in the mood... Honestly, if you want the type of RP partner who will reply to a few months to a year old roleplay, I’m your person! Seriously, I have drafts that are months to a year old, and I do still plan on replying to them. (I mean, considering I haven’t even been online lately, ALL of my RPs are fairly old) This blog is a nice thing to come to when I am in the mood to write, so thank you to anyone who is willing to stay and wait for me. You guys are the best!
Working Sleepless
⊰◈⊱ — “I know it’s not healthy— does it really matter, JJ?”
The moment the words left his mouth, they left a terrible taste that left him feeling unsatisfied and guilty. It wasn’t JJ’s fault— it was his. Unable to cope with the fact that he’d been the one to blame, he became lost in frustration and sadness that quickly transformed into misplaced anger which he took out on those around him. He was still lost in such an early stage of blaming others that he wasn’t quite ready to accept that it was his fault. Even so, he had become aware of the ice in his own tone and attempted to calm down. “Sorry— I just… I’m trying to focus on the case right now.” He forced his full attention onto the folder in front of him despite the team not being in any current rush given the next kill likely wouldn’t occur for weeks. Still, at the current moment, he would do anything to ignore his problems, and anything to stop him from becoming so vicious with everyone.
His outburst, though startling, was not totally unexpected. Like the rest of the team, they had been working together long enough for JJ to feel like she at least had somewhat of an idea as to how Spencer worked. Still, she frowned at him, biting her bottom lip to hold in a short sigh that threatened to spill over. “It does matter,” she leaned forward in her seat, choosing her words carefully in an effort to not push her luck too far with him.
⊰◈⊱ — The concerned yet calm tone in her voice helped Spencer understand just how much she cared. Looking toward her, he decided to explain his thoughts. He took a pause before speaking. "Every time I’m asleep, there’s someone out there who’s hurting.” Someone out there who needed help, such as the future victims of the unsub this case referred to.
“I never really thought about it until Gideon’s death. I wasn’t there, and I couldn’t stop it. If I had been paying closer attention-- really watching for signs of new or returning killers, then maybe I could have stopped it.” Perhaps that was a naive thing to believe, but Spencer hadn’t been able to quit thinking about it. He was tired of watching people die, tired of watching them suffer-- he wanted to really help, and not just when he was called in for work, even beyond that.
He understood that this frame of thinking wasn’t good for his health, and that he might not be able to help people without his own proper rest, but he couldn’t sleep. It took medicine to force himself to fall asleep-- his mind was just so preoccupied with those thoughts that his body wouldn’t allow him to. Oh well, he was helping people, so what did it matter?
⊰◈⊱ — Waiting in front of a small coffee shop, moonlight reflecting off the phone which was held up to his ear, Spencer spoke with someone who he had been planning to rendevouz with. It was dark out, but unfortunately, this was about the only time a member of the BAU had time to sneak out of work to actually have personal visits “Oh, see you there, then.” Were his last words to the one on the other line before he hung up.
As he waited, silence shrouding the area in a calm atmosphere, he suddenly heard what sounded like a muffled scream come from the side of the building. Curiosity got the best of him as he made his way toward a small, dark alleyway with little lighting. Gazing at the narrow path, it seemed there was nothing there, save a dim light that buzzed at a low tone. “Who’s there?” He asked while walking furher and further in, as if expecting an answer. Instead of a verbal response, Spencer felt something impact his back, hard. A quick groan was all he could let out before he was sent toward the ground.
Spencer attempted to look up at his attacker, but was unable to catch a single glimpse. Instead, his vision focused on a girl who seemed to be dead, or at least unconcious. Even if she wasn’t dead yet, she would be soon. She was bleeding out fast, yet in his current state, Spencer couldn’t do a thing to help her. It didn’t seem like his attacker was quite done with him yet, either.
Send me "What happened to you to make you this way..." for my characters reaction.
// all I ever do when logged into this blog is stare at this computer screen while drinking tea. GUYS I’M TOO SUGAR-HIGH TO MAEK POSTS, but send me some asks or something and I’ll reply later.
// i’m caught up to criminal minds, SON. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE UNCONTROLLABLE POWER NOW. HAAAAH
Here for You |Ivory & Spencer|
⊰◈⊱ — Spencer winced, a flick of sadness visibly overwhelming him. A woman’s name… It made sense. It had been a while since that day, but it had never ceased to haunt him, as if it had just happened. That day, his withdrawals, Tobias Hankel, and as if things weren’t bad enough, his headaches were all likely to be the largest source of his nightmares. Medicine wasn’t working, the normal methods weren’t working… Maybe the only way to fix this was with closure. He didn’t bring these sorts of things to work– he just couldn’t. Maybe it was because it was hard enough admitting the truth to himself… admitting it to other people was almost like completely accepting it. But if Ivory was being truthful about wanting to help, it might bring him some comfort to just talk to her from time to time.
He gathered his thoughts, shifting his gaze from the wall back to her. “I have these… nightmares. They’ve been occurring for a while now, and no matter what I do they just… they won’t stop. Lately, I only get around an hour of good sleep, and it’s effecting my ability to work.” He finished explaining what he hadn’t told anyone else. His team was getting suspicious, but he hadn’t even told them. Not yet, anyway, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. “I don’t know what to do, next…”
She watched him silently for a moment, hands folded in her lap as she waited for him to speak. The poor man looked extremely tired and worn and she suddenly felt a slight lurch in her heart. She wanted so bad to be able to help him. So, she vowed to herself that no matter what the cost, she would.
Listening to him explain, her kept her gaze locked with his as he spoke, her facial expression pensive at first before turning concerned. Slipping off the arm of the couch, she moved to the actual couch and patted the spot next to her, silently asking him to come sit next to her. “I know what having nightmares are like, Spencer. I went through a lot in my childhood and I’ve still yet to get over it. I found, however…That having someone to talk to really works wonders. Also, knowing that you aren’t the only one who goes through it is also a great comfort.”
⊰◈⊱ — “Really? You too?” Spencer was surprised to hear that she went through the same thing, and that it’d been going on since she was a child. Knowing that wouldn’t stop his nightmares, but it made him feel like he wasn’t alone in this, which was a good feeling, despite the fact that he didn’t want anyone to have to go through it. Complicated, but one would understand if they experienced the pain he’d gone through, and was still going through.
“Is that how you’ve managed to deal with it for so long?” It made sense. After all, he’d just met this woman, and he already felt better just knowing that she, who was practically a stranger, understood what he was going through. “I- I don’t know. I just don’t want to be a burden. My friends already have their hands full of work-- and they all have their own problems. I don’t want to be... a distraction, I guess.”
Going to be replying to a few threads. Like for a starter. I may post an open, too.
⊰◈⊱ — “It would take me a lot less than five minutes to get focused if you would stop talking.” The words came out unexpectedly, even to Spencer himself, and as they did, he instantly wished he’d kept his mouth shut. He wanted to apologize right away, but he wasn’t sure if that would be for the best. It was already obvious enough that something was wrong. There was no turning back from that slip-up.
Well that was pretty much it. Dave really preferred when Aaron was around to draw the lines, but it was clear Spencer was going to keep pushing it. “Alright, you either talk to me now, or you take a walk and I don’t want to see you back here for an hour.”
⊰◈⊱ — It wasn’t hard to guess that Rossi wanted answers, not an apology. Spencer placed down the files, looking to the other. There was nothing left to do, no one else to turn to. Why not try to get help while someone was offering it?
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I’d gotten over it, but... Tobias, Maeve, Gideon-- everything’s flooding back to me at once, It feels like it all just happened. I think it’s my headaches. I assume they’re what’s triggering my nightmares. The nightmares about them, I--”
“I- I don’t know. I’m not making any sense.”
@derekmxrganbau
⊰◈⊱ — Worry had overwhelmed Spencer to the point that he could hardly focus on the case that the BAU was in the midst of solving. Standing in front of people who he was supposed to be introducing the current case to, he contemplated on whether or not it was really a good time to leave. He attempted to continue talking, however his sentences left off midway and he found himself staring off into space, causing those listening to whisper amongst themselves, likely either confused or annoyed. He ceased his rant, slowly placing the files he carried on a nearby desk.
His mind kept traveling back to the actions and words that Morgan let on days before. Though he was trying hard to act normal, he wasn’t himself. Those were the actions of someone struggling with depression. The others must have noticed too, despite its suddenness. Spencer couldn’t recall any out of the ordinary cases that might put his friend off in any way, yet the signs were so clear he couldn’t ignore it, especially considering that he hadn’t even shown up to work this case. That either meant that, one: he needed a break to get his mind back on track, or two: he was planning on ending it all in the easiest way possible. Suicide.
“I uh… I’m really sorry, but I have somewhere else I need to be, please excuse me.” As he made his way away from the front of the room the whispers from the audience became a more audible grumble as people began to scold him. “I’d love to be somewhere else too, agent, still doesn’t give me the right to leave.” That was the first comment he could fully hear, before he began hearing more and more about how people his age always thought they were more important than everyone else. He ignored these insults, not looking back until he heard a very familiar low voice. “Reid!” Hotch called out, quickening his pace as he pulled Spencer to the side. “Reid, we are in the middle of a case. If you walk away now, more victims are going to die. They are our first priority right now. Do you understand?”
He locked his attention on Hotch. “I know.” He spoke slowly and honestly before continuing on. “I just… I can’t focus on this case right now. I keep thinking that if it were me, he– all of you would be there to help me work things out. I just want to do the same for him, and I want to be there to stop him if…” Hotch listened to his words before interjecting. “This is about Morgan.” He whispered a quick ‘yeah’, and Hotch looked off as if thinking about it. There was a long pause before he spoke again. “…We’ll take care of the case in your absence.” Spencer couldn’t help but smile at his decision. Sometimes that man’s head was a hard nut to crack, even for him, so he wasn’t completely sure what his answer would be, but Hotch knew better than most how it felt to be worried, and even more so how it felt to not be able to save someone. “Thanks.” He spoke gratefully as he walked away. “And Reid.” He stopped, turning back to look at him. “Hurry back.” Spencer let out another ‘yeah’ before heading out the door.
Frequent calls were made during the hour long car ride, but none were answered. Throughout the ride Spencer had replayed the scenes that played out over the past three days, and he had recalled Morgan dropping subtle hints that at the time he hadn’t realized. He named a specific building… one that had forty floors and stood tall, towering the rest of the city. The lowest floor was a restaurant that the BAU often visited, and all the floors above it were apartments. From what he could recall, Morgan didn’t have a room there… That was when realization struck him. As he parked his car and scanned the building carefully, he realized just how high the roof was, and how deserted the ground beneath was. A perfect place for a suicide. He exited his car quickly, running up the steps as fast as he could until he reached the lobby of the apartments, taking the elevator the rest of the way up.
Finally he arrived at the roof, attempting one last call. Though there was no answer, he could just barely hear a ringtone over the sound of the wind and the business of the rest of the city. He was right about him being here, but with that news, he wasn’t sure whether to be glad or afraid. “Morgan?!” He quickly turned his head from side to side as he looked around. His heart practically dropped as he found Morgan standing at the edge of the roof. However long the other had stood here contemplating he couldn’t be sure, he was just relieved he showed up in time. Hopefully.
“Morgan!” He yelled, his voice shrouded in a mixture of fear and concern as he ran towards him. He stopped a short distance away, not wanting to alarm the other. “Don’t do this Morgan, please.” At that exact moment, several past cases flooded through his mind– ones that ended in the unsub giving up everything and jumping over the edge, both literally and figuratively. The BAU would beg for them not to do it, yet the results were always the same. In this highest degree of depression, those dealing with it didn’t listen to reason as they usually would, sometimes even if it came from those whom they cared for more than anything. “Just talk to us Morgan, we can help you with whatever it is you’re dealing with– you just have to talk to us.”
The plans had been made. He’d been thinking about them for the past few weeks, but now… Now was the time to put them in action. He’d asked Hotch for a few days off; said he needed to go back home to Chicago and visit his family. It was a lie. He had absolutely no plans to leave the city, but it was the only way he would guarantee some time off while the team was working on a case.
Sure, Derek had been hinting to what was going on for quite a while. The work they did, it was getting to him. He’d been able to handle it for so long… until he hadn’t. The last few cases had involved children, and if there was one thing Derek couldn’t stand, it was children being victimized. It brought back memories of everything that had happened between him and Buford, and it had caused him to spiral into a depression.
There were some days where he didn’t feel as down as others, but the thoughts had been popping into his mind for so long now. Telling him that the only way he could truly be free of all of this was if he got rid of himself. It was the only way to make the case files exit his mind, to make the horrible thoughts stop plaguing him every single day of his life. And he knew exactly where to do it.
He’d mentioned it a few times before in passing; mostly to Spencer. Nothing too obvious. Just noting how tall the building was, and how secluded the alleyway was. It was the perfect place to jump from. Nobody would see him up there to try and stop him. Nobody would know he was there. He would be free to do what he wanted without a care in the world.
The only thing that caused him to falter was the thought of those he was leaving behind. How many times had he had to watch the victims families deal with their grief. This was no different. He was a victim; a victim of his own mind. And his family and friends would be left to deal with the personal demons he couldn’t fight away on his own. Sure, he could tell someone, but that wasn’t Derek’s style. He didn’t open up to others about things like this, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he knew how to.
So he had everything planned. It took a quick call to Garcia, to make sure the team was gone, to tell her how much he loved her and to hang up. It was the last call his phone made before he put it in his pocket and ignored all the calls that were coming in. Garcia had to have said something to Spencer. Either that or he’d connected the dots himself and figured out that by Derek not answering his phone, something was wrong.
That was why, as he stood on the ledge and contemplated going over, he wasn’t completely surprised to eventually hear the familiar voice behind him. He should have done it long ago, but the phone going off… It reminded him, every time, that there was someone out there who truly cared about him. Closing his eyes, he remained where he was, letting Spencer’s words soak through him and penetrate his brain. He tried to believe what he was hearing, but it was so hard to let them overpower the horrible things he was thinking.
“Help me?” Derek asked, turning his head slightly so he could see Spencer over his own shoulder. “There’s nothing anybody can do to help me, Spencer! The time for help has long passed. The only thing that will help is knowing that these demons inside of me… That they’re finally going to be quiet.”
He continued to stare down towards the ground but he knew he wouldn’t be able to jump. Not now. Not with Spencer behind him, watching him. Derek might be plagued with demons of his own, but he refused to be the cause of someone else’s demons. Especially not Spencer’s. He would not be the reason that Spencer had nightmares. Nor would he let Spencer blame himself for being unable to stop him from going over. But he wouldn’t let the brunette know that yet. He needed to stay there. Needed to think that even for a moment, he might have been able to go through with it.
“Just go back to Hotch. Forget you saw me and go back to help with the case,” Derek instructed, highly doubting Spencer would listen to his commands.
⊰◈⊱ — Morgan’s words sent a shiver down his spine. To hear those words from anyone was terrible, but coming from his closest friend made it all the more worse. “I’m not going to leave you.” His voice shook. Why was this happening? Why? Talking someone out of suicide sounded easy enough, but when it came down to it, actually being there, it caused Spencer to freeze up. The only thoughts that crossed his mind were of Morgan jumping, which only made his heart beat faster. He couldn’t talk anyone out of suicide when he couldn’t even string words together in a sentence.
Tears began to form in his eyes. He was trying his best to stay calm and strong for Morgan, but he was failing in that aspect. Spencer was losing his composure, but he forced himself not to break down just yet.
“We can fix this. Please, don’t do this. Don’t end your life like this. I don’t know how I--”
He couldn’t even complete that sentence as the tears from his eyes now streamed down his face. He finally lost all composure. “I can’t lose you, too.” Maeve, Gideon-- the people he cared for the most... The Earth always seemed to pluck those people away, one by one. Even when they weren’t dead, they would be plucked away. Blake, and Prentiss... This time, it was Morgan, and he planned on leaving this Earth permanently. Spencer would do anything it took to stop this, even if it might seem selfish.
⊰◈⊱ — “You know who could easily evade your punches?”
“Hm, I don’t know…? Wolverine.”
“Yeah…But guess what Spence?”
“You’re not Wolverine”
⊰◈⊱ — “Hitting me isn’t going to change the fact that Wolverine would undeniably beat Dead Pool.”
“For one thing, the amount of screen time Dead Pool has had in all of the Marvel movies is almost nothing compared to how much Wolverine has had-- and we all know Wolverine is more tied into the plot.”
⊰◈⊱ — “You pronounced Wolverine wrong.”
“You’re about to get punched, Spencer.”
⊰◈⊱ — “You know who could easily evade your punches?”
“Hm, I don’t know...? Wolverine.”
