You are not entitled to my body. Mixed media. 2017.
In 2013, when online dating was still seen as a stigma, it was reported that 42% of women (in comparison to 17% of men) have been the recipients of “uncomfortable or bothersome” messages (Pew Research Center). Between 2013 and 2015, the number of 18-24 year olds using dating sites rose from 10% to 27%, the largest increase of any age group (Pew). So, as dating apps have become more normalized from 2015-2017, it’s not a far reach for me to assume that the number of young adults using these apps and the number of unwanted messages received by young adults have both increased quite a bit.
If you don’t interact with young men online as potential romantic or sexual partners, I suggest you take a look at the Tumblr called “Straight White Boys Texting,” which is not limited to straight white men, and all shown messages are legitimate and happen to almost everyone who has ever been pursued on any form of digital media. If you were to ask anyone interested in men in the 18-24 age group, they would probably tell you that receiving aggressively sexual messages or pictures is normal and just to be expected. It’s written off as one of those “boys will be boys” attitudes we just accept as a society. Might as well change that blog name to “Boys say the darndest things,” because this behavior is often treated as a joke. (If you want to see the effects of these encounters on girls who are exposed to these kinds of messages early on, I highly suggest reading “American Girls: Social Media and the Secret Lives of Teenagers” by Nancy Jo Sales.)
I polled my social media networks and asked for examples of this, moments when men crossed the line from a potential prospect to a super creep (as you can see quoted in the piece above.) I think a lot about how our media affects this behavior: how what’s shown on social media, what’s printed in magazines, how movies and TV show interactions between men and women can all impact our normalization of particular aspects of our society. With this in mind, the background is made of a wallpaper of the notorious Cosmo sex positions, featuring cute little graphics and cheesy descriptions of how to have sex. (Although often, when women have as much sex as men are expected to, they are seen as “sluts”). Layered over it are images of contraceptives: condoms, diaphragms, and a birth control packet with little hearts where the pills used to be. (However, these magazines hardly ever discuss with their young and influential audience the serious side effects of taking hormones year round.) On the bottom is the [airbrushed] naked body of a woman that was being used to sell a fragrance in whatever publication I ripped her from. Bottom left is an image I felt really epitomized my own experiences dating: date one person a few times and imply interest, but always have your hand/your eyes on someone else who has the potential to be more interesting than the person you’re out to dinner with. (This was more out of self preservation than anything else, as I knew that the guy I was currently seeing would eventually stop talking to me for someone else. They say this is a learned side effect of having access to millions of people at your fingertips, which results in “ghosting” from both men and women.) Finally, posturing over all of this is our pal, that “fuccboi” we’ve all met, who truly believes that because he bought you a drink and listened to you talk for over an hour about what you do and where you’re from and why you moved here he is allowed to ask, “well the real question is would you get naked with me?”
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