The Waitlist

[theodemir-wilflower]

Let me give you all an update

STATS

cw: 90kg ( I binged )

gw1:80kg

gw2:60kg

ugw:55kg

To be honest, I lost a bunch and then yo-yo back. I got a lil depresso, but xc, tennis, and T&F starts soon, so I have to get it together QUICKLY!!

I am looking for a wl partner NO WEIRD STUFF

For full transparency, I'm an African american homo male, and no, I'm not looking to date or send! I hate myself too much to even self pleasure

[theodemir-wilflower]

I'm still alive chat <3 I will be posting again

[missdiorperfume]

fasting plan

[theodemir-wilflower]

I am getting closer 🎀 Only 10kg away

( lmk if I should drop my new routine )

[theodemir-wilflower]

I hate yo-yoing! I was doing so good, then I b1nged at 2 am

I need to lock tf in and have some more discipline

[theodemir-wilflower]

My head hurts, my stomach hurt and I'm mentally hungry. I'm not actually hungry, but I want to sink my k9s into a nice thick juicy burger or burrito SO BAD. BUT IK I WILL GAIN W3IGHT AND BE A FAT PIG UHHGGG

Anyways... I'm going to cry

[kissmebeforecourt]

[theodemir-wilflower]

I just want to be loved like how I love everyone else.

It's very interesting being a ga y male. I'm not skinny and overly fem ( nothing wrong with that if you are)-I'm not super masc either. I'm straight passing. I've been told in recent years I'm beautiful. It baffles me because of my up bringing but I won't trauma dump at two in the morning.

I'm not that basic.

But rather than tell you about my ab us e ( great enough the feds were involved ). I'll say what's on my heart. I love this man. He is everything I ever wanted but I know I shouldn't want him. He's a cheater, lair, messed around with a myriad of my "close" friends. But I liked him first. I knew him before all the drama and terror. Sometimes-a lot of times, I think to myself "what if you was skinner and more normal" the idea extends to star ing for a day or two. Him and I used to talk. He said himself "youre beautiful...but I'm not looking rn" he proceed to fxck my friend. But, I'll lose more weight. I'll be type one day. I know I shouldn't put myself through this.

But, he just posted himself out in a beach. Damn he looks so fxcking good.

[theodemir-wilflower]

Numbers are my best friend and greatest foe

As a mathematics major I love numbers. They just make sense-logic makes sense. However, the same numbers I love impact my performance as well as my life. As an athlete I stare at numbers and mileage all the time-mostly how many calories I burned. I find myself focusing on my stats more than my form.

I had to start watching podcast at the gym to distract myself from how many calories I loss.

I wish I was normal. Looked normal, think normal, weighted normal. Maybe then I'll be loved?

[headofposion]

Wednesday July 8th, 2026 - Dinner/End of Day 🪽

❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀

Dinner:

Ladies and gentlemen once again......this fuck ass salad. I honestly really do love salads. They can be made pretty low calorie for a lot of food. Hence my love with them. I also decided to have some sweet mini peppers and pickles along with the salad since this was the only food that I had today 😊. I know it's weird, but I like to use the peppers as 'chips' and dip them into the mustard. Don't knock it till you try it.

~ Salad [total = 272cals] • Shredded lettuce [160g/27cals] • Kale [40.3g/13cals] • Arugula [33.8g/8cals] • Carrots [178.3g/62cals] • Sugar snap peas [44g/18cals] • Broccoli [84.4g/29cals] • Tomato [260g/47cals] • Trader Joe's Vegan dill dressing [34.1g/68cals] ~ Small plate [total = 55cals] • Peppers [154.7g/55cals] • Mustard [48g/0cals] • Pickles [55g/0cals] ~ Alani (not pictured) [1can/10cals]

Food log: ~ Breakfast = 60 ~ Lunch = 15 ~ Dinner = 337 ~ H20 = 120oz [Daily total = 397cals]

Thoughts: I am honestly so proud of myself today. I thought I would have done worse today since my fiancé had off work and was home all day. Thank God I had that dentist appointment because I think it saved me from eating more than I should've. I'm hoping that I eat around this same range tomorrow 🤞🏻. Also, I bought a walking pad today! I had some gift cards to Walmart and one of the walking pads I was eyeing was on sale, so I got it for free. I am honestly so excited. 15k steps a day here I come. I am going to be on that thing all day! Anyways, I am very tried.... like I think I'm gonna fall asleep right when my head hits the pillow.

Anyways, goodnight angels 𓆩♡𓆪

[theodemir-wilflower]

Fasting pains are the death of me

But the heavens know I feel happy

[kettyunicorn]

thank god for vapes, gum, drugs and diet coke

[theodemir-wilflower]

Haven't been on here in while. To be transparent, I've been in the dumps, but I've got more lard lose!

Cw: 90kg😔

Gw1: 80kg

Gw2: 70kg

Ugw;50kg

I want to be more lean muscular than small, I have very feminine features that I love and I want them to be expressed more!

[theodemir-wilflower]

Just got on the scale today... not skin ny enough

[theodemir-wilflower]

Diet Coke and Lemon water forever til death

[theodemir-wilflower]

I have a special hate for my own default brain system. I naturally don't have a hunger trigger system-so it's easier to st@rv3. But, my whole family are obese. I grew up hating myself. I was punished with food as well as awarded with it too. I took control of my life by stopping the cycle. As a gay male apart of this community-I thank all off you. I feel understood and seen in ways others haven't. I have lost 12kg and I need to lose more. I can't stand when I run my body jiggles. I can't stand when the person I yearned for looked at me with disgust.

I want to be and will be skinny.

[theodemir-wilflower]

"Run. Workout. Move your body. Skinny is pretty-lose all that piggy fat faster."

This is what I tell myself to get my depressed ahh up