Pain
You'll never know the pain of being transgender
The pain of being perceived as a person that isn't truly you
Or of crying yourself to sleep because someone called you by the wrong name
You will never know what it's like to have crippling anxiety every time you use a public restroom
Because of the one time you got the shit beaten out of you by a man who thought you didn't belong
That simply isn't a danger for you
You can't imagine the pain of having your body not match the person who you are
The pain of binding your chest in 100° weather just so that you can pass for one more day
The pain of watching every cisgender man take their shirt off at the beach
While you sweat through the layers of clothes that you use to cover your curves
And you can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to watch people abandon you
As soon as you tell them the truth about who you are inside
The shift in their eyes when they realize that they are disgusted by you
Just for being yourself
The amount of pain that is felt by being deserted for that reason
Is insurmountable
You'll never know what it's like to be trans
And I'm glad that you won't
Because no one deserves this pain
But right now I am drowning in it
This never ending pit of suffering
It seems like no one is trying to pull me out
As I sink deeper and deeper
I wonder
"Will I ever escape this?"
The void that surrounds me shouts back an answer
And that answer is
"No"
