the ones who got away

near miss. close call. never meant to be. daily stats of lost loves and lost losers. names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

[theoneswhogotaway]

Darwin

first met: undergrad women’s studies class

likes: debate; Chomsky; vegan noodles; dumpster diving

dislikes: my make-up; karaoke; fun; my decision to go to grad school

After my boyfriend and I broke up, Darwin admitted to me that he “used to think [he] was in love with me.” Later he took me to a party in Brooklyn and pointed out all the pretty women he knew that were doing “real” political work.

[theoneswhogotaway]

Roger

Possible reasons he never wanted a second date:

1. We’re both so busy.

2. The chemistry just wasn’t there.

3. Took him to experimental puppet show, which, unsurprisingly, featured sex dolls.

4. Friend laughed, long and hard, at his boasting of being a chess coach.

[theoneswhogotaway]

ethanhawkelookalike

What a shame. I read your entire profile (yes, the entire thing), and I like the part where you said you like to read and to drink coffee. It sounds like something I would say.

I like you, but this is just not meant to be. You see, we are not a good match. You like scary movies, and I do not.

Too bad. I wish you luck in your quest.

[theoneswhogotaway]

Ryan

What he had: a station wagon, a computer, a Master’s in literature, a good sense of humor

What he didn’t have: registration or a working taillight for his station wagon, a phone, a permanent address

What I wasn’t sure about: if he was joking when he asked to move in with me on the first date or to borrow money on the second

[theoneswhogotaway]

Ed

likes: pro-wrestling, Pearl Jam, 80s hair bands

dislikes: “regular” wrestling, people who think wrestling isn’t a sport

favorite saying: “tits look better in a pink sweater.”

[theoneswhogotaway]

Branko

occupation: Conceptual Artist

also: drinking coffee with other Conceptual Artists

also: working at expat bookstore

how he introduced me to friends: “She’s not very smart, but she has a heart of gold.”

[theoneswhogotaway]

Oscar

why, according to him, it was fine for us to make out in public: “We’re ugly people. Nobody cares.”

why he called me a philistine: I didn’t realize Foucault had been bald.

[theoneswhogotaway]

Kevin

occupation: economist in training

socioeconomic status: wine bar

hobby: dropping French phrases into texts

His trust fund was nice. His shoes were not. 

[theoneswhogotaway]

Submission: "Per-Anders"

things we could talk about: architecture, Scandinavia, Zadie Smith, streaking, SNL skits, contemporary art, Calvin and Hobbes, my fear of driving, cheese, chest hair (pros and cons), company logos, personal finance, personal struggles, our families, our friends, nostalgia, growing up, long writing projects, complex math problems, time management, tv shows, the American political system, coffee, Russia, music-themed cocktails, book-themed purses, snow, hangovers, the ’90s, singing chocolate cows.

things we couldn’t talk about: our feelings.

[theoneswhogotaway]

a picture is worth a thousand bad dates...

have you ever been reading 'the ones who got away' and wished that there were images to go with all these words?! thanks to an anonymous and gifted painter your dreams are going to come true! for the next few weeks, we'll be reposting some of our favorite lost loves and losers alongside imagined portraits generously submitted by a talented artist. 

I'm so excited for y'all! 

[theoneswhogotaway]

Ryan

What he had: a station wagon, a computer, a Master's in literature, a good sense of humor

What he didn't have: registration or a working taillight for his station wagon, a phone, a permanent address

What I wasn't sure about: if he was joking when he asked to move in with me on the first date or to borrow money on the second

[theoneswhogotaway]

Arnold

Comment on my appearance before: "My my my, you are a very pretty girl."

Comment on my appearance after: "You look worn out…no, I just mean, you look really tired."

[theoneswhogotaway]

Submission: Sam

beginning: we were both dating other people; I found him deliciously attractive

middle: we were both single; we shared delightful conversations while I admired his taste in art, furniture, and tea kettles

end: I bought myself a beautiful tea kettle

[theoneswhogotaway]

Submission: Rafe

setting: hotel lobby, post-drinks, post-dancing, pre-trans-Atlantic flight

question: “Would you like to help me pack?”

He really, really needed help packing. 

No packing was done.

[theoneswhogotaway]

Ned

Plan for 2nd date: Meet at my house at 7 pm, quick drink, go bowling, Ned home by 10 pm.

Execution of 2nd date: Ned shows up at 8 pm, doesn't apologize, too tired for bowling. Still needs to be home by 10 pm. 

Ned's suggested 3rd date: bowling.

After he leaves, my roommate tells me she has a 1st date with him on Wednesday.

[theoneswhogotaway]

Pierre

occupation: waiter at a Parisian cafe

pick-up line: "You look like Reese Witherspoon." 

Reese's height: 5'1"

my height: 5'11"

[theoneswhogotaway]

ethanhawkelookalike

What a shame. I read your entire profile (yes, the entire thing), and I like the part where you said you like to read and to drink coffee. It sounds like something I would say.

I like you, but this is just not meant to be. You see, we are not a good match. You like scary movies, and I do not.

Too bad. I wish you luck in your quest.