Because SNK is not delivering the Mikasa content I so desperately need, here are some sad headcanons nobody asked for:
unlike her squad mates, Mikasa never had any concrete plans and dreams for her life after military. Eren and Armin planned to explore the world, Connie wished to rebuild his village, Sasha wanted to work in the food industry and Jean secretly considered entering the politics. Of course, they doubted that they would ever see the end of the conflict and saw their plans as nothing more than empty wishes. So itâs slightly ironic that Mikasa fully expects to survive and is very directionless and lost.
Mikasa hopes for a peaceful life with her loved ones. Only, she no longer has any idea how that life should look like. Before it was revealed that titan shifters have a limited life span, she happily anticipated joining Armin and Eren on their travels. When she occasionally allowed herself to think of her future, she looked forward to seeing the world before eventually settling down somewhere and perhaps starting a family of her own. Naively imagined a future with dark haired children and family dinners to which Armin and Eren always had open invitation and their own chairs at the table.
Those hopes had been brutally squashed after the secrets had been revealed. The sense of loneliness and dread so overwhelming that she refused to even think of her life after Eren and Armin. Thatâs until one night when she had been suddenly woken up by the sound of Sasha clumsily sneaking into their shared room through the window. A blushing Sasha confessed that sheâs regularly sneaking out to see someone sheâs very sure she loves. After those words were out, a dam opened in Sasha that led to her nervously blabbing about opening a restaurant with her secret lover, having a dog and at least five children who would be as hyperactive as herself. When she offhandedly mentioned Mikasa and Connie being the godparents and the biweekly dinner they would have with the future Braus family, Mikasa didnât react or comment and let Sasha prattle on. But secretly, those offhand comments meant the world to her. Sasha reminded her that she wouldnât be completely alone, that someone still wanted her in their life once they left the military, that there would still be happiness and new memories even if her two childhood friends might not be in them. When she lets herself think of her future for the first time in a long while, she no longer saw the black-haired children or the family dinners with chairs set aside for Eren and Armin, but she could see a chair waiting for her at the Braus table and a gaggle of children excitedly telling their âauntâ about their day. Mikasa was quite content with that.
Once Sasha is gone, Mikasa doesnât think of the future anymore.
Now she understands that before the fight is over, there might not be any friends left. Eren and Armin will die, thatâs nonnegotiable and she even has an approximate timeline for those events, but her other friends and Levi and Hanji (all of them her family because they somehow became integral parts of her life) might be taken away from her at any moment. Unexpectedly, with no warning. Mikasa always knew that their death was a possibility because they were soldiers, have been since they were children, fighting dangerous war against unfair odds, but the squad had lived through so much and survived much longer than most. Mikasa knew that their death was a possibility, but after the years of pushing their luck, she forgot what it was to actually understand it.Â
Even then, Mikasa still fully expects to live and a part of her dreads it.
After Sashaâs funeral, Mikasa was tasked with packing Sashaâs things and handing them over to her family. They had been roommates since training and stripping the room of all signs that her friend had ever lived there had been one of the hardest things she had ever done and gone through. Mikasa felt greatly relieved when she had not been assigned new roommate. She couldnât imagine anyone else sleeping in Sashaâs bed or leaving her clothes lying around the room like the slob Sasha could occasionally be.
Mr. Braus gave Mikasa one of Sashaâs old notebooks to remember her by. Sasha wasnât often seen with a book or a pencil in hand, but when she was, it was because she had been writing down a recipe for some food she just ate or dreamt about. It remained Mikasaâs favourite cookbook for as long as she lived, even if some recipes were shockingly extravagant. In her darker moments, it reminded her of home.
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