✧ *

[theowtf]

FLO.

“Theoooooo!” Florence whined, and she crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him.”Come on, I texted you! You’re coming to one of my open houses today and then we’re going to lounge by the pool once it’s over!” She grinned, raising her arm up slightly to dig into her bag, where she had her swimsuit kept. “Now come on, quickly get something on that aren’t sweatpants, get your trunks and let’s get moving.”

Wracking his brain, Theo’s plans with Flo flooded back to his memory. “I’m sorry, Flo,” he whined, a pout appearing on his face, preparing to grovel. Flo’s reaction was the opposite of what he anticipated. Although, he certainly wasn’t complaining. “I will be two minutes,” he declared, as he bolted into his bedroom. Theo emerged several moments later with his swimming trunks in hand, wearing the fanciest shirt and pair of pants he owned. “Can I put these in your bag?” He asked, his eyes drifting down to Flo’s handbag. “Geez, is that Tinkerbelle’s bag? How do you fit anything in that?”

[theowtf]

WOLF.

“Oh no it’s not as if we had someone recording it or something,” Wolfgang’s sarcasm radiating off the words he spoke to his friend. “That would just be irresponsible of Lachlan and I to want our wedding on video to show at the reception we’re planning for later.” Watching back the video, Wolf had most certainly picked up on his dear friend’s tears at their vows and it amused him. It was nice to know Theo at least enjoyed the small ceremony. “That’s a superiority complex and yes, many shrinks have been trying to get me to go to therapy for it for years. How ever did you know?”

“Oh haha,” Theo deadpanned, knowing full-well he was busted. “I swear if you show the footage to anyone, my lawyers will rain hell down on you.” He tried so desperately to sound threatening, despite the fact he definitely couldn’t rhyme off any names of lawyers he knew. “And Lachlan. I’ll get Lachlan on my side. He will scold you and revoke the benefits of marital relations.” Theo wondered if the bros before hoes vow applied to husbands. “You’re a walking butthead. The butthead of all buttheads. When did you legally change your name to Wolf, Butthead?”

[theowtf]

DEXTER.

“The dog that hates you, someone who most animals adore?” Dex didn’t understand what made that dog tick but he was happy to be on decent terms with his sister’s furry companion. “Who was even keeping the dog while she was in purgatory. Oh no, was I supposed to be feeding her?” That would be just like Dexter to forget it. “Keeping up with Thompsons. You think that we could make a reality show out of them? We’d make millions. I hear that a new one keeps popping up every time you turn around. Though isn’t your sister a Thompson? Or Thompson adjacent at least?”

Theo was the kind of person who loved animals, but in small doses... and small sizes. He had never owned a dog, especially one with as much energy as his cousin’s. “Bernadette took her. I figured Anya would prefer her dog to be alive and her house not to be trashed when she got back.” He was barely able to take care of himself sometimes. So, a dog being entirely dependent on him didn’t bode well. “Now that’s an idea. We would never run out of material. Do you think their mom is still cranking out the kids?” Theo posed, although he was afraid to know the answer. “Oh yeah. Millie is Thompson adjacent, then Mira is full-blooded Thompson. I’m outnumbered, Dex.”

[theowtf]

ZOEY.

While Theo wouldn’t make a lot of sense to a lot of people, Zoey honestly didn’t know what she would do without him. He always made her laugh, and they never expected more from the other than what could be given. “I think we’re safe, and you’re totally right. He gives off major Mr. Krabs vibes.” Once the food was out of her hands, Zoey kissed Theo’s cheek as she cuddled into him. When he finally let her go, she reached into her satchel and pulled out the Charmander Pokémon plush that she’d gotten for her ex boyfriend. “Here,” she said as she offered the adorable stuffed animal to him. “It reminded me of you. I thought you’d love him.” It wasn’t a big gift, but she knew Theo wasn’t as into lavish things as he could sometimes appear. Gifts from the heart meant a lot to him too. “Considering how people still think we’re dating sometimes, I think your dream would be easy to fulfill,” she said with a roll of her eyes as she sat down next to him on the couch. “That’s because I shift and go out for a run if I pig out too much. It’s my secret.”

Theo’s eyes lit up and his entire face started beaming when Zoey unveiled the Pokémon plush. He cooed in appreciation at the gift before pulling the woman into another hug. He let out multiple expressions of gratitude as he clung onto her tightly. “Thank you so much, Zoe. I love him. I will take care of him, I promise. And I’ll keep him away from my cousin’s Satan’s spawn of a dog,” he assured. “In that case, whisk me away now. I never thought I’d fulfil my life purpose before my reaching my flirty, thirty and thriving phase.”  Theo let out a light-hearted chuckle at her comment. “Running. Ew. I figure I’ll pig out and then find a rich benefactor to pay for my liposuction.”

[theowtf]

NOELLE.

It wasn’t the first time Noelle looked at Theo like he barely had two brain cells to rub together, however, she was beginning to wonder if being mean to him was cruel due to limited mental capacity. That’s how much what was escaping him mouth surprised her. “Why in the world would I insult my brother,” she asked seriously. “We’re family. I may tease him, but I do not insult my family. I don’t know how your customs work, but obviously I’m fortunate we aren’t related.”

“My family and I live to insult each other.” Theo shrugged as he attempted to justify his prior comment. Admittedly, he didn’t take other people’s familial upbringings and customs into account. “When you hear it from someone else, it isn’t as hurtful, because you don’t have the initial shock factor. Then it throws the insulter off their game.”

[theowtf]

THEO.

“You really expect me to believe that? I know I was away for a long time, Theo, but I did not forget you,” she teased him. It was always nice being around Theo. He was definitely one of her favorite people on the island and she was happy he was also her little brother. Which was a fact she never let him live down. Raising an eyebrow at his words, Millie wondered whether or not to murder this practically puppy in a human body. “You read my text messages with Anya? That is a violation of privacy, little brother. For shame. But yeah, Noah is fine, annoyed but fine.” She didn’t blame the Zeus child. First everyone blamed him for murder and then his brother was, rightfully so, thrown in jail for kidnapping people.

Theo screwed his face up at his sister’s reaction, fully expecting to receive a swift hit to the arm. “We all have our flaws, Mil. I am a snooper. A very sorry snooper.” It was an understatement to say he had been on edge over the past year. He would have tried to justify his actions and blame it on his protective instincts, but he knew what he did was wrong. “Nobody else knows, I swear. But please don’t tell Anya... she might actually kill me.” Theo noted Millie’s tone and could tell it was a sore subject. “That’s good. Well, not good,” he backtracked, letting out a huff. “You know what I mean. Who would have thought moving to an island paradise would cause so much trouble? I think we need a family vacation. Oooh, RV trip?”

[theowtf]

MARCELINE.

“Theo! Ah- uh, hi-hey. What are you doing here?” she spoke in a frantic manner, holding the towel just a bit tighter. Of all the people to catch her outside of course it would be Theo. She giggled a bit nervously at his joke, shaking her head as her cheeks began to flush even more. “It’s ah, definitely the latter, sadly. I’ve been meaning to get it fixed but… well, that did not happen.” She could feel how silly she probably looked outside in the middle of the night, but a small part of her did feel more comfortable that it was at least Theo who was here to help. “Oh goodness, I could never ask you to do such a thing, but I do appreciate it, sugar,” she offered with a wave of her hand. “Ahh- a hide a key would have been a smart option too,” she offered, now kicking herself for not thinking of it sooner. “I mean I could call Mr. Lee, but I would hate to wake him up for such a thing… and my cell with his number is inside…,” she added with a sigh as she ran her hands up to push her hair away in frustration. In doing so she realized no hands were on her towel and quickly grabbed it before it could fall. She panicked for a second, not being able to think through her scattered thoughts, before seeing him offer his hoodie and smiled gratefully. “Oh you are a lifesaver, thank you.”

His eyes widened in shock as the Marcie’s towel threatened to slide down. This was definitely more than Theo had signed up for this evening. “Say no more,” he assured, waving his hand and making his way towards the door. It was a fool’s errand but he figured he might as well try. He rammed his body against the door, but to no avail. It was at that moment he wished he had inherited a slightly more impressive godly power. “I wonder if there’s some demigod with lock-picking abilities kicking about. Think how lucrative that would be with all of us being so forgetful. Then getting paid to do minimal work? Bonus.” He noticed himself rambling and opted to get back to the task at hand. “Window time,” he announced. Theo disappeared round the building, in search of an open window. Several loud thuds and inaudible grumblings later, Theo approached the front door and opened the latch. The door swung open and he greeted Marcie with a smile. “Just call me Spiderman.”

[theowtf]

MARCELINE.

@icariastarters​

Milk and cream had gone everywhere as Marceline had tried to man the newest coffee contraption that had been installed in the inn’s kitchen. All Marci had wanted was some coffee to help keep her awake for her night shift and now she was sticky and covered in milk. While taking a shower in the employee bathroom, she heard commotion coming from the front of the inn. Muttering the clean version of a sailor’s obscenities, she wrapped herself in a towel and ran out of the bathroom to see what the commotion was. Whatever had been making the noise seemed to be gone now as Marci looked around outside. Sighing she turned to go back inside when the latch caught from the inside, locking the front door. “Oh shoot- No, no. Don’t you dare door, not tonight,” she fussed, shaking the door to try to get it loose before she heard someone from behind her. Turning with an embarrassed flush of her cheeks as she tried to think of an explanation, “Uh… hi, there.”

Theo was on his way home when his attention was directed towards the sound of a mild commotion and someone muttering. He approached the entrance of the Inn when he recognised Marci. “Hey Marci,” he greeted in response, oblivious to her attire at first. “What are you— oh.” Theo cleared his throat and averted his gaze, not entirely sure where to look. “Either you are sporting a new fashion trend or your lock is fully committed to maintaining his prankster status. This is why everyone should invest in a hide-a-key.” Theo promptly removed his hoodie before offering it towards her. “Please tell me you have a hide-a-key. I’m not feeling man enough to knock down a door. Oh, or I could climb in a window.”

[theowtf]

FLO.

With her heels on, a perfect little velvet dress and the paperwork in her hand, Florence had made the stop off at Theo’s apartment, having text him earlier on in the day to ensure that he had a nice shirt and some clothes on. “Theo, let’s go!” She called as she walked into the apartment, the door having been left open she assumed for her, excited about taking him on this little trip with her. “I have the most beautiful house showing today and we can spend allllll afternoon there once the prospective buyers leave!”

@theowtf​

Theo had spent the previous evening fulfilling his undoubted potential of binge-watching the entirety of his new TV show obsession. What he hadn’t intended, however, was to pass out on his sofa. The sound of a voice startled him awake and he shot upwards to his feet. “Sorry, boss.” With the suddenness of his movements, he definitely heard a bone cracking. Not that he noticed it in his weary, perplexed state. “Woah. Okay. Not my boss. Where am I?”

[theowtf]

WOLF.

“If I recall correctly you were too busy sobbing at my words so I would say that I did quite well,” he mused as he took a drink and raised an eyebrow at his friend. Honestly, the whole wedding was a complete blur to Wolfgang now that he wasn’t sure if he messed up any of it or not. All he could remember focusing on was Lachlan. That had been the most important part of the evening. “Have you ever thought about talking to someone about your inferiority complex when it comes to me, Theo? It’s really not healthy.”

“Lies and slander,” Theo objected. “You have no evidence to back up your claim. From my Judge Judy expertise, that renders your argument insufficient.” In his mind, he was sincerely hoping there was no video camera present to record the event. Not that he would have noticed— Theo was too preoccupied sniffling and acting as if his own children were tying the knot. He narrowed his eyes at Wolf. “I think the issue in question here is your butthead complex.”

[theowtf]

ZOEY.

Instead of interrupting him to explain that the take out in her hands wasn’t the souvenir, she allowed him to continue on his train of thought. It was useless to try and get a word in when her ex was on a roll. When he was done, she smiled at him as she rolled her eyes affectionately. “Thank you for teaching me all about the hazards of traveling with food,” she replied with a hint of sarcasm. “However, this is from Wish You Were Beer which I think is only here unless Lyric has been insanely productive since I’ve been gone.” Expanding to both California and Japan would be quite the undertaking. While Zoey was tempted to move even slower just to bug him, she was just as eager to hop into his arms. So, as soon as her things were set down, she turned on her heel and launched herself at Theo. “I missed you so much,” she said honestly. “Seriously, I’m so bringing you with me on my next work trip. I’m totally ready to accept my codependency.” If the two of them has passion that resembled more of a actual flame than flimsy matchstick, they’d probably still be together. Still, Zoey would argue with anyone that they were still soulmates, just a different kind than society cared most about. “Are you hungry? Because I’d seriously hate to have to eat two burgers and onion rings by myself. Imagine what it would do to my figure.”

It took several moments for his brain to register Zoey’s words and arrive at that conclusion. “Ahhhhh.” He nodded in realisation. “In that case, I thank you kindly for the delightful non bacteria-ridden goods. Well, I can only hope Lyric’s establishment adheres to health code legislation and keeps the place in tip-top shape. Not that I would expect Lyric to be shady. He’s definitely more of a Mr Krabs guy than Plankton.” Theo wrapped his arms around Zoey and clung onto her. “Sign me up. I have always wanted to be whisked away on an all-expenses-paid trip where I can sit around all day and fulfil my potential of being a trophy husband.” He unravelled his arms, grinning at the mention of food. Without wasting a second, he had ripped open the packaging and was already gobbling down an onion ring. “Oh shush. I’ve seen you eat a lot more than that and not gain an inch. One bite of this and I’m on the express to dad bod town.”

[theowtf]

NOELLE.

The only conclusion that could pop up into Noelle’s mind was that Theo had a death wish. Honestly, she half contemplated calling Ava right in that moment to alert her that he was obviously a danger to himself because there was no other reason as to why he would even think of uttering the words he did to her. No one could be that stupid. “I’m going to give you until the count of five to scurry out of this coffee shop like a dog with it’s tail between it’s legs before I electrocute you so intensely that I actually disrupt the power in this establishment,” she muttered with a calmness that could only be described as alarming.

It was at that precise moment Theo knew he had fucked up. His state of total confusion was evident on his features. He wracked his brain to try and rewind their conversation, but to no avail. Now Theo wished he had kept his mouth shut. Noah was one of his closest friends and insulting him was one of the perks of that job description. “Oh, so you’re saying you’re not insulting your godly brother?” He didn’t even need an answer to confirm his suspicions. “Well, frickle frackle. This is awkward.” Dissolving conflict was one of Theo’s talents but he wasn’t so sure his diffusion tactics would work with Noelle. 

[theowtf]

MILLIE.

“You act as though I haven’t known you as long as I’ve known Anya. So a long time, my dear brother. I don’t need her to tell me all about your shenanigans. I am well aware of them. What did you do this time that may cause you to lose my favor?” Millie teased Theo, knowing full well that he would never be able to cause her to dislike him. He was her brother and a kind soul. Hating him was like hating a puppy. Then he brought up Noah and Millie found herself slightly scowling. “First, what has Anya told you that may have insinuated that I may know intimately what is going on with Noah? Second, he’s fine. Annoyed at everyone blaming him.”

“Millie, I am a role model to the youth of today and all of society. I have never done anything wrong in my life.” Ironically, he had not intended to contradict that statement as soon as he did.  Theo screwed his eyes shut momentarily when he realised what he had said aloud. The one thing Anya had specifically told him not to mention in Millie’s presence. Noah, however, he was given permission to tease. His excitement obviously tampered with his information processing. His mouth opened in awe, shut, and then promptly opened again. Theo frowned. “I... uh,” he hesitated. “She might have left her phone unlocked and it fell into my hands. The fact it was your messages is purely coincidental.”

[theowtf]

DEXTER.

Oh he was swearing on ABBA, that’s how you knew that Theo was being serious. “My sister does not hug me. She glares at me, occasionally tries to use the wind to beat me up. Never love and affection though.” If what Theo was saying was true then maybe something did change Anya in the meadows. Everyone talked about how they could get whatever they wanted from the void. “The Thompsons are a wild bunch. I remember walking by the police station when the oldest one was throwing a temper tantrum at the door. One dies and has no side effects from it? A likely story. I think the only sane one is Wyatt. Even Mira Thompson scares me. It only makes sense that we have let this slide long enough. They’re going to be super villains, I can feel it in my bones.”

Those words struck an all too familiar chord with Theo. Luckily for Dex, he only had to contend with Anya for a fraction of his life thus far. Theo, however, was not so lucky. “I’ve only ever seen her hug her furry sidekick. I feel like we’ve been granted access into an exclusive club, Dex. I don’t feel like I’ve earned it.” He knew he shouldn’t be complaining. Being hugged by his cousin was infinitely better than fearing for his life. “You’ve got a nutcase, a resurrected Zeus child, and a human version of Cujo. Screw the Kardashians. I want Keeping Up With The Thompsons. If they do become super villains, we would be the first two to go. They will annihilate the worthiest opponents first.”

[theowtf]

MARCELINE.

“An overly affectionate Anya?” Cece spoke slowly, slightly amused at the thought. “Now that is strange. Are you sure they gave you your cousin back and not an imposter?” she joked, trying to bring a smile to Theo’s usually cheerful face. Marceline had gotten many a glimpse at how the Venturi cousins interacted with each other- if she hadn’t known any better, she’d swear they were siblings with how they bickered and teased. It had always amused the youngest daughter of Demeter, and when Anya was taken she could tell they had taken a part of Theo too. “What do you mean? Isn’t it a good thing that everyone is returned?” she asked, innocently naive since having been gone during all the commotion. 

“That remains to be seen.” Truthfully, as far-fetched as it was, an imposter Anya was one of his more plausible theories. Theo could tell from the expression on the woman’s face and evident confusion on the subject that Marceline did not have the slightest clue of what had happened. Clearing his throat, he opened his mouth to speak. “Cliff notes version. The Nyx kids kidnapped everybody because their mom told them to and obviously have never heard the word no. Weston kidnapped Noah then Zeus went ape shit and killed Weston because of it. Then Nyx reliably informed Zeus that he is an asshole and outed him for child favoritism. Now there’s a crazy Eris kid mayor calling the shots which does not bode well for the demigod population and the Nyx kids specifically. But hey, Icaria voted for him so.” 

[theowtf]

BEA.

Beatrice was slightly concerned by the lad in front of her and just how spaced out he seemed to be - perhaps he was on drugs. “I don’t think I have, no - but I’m usually quite mentally present.” She replied softly, the last part of her sentence more to herself than to him. 

Theo’s eyebrow quirked at that comment. It only took a brief moment for him to realize what the woman was implying. “Oh, I know what you’re thinking and I can reliably inform you that I’m not a nutcase. I swear on my cousin’s dog’s life.” His rambling wasn’t exactly helping to back up his statement. “This is what sleep deprivation does to people. I’m not a drug addict. Well, I am rather partial to weed sometimes but that’s beside the point.”

[theowtf]

MARCELINE.

As she looked up to she’d addressed in her vicinity, Selene couldn’t help the smile that came to her lips at seeing Theo. It was a weird situation they’d found themselves in, the ex of her sister, yet the three of them were all still very close. She giggled lightly at his explanation about believing the media, nodding her head as she slightly agreed. “Oh wow- so everyone’s back? Even your cousin?” she asked curiously, knowing Theo had lost someone close to him as Selene had from the kidnappings.

“Yeah,” he spoke hesitantly, almost as if he couldn’t believe what he was saying true. After months without any sign of his cousin, he had convinced himself he would never see her again. “Anya’s back. An overly affectionate Anya.” Anyone who knew the Venturi cousins knew they loved to hate each other. Bickering and insulting the other was practically second nature to them by now. But they loved each other nonetheless. “The peace and quiet is truly over. This place is a total shit show now. You think that headline is hard to believe. Just wait.” He sighed, dreading to think what the newspapers be reporting next.