k.

the sun will rise and we will try again

[thepastcreatedme]

my heart is broken

in many ways

from the way you hurt me

and the months I spent not even realizing the toll it was taking

from the way you ignore me

and that somehow this, right now, is the time to have an opinion on how I lead my life

the one time I really, really need someone on my side

for you to say something without an explanation

and leave me wondering what it meant and what it means for us, for our friendship

i have made mistakes

and maybe heart break isn’t an excuse

but can’t it be a reason for some slack

because now I have lost him

and I have lost all of you too

the army I once laid all my pride on

has suddenly turned their back on me

I can’t tell what heart ache is worse

I feel nauseous

I feel numb

My body feels light and heavy, like I can’t lift my leg but can feel the breeze go through my chest as I try to walk

this is not what I asked me

I have fallen apart

And people continue to ask me if I am okay

but I am not

[thepastcreatedme]

jan 9 2019

on this day i saw i psychiatrist and it was enlightening to hear her evaluation the last psychiatrist i saw just wanted to push pulls but she, she listened and asked questions and her diagnosis was anxiety not depression and it turned my whole world upside down because in a way, i have been wondering why i am so depressed, as i have "no" reason to be but i am depressed because i am anxious the patterns of my mood check out its like i have an answer i understand i finally feel like i have a way to prevent this from happening i mean, knowledge is one thing and action is another but this was so, so, so, relieving.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I need to look as normal as possible so people don’t know it’s a hurricane inside.

Gabby Dunn

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[eroticmoss]

[thepastcreatedme]

-- took a week off work because my back pain was so much -- took a week off work because I physically could not sit at my desk without crying -- took 2 weeks of reduced workload because my life was falling apart -- cries on the bus on her way home -- left at 12:10 on my birthday in tears -- napped my birthday away 24 was great. honestly, one of the best, most successful years of my life. i have so many friends and family who absolutely love me, and support me. i live in a cute apartment, with my adorable cat, in an amazing city. my pay check covers my living expenses. i have it all. but i am not happy. i want to be alive. but i don't want to live like this. may 25 bring me greatness. but the thing i wish for most, is that 25 brings me happiness. that i do not think about bringing a knife to my skin. that i do not long for ambulances to arrive at my door to save me. that i do not long for a life that is better than my own, because the life i live, is good enough.

[myfairynuffstuff]

[purplebuddhaquotes]

I am alive. I am here. I am trying. That is enough.

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[synqra]

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYiz-GTFpsT/

[thepastcreatedme]

i am very over this she said at 3 am with 3 glasses of wine on her breath

[thepastcreatedme]

I know I am depressed, but this thought is meant to be comforting: at the end of the day, you only have yourself... to thank, and to blame.

No one has power over you.

[thepastcreatedme]

this disease is exhausting i give up fighting

[love-personal]

[love-personal]

[factly]

[purplebuddhaquotes]

If you don’t love yourself you will always be chasing after people who don’t love you either

Mandy Hale (via purplebuddhaquotes)

[thatclimbergirl]

[serenitybay]