Priorities, decisions and commitment.
This post is not a tutorial, rather, it's about a conflict I had recently about my pole dancing.
We've all been through it. We've all been called strippers, exotic dancers, entertainers, etc. We've all heard those nasty jokes and the condescending remarks. We've all had to overcome that and persevere, because at the end of the day, we knew we loved what we were doing and the people that truly mattered were the ones that supported us and our passion.
But what happens when the people that are supposed to support you most, are the ones putting you down?
From the beginning, my boyfriend has been my number one supporter when it came to pole fitness. At first, he had his doubts and didn't understand. But once he saw how much it meant to be, and how difficult it was to achieve what I did, he was the loudest voice in the crowd for me. He went to my open house performances, he helped me choreograph, he spotted me when I needed him to, and overall, was there when I needed someone to remind me what I was doing this for. His support never wavered.
The other day we were having a conversation on our way to the state fair. I recently took up a night job as an ambiance dancer at a club (which uses poles). The point of my job is to just create background movement and energy, to keep the crowd entertained throughout the night. Not once would I ever take off my clothes or do anything remotely close to stripping. However, my boyfriend had an issue with the fact that people were seeing me in pole attire (shorts and a bra top, for skin to grip the pole). The conversation went something along the lines of this :
Boy : So, you dance at a club.
Me : As a background dancer, it's no different than any other party entertainment like Zen Arts. There just happens to be a pole.
Boy : But people see you wearing who-knows-what doing I-don't-even-want-to-know.
Boy : You went from Pole Fitness, to being in a magazine wearing NOTHING (indicating my sports bra and hot shorts for the Vertical Art & Fitness Magazine shoot), to now dancing in a club for complete strangers.
Me : I'm not taking off my clothes.
Boy : Sounds like you're a stripper to me.
Boy : Just so you know, I can't date a stripper.
I was stunned. I was speechless. I really didn't know what to say at that point. My boyfriend had always been my rock throughout my entire pole journey. I started doing pole when he left for military duty because I needed to keep myself busy, fill that hole in my heart that he had left behind. Although he was skeptical, he was so accepting and understanding of my passion.
But now? He was the source of the condescending comments, the dirty mind. I wasn't sure how to deal with it. For the past two years, he had always been the one holding my hand and telling me to do what I love, and he would always support me because he loved how it made me feel.
A lot of thoughts were running through my mind as the tears were running down my face. (He had actually left me at the train station by myself. I was lost and confused... never took public transportation before). The first thing I wanted to do was to apologize for putting him through this. I also thought of quitting pole right then and there.. because if HE of all people could think that, maybe it was true? My mind was racing, trying to make sense of it all. If he couldn't accept it, maybe it WAS that bad.
After 15 minutes of confusion and crying, I took a deep breath. And then it hit me.
I wasn't doing this for him. I was doing this for me.
The reason I got so far in my pole journey is because it was just for me. It was MY passion, it was my LOVE. It was my HARD WORK. It was my DEDICATION. I know the TRUTH of pole. I know the BLOOD, SWEAT and TEARS that it takes to get a shoulder mount, holly drop or Iguana Mount.
The truth is ... it's not stripping. It's a passion.
I know the soreness of your hands when you start hand holds like a Split Grip Ayesha. I know the burn you get in your sweet spot when you Superman for the first time. I know those ugly purple bruises you get on your shins when you get your first spin. That skid mark across your side when you do your first Yogini. That angry red rash you get across your shoulder while you learn to Shoulder Mount. (I also know that fiery embarrassment you feel and that bubbly giggle you get when you realize you're plummeting head first because you lost your grip from 6 ft up on the pole).
At no point in time did I ever take any more clothes off than any other athlete does to do a heavy work out. Never did I take any clothes off then I needed to in order to stick to the pole.
I gained more power, faith and confidence in pole then I have ever done in my life. I did and learned things I thought I never could do before. I never thought I could do a splits. I never thought I could do a backbend... and look. Now I can do both.
Who knew I would ever be strong enough to pivot and hold myself up on my shoulder? Who knew I could ever look graceful upside down - and stay there.
And then I had my second revelation. This is what my article in Vertical Art & Fitness is about. What Society thinks of pole v. what it really means to us pole'rs. They can say all they want . . . but if it empowers us, it makes us stronger, it makes us confident, it's our escape, it's our peace . . . what the hell does it matter if someone else doesn't like it?
And that's when I hit my moment of peace. It's okay that he doesn't like it. It's fine that he doesn't appreciate it for what it is. Sure, it'd be easier if I had him to support me . . . but I don't need it. I'm not doing it for him . . . I'm doing it for me.
It's for US. It's for ME. It's for YOU. It's not for anyone else. You do this because you believe in yourself and love yourself enough to DO something about it. No one can stop you but you. Don't give anyone else the power to take away your passion or zest for life (including pole or anything else). Remember why you fell in love with it, and why you still do it. You owe it to yourself to stand up for you and love you. Don't forget that.
UPDATE : He did come back for me after a certain point and apologized. He acknowledged that it was wrong of him to do and say the things he did. He also said that he would support me for doing what I love ( not necessarily like it ), but support me all the same.
EDIT : This was not at all meant to say that there is anything wrong with strippers. I just happen to choose to not go into the profession. My best friend, and partner in all of my pole tricks is a stripper herself. I have a huge amount of respect for anyone that chooses that career. It just isn't for me - just like I wouldn't want to be a cop. Nothing with with the career, just not a career I would chose for myself. I apologize to anyone that may have been offended. Did not mean anything derogatory towards entertainers or dancers.
titsay
gummygunk
snowghoul
annaxmalina
andulkaphoto