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@thepolycule
On our way to visit Killian’s chosen family in Tulsa. Chosen extended family? I’m so excited! (Also hey this stopover in O'Hare is so surprisingly pretty, but especially because look at two of my favorite faces being Cute at each other) #chosenfamily #polyamory
Well, fuck.
My thoughts are jumbled and feel extremely inadequate, but I want to put them in the world for the sake of accountability.
What's going on with me, and why I want to tell you.
For some reason late summer is always the worst for me, in terms of depression. It’s when it feels the most volatile, the hardest to ignore. I have no idea why that is, but it’s been happening! Hence me not writing very much. Until I realized that, duh, I should just write about the depression. When I’m depressed talking (and complaining) about depression is pretty much the only thing that comes easy. Well, that and sleeping.
This entry is mostly me explaining my history of brain stuff, and that time I decided being open about my mental health issues was a personal life mission.
Not much about sex...YET.
I will post more, probably this weekend.
This week I was interviewed about Diversity in Polyamory on the awesome Poly Weekly podcast! Check it out and be part of the conversation!!
I liked this episode a lot!
Warning: I take my metaphors seriously.
Some thoughts on sexuality and identity. I still don’t feel like I quite articulated it, but it’s a start.
Complete with elaborate geology metaphors.
The polyamorous emotional labour daisy chain occurs any time there’s a problem in one relationship that spills over into the other relationships in a network. The emotional labour pours inward, from person to person, toward the source of the problem—as each person in turn leans outward, toward a partner who has emotional labour to give.
This article got me thinking today about emotional labor and the assumptions we make about who’s going to do it.
Unfortunately none of my thoughts are going much beyond “ugh, men” and “I need to be more aware about when I’m dumping on people” right now, but - what do you think?
So I am not good at tumblr and can’t figure out how to respond in a better way BUT, @purpleterpsichore said:
I hope I'm not out of my lane here--but I am actually comfortable saying that I think most of the emotional labor most of the time should be our own! Obviously not always possible but seeking out means of self-care is important for us & for partners.
First of all, you are def not out of your lane!
I also mostly really agree. I so think that the “everyone is responsible for their own emotions” thing sometimes get used in the poly community for not-great-people to avoid any responsibility for their partner’s happiness, and to pretty explicitly say “this is someone else’s problem, not mine”. Like, you’re allowed to expect your partners to help you out when you’re sad, or dealing with mental illness, or just plain frustrated.
But yeah! Self-care! I agree! It should be the top priority, for sure. And this post also had me thinking about that - do I really need to be putting this thing I’m venting about on my other partner, or should I talk to an unconnected friend? To my journal? It’s one of those tricky balance things. I def tend to be an over-sharer...
My emotions are fluid in nature, but my thought processes are frustratingly rigid. Sometimes my brain falls into harmful, toxic habits that have to do with comparing partners, quantifying interaction time, and my reluctance to say ‘no’.
Here, I write about how reframing time as a fluid resource has helped me overcome scheduling angst and stay away from misguided concerns about ‘fairness’.
When it comes right down to it, balance in polyamorous relationships has less to do with nailing down a consistent schedule, and more to do with flexibility and compassion.
Image is the Temperance card from Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, by Egypt Urnash.
The polyamorous emotional labour daisy chain occurs any time there’s a problem in one relationship that spills over into the other relationships in a network. The emotional labour pours inward, from person to person, toward the source of the problem—as each person in turn leans outward, toward a partner who has emotional labour to give.
This article got me thinking today about emotional labor and the assumptions we make about who’s going to do it.
Unfortunately none of my thoughts are going much beyond “ugh, men” and “I need to be more aware about when I’m dumping on people” right now, but - what do you think?
The religion I grew up in was esoteric, small, and extraordinarily homophobic. I was a mentally-ill queer who fully believed, and used religion as a tool of self-destruction.
Calling myself an atheist was a huge step in healing from religious trauma, and almost all kinds of spirituality were dangerous to me. Now, almost a decade out, I am starting to readdress the faith of my childhood. The past doesn’t just go away, and I am tired of feeling like I contain two mutually exclusive people depending on my surroundings.
So. I am starting a blog series to chronicle these explorations, and to examine the issue of queer spirituality more broadly. This first post explains some of my background, and why I would embark on such an endeavor.
I have been programmed for religion. What about my past can I transform and reclaim?
The beginning of a new series of blog posts about reclaiming ritual as a non-monogamous, mentally-ill queer.
I also mostly identify as an atheist. It’ll be interesting.
A personal story of grief and reflections on mourning in community
Just some brief thoughts, but feel free to read.
This project is: Community. Imperfection. DAMN CUTE.
Read the first post of thepolycule.net to learn a little about who I am, my relationship history, and what I want to achieve with this blog project.
This is how I deal with jealousy. I have many different strategies, outlined in the article, but it all comes down to those three principles: self-care, normalize, and trust.
Stay tuned for more perspectives in the coming months!
http://www.thepolycule.net/home/2016/strategiesforjealousy
It doesn't matter how much experience we have, as soon as we think we've got it figured out, something bizarre emerges. Lessons we have learned time and time again still manage to take us by surprise.
Here is a quick list of obvious things that managed to completely blindside me once I started dating poly queers. Most still surprise me on a daily basis.
(P.S. check out my weirdo cat. She is definitely surprising.)
So much of the polyamorous community is queer, so why don’t we have very many explicitly queer spaces? We have our own specific desires, values, and perspectives.
And so:
THE POLYCULE, as told by a couple of queers. A blog project about community and imperfection.
In the first post I (Erica) explain my reasons, hopes, and dreams for this project. Let me know what you think.
Who am I? What is this project? thepolycule.net
