Murder-y Starters (Pt. 2)
Back by Popular Demand!
(Part 1: The Original) + (Murder Family Version)
TW: murder/homicide, guns, cannibalism, torture, kidnapping, death, assassination, poison, etc. [the usual]
IMPORTANT NOTE! I am not stealing some of these from @theprofessionalpromptmaker <- I run both blogs.
Change pronouns as necessary.
“Aww! You wanna help me with my murder plot? You’re a peach!”
“I love nature walks! The sound of the birds, the scent of the breeze, the weight of the shovel in one hand and the canvas bag filled with chopped up body parts hanging over my shoulder…It’s just so relaxing!”
“I love long walks on the beach — the sound of the waves, the smell of the sea, the feel of the sand, the weight of the corpse swung over my shoulder…It’s just so relaxing!”
“Look, if I was trying to kidnap and murder you, I’d be acting far more charming and convincing. So you can trust me.”
“Should I kill them all now or do I at least have time to finish my book first?”
“He called himself a snack but I doubt he’s even USDA approved.”
“That asshole called me heart-less! But I have 10 hearts in my fridge at this very moment!”
“You are a dead man. I will hunt you like prey and then I will feed your dogs your well cooked flesh, I will turn your organs into dog chow and can it for them so they can feast on your body for weeks to come, I will give them your bones to use as chew toys, and I will make your last moments painful and excruciating and make you beg for a mercy I shall not give.”
“It’s my life purpose to help people leave behind beautiful corpses. And sometimes that means they have to die before they may have planned too.”
“I’m her maid, of course I know how to work an AR-15. How else am I supposed to keep the house clean and free of pests so she can do her important work in peace?”
“I hate to be the only friend in our group who’s down with murder. I need more friends who wanna kill people.”
“Letting a human murderer stab or harm or attempt to kill you, for a demon, is the equivalent of simping for that murderer.”
“I’m a serial killer but I’m not a yandere, so don’t compare me to one ever again. I would only kill someone who my partner told me was bugging them as a favor, not out of jealousy.”
“My girlfriend is so fucking cute and it’s annoying sometimes. Like if she batted her eyes at me and smiled and asked me to commit genocide for her, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“I’m thinking of anniversary gifts for my boyfriend so I’m trying to find out the names of everyone who bullied him in high school and I plan on surprising him by gifting him their heads on silver platters. Or is that too small a gift for a 5 year anniversary?”
“Anniversary gifts? Hmm, how about kidnapping her ex who cheated on her and locking him in the basement and letting her have at him with your full arsenal of torture toys?”
+ “Family Friendly” Version Starters
“Don’t eat that, sweetie. Those are for your grandma, I laced them with arsenic specifically for her and I only have a pit big enough for her corpse prepared.”
“Sorry, it’s my mom’s birthday today, so I’ve promised to spend the whole day helping her torture prisoners for information. I know, total yawn-fest, and I’d love to join you for your murder spree, but I already gave her my word. Maybe next week?”