remember - a Narcissistic Abuser has no real wants and needs of their own. they are not real people. they are empty shells. everything they do and say is meticulously calculated to cause you the maximum amount of pain with the minimum amount of effort.
with that in mind, here are some common red flags that may help you identify a Narcissistic Abuser:
always accompanied by a two-headed black dog with venom dripping milkily from its fangs
fuelled only by an uncontrollable need to sow wickedness and malcontent wherever they go
zero moral principles; never apologises for anything
biologically incapable of emotions like love, tenderness, guilt, fear, sadness, or pain
no childhood memories (hatched fully-formed from a serpent's egg)
if your partner/parent/friend/other does not exhibit the above behaviours, but does display the following green flags:
strong moral principles; gives back to their community, donates to causes they believe in, helps people in need, etc
low self-esteem (good - indicates a reassuring lack of ego)
capable of love and affection
tries to do the right thing, even if their values or priorities don't match up with yours
experiences at least one genuine human emotion per week
displays sincere guilt or sorrow after hurting you
then congratulations! your partner/parent/friend/other is a Regular Person, and no abuse is taking place!
of course, things aren't always that straightforward. Narcissistic Abusers (and Abusers in general) are very skilled at looking and behaving just like real people, so it can be hard to spot them in the wild. but don't worry - with a bit of practice (and this checklist to hand), you will never again mistake a Narcissistic Abuser for a Regular Person. whew! what a relief!
