Vulnerable joints

articulate

[thequeenbecoming]

I'm so angry that you are so calm

And I don't want to be remembered for the emotions

That I couldn't say to your face

I'd rather not talk to you but that feels like weakness

I hate my fear of rejection

[thequeenbecoming]

I feel like an idiot

I have fallen in the trap of wanting your love

And your attention is what makes you attractive

vulnerability is such a bitch

And a cautious face didn't make my heartbeat

Any less

[thequeenbecoming]

My abundance is out of whack

I forgot how to ask for what I want I forgot that I struggle to trust men I forgot I still dream about fucking them I forgot how to breath I forgot how to manifest I forgot I hate cities And like the mornings I forgot how to love myself, to feed myself I forgot how to say no I learnt how to ask for sex I remembered how to steal And find comfort in fictional characters I spent money to live and to get out of bed and tried to challenge the guilt I nearly got a tattoo four times I couldn't pay for what I ordered twice I was bought fried chicken and wine, snake encounters and cat cafes and uber rides and brunch and lunch and bbq crab and rent for two weeks and a ticket home and a cheap cellphone And now that my time and money are finished And the sun is out And the clocks will go forward And she will have time And they will have money I'm going home To remember the things that never run out

[thequeenbecoming]

A calcified serpent, its backbone wears thin. It promises a rise and then threatens a fall, and undulates with the shadow of screams

[thequeenbecoming]

I always get caught in the details. Details I invent to distract myself From the noise of air conditioning, Or rain on my bedroom skylight, The memory of fingers on my back. Home is everywhere. The strength of my father, the expansion of my mother, the variety of my sister, the soothing of my friends. There is sun in the north. People go past the office window In different directions, By different means. It smells like new furniture and I'm reminded of another time when I was employed to be still - It was unbearable And now its ok.

[thequeenbecoming]

I want to live happily In Radical compassion… Not forever But often

Even in the wake of disappointment I am absorbed by laundry Winter fountains And solitude

This passionate fear Wants Radical compassion - An extreme and blazing softness, A resilient myocardia

[thequeenbecoming]

The tram smells like blood Metal on metal cackles along veins. I like the emptiness A change from the barrage of returning vessels seeking re-oxygenation. Its warm in here, We travel in warmth And alight into frost bitten corners Of a city, soon to be known. Stranger souls present themselves with saggitarian abundance Im not yet sure of what they're offering Beyond cheap donuts and weak flat whites

[thequeenbecoming]

Its a shiny thought That flips my stomach Like fear But also pleasure. I dont know how to do it again I dont know how I did it once I feel sick and guilty and excited At the thought of you I feel selfish And naieve And enlightened Now I understand why people want it It feels good to be held in the dark Hot legs against cold legs You held onto me so tightly, pressing your body into my frame, you make us fit so close I cant relax but I'm sad when you move away later on. You did what you wanted so easily, I'm just glad it's what I wanted to, I don't know if could have said no. If you can do that, I hope that I can to. I dont want to disappoint you and I dont know if we want the same things, I'm scared it wont be so good a second time. The dark illuminated a connection that was barely there in the light. You are serious and cute and weird and a bit sad. I am so good at being alone. I dont want to explain why this is hard for me. I just want you to understand and like me anyway. I feel that youll catch me out soon, imposter everywhere. I still tingle at the thought of your hand stroking the small of my back, that will last me a while. I don't know what comes next.

[thequeenbecoming]

Wave

I don't know where I am now I often have the sensation of just waking from a dream. Im staring out the kitchen window, while the jug boils and something important is missing. You can't always find words when everything changes. A massive wave washes over you and when the water finally drains, it's all the same but the lights different. And now you understand That your world can flood It's more real and less real than before But you are braver

[thequeenbecoming]

Winter

With bated dragons breath I start a new lament For a florid and burning existence I once knew. Purple and shy come the memories of accidental bravery. All pushing through the boundary of myself. It's difficult to remember now As the elastic edges of my life Have flung me back here I'm too weak to stretch them out again just yet. So slowly I stop trying And accept they are unmoving. Believing them solid, Eventually I plan a caterpaulting escape

[thequeenbecoming]

Zozo

So many people to love you remember when you have good news to tell. Sometimes it's easier to be erasable. Low impact and uncertain. Or certain of small things.  I'm going to be an aunty, quietly manifested.  When you talk and talk without noticing the content, it will happen

[thequeenbecoming]

Sex admin

What do you want? I want cum running down my bum crack I want a condom I want to wash my dildo I want to pee after sex I want to be clean I want to shave I want to take hormones I want to change my underwear I want to turn the light off I want to smell like sex I want to have period sex I want something in my mouth I want something in my bum I want it in public I want a safe word I want sex with a woman I want sex

[thequeenbecoming]

Depression is a public feeling It took a relocation to realize He said the people are happier here The people are only visible if they are happy here I leave to be happy and end up in bed I stay to have someone there with me I dream and I dream and I dream about everyone I dream about desires and fears and reality. I wonder where to put my Mahi I have an endless supply without realising My words provide comfort to me first It's raining and it has rained and it will rain again Instagram is filtering my life into an infinite comic strip I told you this existence was cyclic

[thequeenbecoming]

I want it all from you And I'm shocked each time I don't know how to love. Baby steps are painful and awkward. I long to be in control, to make you feel safe even when I can't sleep. I've been playing along, in silence to myself. Trying something out that doesn't fit this month. And I'm afraid you'll get bored and afraid I'll get bored and afraid of the inevitable fading. #poetry #newpoets

[thequeenbecoming]

An ache that wont abate The fear of not being real When theres no one to hear the sound

Its a full moon And I feel fit to bleed But its not time yet There’s another vicarious lining to build - two more to be exact

A timing of fallen edges To bring me back to her And away from her Back to me and away from me Without doubt To find a permanence in love

[thequeenbecoming]

Dreamy

I have always loved women In many different ways For a long time I didn't think that was enough While I waited for the dreams of a Love and a Life It dawned on me I have both already

[thequeenbecoming]

Sadministrations

I smell buttery paper 

there’s not enough heat yet 

to activate human oils

Along email borders

my hard work crawls

It’s looking for recognition in the Ether