The Journey (Part 2): Ups and Downs
So more posts inspired by FIFA 17′s “The Journey.” Figures that something I’m currently addicted to would “inspire” me to write more on Tumblr. Life’s so bizarre.
“The Journey” is riveting; not because of intense action or trumped-up nonsense, but because Alex Hunter goes through significant rises and falls, successes and failures, and all of the dealings that make life so fair sometimes. He constantly enters arm’s reach of his goals, only to have them snatched away at an inopportune moment. Not for lack of trying, however- it isn’t as though Alex is slacking or being sent off with red card after red card. He is just genuinely in the exactly right place at the precisely wrong time.
I more often than not feel exactly that way. I feel as though I play some good games, shoot some good goals, get some good results, and then have what are the promised rewards for my efforts yanked away from me. I feel like a child promised a toy- one that he gets to unbox only to have his benefactor snatch it away from him for some obscure reason before he ever plays with it.
This is the true story of success. It doesn’t land in laps. It doesn’t randomly pick and choose its recipients. Life’s a complete and utter crapshoot that rewards the bad and punishes the good... initially...
See, this is where I fall short. Alex Hunter takes these setbacks, but keeps training, keeps moving, keeps pushing for what he believes will be his reward in due time. But I do not. This isn’t some melodramatic plea for help. I’m aware of my faults, aware of my own natural laziness, and I’m certainly aware of my tendency to take defeats personally.
I think what I struggle with most is that I genuinely desire to not be that way. Some people are truly indifferent, willing to let life pound them into oblivion, and if success comes, “que sera, sera,” right? But I deeply care about my future. I desire success, I desire to inspire, I want to be someone who can help and motivate, but first I must help and motivate myself.
This is something I’ve struggled with for years... that feeling of waking up in the morning and cynically thinking: “It’s going to be another one of those days, isn’t it?” It’s amazing how deep that thought seeps into your subconscious... It’s horrifying to stare at your passions with an indifferent stare, wondering if it’s really all worth being passionate about. Surely, success hasn’t chosen you; giving up would be far easier, and far preferable to rejection, right?
But that’s not how success works. I’m aware that giving up is my weakness. Maybe I crave enabling friends and coworkers; people to shore me up when my own supports are weak. But shouldn’t I be self-sufficient? Shouldn’t I stand on my own strength? Is it weakness for me to admit that right now I am too pitiful to self-motivate, and need a crutch to begin walking again?
I don’t want to burn myself out with a flaming burst of passionate interest that will quickly tire out my injured “legs” and leave me feeling hollow and sore. I want to feel a smoldering passion that continuously burns, if not as hot, at least for much longer. I need to change. I just need to figure out how.