The Random Bibliophile

I once believed love would be burning red, but it's golden. Like Daylight. 💛 Renee Alexis

[therandombibliophile]

Manifesting 6-digits monthly income ✨❤️🙏

[therandombibliophile]

Just thankful that my hardwork and efforts in selling digital products on Etsy is slowly growing and progressing ❤️ I hope next month will be even better! 📈📈📈

[slfcare]

five recipes for an exciting life (in my opinion)

spending enough time creating things with your hands (baking, drawing, scrapbooking, doodling, crocheting, journaling and so on)

keeping track of things like pretty skies, milestones, happy memories, appointments you're looking forward to

listening to music that genuinely makes you feel happy and energetic

making a habit of reaching out to people in a way that's comfortable to you (i send my dad songs he might like, my friend sends me monthly life updates)

being kind to all your five senses → like investing in a scented candle or essential oil dispenser or body mist, having a soft blanket or socks (or a soft animal to pet), listening to birdsong or the rain, looking at the sky more often, and having your favorite foods enough times

[therandombibliophile]

I miss the slow times, don't you?

[therandombibliophile]

It's getting harder and harder to pretend that you're okay with everything every day.

[therandombibliophile]

3 am and there's that familiar crippling feeling that has me in choke hold once again. My eyes burn with tears and I let them flow. My lungs fails me because I start having difficulty breathing and it sucks because I need to muffle my voice so as not to wake other people up in the house.

I'm not sure what's with today. I woke up feeling okay but then I end up feeling alone. Despite all the people around me, I've never felt more alone.

That feeling you get when you feel that something is coming to an imminent end? That's what I'm feeling. That soon enough, this man will leave me again. That may not be now, but I know sometime someday, he'll get tired and then just leave. Like all the others did.

I always console myself that people come and go, and by 30, maybe you'd think I'll get used to it but you never get desensitized because if you're like me, even if you try your hardest not to get attached to people, you always end up getting them too tangled in your life. And when they leave, it's your life that will be torn apart. And you'll have no choice but to gather the remaining pieces, nurse your wounds, and then start over again. It feels so fucking tiring. And I'm just done.

[therandombibliophile]

How do i have 900 followers here?? Unreal. Hi guys 👋

[therandombibliophile]

Dear Lover,

Sometimes, or maybe most of the times, I can be a bit difficult with my mood changes and feelings of disassociation and indifference. I'm sorry if sometimes I speak words I don't mean that hurt you. I guess my past traumas made me build up my walls too high and left me a tad cautious more than I'm supposed to be. I just hope you know that despite my negative side, you'll see my sincerity, love, and devotion. I love you like I never loved anyone else. 💕

[therandombibliophile]

Didn't get tickets for The Eras Tour SG so I got a tattoo instead

[therandombibliophile]

I guess I just expected too much. Maybe I'm just not that important as much as I think I was. My bad. I won't be doing this again.

[therandombibliophile]

I love you. Thank you for finding me...and then for staying. 🩷

[therandombibliophile]

Ooyyyy, the launching of the boyfriend is here hahaha

I've been what—4/5 years single? Such a long time and then this one came into my life earlier this year and turned everything upside down – in a good way, in a better way.

We've known each other since high school since we went to the same school. We lost touch after college. Life happened. And then, we just reconnected all of the sudden last February. I'd like to think Jesus sent you to me when I badly needed someone. And now, here we are. Love bloomed and I still can't believe I now have someone who is fond if me and loves me and gives me the attention that I crave.

I hope this is it 🤍

[therandombibliophile]

Reconnecting to an old friend and it feels like finding a long lost friend.

[therandombibliophile]

Okay lang, at this point I realized I'm the kind of friend who's easy to let go. I think it's high time I think of myself more - I've done this before, I'm going to do it again.

[therandombibliophile]

I don't need to explain myself about making plans on my own in the first place. There. I said it out loud.

[therandombibliophile]

I wasn't aware na I couldn't make plans of my own diay. Na I have to run things by you. Like, maybe I could have if we were on speaking terms that time but we weren't? And I did think about reaching out to you before making the decision but I didn't because I didn't want to approach you first. In the end, after booking the flight and making plans on the hotel, we were looking for one more person and the first one I thought about was you. I was about to invite another friend pero I swallowed my pride and invited you instead (again, I approached you first). I got a dry reply, of course I should've expected that.

Anyway, I didn't regret making plans of my own and I realized you're a shitty person to make me feel bad and guilty about it. And the way you reacted about how I didn't tell you my plans told me a lot of things. One, you're being the very person you hated. And two, you being a gaslighter at times. And I am done feeling bad about thinking about myself first.

[therandombibliophile]

Gift for Christmas, New Year, Birthday, sali na din natin ang Valentines, lahat lahat na. Deserve ko to 😂

[therandombibliophile]

I used to get ecstatic during Christmas season, but as I grow older, I became less and less excited. The "magic" of Christmas is just not there anymore. Sure, I still try my best to get into the spirit of it. I buy gifts for the people I am thankful for, I play Christmas songs to get into that festive mood, I meet with people to celebrate, and prepare for a feast on Christmas eve. But it's just different. It doesn't feel as magical like it was before.

Is this how you become when you become older? Is this what comes with adulthood? Because it's actually depressing. I just want to go back to having a happy-go-lucky, merry life.