This blonde asshole slammed at least two singles into our fandom, Chief. We was cominā back from the skull-laden island of Kong to the release of Thor 3, just delivered the the latest shipment of upcoming fan frenzy. The big one. The Lokipocalypse. At least eleven million fans worldwide went into the mess, not seeing the storm around us, left over from last year. Our ships went down in six months, trying to bob back up.Ā
Didnāt see the first single until close to the end of summer. Songs of the watersnake. Five foot something, half-plastic.Ā
You know how you know that when youāre in the water, Chief? Itās difficult.Ā You tell by lookinā from the padded ass to the latest choppy haircut. What we didnāt knowā¦ was our fandom fury last year over her bullshit had been so brief, no distress signal had been sent. Heh.
The papers didnāt even list us overdue for a while. Very first single, Chief, the little snakes come cruisinā. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. Y'know, itāsā¦ kinda like olā squares in a battle like, uh, you see in a calendar, like the Battle of the Harry Potter Fandom, and the idea was, snake comes to the nearest fan and that fan, sheād start poundinā and hollerinā about shitty lyrics and screaminā about the vile racism implied by the lead snakeās silence, and sometimes the baby snakeād go awayā¦ sometimes she wouldnāt go away.Ā
Sometimes that little snake, like the big snake she looks right into ya. Right into your eyes.
Ā Y'know the thing about a watersnake, sheās gotā¦ lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a dollās eyes. When she comes at ya, doesnāt seem to be livināā¦ until she bites ya. And those black eyes roll over white, and thenā¦ oh, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screaminā that passes for rhythm, the album sales turn red and climb up the charts, and spite of all the poundinā and the hollerinā, they all come in and theyā¦ rip you to pieces. Whininā about their exes while waving the bones like trophies.
Y'know, by the end of that first singleā¦ lost a thousand fans. They were just tired of the fuckery. I dunno how many baby snakes were trolling. Maybe a hundred. I dunno how many fans they hit, they averaged six a day.Ā
On Thursday morninā, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Maevecurrywrites from the East- damn good fic writer, tops at the smut. I thought she was asleep, reached over to wake her up after a good day of Grandmaster/Loki pornā¦ bobbed up and down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended.Ā
Wellā¦ sheād rolled her eyes so far into the back of her head at the lead snakeās bullshit, she was just tired enough of it all to be near dead.Ā
Along the last few weeks, a few gossip articles saw us, and this one small writer, she swung in low and she saw the snakeās bullshit, wrote a few articles about her silence against white supremacy. Young pilot, a lot younger than Maeve or me. Journalist with just a few satirical articles about the watersnakeās bullshit.Ā Been in trouble before.
Anyway, she saw us and come in low and three hours later, a big fat ACLU docket gets dropped to defend her against the snakeās whining, and she comes down and start to back us up.
Ā Y'know, that was the time I was most frightened, waitinā for that goddamn album to drop. Iāll never put on the radio again.Ā
So, eleven million fans went into the storm, most of us are still trying to come out for a good time, and the water snakes took the rest, Nov the 9th, 2017.
Anyway. The bitch dropped the album.
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