The River Runs Wild

Brendan Galinie. Instagram - @brendangalinie

[theriverrunswild]

There's this new happy thing happening and it's the strangest thing.

[theriverrunswild]

I just need to touch a butt, pronto!

[anamorphosis-and-isolate]

[inspiring-pictures]

When a flower doesn’t bloom you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

(via ociz)

[untrustyou]

Miriam Conesa

[mariagudjohnsen]

[eulenteller-deactivated20210817]

[melisica]

The person standing beside you, pointing at this billboard, has brought you here because it was too hard to say “I am sorry” out loud.

[untrustyou]

Bruce Davidson

[untrustyou]

Anne Schwalbe

[theriverrunswild]

The desperation for validation on social media is thick. It’s awkward. All these selfies and all the sexuality. Why don’t the masses realise there’s a very obvious difference between sexy and sexual? Is it hilarious or sad? Or am I maybe taking it all too seriously?

[theriverrunswild]

I’m in my bed listening to the Lore soundtrack and I’m convinced that me and him are on a different level. As in, the two of us are out on the edge, on our own separate ledge looking out at a completely different world. I don’t know anyone, still, who sees what I see. I still feel so disconnected and yet so seamlessly at one with the rest. It’s like I’m drifting along with the pack, but I really don’t understand what everyone’s doing and why it’s right or good or worthwhile. I rarely feel known or seen, not actually, not in a noticeable way. I feel so fucking out of the loop. And yet I’m cruising along, making it look easy. But I just don’t know if I’ll find what I’m looking for. I’m trying to find it again. What I had with him but it’s just not happening. Nothing is good enough. No one is unique enough. I just don’t care. And it breaks my damn heart that I’m incapable of caring anymore. That everyone seems so mediocre. I can’t be with mediocre. Not now or ever. I need someone to fucking shake me. Look me in the fucking eye and tell me something I haven’t heard before. Register an experience with me and show me how you’re affected. Let me see how you respond to the weather and the noise and the environment that you’re in. Please, just please, don’t be a cliche. Don’t disappoint me. Scare the hell out of me and get in the boat and fucking paddle with me right into the rapids so we can test our survival skills.

Engage me please. I swear I’ll engage you. I know it’s just us against them. I can feel it. I know you feel it too. I know you’re learning. I’m giving you time to catch up. I want you to catch up. Because there’s nothing else worth pursuing. I want to pursue the most peculiar and painfully beautiful boy I’ve ever laid eyes on and I want to make a life with him. And I’ll be a good man and respect my family and be a reasonable friend but my purpose will be getting to the end alongside my equal.

This has become an issue. It’s a real problem right now and I can’t fix it and I’m desperate to connect but I’m struggling with what’s out there. And I can’t settle.

Can’t settle. Won’t settle. There’s absolutely no way out now. You came along and became very important and until I reach another lifetime with a clean slate, I’m afraid I’ll be let down for as long as I’m alive. I thank god that I’m good at being by myself. I thank god that I’ve got things to do. But man oh man oh man it’s like I’m standing in a dark room and there’s a party outside and someone out there doesn’t feel right, and I’m waiting for him to notice that there’s another room, and I’m in it. And it’s better in here. I’m in here, waiting. And I know he’ll like it too.

There's things to do. There's places to see. And lessons to learn and milestones to tick off and I'm hoping it all packs a punch and carries me forward with as much meaning as possible with or without him. If you're not the point, it's all pointless. And I'm so aware that I've got issues to work through. I've been aware for a very long time. Still though. I know what I want. I know what I don't want. And there's a middle ground that's safe and stupid and frankly no place I belong.

[theriverrunswild]

Better because how could I wake up ungrateful these days. I am so lucky. I'm working with beautiful talented souls, making art that will be appreciated by those on a similar wavelength. There's nothing at all to complain about. I'm exactly who I want to be, doing what I love, noticing grace and friendliness everywhere I look. Chin up Bren. You're good. You're better.

[theriverrunswild]

I'm coping but not really. You know. Like yeah, sure thing, I'm fine, I'm laughing, I'm small talking with the fella who's making my coffee, I'm smiling and nodding all day long, I'm living a good life but I don't feel so good. I need it all to go away. I desperately need to start again now. I want to fall in love again. I'm wondering when and how?

[theriverrunswild]

Ouch!

[theriverrunswild]

untitled by 1995you on Flickr.

[theriverrunswild]

untitled by 1995you on Flickr.