The Sad Adipose

Twitter is toxic and so is Tumblr. Yet here I am using it as my own personal Notes App Male/30s

[thesadadipose]

Welcome to my secretish side blog

I’m too scared to post on main and Twitter is more toxic than this hellscape, Threads is too political and Bluesky isn’t worth my time. Using this to post my thoughts and feelings. I keep too much to myself or I get in trouble for expressing anything.

Using these tags to find good conversations. Ask me questions to know more about me.

[thesadadipose]

nothing is safe. i will never able to be who i truly am.

[thesadadipose]

i don’t know if i want to make it to 34.

[thesadadipose]

I’m no good. You deserve more than whatever abomination I am. I’m sorry for it all. I’ll go away now.

[thesadadipose]

ISO: fit ginger girl who likes getting her picture taken and worshiped

[thesadadipose]

even at my most lowest and most desperate, i still feel like i can’t be fully vulnerable.

[thesadadipose]

I dream that this ache kills me. I want my heart to give out so this pain. I don’t want to be here anymore if these crakes keep growing. I want to die from a broken heart.

[thesadadipose]

Maybe I should ask one of the girl with the big asses how they got it because mines taking too long 😔

[thesadadipose]

Ok it’s official. I don’t want to wait to grow it out. I want a phat a$$ like the girls at the gym, NOW!

[thesadadipose]

the pain of the yearning to love, to be loved, and to connect is breaking my heart. it hurts so much. it might mean my death. i hope it ends me if i never love again.

[thesadadipose]

There’s a girl at the gym who has an amazing 🍑 Like she has put a lot of work and effort into it and she’s dedicated and strong and I see her putting in said effort. Low key proud of her. But I’ve noticed that her socks are always some sort of weed sock. I don’t really care if she smokes weed or anything. Like some people need it and it has a plethora of medicinal benefits. But to have it on your clothing and to make it your identity has always been an ick to me. I mean it doesn’t really matter. I’ll never talk to her. I’ll just quietly cheer her on and hope she’s happy and healthy.

[thesadadipose]

Not the answer I wanted to hear. But what can you do? If no one wants or needs you, just disappear. No one will miss you. 🫥

[thesadadipose]

[thesadadipose]

Honesty Hour: I’ve been trying to workout and shape my glutes. Thanks to genetics, I have a big butt.

It’s not shaped so why the hell not make it look good? You know? I know it’s going to take a long time to get it in shape. I see and feel little changes. I have a designated YouTube account to learn form and exercises. Except, when I look at these videos, all these people are already fit and in shape and are good looking. It’s discouraging. I actually get discouraged a lot at the gym after a workout. There’s a lot of pretty people there. Even though it’s a Planet Fitness, a lot of the people who go there are extremely fit. It’s rough on one’s self image. I don’t know why I’m sharing this because I don’t want to hear the same words I’d say to someone who feels the same. I don’t want the encouragement. I don’t want the “you are perfect the way you are” stuff. It’s not helpful. I don’t know what I want. Maybe someone can tell me.

[thesadadipose]

My heart always getting broken by girls with nose rings.

[thesadadipose]

I don’t know what I am to you. I know we can’t be more. But I don’t want to be just another one. My soul is in too much pain to be another one.

[thesadadipose]

Honestly, I hate myself. Like I really really hate being me. I’m flabby and gross. I’m down thirty pounds and I’m still fat. My mind is cluttered and dark. My eyes are dark with bags and I’m not good looking. Anxiety paralysis me and my desire to give up my soul for others happiness will be my downfall. I dream that if I can make a woman happy, it’ll make things better. But it won’t. It stays. Nothing changes. No one can stop it and no one cares.