These Things I Write

[theseiwrite]

If you called tonight,

I’d hold my breath but answer on the second ring,

I’m sure I wouldn’t know what to say but I know what I might,

I know it’d start from a love strong heartfelt headspring,

If you called me tonight babe,

I’d flow or freeze although I’d know a flash of a thousand memories of us before my voice picked up,

A song could and would play our remembered romance from my lips like a reminiscing heart color videotape,

If you called tonight I wouldn’t know what to say but I know I’d say “I love You” one more time before we hung up.

“If You Called” (Chapter 106, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I bloomed for your gaze,

There was only Your voice and kiss,

God knows you enchanted me with Your ways always lost in your maze,

It’s not that pretty warm day sun that sings me from a lonely abyss,

I’d say it’s Your God damn memory,

It stops me in the middle of a okay day,

Taps my reservoir til it’s spent my hardy energy,

I well up at your voice ringing in my ear a tear running down my face although strangers only see my practiced display.

God damn.

I welcome it, but against the walls of me Your memory seems to always slam.

“God Damn” (Chapter 105, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

In my world of pure lonesome woes,

In this room of nightly dark silence,

I hear, I sense, and sometimes I feel;

Sometimes it’s your laugh and perfect smile,

And other times it’s your sigh and terrible cry,

But it seems in all moments I think of You.

“In All, You” (Chapter 104, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

What’s it like where you are?

The only thing I know is sorrow and spent soil,

What’s it like where you are?

I hope it’s not like here and full of turmoil,

How is it next to you?

Maybe it’s beautiful and in a hopeful place,

I know it’s probably serene where possibility will always keep it’s pace,

I wonder what it’s like there,

If I came and wandered into an old home space,

Selfishly I’d wish and know you’d recognize me like a past retrace,

I’d emit light into a past like a name you once knew,

Make a memory flash from a place only from where we once grew,

I wish I knew what it’s like right there next to you.

“Light” (Chapter 103, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

How do I shuffle along,

Or do what they say and move on?

How am I supposed to let go of this grief and this awesome yearning,

When it’s all I have left it’s them that keeps me warm in the winter even though I know it’s me who’s burning.

“Burning” (Chapter 102, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I keep the light on in my bathroom

With the door closed,

Because when I wake groggy and confused in the middle of the night

I can pretend,

I can hope it’s You,

It’s You that’s there up for a midnight break,

And I force myself asleep again before I come to reason.

Because the sane awake me,

knows Your gone.

“Bathroom Light” (Chapter 101, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

This bright and warm spring sun reminds me of You,

I can still feel your smile and how our love had no space between us two,

Although I still remember this past winter and the ones before that too,

So I guess you’re in every season of my everything terribly and blissfully reminiscently is stained with You. 

“It’s Just You” (Chapter 100, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I’ve made it through a many storms,

Felt the pelting rain,

And come accustom to this cold,

But I often wondered,

Can you feel my soul yearn for Yours?

Do you feel my hand reaching out and the space between your fingers?

“Do You Feel Me?” (Chapter 97, Love Notes To You) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I wanted you so bad,

Babe I wanted us,

What I thought would be my life,

Has ended up in flames,

The girl I thought would be my wife,

To now can’t even say my name,

Almost 3 years gone,

It’s crazy to feel this feeling,

In my heart I knew a better field some greener lawn,

That dream snatched from my hands and left me kneeling heartfully reeling,

Oh mistakes a man aged as me then I shouldn’t have made,

Our memories and the ones I’ve kept of us are just a sharp blade,

Though I purposefully bleed upon the shelf of us I have displayed,

It’s an ode to the many things I’d quickly and totally trade,

But this is all I have anymore.

“For You” (Chapter 99, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I heard someone say,

“What is grief? If not just love persevering.”

And so this grief I feel means you still live here in my chest.

You’ve decorated the halls and carved your spirit into every corner,

“Only, Forever.” wasn’t just some play thing I threw around,

It’s evident of the strength in this yearning.

“I Meant It” (Chapter 96, Love Notes To You) DKL

[theseiwrite]

How am I supposed to atone,

For those mistakes,

How do I get by with wanting you.

How do I my love,

How.

“How” (Chapter 95, Love Notes To You) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I think about often,

Where we’d be today,

I think your last name would be different,

I think you’d understand sacrifice better,

Maybe appreciate loyalty more,

You’d know steadfastness now,

And believe in a given vow,

If I could change everything,

We’d know what real and true love could look like,

All we would’ve had to do is hold each other in a reflection.

“Mirror” (Chapter 98, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

Even if,

Even if tomorrow we awoke to our worlds disappeared and dismembered,

My love for you would remain,

Pathetic and triumphant,

Like ether and dust,

But still remained.

But still and only forever.

“Even If” (Chapter 94, Love Notes To You) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I wasn’t born as such,

At least I don’t think I was,

But I was taught a warriors way,

And have lived and experienced as much,

Now I live a survivor,

I wasn’t granted what all warriors dream,

A honorable cause to have fallen for.

I have now and how only known since,

The mistakes or the sorrow of life and,

I fear I’m immortal,

Refused and regulated to wander a life of ache.

“A Warrior’s Death” (Chapter 27, Cowboy Memoirs) DKL

[theseiwrite]

It was the honor of my life,

To have held you in such a growing period of strife,

To have sat with you on the most regular Sundays,

Then swim with you on the tumultuous troublesome weekdays,

I’m thankful to see you in sadness,

When no other human was privileged to see what I did proud I saw you chose hope and kindness,

Especially when you should’ve chosen disdain and hurt,

Specifically with me wallowing in it when you deserved to be high and not in dirt,

Looking back at our time in hand and our love years life,

I ache for your voice and long to say your name,

I know if we should ever unite again it’d never be the same.

And, that’s okay.

I would still accept you and all you bring; yesterday, tomorrow, and this day.

“Every Day” (Chapter 97, Jagiya) DKL

[theseiwrite]

I wonder how you stay away,

I wonder how a song, our song hits you ears,

And you dismiss it,

It aches in me,

It’s more than I can bear.

It’s strips my armor naked,

Your mirror cuts me.

It compels me to say..

“I Love You” (Chapter 93, Love Notes To You) DKL

[theseiwrite]

When I think of you,

The opposite of seldom,

I think about what you might be doing,

If you know I still love You,

If you know or believe my heart is still True.

“If You” (Chapter 92, Love Notes To You) DKL