So you love true crime but draw the line at shooters?
People are so selective whenever they think it makes them look ‘better’ to the people around them
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@thesunshineboy2
So you love true crime but draw the line at shooters?
People are so selective whenever they think it makes them look ‘better’ to the people around them
This is opmfs @thesunshineboy2 first chapter of a book he’s making, When we were wallflowers pls pls read the first chapter🩶🩶
The opening of “At last, it was senior year” coupled with various descriptions of their surroundings with the faded green paint and how tape is keeping plastic cracks together in reference to the setting of a park/child’s area, it symbolises Andrew and Jonah’s childhoods fading into adulthood. The cracks can symbolise the 2 boys facades they want to keep up as well as a reflection of their loosely held mental state.
The contrast of Jonah and Andrew smoking whilst children and adults play together in the park visualises the innocence that someone young, free and uncaring may hold in contrast to someone exposed to the ugly realities of the world. The shared cigarette suggesting they’re sharing and bonding over this pain. “Don’t kill it” in reference to not dropping the cigarette shows this might be the final one left on them and if it faded and dies on the ground, it can reflect Andre’s desire of still wanting to hold on for that while longer.
You see more imagery reflecting the childish nature of the 2 boys such as Jonah’s laughs and teasing to Andrew who ends up fighting with Jonah in retaliation. It suggests the 2 boys might feel like a tall child. They feel old and exposed to the hardships of the world early on but channel this frustration similarly to a child who doesn’t know how to output their emotions healthy therefore resulting to more physical outbursts.
This can be a reflection of conflict from inside the home, the isolation at school that they endure in different ways.
As they approach the abandoned merry go round which is also broken and wrapped in vines it’s symbolism to Jonah and Andrew’s isolation of feeling isolated and a dnaodned by society, broken after being used and disregarded. Jonah and Andrew messing around on it until they stop can reflect of the bullying they both endured, it’s similar how the bullied become the bully as they mess with this already broken merry go round just to leave it, mirroring their isolation.
The black beetle which Jonah crushed could allude to this loss of resilience to keep on living, henceforth his suicidal ideation. This could be because of his dreams to go in the army however his medication prescriptions despite not being provided and his major depressive disorder and with some extent, his ADHD. The one dream he held, possibly a reason to live was crushed like that beetle, he has nothing left to lose.
Andrew’s actions of fisting a vine to reluctantly letting it go can be a symbolism for physical bullying, realising he should stop and reflect like he does further into the chapter. The reluctance could perhaps show remorse Andrew might hold for his actions as he is shown to be very ‘heat in the moment’ with his actions.
Him trudging to Jonah highlights to undertone of dominance that Jonah may hold over Andrew being the less reactive one of the both of them. It could be suggested that he uses Andrew’s ‘hot’ personality to control silently.
Andrew saying “do you think anyone goes here” to Jonah’s response of “Once upon a time”, a common opening to fairytales, suggests the hidden mystery of the location they’re in as well as the frequent references of childhood innocence and despite the hardships endured, at the end of the day, they’re truly failed children at heart.
The reference to a suicide path which Jonah mentions, foreshadows a route they might encounter in the near and upcoming future. Despite the route implied Jonah wants to take, Andrew’s actions of walking away from an edge shows he isn’t ready to take his own life like Jonah is.
In contrast, Jonah is running freely spreading his arms which are described as wings, it can suggest the freedom of the acceptance he may feel of knowing he will take his life as well as the want to be free of the conformity required to fit into society. The description of wings can allude to angels, foreshadowing that Jonah would be remembered as an angels whilst Andrew is remembered as a devil.
As it says Andrew was forced to chase Jonah, it implies again that he isn’t ready to take his life like Jonah is but feels obligation to catch up and stay by Jonah’s side until the very end. Andrew yanking Jonah back from running can imply that he doesn’t want Jonah to obtain this freedom(alluding to suicide yet) until Andrew himself is ready, this therefore gives the impression that Andrew doesn’t want to feel obligated to catch up to Cals implied freedom and acceptance of taking his life alongside him soon.
The mention of the heartbeats slowing and the 2 boys laying on the grass and give foreshadowing to their dying breaths but the mention of Holden hour being somewhere, coupled alongside this description symbolises the warmth and nostalgia they both might feel due to the upcoming transitions of life. Typically, this would be that they are about to turn into adults and are approaching their final year in high school however this transition could be instead that their childhood will die, so will they. Another thing the golden hour can allude to within the context of this story is their nostalgia referring to childhood, the term ‘golden age’ can go hand in hand with this. The golden hour being ‘somewhere’ and the connotations of childhood can be that their innocence and typical support is drifting out of reach the closer they are to turning 18.
The initials carved into the notebook ‘AH’ and ‘JD’ shows an undeniable intimate connection between Andrew and Jonah, whether it implies to just be platonic or romantic connection. No matter the type of connection it shows the unconditional love and loyalty they have for one another even if their relationship is rough around the edges. The description of ‘jaggedly’ shows the highs and lows their relationship has encountered but stick together through and through.
The cheap blue pen used which refuses to write and draw and was found discarded on the floor could be a representation of the stubbornness and reluctance Andrew and Jonah have to opening up, showing the social reclusion they both have within the institutions the are apart of with in society such as within the family, peer groups and education settings.
Since early on in the chapter, Andrew has expressed his dislike for authority much more than Jonah who seems to express and indifference. Jonah’s indifferences compared to Andrew’s clear disdain could reflect his dreams of wanting to enlist into the army. Referring back to Andrew’s disdain for authority however, when we look at the choice words such as ‘fat’, ‘retard’, ‘uses big words to be condescending’, some could be words of how Andrew sees himself.
The word retard he describes the teacher, this can be the soul destroying insecurity he has that his grades went from A’s to D’s and F’s in that transition from middle school to high school. Him also expressing his dislike for his teacher using words like ‘temperamental’ could show that another way of how he doesn’t like how others use words he doesn’t know the meaning of yet due to that sense of feeling behind which we also see when he was visibly annoyed when Jonah also used temperamental.
The word fat despite no implication that he ever had issues with his weight or body, it still can serve as reflection that he’s insecure with aspects of his appearance.
“I wish the went down”(Andrew) > “like the sun”(Jonah), what they have said can infer that they want their current stage of life to end and turn into the new beginning. This differs to the use of golden hour earlier as that showed more childish nostalgia whilst this reveals the more impending end of life they both crave.
The date Andrew wrote in the margin wasn’t told so this could reveal that a date will be revealed later on in reference to an event of plans their scheduling to happen.
“Smarter than God” Jonah provokes Andrew knowing his aversion to religion his response being “God is a concept”. Andrew’s disdain for religion could be because of the authority it holds over people both on this physical earth and Gods alleged power over everything in existence which we cannot control.
The existence of Gods true attributes prevalent within Mackeen’s inconsistent triad (omnibenevolence and omnipotence) can be questioned when Jonah questions why God makes him crave holding the barrel of a gun in his hand. It’s provocative as it questions the true extent of gods lovingness and shows his lack of intervention which could prevent these thoughts in going through Jonah’s head.
Referring back to Jonah’s dreams of enlisting in the army and him stating about the craving of holding a barrel of a gun, his ambitions could be a way of trying to indulge into his homicidal thoughts without much legal trouble.
The route towards the train tracks can be shown as a path to suicide as many people take their life by trying to get hit by a train, these tracks could mean Andrew is finally giving into the same thoughts of suicide Jonah craves as we see a shift in dynamic. The dynamic which has shifted is that Jonah is now following behind Andrew on the tracks which can allude to the beginning of Andrew’s acceptance of this fate that Jonah has as well.
The stars winking in the sky can show secrecy in reference to the date Andrew has written down but also serve as a guiding light towards a path even if this path leads 2 young boys towards their demise. The stars above can also serve as a provocation of God to both Andrew and Jonah and then the reader as he ultimately knows the path they’re going down.
The difference between the boys body language is stark within the forest. When Jonah is described to spread his arms like wings it’s like he embraces and accepts his surroundings within thick lonely and isolated land on top of the train tracks whereas Andrew displays closed body language showing he’s still hesitant in opening up to his surroundings.
It once again links to how Jonah is welcoming the freedom suicide provides whereas Andrew sees it as a fearsome step to take.
The description of Andrew’s hefty boots shielding the railway, the use of ‘sheilding’ can imply feelings he’s trying to conceal and urges he’s trying to suppress in contrast to Jonah’s more open and careless almost childish body language.
Whilst we see Jonah being the more accepting of this fate, we see hesitation of when he stops walking and turns back to Andrew. THSI ultimately represents their codependency and that they would not be able to function without one another.
The mundane talk of attending birthday parties that’s included reflects a normalcy within the scene, the use of party associated with youth and a childlike atmosphere. Alternatively this takes a dark turn on the usually happy event as with both boys smirking after Jonah said “I’m dying 17.”. Shortly following on by this Andrew says “does death scare you?” Which emitted a childish response from Jonah of that of an energetic and playful child as it said he ‘raced ahead’, ‘howled’, ‘swung his arms around’ and ‘jumped’ saying “death excites me” as if it’s a game or a present waiting to be gifted to him on his birthday or Christmas.
Andrew’s usual running is now described as trotting which can allude to he might not need to catch up with Jonah’s plans as much as he did in the beginning, its shows a lot more openness to death.
We see a rare instance of vulnerability to Jonah which is when he expresses how he wishes not to go back home implying conflict within his family or another factor of fear on why he doesn’t want to go back with Andrew’s response of “then don’t.” ending on a blunt note of the chapter which can foreshadow the upcoming days that Jonah will quite literally not come back home. This dynamic shift shows again Andrew seemingly being more in control in this moment.
I can collude from the title that due to the connotations of misfortune wallflowers have, it related to the themes of suicide but also the unity of Jonah and Andrew with their loyalty to each other even through the hard times throughout their lives.
when we were wallflowers
see the previous chapter here
july 15, 2003
Bright yellow light flashed through the window of Andrew’s room, dappling the warm wooden floors a gentle orange. His TV casted a long shadow across the room, tangling around the bedpost. Pictures of them scattered the russet walls. A book shelf on birch sat atop the window cell like a bird on a perch.
Jonah was the first to rouse, gingerly kicking Andrew’s blanket off of his body as the heat seeped into his skin. He looked toward Andrew who was nose-deep in a pillow, his chest heaving with sluggish sighs, and subtle snores.
Jonah tugged the blanket back up to his chest, Andrew’s cologne dancing on his skin, as he watched the sunrise with a squint.
Andrew peeked an eye open and looked up at Jonah, mumbling against the pillow, “You kick in your sleep.”
“No I don’t,” Jonah whacked Andrew’s bare shoulder.
He only groaned as response and threatened to fall back asleep. Jonah took hold of his arm and shook him until he grumbled with distaste. Andrew reluctantly sat up, his head lolling. He rubbed his eyes, yawning like a bear. Jonah rolled his eyes.
“You couldn’t have slept that good.”
“Mhm…” Andrew watched the sunrise sluggishly. “What time is it?”
Jonah looked at the window. “Sunrise.”
Andrew swatted his leg lazily.
As the sun told hold of the sky, Jonah jumped out of bed and dragged Andrew along with him, who was still shirtless and in oversized pajama pants. Jonah was in Andrew’s hoodie after a long night of complaining about being too cold.
He took off the hoodie and threw it at Andrew, who winced at the contact. “Put a shirt on,” Jonah teased.
Andrew grumbled a complaint, the hoodie draped over his forearm. As they stepped into the kitchen, he nodded a sleepy hello to his mother.
His mother smiled warmly and offered them coffee. They sat down at the table near the window. Jonah watched steam rise from the mug while Andrew took a big gulp, only to grimace as it burned down his throat.
“Me and Jonah were planning to go out,” Andrew reminded his mother in a strained voice, who busied herself with breakfast.
She only nodded and cracked another egg into the pan.
Andrew tapped his fingers on the table as Jonah looked out the window.
“Did you take your meds?"
Andrew’s shoulders tensed and he glared at the coffee. “I don't want to.”
“You have to.”
“No.”
“Andrew.”
Andrew looked out the window and Jonah sipped his coffee with sheepish glances between the two. Andrew’s mother dropped a single, small pill in front of him with a muttered complaint.
Jonah looked at Andrew, then the pill, and began to bounce his leg under the table.
Andrew slammed his fist on the table. He discarded the hoodie and grabbed the pill, and dry swallowed it — before immediately storming out. The door slammed with a bellow that seemed to beckon Jonah with teeth. He stumbled from the chair to follow Andrew, leaving the coffee to steam in solitude.
As Jonah pushed through the door and threw it toward the doorway, he spotted Andrew, who shoved through thorns that grabbed at his pajama pants. He nor Andrew had put shoes on.
“Andrew,” Jonah called.
Silence drew thick between them.
“Andrew.”
He trudged forward.
“Andrew!”
“I hear you!” Andrew yelled as he spun around furiously, crushing a stick under his foot that made him wince. “What do you want!? What!?”
“Your mom’s a bitch.”
Andrew laughed loud suddenly, marching down the trail, and raising his hands to the sky. “I fucking hate that bitch!” he declared into the woods between laughs.
Jonah looked away and up at the treetops, where Andrew had lifted his hands high. He searched for the sun to no avail. With tension in his shoulders, Jonah plaintively wrenched his eyes from the sky to impulsively catch up with Andrew.
Andrew collected his rambling and stared longingly at the lengthy trail at the tips of his toes. “It makes me feel horrible,” his voice cracked wistfully.
“I know.”
“I hate it.”
“I know.”
“I hate them.”
“Me too.”
Andrew shivered in the summer heat, nearly losing his footing as the dirt path turned to stone a few yards down. Jonah kept his eyes on the ground beneath him as his hand swung in tandem to Andrew’s fidgeting. He was popping his knuckles — gripping and twisting his wrist until it made a satisfying crack, or at least a crack that seemed to signify something of satisfaction in Andrew. Andrew barreled his fists against his sides then ran his fingers roughly through his hair with a string of words lightened by a smile.
Andrew sped up before Jonah could say anything, crashing through the thinning woodlands. They found the chain link fence to their school’s basketball court and Andrew threw himself over it.
“Andrew, are you sure this is—”
“It’s pubic property!” he declared, trotting down the field without waiting for Jonah, “Public property because the bastards are too broke to make it private — fuck them! Fuck them!” Andrew chanted.
Jonah scrambled over the fence after him, his breath coming in short gasps. “Andrew, man, slow down,” he said, grabbing his arm.
Andrew whirled around, his face flushed, and eyes wide. “You don’t get it, do you? None of you get it. I’m not slowing down. I’m flying.”
Jonah’s grip tightened. “You’re gonna hurt yourself.”
Andrew laughed but it came out sharp and brittle. “I don’t care.”
They both straightened sharply as they spotted someone from their school, dribbling a basketball, alone on the court. Andrew’s eyes narrowed before Jonah’s did as the classmate trotted over.
“Hey guys!” Prince smiled, looping his arm over the basketball as he looked at Andrew and Jonah. “Were you two going to play ball? You should join me!”
“Of course you play basketball,” Andrew muttered and Jonah shoved him. He stepped forward as Andrew glared at Prince.
“We weren’t going to play. We were just… hanging.” Jonah shifted on his feet, looking Prince up and down. “Besides, you look like you’re much better than we are.”
“I don’t think so! I'm honestly not that good, yesterday the guys—”
“Your friends?” Jonah interrupted.
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind.”
“No, seriously. You two should come play!” Prince smiled while running his hand through his black dreaded hair.
Jonah stared at the gaps in Prince’s teeth and rolled his eyes toward Andrew.
“We don’t associate with people like you,” Andrew sneered.
Jonah slapped his shoulder and Andrew nearly pushed him to the ground.
“What do you mean?”
“He doesn't mean anything by it,” Jonah blurted, “Uh… you.”
“My name’s Prince.”
“Right… uh,” Jonah looked toward Andrew.
“We’re not calling you that,” Andrew smiled again.
“Right. Uh. Yeah, your name can be Travis instead. Yeah.” Jonah rocked on his heels.
Prince’s smile faltered for just a second. His fingers tightened around the basketball and he took a small step back. “Oh. Okay. Travis it is,” he said quieter now. "Do you two still want to play?”
“No.” Andrew grumbled and yanked Jonah away.
Jonah was released by the bleachers, looking down at his own feet as the sun beat down onto his pale skin, much paler than Andrew’s — who was much paler than Prince.
Andrew looked down at Jonah and they both laughed. They didn’t sit on a bleacher, but instead on the few feet of grass that separated the concrete court from the bleachers. Jonah tilted his head at Andrew, “What a weirdo.”
Andrew was looking toward the red-bricked school with a low gaze that made his eye bags seem more prominent under poor lighting. The sunlight cradled his face as he turned to look at Jonah.
“I fucking hate that school.”
“Yeah,” Jonah leaned back against the bleachers, “Good thing we only have one more year.”
“Graduation,” Andrew sing-songed while Jonah’s fingers pecked at the grass.
“Do they still mow when school is out?”
They shrug in unison and look up to where Prince is dancing on the basketball court, the ball hitting the backboard, and leaping away from his hands.
“Isn’t he supposed to be good at this?” Andrew snorts a laugh.
Jonah smirked at him, “Why would you assume he’s good at basketball?”
“I mean… just look at him.”
They sat in silence for a few moments before Jonah sniffled and giggled. He stood up and grabbed Andrew by the arm. “Come on, let’s go back to your house. It’s so fucking hot out here.”
“Hot as balls,” Andrew laughed as he stalked after Jonah.
He tilted his head toward Prince as they passed the basketball court and rolled his eyes, trotting up to Jonah’s arm.
Jonah pounced up the fence and waited for Andrew who threw himself over with lack of diligence.
“You’re so careful,” Jonah teased, “You’ll make such a good vet one day.”
“Do you go to the vet?” Andrew got in Jonah’s face with his voice raising in volume, “Because you look like a dog!”
Jonah went quiet with bewilderment as Andrew skipped along the trail leading back to his house.
Entering Andrew’s room, Jonah groaned, and flopped onto the bed, shaking dirt off his feet. Andrew fussed with his journal before sitting on the edge of the bed beside him.
Jonah propped himself up and peered into the journal as his pen gave life to the path.
“Maybe when we go back to school, we can see if anymore losers dropped their pens.”
“That’s the only thing that place is good for.”
Andrew shoved the journal closed, between his and Jonah’s thighs as his mother opened the door to his room, “What do you boys want for lunch?”
This is opmfs @thesunshineboy2 first chapter of a book he’s making, When we were wallflowers pls pls read the first chapter🩶🩶
The opening of “At last, it was senior year” coupled with various descriptions of their surroundings with the faded green paint and how tape is keeping plastic cracks together in reference to the setting of a park/child’s area, it symbolises Andrew and Jonah’s childhoods fading into adulthood. The cracks can symbolise the 2 boys facades they want to keep up as well as a reflection of their loosely held mental state.
The contrast of Jonah and Andrew smoking whilst children and adults play together in the park visualises the innocence that someone young, free and uncaring may hold in contrast to someone exposed to the ugly realities of the world. The shared cigarette suggesting they’re sharing and bonding over this pain. “Don’t kill it” in reference to not dropping the cigarette shows this might be the final one left on them and if it faded and dies on the ground, it can reflect Andre’s desire of still wanting to hold on for that while longer.
You see more imagery reflecting the childish nature of the 2 boys such as Jonah’s laughs and teasing to Andrew who ends up fighting with Jonah in retaliation. It suggests the 2 boys might feel like a tall child. They feel old and exposed to the hardships of the world early on but channel this frustration similarly to a child who doesn’t know how to output their emotions healthy therefore resulting to more physical outbursts.
This can be a reflection of conflict from inside the home, the isolation at school that they endure in different ways.
As they approach the abandoned merry go round which is also broken and wrapped in vines it’s symbolism to Jonah and Andrew’s isolation of feeling isolated and a dnaodned by society, broken after being used and disregarded. Jonah and Andrew messing around on it until they stop can reflect of the bullying they both endured, it’s similar how the bullied become the bully as they mess with this already broken merry go round just to leave it, mirroring their isolation.
The black beetle which Jonah crushed could allude to this loss of resilience to keep on living, henceforth his suicidal ideation. This could be because of his dreams to go in the army however his medication prescriptions despite not being provided and his major depressive disorder and with some extent, his ADHD. The one dream he held, possibly a reason to live was crushed like that beetle, he has nothing left to lose.
Andrew’s actions of fisting a vine to reluctantly letting it go can be a symbolism for physical bullying, realising he should stop and reflect like he does further into the chapter. The reluctance could perhaps show remorse Andrew might hold for his actions as he is shown to be very ‘heat in the moment’ with his actions.
Him trudging to Jonah highlights to undertone of dominance that Jonah may hold over Andrew being the less reactive one of the both of them. It could be suggested that he uses Andrew’s ‘hot’ personality to control silently.
Andrew saying “do you think anyone goes here” to Jonah’s response of “Once upon a time”, a common opening to fairytales, suggests the hidden mystery of the location they’re in as well as the frequent references of childhood innocence and despite the hardships endured, at the end of the day, they’re truly failed children at heart.
The reference to a suicide path which Jonah mentions, foreshadows a route they might encounter in the near and upcoming future. Despite the route implied Jonah wants to take, Andrew’s actions of walking away from an edge shows he isn’t ready to take his own life like Jonah is.
In contrast, Jonah is running freely spreading his arms which are described as wings, it can suggest the freedom of the acceptance he may feel of knowing he will take his life as well as the want to be free of the conformity required to fit into society. The description of wings can allude to angels, foreshadowing that Jonah would be remembered as an angels whilst Andrew is remembered as a devil.
As it says Andrew was forced to chase Jonah, it implies again that he isn’t ready to take his life like Jonah is but feels obligation to catch up and stay by Jonah’s side until the very end. Andrew yanking Jonah back from running can imply that he doesn’t want Jonah to obtain this freedom(alluding to suicide yet) until Andrew himself is ready, this therefore gives the impression that Andrew doesn’t want to feel obligated to catch up to Cals implied freedom and acceptance of taking his life alongside him soon.
The mention of the heartbeats slowing and the 2 boys laying on the grass and give foreshadowing to their dying breaths but the mention of Holden hour being somewhere, coupled alongside this description symbolises the warmth and nostalgia they both might feel due to the upcoming transitions of life. Typically, this would be that they are about to turn into adults and are approaching their final year in high school however this transition could be instead that their childhood will die, so will they. Another thing the golden hour can allude to within the context of this story is their nostalgia referring to childhood, the term ‘golden age’ can go hand in hand with this. The golden hour being ‘somewhere’ and the connotations of childhood can be that their innocence and typical support is drifting out of reach the closer they are to turning 18.
The initials carved into the notebook ‘AH’ and ‘JD’ shows an undeniable intimate connection between Andrew and Jonah, whether it implies to just be platonic or romantic connection. No matter the type of connection it shows the unconditional love and loyalty they have for one another even if their relationship is rough around the edges. The description of ‘jaggedly’ shows the highs and lows their relationship has encountered but stick together through and through.
The cheap blue pen used which refuses to write and draw and was found discarded on the floor could be a representation of the stubbornness and reluctance Andrew and Jonah have to opening up, showing the social reclusion they both have within the institutions the are apart of with in society such as within the family, peer groups and education settings.
Since early on in the chapter, Andrew has expressed his dislike for authority much more than Jonah who seems to express and indifference. Jonah’s indifferences compared to Andrew’s clear disdain could reflect his dreams of wanting to enlist into the army. Referring back to Andrew’s disdain for authority however, when we look at the choice words such as ‘fat’, ‘retard’, ‘uses big words to be condescending’, some could be words of how Andrew sees himself.
The word retard he describes the teacher, this can be the soul destroying insecurity he has that his grades went from A’s to D’s and F’s in that transition from middle school to high school. Him also expressing his dislike for his teacher using words like ‘temperamental’ could show that another way of how he doesn’t like how others use words he doesn’t know the meaning of yet due to that sense of feeling behind which we also see when he was visibly annoyed when Jonah also used temperamental.
The word fat despite no implication that he ever had issues with his weight or body, it still can serve as reflection that he’s insecure with aspects of his appearance.
“I wish the went down”(Andrew) > “like the sun”(Jonah), what they have said can infer that they want their current stage of life to end and turn into the new beginning. This differs to the use of golden hour earlier as that showed more childish nostalgia whilst this reveals the more impending end of life they both crave.
The date Andrew wrote in the margin wasn’t told so this could reveal that a date will be revealed later on in reference to an event of plans their scheduling to happen.
“Smarter than God” Jonah provokes Andrew knowing his aversion to religion his response being “God is a concept”. Andrew’s disdain for religion could be because of the authority it holds over people both on this physical earth and Gods alleged power over everything in existence which we cannot control.
The existence of Gods true attributes prevalent within Mackeen’s inconsistent triad (omnibenevolence and omnipotence) can be questioned when Jonah questions why God makes him crave holding the barrel of a gun in his hand. It’s provocative as it questions the true extent of gods lovingness and shows his lack of intervention which could prevent these thoughts in going through Jonah’s head.
Referring back to Jonah’s dreams of enlisting in the army and him stating about the craving of holding a barrel of a gun, his ambitions could be a way of trying to indulge into his homicidal thoughts without much legal trouble.
The route towards the train tracks can be shown as a path to suicide as many people take their life by trying to get hit by a train, these tracks could mean Andrew is finally giving into the same thoughts of suicide Jonah craves as we see a shift in dynamic. The dynamic which has shifted is that Jonah is now following behind Andrew on the tracks which can allude to the beginning of Andrew’s acceptance of this fate that Jonah has as well.
The stars winking in the sky can show secrecy in reference to the date Andrew has written down but also serve as a guiding light towards a path even if this path leads 2 young boys towards their demise. The stars above can also serve as a provocation of God to both Andrew and Jonah and then the reader as he ultimately knows the path they’re going down.
The difference between the boys body language is stark within the forest. When Jonah is described to spread his arms like wings it’s like he embraces and accepts his surroundings within thick lonely and isolated land on top of the train tracks whereas Andrew displays closed body language showing he’s still hesitant in opening up to his surroundings.
It once again links to how Jonah is welcoming the freedom suicide provides whereas Andrew sees it as a fearsome step to take.
The description of Andrew’s hefty boots shielding the railway, the use of ‘sheilding’ can imply feelings he’s trying to conceal and urges he’s trying to suppress in contrast to Jonah’s more open and careless almost childish body language.
Whilst we see Jonah being the more accepting of this fate, we see hesitation of when he stops walking and turns back to Andrew. THSI ultimately represents their codependency and that they would not be able to function without one another.
The mundane talk of attending birthday parties that’s included reflects a normalcy within the scene, the use of party associated with youth and a childlike atmosphere. Alternatively this takes a dark turn on the usually happy event as with both boys smirking after Jonah said “I’m dying 17.”. Shortly following on by this Andrew says “does death scare you?” Which emitted a childish response from Jonah of that of an energetic and playful child as it said he ‘raced ahead’, ‘howled’, ‘swung his arms around’ and ‘jumped’ saying “death excites me” as if it’s a game or a present waiting to be gifted to him on his birthday or Christmas.
Andrew’s usual running is now described as trotting which can allude to he might not need to catch up with Jonah’s plans as much as he did in the beginning, its shows a lot more openness to death.
We see a rare instance of vulnerability to Jonah which is when he expresses how he wishes not to go back home implying conflict within his family or another factor of fear on why he doesn’t want to go back with Andrew’s response of “then don’t.” ending on a blunt note of the chapter which can foreshadow the upcoming days that Jonah will quite literally not come back home. This dynamic shift shows again Andrew seemingly being more in control in this moment.
I can collude from the title that due to the connotations of misfortune wallflowers have, it related to the themes of suicide but also the unity of Jonah and Andrew with their loyalty to each other even through the hard times throughout their lives.
Some of Adam Lanza’s school pictures
Nancy: “hey Adam wanna go to the shooting range i know you reallyyyy like guns”
Adam: “yes yes yes!”
Nancy: “you can also have some money for christmas or your birthday… make sure to buy a gun!”
Adam: “i will! btw make sure to sleep tonight”
Nancy: “so sweet Adam!”
then Nancy gets fucking obliterated and 20 children die.
make sure to let your mentally ill children take meds or this could be you!
Sandy Hook was preventable asf. FUCK Nancy
Do you really know anyone? You don’t know any one persons thoughts. Everybody can lie about everything. None of what someone can say could be real. You’ll never truly know anyone. You won’t truly know yourself, your own capabilities, your own limits, and your own expectations. Reliance on another being, especially a human, is stupidity.
Humankind is born to lie and manipulate. Humanity is disgusting and degrading and full of hypocrites and liars.
They judge mass murder but do it all themselves. A rabbit wouldn’t, a wolf couldn’t. There is nothing beautiful about the destruction of humanity. Everywhere I look I see man, even in the thickest forests, even on natural paths. We are mammalian parasites and deserve to be exterminated.
when we were wallflowers
who are Andrew and Jonah?
Andrew Holden was born October 4th, 1982. He was originally from upstate New York and moved to Connecticut, in 1986. He lived in New Stratford until 1989 when the family moved to Essex. Andrew lived with both his parents and had an older brother and sister, although they weren’t present in most of his life.
Andrew maintained good grades until the end of his middle school career and the beginning of high school, where his grades dropped from straight A’s to D’s and F’s. Throughout middle school, he was active in clubs and sports, but became increasingly more antisocial.
Andrew was bullied throughout his life and was outcasted by his peers throughout middle school, but this mostly vanished by his freshman year of high school.
Some people say he makes them feel “uneasy” despite his quietness. There’s an uncomfortable edge to him that nobody can put their finger on.
He says he wants to go to college after graduation for agriculture or veterinary medicine.
Jonah “Jonny” Decker was born December 15th, 1986. He lived with his single father and younger brother in Essex, Connecticut.
Jonah was diagnosed with ADHD in the first grade and prescribed Adderall to help it, which he took until the eighth grade. Jonah received psychiatric evaluations for his ADHD and was given therapy from third to fifth grade after his father was concerned about Jonah’s behavior with killing lizards. He was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when he was in seventh grade. Jonah was prescribed Vilazodone, but his father prohibited him from taking it.
Jonah is a straight B student without trying. If he cared about school, he could easily pass with a 4.0 GPA.
He has a large group of not very close friends, primarily made up of acquaintances. He’s highly protective over Andrew, who shares that equal level of protection with him. Jonah often ditches people to hang out with Andrew instead. Sometimes he’s referred to as Andrew’s shadow.
Jonah’s described to be a quiet kid on neutral terms with most of his peers. He was minutely bullied throughout high school and middle school, but this mostly faded off in his junior and senior years.
When talking about his future, Jonah is passionate about going into the military, particularly the army. He doesn’t understand why he should stress himself out in school and potentially burn out when his future doesn’t rely on it. When asked about his plans after the military, he just shrugs. Jonah’s known as that military guy. Ask him a question about it and you’ll get two essays and a phone call.
when we were wallflowers
an original book written by myself
july 9, 2003
At last, it was senior year. The sun danced along the park floor with sharp rays that caught the glistening lake with blinding ripples. Smoke wafted into the air from a slide that'd seen better days. Duct tape hugged a crack in the rough plastic. Another crack was not even a foot away. The green paint, vaguely once the color of leaf during the height of summer, now rendered dim like a dying flower. Caution tape bordered the end of the slide, now inhabited by a bundle of cobwebs vacant of life.
At the top on plastic-wrapped metal crouched Jonah and Andrew, peering off the edge of the slide between the metal bars to gingerly watch the parents and children of the park. A cigarette passed between them and a red lighter hung loosely between Jonah’s opposite middle and index fingers.
“Jonny,” Andrew hissed as the cigarette nearly slipped from Jonah’s grip. The orange-tipped edge momentarily sizzled against the floor.
Jonah lifted his hand and tapped the ash out between one of the holes. He watched it fall into the wood chips.
“Andy,” he looked up at Andrew with a knowing grin growing across his lips. His icy eyes met Andrew’s bitter hazel ones as he cocked his head.
“This is our last one. Don’t kill it.” Andrew scolded as Jonah took a drag.
A sweet smile played on Jonah’s face as he pushed the cigarette back into Andrew’s fingers. Andrew scowled.
“So temperamental,” Jonah annunciated the syllables as he sat back against Andrew’s backpack that was leaning up against one of the metal guardrails.
“What does ‘temper—’ fuck, ‘temp-er-ment-al’ mean?” Andrew glared at Jonah.
He shrugged. “I don't know, I heard one of the teachers say it.”
A long, silent pause thickened between them as they both turned toward a creaking swing where a little girl swung. As the air tensed between them, Andrew looked back at Jonah.
“Which teacher?”
“The fat one.”
“Which teacher?” Andrew repeated.
“Freeman.”
Andrew grimaced, “I hate that guy.”
“I don't know. He’s chill,” Jonah averted his gaze slyly.
“Get the fuck out of my face,” Andrew growled. Jonah giggled.
Andrew reached over and smacked Jonah’s face as he wrestled him onto the floor. Jonah grunted and grabbed at Andrew’s face, gasping between laughs. Andrew grappled Jonah’s collar until Jonah’s knee knocked against his stomach. Andrew toppled over. Jonah sat up, hair ruffled and face flushed as he caught his breath.
Andrew checked his hands and then looked at Jonah’s. He swiftly searched the playscape floor before noticing an orange light deep in the wood chips, flickering with a dying light. They both looked down to where the cigarette had fallen off the side, making eye contact, and breaking into another fit of laughter.
As his laughter subsided, Andrew leapt off of the side of the playscape. Jonah fought with Andrew’s backpack, swinging the black strap over his shoulders before landing behind him. Andrew stamped out the cigarette and beckoned Jonah away from the playground as he began stalking away.
Jonah and Andrew passed onto a nearby trail between the rocks and trees. Jonah trotted to Andrew’s side, swinging his arms in tandem to his steps. “Why do I gotta hold the bag?”
“You don’t. You just keep hogging it.”
“You left it for me to grab!”
Andrew shoved Jonah and he stumbled sideways. Jonah returned to his side just as fast.
They approached an overgrown section of the sunlit trail, the only part that wasn’t shaded by a canopy of leaves overhead. A merry-go-round was tangled in ivy and tall grass tickled its sides. Jonah leapt atop of it, stomping a skittering black beetle that contrasted with the merry-go-rounds peeling yellow-and-green paint until it flattened against the surface.
“Don’t get my bag wrapped up in that shit,” Andrew grumbled and stalked over to the merry-go-round, taking hand of the side and trying to twist it out of the foliage. He wretched it side-to-side, slowly loosening the arm of a vine wrapped around the base.
A flash of sunlight reflected harshly against the exposed metal, making Jonah wince. Ducking his head, he began jumping up-and-down to hear the old thing creak.
As the sun flickered between the trees, Jonah disregarded the merry-go-round and returned to the trail, kicking a few pebbles out of his way. He staggered two steps forward before turning around, waving Andrew over.
Andrew stared, fisting a vine wrapped around one of the metal bars in the center, before reluctantly releasing it and trudging over to Jonah.
They continued down the trail. Jonah swayed with a forward hunch and lazily swung his arms, while Andrew remained collected with gentle movement in his shoulders. His chin propped high as his eyes rolled from the sky, to the trees, to the trail ahead. Occasionally, Jonah’s arm bumped Andrew’s.
They found themselves at a worn wooden over a small river cutting through the trail. Andrew paused and leaned over the painted guardrail, peering over the edge and into the green-dappled stream. Jonah, having almost cleared the bridge, stepped back and folded his arms over the side as well beside Andrew.
“Do you think anyone else ever comes down here?” Jonah hums to himself. Andrew doesn’t look over, but he shrugs, flicking a rock from the wooden rail into the river.
“Once upon a time,” says Andrew, “Why else would they add gravel?”
“The train tracks.”
“So it’s a suicide path?”
Jonah laughed and followed as Andrew moved away from the edge.
The bridge led into a sunny area that opened into a clearing, the dirt trail turning to gravel as they approached a field once used for picnics and parties.
Jonah took off running the moment his feet hit the grass, forcing Andrew to chase him. He began laughing, sprinting through the open field as the sun glared down at him. Andrew grabbed onto the handle of his backpack and yanked Jonah to a stop. The motion made Jonah jerk and they collapsed in the grass breathlessly. Jonah reached his hand up to whack at Andrew who squirmed in retaliation. As their heartbeats slowed, they looked up at the dawning sky.
“It’s golden hour somewhere,” Andrew sighs, his palms closing over his chest.
Jonah slowly relaxed his head into the grass, staring silently up at the sky as it blossomed pink and purple like a bruise. The sun was blocked by the surrounding forest, but the pale yellow sheen still brightened the clearing.
After a silent pause, the two rose and prowled until they found a tree.
Andrew climbed up first and steadied himself on a branch before reaching down to grab Jonah’s hand. He hoisted him up by the arm and handle of his backpack. As Jonah settled, he rested Andrew’s backpack between his legs. Andrew shuffled through the bag for a cheap notebook with a tanned cover. “AH” and “JD” was engraved in the front by something no sharper than a pocket knife, the corners of each letter were jaggedly pointed.
Andrew brushed through the pages as Jonah handed him the old pen he’d found on the floor a few days before finals. A cheap blue one that often refuses to write or draw. Each page of the notebook was assorted neatly with articulated handwriting that was deliberately readable. A few scribbled notes were in the margins, including times, dates, or doodles. Sketches were drawn across the pages, each no complex than an idea with such detail that they were readable. Jonah clutched the rough bark with his finger tips while he craned his head to look over at the pages.
As Andrew found a blank page, he scribbled the pen in the topmost margin until ink reluctantly flowed out. He wrote the date at the top. Afterward, he chewed on the tip and looked at Jonah narrowly, who leaned back against the base of the tree. A few blond strands fell messily in his face as he turned his head toward the horizon.
“Temperamental, Freeman said,” Andrew muttered bitterly as he jotted a few things down in the notebook. Jonah only looked over when Andrew looked up. “As if Freeman is one to use large words. As if he isn’t a fucking retard like all the rest of them. Talking down to me— you’ve seen it!”
“The way he gets more condescending towards you?” Jonah clarifies.
“Yes!”
“The way he looks down upon you? Acts like he’s better than you?”
“Uses that stupid fucking tone— that's it.”
“I hate him.”
“I hate that entire fucking school.”
Jonah cracked a smile, toying with the straps of Andrew’s backpack as Andrew continued to write.
“I wouldn’t be failing if it weren’t for them.” Andrew glared at Jonah, who nodded with the same smile from the park.
Jonah crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re right.”
“I wish they went down—”
Jonah looked to the sunset.
“—Like the sun.”
Andrew clicked the pen against the page and sketched the horizon line across the bottommost margin.
“Fuck them,” he chewed on the back of his pen again, then the base of his finger, before pounding the branch he sat on. “Fuck the entire school.”
“We’re smarter than them,” Jonah mused.
“We're smarter than everybody!”
“Smarter than God?”
Andrew stared at Jonah. Their eyes bore into each others for a few beats before they both resumed their fidgeting.
“God is a concept.” Andrew muttered.
“So is intelligence,” Jonah clicked his tongue.
“Do you believe in God?” Andrew squinted at Jonah.
“No.”
“I didn’t think so,” he looked back down, “It would be surprising if you did.”
Jonah laughed, “If God was real, I wouldn't crave a barrel in my palm.”
The sliver of a smile grew on Andrew’s face.
As the sky darkened, Andrew closed the notebook and slipped it back into his bag. He slid off the branch and landed with a thud on the ground. He gestured toward Jonah, who dropped the backpack into his open hands, before leaping off the tree as well. Andrew held the bag by the handle, trudging toward the train tracks with heavy steps. Jonah followed suit.
By the time they reached the train tracks, the first few stars of the night were beginning to wink down at them, and Jonah had the backpack swung over his shoulders once again. A thick forest hid the train from the rest of society, but not from them. They walked on top of the tracks and Jonah outstretched his arms like wings. Andrew had fisted his hands into his pockets, gaze low as he watched his hefty boots eat up sections of the railway.
Jonah leapt around, racing along the tracks. He hopped into the center, leaping from each wooden section, before returning to the rail. He looked back at Andrew and waited for him to catch up.
“Are you going to be at my birthday?”
Jonah looks over. “No shit. Nah, Andrew, I’m ditching you on your big 18.”
Andrew chuckled, “When will you be 18?”
“I'm dying 17.” They both smirked.
“Does death scare you?” Andrew called as Jonah raced ahead.
Jonah jumped around, swinging his arms as he howled, “No, I’m thrilled! Death excites me!”
Andrew trotted after Jonah until he slowed and shoved him off the rail. He jumped after Jonah, gravel crunching beneath his boots as he looked back to the trail.
“I don’t want to go back to the house,” Jonah admitted as he looked back to the park.
“Then don’t.”
Adam Lanza practiced his suicide before the attack at Sandy Hook Elementary School. This practice was eerily similar to how he actually shot himself.
it bothers me when you can tell someone’s only in the 🍵🌊🌊 to seem edgy instead of actually caring about the perps or community in general
After a shooting, every news station jumps to cover it. But so many articles are locked behind a paywall. Articles that could have the information that could truly prevent more. Is prevention really the goal? Or would they like to postpone “never again” until they make a quick buck? Or maybe they profit off of tragedies too much to cover important information, like the psychological, like what really happened.
Misinformation has been on the rise for years now. ChatGPT or general AI isn’t your friend — the more we rely on these technologies, the more it rots our critical thinking skills.
When they say “never again”, what does that mean? Words are meaningless without action because anyone can pair two words together regardless of whether or not it makes sense. Red cloud. Fuck shit. Squirrel dog. If there’s no meaning behind it, then why should anything about it be taken seriously?
Returning to my previous topic of paywalls, does it not concern the families of perpetrators that what their child did will never truly be seen due to another companies greed? Will future perpetrators like the children planning right now see their upper advantage? The more incidences that happen, the better pattern recognition gets. If a currently planning child sees the weaknesses of the school system or their classmates that elder perpetrators hadn’t seen, casualties could rise.
I have no basis behind this other than my own irritability and information I’ve picked up over the timespan I’ve been alive, but it doesn’t seem like these people want the shootings to stop, they just want people’s interest.
I don't remember if anyone posted it. or i don't know.
welcome to my blog! basic intro post
he/him i go by any name so long as it’s masculine — if you don’t know what to refer to me as, i go by: elliot/elliott (or any alternative spelling), buddy, calvin/cal, etcetc.
i’m primarily a mobile user so it may take longer for me to write/format posts! especially long ones
i’m an autistic male with a special interest in drastically different subjects: cats and shootings. these topics run my life and they’re about all i talk about, aside for my hyperfixations — but they’re not as drastic.
my other interests are pokémon in a hyper-realistic and scientific way and trains. i’m a walking stereotype…
most of my other posts will have larger words and better grammar than this one. introductory posts are “chiller” to me so it feels wrong to do a “Hi, I am…” format — but i like to feel educated when talking about things i am well versed with.
as you can see, i use hyphens. i am heavily anti-ai. other “ai-esque” punctuation you may see me use include semi-colons, oxford commas, etc.
good grammar doesn’t mean ai
i’m a writer and artist but most of my works are controversial in nature. please be mindful of your own sensitivity before interacting with my blog
i won’t include direct content warnings but i will generally state that violence, controversial content, and mature topics are to be expected on this blog.
i may expand on this later but for now it seems okay… but im friendly guys!! everyone is free to talk to me
multiple shooters (including attempted) pointing weapons to the camera
The clothing Adam Lanza wore during the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting.