THETA SERPENTIS @theta-serpentis-blog - Tumblr Blog

Plan

Regarding the depressing shit I wrote earlier.

I am trying to come up with a plan. why? I don’t know. It probably won’t even go to plan as plans always never do. This might make me feel better.

1) FINISH YOUR DAMN BORING ASS COURSE.

2) TRAVEL THE WORLD. DO GOOD. TAKE A BREAK.

3) WORK/DO YOUR MASTERS. PREFERABLY DO YOUR DAMN MASTERS..

okay now what?

How am i supposed to thing positive?

seriously. HOW?! ITS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. PLEASE. Teach me your ways.

I wish I could run away

16/03/2015

These past two years in university has been the worst but at times best years of my life. Graduating High School with above average grades would have never prepared me for the 3 year ride that is called university.

Right now it’s all going downhill. I have kept my struggle hidden for so long, because I thought i was the only one going through it. And because of this, I have now exploded. On the verge of quitting, even though there is no such thing as quitting at this point. Because i can’t.

I have so many depending on me, my parents, my scholarship. I just can’t let that all out of the window, even though i really want to.

I never knew how weak I was of a person. I was once strong inside, which makes the disappointment in myself that much more. I envy those who can physically get up everyday with excitement to go about their day. Because for now, I dont know what my days are even about. If they are even worth paying attention to.

What is wrong with me? My mother tells me I am not the only one facing this, but that in no way, makes me feel better about it. The fact that there are others going through such of a struggle, and just deal with it, makes me feel even worse about myself, because of the fact that I just.. can’t deal with it.

I have been given steps to go about a solution. But, taking those steps is physically exhausting, taking every last breath out of me.

I know, i may sound louder than i should, more dramatic than I should. But I don’t care. This is how I deal with my issues. May not be a good way, but it works for me.. or does it?

This may be god punishing me for drifting away from him recently. Because I’m going to go to hell anyway. All the mistakes I’ve done. I know, god is forgiving. But who will ever know that the things I have done will could even be forgiven. Only god.

Or this may be god heading my way to something greater. I really hope it is. I hope that I can deal with this in the right way. I just need to be strong, but I don’t know if I have strength in me anymore.

*sigh*

#university #experience #struggle #fresher #college #school #depression #sadness

kennysweeney

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eszterbartal

He loved her but she didn’t love herself.

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Waging war on malaria, a traditionally garbed medical aide works at a Taqah dispensary, where she issue free medicines. Malaria strikes a majority of Omanis.

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