The Things I Have No One To Share With

I want someone to hear me though

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

Leave me alone. If you want to make amends so bad leave me alone.

The thought of you makes my stomach churn

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

Loving you wasn't hard, being loved by you was.

You're love was killing me

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

You say you want to one day deserve me. I want to know what terrible thing I did to deserve you.

You haunt me

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

Don't talk to me about how you've changed now. Don't tell me how much better you're doing now.

Because if you had the ability all along, that just means I wasn't worth being better for.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

How do I love myself? How do I look in the mirror and tell the reflection I forgive them?

Am I forgivable?

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

I told myself they didn't know you like I did.

It turns out I'm the one who never knew you.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

It wouldn't take much to break my heart. It's held together by old crumpled up tape and the hope that maybe it will get better one day.

Be gentle

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

Neither of us want you to leave, but we both know you can't stay. The hardest part of breaking up is knowing neither of us want it.

That didn't stop you from hurting me though

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

I thought we had built forever together. Today I stand in the ruins of lost love.

You were supposed to be the one.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

We turned a house into a home for each other. And now that you're leaving, I have to learn to live in a house again.

The littlest reminders are the hardest

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

I feel more alone knowing you're out there than when I realize I'm alone.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

I hope the next one you meet is the one. I hope they see the work we put in together and think they're so lucky. Because they are.

I wish you could see the things I could. With how far we came, I know we could go further. But you think this is the last stop.

I hope the next one has enough to fill the empty spot in my heart. I poured into you so much that I kept going when I was empty.

Funny how you don't feel empty until you're alone.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

If I'm a collection of everything that's happened to me, why don't I remember what made me like this?

You think you'd remember

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

We don't deserve this. This, game, that we play with each other. Try to see who cares more while pretending not to care.

I don't want to lose.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

There's a version of me that I imagine in my head. I can only see her in old pictures and when I look into the eyes I see in the mirror. I recognize her, but she has no idea who I am.

I want to scream when she sees me.

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

I don't like who I became. I can feel the old me screaming, but I can't stop my hands or my mouth. She's crying.

Who did I turn into?

[thethingsiwillnevertellyou]

What am I supposed to do when I look at you and realize I will never be loved the way I love?

I guess it's still better than being alone...