thinker bell

poetry, prose and thoughts

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

As a young adult in the corporate world, I feel scared. I'm afraid to make decisions on my own. I'm nervous because this is new to me. I hope that when I wake up tomorrow, there will be clarity so I can do my work flawlessly.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

I am anxious right now. I hope when I come back to this post, I’ve made it again.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

same feelings today! I hope I can ace it again!

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

What a Petty Feeling!

I'm not really a materialistic person, but I do get excited about the little things and love celebrating special moments. My heart feels warm whenever I receive gifts from others. Unfortunately, during my graduation, birthday, and after passing the board exam, I didn’t get anything from the people I had hoped would celebrate with me. Am I being childish for having those expectations? I can’t voice these feelings openly, but I often find myself crying at night when I see friends on social media being showered with gifts. I envy them and wish for those moments too. I tried treating myself to things I wanted instead of waiting for gifts. At first, it brought me some pleasure, but that happiness quickly faded, as it’s just not the same when someone gives something to you out of love. For example, I have always dreamed of receiving a bouquet of flowers since high school, so I finally bought one for myself after I passed the board exam because I got tired of waiting for someone else to give it to me. At first, it was fulfilling, then later on I felt like I was so petty.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

My thoughts in every silence I made

There is something in me that I am longing to have and feel for, so what I am doing is to wait and wait and wait until I get that, but now I’m slowly becoming hopeless and tired of hoping. If I could only do it for myself, I would do it, but I know doing it for myself makes me feel dumb. I’m trying to feed myself with the thoughts of being content, but seeing others having that makes me envious and sad. It makes me say, I want that also, but saying it expressly so I can have it would take away the feelings attached to it. Besides, my actions always implied it.

Despite this, I really want the feeling associated with it, so I think doing it for myself will make me foolish, but at least it might bring some happiness.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

oh no, I am feeling this again right now…

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

My thoughts in every silence I made

There is something in me that I am longing to have and feel for, so what I am doing is to wait and wait and wait until I get that, but now I’m slowly becoming hopeless and tired of hoping. If I could only do it for myself, I would do it, but I know doing it for myself makes me feel dumb. I’m trying to feed myself with the thoughts of being content, but seeing others having that makes me envious and sad. It makes me say, I want that also, but saying it expressly so I can have it would take away the feelings attached to it. Besides, my actions always implied it.

Despite this, I really want the feeling associated with it, so I think doing it for myself will make me foolish, but at least it might bring some happiness.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

Tomorrow, I'm going to treat myself to a fancy dinner and buy myself some flowers.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

My thoughts in every silence I made

There is something in me that I am longing to have and feel for, so what I am doing is to wait and wait and wait until I get that, but now I’m slowly becoming hopeless and tired of hoping. If I could only do it for myself, I would do it, but I know doing it for myself makes me feel dumb. I’m trying to feed myself with the thoughts of being content, but seeing others having that makes me envious and sad. It makes me say, I want that also, but saying it expressly so I can have it would take away the feelings attached to it. Besides, my actions always implied it.

Despite this, I really want the feeling associated with it, so I think doing it for myself will make me foolish, but at least it might bring some happiness.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

it’s getting bad again

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

where did the time go?

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

I hope I’ve made it by May 2025.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

I hope I’ll be a successful person in whatever career I choose. May the Creator of the universe guide me.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

City lights + coffee = 🖤

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

There are a lot of times that I think I deserve no one. I don’t know if I am good for anyone. I don’t know if they are happy and satisfied being with me. In the heat of the moment, I easily accept the fact that people will leave me because I am not good enough. It’s the reason why I let people easily go, not because I don’t love them, but because I feel like I can’t make them stay.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

gaining strength from no one but myself

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

I miss writing. I’m kinda busy lately.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

praying for passing grades in all of my subjects

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

I am anxious right now. I hope when I come back to this post, I’ve made it again.

[thethinkerbellsstuff]

praying that my partner right now is my first and last