he fucked that old man @thetrashyflower - Tumblr Blog

Every compliment feels violent, every eye on me feels abusive, and every thought expressed to me reminds me that both of those things are true. I am not a person at all, let alone one who deserves any respect. I exist to be used and then tossed to the ground with my orifices filthy and sore. I am so tired of never receiving real affection and only receiving intrusions by men who think that im easy and they're always right. I am the most pathetic human being alive.

I feel so fucking disgusting all the time. The only people attracted to me are chasers. My body has only ever been sexualized. I feel perverse for even existing the way I do. Im so tired of being seen as nothing but a fetish. No one is interested in me as a person, I don't even think it's possible. My actual self feels like a complete after thought. I want to die.

I shouldn't have to start conversations with "hey guys I wanna KILL MYSELF can you guys please fucking talk to me" to get a response. but it genuinely feels like unless I do some shit like that everyone will continue to ignore me

#i wont obviously bc thats manipulative and mean but GOD DAMN CAN PEOPLE TALK TO ME BEFORE I BECOME SUICIDAL #the amount of times i have told people 'yeah i feel extremely lonely and isolated most of the time'#and then they get shocked when i continue to feel that way or feel it EVEN MORE after they never talk to me #i think i must just be genuinely insufferable and exhausting to be around #because im the common denominator #i think i should just kill myself

"No we care SO MUCH about what you're going through, reach out!!!"

the average experience i've had when saying fucking anything to anyone in my circle for the past month:

#positive or negative literally no one fucking responds to me 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩#and then people get SHOCKED when i tell them that it feels like i genuinely have no one who gives a fuck about me #WHAT THE FUCK ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK??????#like im sorry but don't think i dont notice when people only respond to me when it relates to something that directly benefits them #none of you people even want to have a real conversation with me how the fuck do you think that makes me feel

so I cant drink, cant fuck strangers, cant cut myself, and cant binge eat but literally no one who calls themselves my friend reaches out to me or even responds to me when I do genuinely what the fuck am I supposed to do at this point im being so deadass

#its always the people who never give you the time of fucking day that have the absolute most to say about how you cope #i am so painfully fucking lonely and literally everyone keeps making it worse #sorry that im indulging in the few things thay make me forget about how lonely i am

I'm gonna die alone with nothing to show for my pathetic life and no one to mourn me how am I supposed to feel like it's worth anything at all to keep trying

bring back lobotomies. I think most of my issues would be solved if I were lobotomized and then put in a home

#bpd is fun :)#great disorder i love how it's not really treatable at all!!!!!#and my only way of dealing with it is self isolation and never forming any attachments to anyone ever!!!#even though i desperately want those attachments and desperately want to be loved #but i know that literally no one is going to be able to deal with my needs for longer than a week so I'm just kind of screwed #I'm so fucking tired #genuinely how am i supposed to not feel like the only options are endless suffering or suicide #i don't want to rely on something to numb me for all my life but i feel like that's what it might take just so i can frrl kind of normal

"Nooo you're not chopped" I have never been on an actual romantic public date in my entire life i need you to be FUCKING FOR REAL

#i swear to god my eye twitches every time someone tries to convince me that I'm not ugly/undesirable #I KNOW WHAT I FUCKING LOOK LIKE :))))))))))

gave myself the ojisan special while shaving today, unc status comes closer to me day by day

#my facial hair is so fuck ass but apparently that's how my dad's was until he got older so I'll just give it time #idek what i want my facial hair to be idek if i want it all the time tbh #it just helps a lot with passing atm #like i do pass without it but i think it makes me less clockable

I hate feeling nothing all the time man. I hate that the only solution i have is detachment and keeping myself from feeling too much

#i wanna feel things again but then the feelings get too strong and that's the issue #either i feel too much about things that mean nothing or i feel too little about things that should matter more #people will think I'm weird and off putting anyway i guess #why couldn't i have a normal brain :(#i want a lobotomy

thempregguy

category of blorbo called "technically i like them but fanons obsession with them to the exclusion of other characters pavloved me into having a negative reaction whenever i see them"

emptyblissdotmp3-deactivated202

#shout out milgram fans and i will leave it at that

spicymochi

silly guys

boycritter

the annoying thing about weightlifting is that you have to lift weights that are a little too heavy for you if you want to get stronger. and you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to keep building muscle. fucked up.

boycritter

thank god this same principle doesnt apply to any other skill you want to improve at! that would really suck.

a teenager(? at Michael's craft store thought my kazui ita bag was ivan alien stage. it would have felt better to die one thousand deaths 💔💔💔💔💔

#CAN I NEVER ESCAPE #no one knows ball please lord release me #they were very sweet and very excited at what they thought they saw but i had to break their heart unfortunately #that's my wife 💔💔💔💔💔💔

Please do any parx fans want a GA ticket for the dallas show i won't be able to go 😭😭😭

#looking to sell for $30 btw!#waterparks #waterparx #parx #parxies #awsten knight #geoff wigington #otto wood #PLEAK #lowkey bought tge ticket without thinking but also i thought I'd have travel money 🥲#just dm here or on discord (corruptedflower)

oh you think the older gay man in this age gap pairing would be manipulative and abusive? Wow how enlightening and original, definitely feel free to never unpack why you think that and definitely feel free to ignore the fact that this doesn't align with his character at all. No it's fine it's all fake anyway and doesn't say anything at all about your own assumptions about older gay men haha yeah no it's cool man it's cool cool cool

#no I'm not on the verge of ripping my hair out it's fine #sigh.

cis people who use gender neutral bathrooms because they're shy about pooping in public need to die and go to hell WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TRANSEXUAL ASS SUPPOSED TO PEE IN THIS CONSERVATIVE STATE??????

#day one of classes and cis people already are pissing me off #JUST USE YOUR MANY GENDERED ONES YOU GREEDY BASTARDS #and they take fucking ages in there too #I've been waiting for 5 minutes 🤩#mind you after i already came to a different location because THEY KEPT USING THE ONLY UNISEX BATHROOM IN THE BUILDING I WAS IN

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he fucked that old man