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Get 'em Outta Here

March 2016 Last Friday afternoon, The Donald held a rally in St. Louis interrupted by so many protesters, he hardly got to mouth his repetitive pandering. “Get ‘em outa here,” was mostly what he said. Many of his minions carried signs that said the very same thing: Get ‘em Outa Here--- protesters have become more and more common at his rallies. Praise the Lord. Then he flew on the TRUMP plane to Chicago for a Friday night rally on a college campus that is 25% Hispanic, 25% Asian, and 10% black, all ethnic groups he has recently insulted and offended. Chicago is hurting---50 public schools closed, a mayor under fire, the highest murder rate in the US. It was a perfect storm and there was so much scuffling, hatred and anger, fists thrown, both inside the venue and outside, The Donald called the rally off. Why did this happen? I think verbatim quotes from The Donald’s evil oval mouth might explain it best. I should get a medal for this because I had to stop the VCR and look at stills of Donald Trump many times. I groaned once, and laughed twice. The others were numb. Here are the verbatim: In Las Vegas: “I’d like to punch him in the mouth.” “In the good old days, protesters were carried out on stretchers.” ‘Knock the crap out of them, would you?” “Islam hates America.” “90% of the time I’m telling the police, take it easy, don’t hurt them.” “I hope these guys get thrown into a jail. They’ll never do it again. It’ll destroy their record. They’ll have to explain to Mom and Dad why they have a police record and why they can’t get a job…And you know what? I’m gonna start pressing charges against all these people…and then we won’t have a problem.” “We have protesters, some of whom are so mean, so loud, so vicious. They stop us from exercising our First Amendment right…there are very few of them but they are very bad people.” “I am a unifier.” “They shut Christianity down.” “…the thousands and thousands of (my) people who came to the rally were taunted, they were harassed by these other people. These other people, by the way, some represented Bernie, our communist friend, so Bernie should say to his people ‘Stop’." And at the rally Saturday in Cleveland: “Look, it’s a Bernie person. It’s a Bernie. Hello Bernie. Hey Bernie, get your people in line. Bernie, get your people in line.” He also blamed Obama: “Our president has divided this country so badly…”. Sean Hannity on Fox claimed these were “professional protesters” organized by MoveOn.org. MSNBC, an equal opportunity opportunist, maneuvering for the Trump ratings, claimed it was “pre-packaged chaos” by both sides and gave it hours of coverage and punditry. Trump: “I don’t condone violence.” True, remember in Grand Rapids he promised not to kill the dishonest, disgusting media? So far, so good, he’s kept his word. “I could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and they’d still vote for me,” he once proclaimed. His minions loved it. “A couple people said violence is good for my campaign.” Three days after the near-riot in Chicago: “There is no violence at my rallies…these are love fests.” By the way, kudos to the Chicago cops for the way they handled this particular love fest. There were live cameras on them all the time, I surfed the channels, and I didn’t see a single move that bothered me. I don’t know. Would the US be in and out of global hot water all the time if The Donald were elected president? Would we ever get OUT of hot water? Would it be a massive trade war with China, Japan, Mexico and Viet Nam? Would he really kill the family of an ISIS terrorist from Minneapolis? Wouldn’t there be domestic trouble deporting 11 million of our neighbors to the other side of The Wall? Is he really serious about The Wall? Picture, if you dare, The Donald and Kim Jong-Un, face-to-face-, hilarious hair-do to hilarious hair-do, testosterone flowing, threatening nuclear war against each other.

“Nasty Case of Affluenza”

People wonder why nothing nasty sticks to Trump: He has an aggressive case of affluenza and his minions forgive him for it.

#affluenza #thetrumppapers

South Carolina Exit Polls

Exit polls speak in South Carolina:

75% of Trump supporters favor a ban on Muslims

66% of them believe Obama is a Muslim

60% say Obama was not born in the USA

40% support abolition of mosques in USA

#TrumpExitPoll #South Carolina #thetrumppapers

“Scary Thought of the Day”

Scary thought of the day: Hillary is now preaching love and kindness, which I’m all for, but what if we have another terrorist attack before the election? What if we have two? How much hay will The Donald make out of love & kindness vs. ISIS? Are we that close to a President Trump?

#thetrumppapers

onetruelibertarian

Follow the OneTrueLibertarian for more libertarian memes!

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My Stage 5 is Numbness. I call it “Numb to Trump.”

#thetrumpppaers

Super Tuesday Trump Thump

Trump didn’t actually squash the mosquito and the blowfly on Super Tuesday, but he thumped them pretty good. Lying nasty Ted Cruz carried his home state of Texas and his neighbor Oklahoma, and later my home state of Alaska (read: not Trump); and little Marco won the Minnesota caucus, as strange as that may seem. Trump swept the rest, mostly southern states which he solidified by getting the endorsement of a bevy of NASCAR drivers five days before the vote.

I, of course, looked forward to his victory speech. Would it produce more groans or laughs? This is one criterion I use to process his speeches these days. Sometimes you groan, and then laugh. And sometimes you laugh, until you realize he really means it, and then you groan. Occasionally, there is a double groan and no laughs.

Who came out on the stage to introduce him but his new-found minion, Chris Christy. He, who two weeks earlier had proclaimed Trump “unfit to be president”, introduced The Donald in glowing, hypocritical echolalia. They embraced and Christy retreated to the backdrop and stood in full TV view just off Trump’s right shoulder.

On that right shoulder stood Contrite, tall and proud, looking spiffy in his Brooks Bros. suit and red tie. Contrite was standing on his tip-toes, talking into The Donald’s ear. Contrary was bound and gagged, and struggled to be free on the other shoulder. The Donald began by congratulating “hard-working Ted” for his victories in Texas and Oklahoma, gave a nod toward his “worthy opponents”--- little Marco, Gentle Ben and the noisy adult in the room, John Kasich, and then went on to brag, as he occasionally does, about his victories.

I captured this verbatim. It involved a lot of going back and forth on the DVR, stopping the tape and seeing Trump in one of his terrifying stills, that evil oval mouth in front of six US flags, but I felt it my patriotic duty. “We won the evangelicals, we won with young, we won with old, we won with highly-educated, we won with poorly educated (pause: as much of the audience applauds itself) I looove the poorly educated… (more applause)…we’re the smartest people, we’re the most loyal people, and what I’m most happy about…46% with the Hispanics!” In the South Carolina primary, a week before, he had carried the “short people, tall people, fat people and skinny people” vote. Is there no stopping him?

I kept looking at Christy, standing stiffly without any facial movement. He looked like a deer between the headlights, i.e. road kill, but still able to stand. Somewhere in there when Trump was bragging about his victories, Contrary spit out his gag and The Donald threw a couple jabs at nasty lying icky Ted Cruz and little Marco, he of the big ears. Contrite was quick to hop to the other side and re-insert the gag. Contrary bit his fingers. Pulling him up by the red tie, Contrite bitch-slapped him and returned to his post on the other shoulder. The rest of the speech was so innocuous I wondered what The Donald was up to.

Tell me, if it does come to pass a President Trump, would the US be in and out of hot water as he is all the time? I have this re-occurring nightmare of The Donald and Kim Jong-Un face to face,

ridiculous hair-do to ridiculous hair-do, deciding the fate of the world. Trust me folks, we don’t want his little…oh, you know what I mean.

#SuperTuesdayRecap #thetrumppapers #hairwars

“Happy Stat of the Day”

Happy stat of the day: Even though Trump got 46% of the Nevada vote, finally cracking the 35% ceiling I had predicted which had held until now, that vote represents only 17% of the Nevada Republicans so he got only half of 17%. Is my math right? I’m an English major.

#17percent #thetrumppapers

Mosquito and Blowfly Torment Trump

Well folks, it’s been an interesting weekend following that last Republican debate on Thursday. That debate was something to marvel at, it was the best food-fight yet. Little Marco and nasty, lying Ted came at Trump from both sides, they were buzzing at each other, sometimes all three at once. Trump was kept busy swatting them away. The adult in the room, John Kasich, was once again, appalled at their behavior. Gentle Ben was so left out of the debate he once interrupted and said, “Would somebody please attack me?”

The little mosquito and the nasty blowfly attacked him from either side on his bankruptcies, on Trump University where you got your graduation picture taken beside a life-size cardboard Trump, on his taxes, on his support for Planned Parenthood, on his ties to Hillary Clinton and the other liberal Democrats. It got worse the days after the debate, intensifying during the Sunday morning talk shows.

Somewhere in there Mitt Romney lobbed a head of lettuce into the food-fight insisting on seeing The Donald’s taxes. There’s irony for you. Remember how he fought exposing his own?

Cruz, who once stood with Trump at a rally in D.C. to protest the Iran deal, was now insinuating, in masterful innuendo, that Trump might have ties to The Mob. Rubio told stories about Trump backstage putting on makeup during a commercial to cover up “a sweat mustache” and demanding a full-length mirror to what??? “See if he had wet his pants?” Trump told stories about Rubio backstage “putting on makeup with a trowel to cover up his ears.” And later said he didn’t want to say Rubio has big ears but “they are the biggest ears I’ve ever seen.” Strange, I hadn’t noticed them in six months of watching this spectacle. He does have big ears, a feast for a caricaturist. Now I can’t take my eyes off them.

The next day Rubio doubled back on his statement and said that Trump doesn’t sweat because “his pores are clogged with the tanning spray he uses.” And then he said, “Trump is not going to make America great again, he’s going to make it orange.” This man, “Little Marco” as Trump calls him, who would be President, has stooped to this. And then he made fun of Trump’s small hands and says “everybody knows what that means” reminding us once again that we don’t want Trump’s dick, no matter how small, on the nuclear button. And this: “Donald Trump likes to sue…he should sue whoever did that to his face.”

And then David Duke lobbed a watermelon into the fight by endorsing Trump. After first pooh-poohing the endorsement, and enduring severe criticism even from his minions, the Donald was forced to say, “I know nothing about David Duke.” (He claimed he had a bad earpiece.) Joe Scarborough, on “Morning Joe”, who has long been in existential negative awe of the Donald, came out and said, “That should disqualify him, right there.”

Ask me who won the Republican debate. The Democrats won, that’s who.

#RepublicanFoodFight #thetrumppapers #keepAmericaOrange

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda Dept.

If only Bernie would have turned the mike over to those two Black Lives Matter gals out in Portland, introduced them and allowed them five or ten minutes.

#BlackLivesMatter #thetrumpppapers

REBLOG Louis C.K. Sends Out Epic Email Annihilating Donald Trump

REBLOGGED from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/louis-ck-email-donald-trump_us_56db7571e4b03a405678e794?section=politics

In a lengthy email he sent to fans on Saturday after a brief plug for his show "Horace and Pete," Louis C.K. took very precise aim at GOP front-runner Donald Trump, saying bluntly: "This guy is Hitler."The comedian brings up Trump's well-documented racist views, his conveniently shifting opinions and his generally unbalanced demeanor.He also acknowledges that his message might not go over well, saying, "I’m sure a bunch of you are very annoyed by this. Fucking celebrity with an opinion." He later adds, "I know that I’m only bringing myself trouble with this shit.""And really I don’t mean to insult anyone," the comic continues. "Except Trump. I mean to insult him very much."Below is the full text of the email postscript.

P.S. Please stop it with voting for Trump. It was funny for a little while. But the guy is Hitler. And by that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over who would say anything at all.And I’m not advocating for Hillary or Bernie. I like them both but frankly I wish the next president was a conservative only because we had Obama for eight years and we need balance. And not because I particularly enjoy the conservative agenda. I just think the government should reflect the people. And we are about 40 percent conservative and 40 percent liberal. When I was growing up and when I was a younger man, liberals and conservatives were friends with differences. They weren’t enemies. And it always made sense that everyone gets a president they like for a while and then hates the president for a while. But it only works if the conservatives put up a good candidate. A good smart conservative to face the liberal candidate so they can have a good argument and the country can decide which way to go this time.Trump is not that. He’s an insane bigot. He is dangerous.He already said he would expand libel laws to sue anyone who “writes a negative hit piece” about him. He says “I would open up the libel laws so we can sue them and win lots of money. Not like now. These guys are totally protected.” He said that. He has promised to decimate the first amendment. (If you think he’s going to keep the second amendment intact you’re delusional.) And he said that Paul Ryan, speaker of the house will “pay” for criticizing him. So I’m saying this now because if he gets in there we won’t be able to criticize him anymore.Please pick someone else. Like John Kasich. I mean that guy seems okay. I don’t like any of them myself but if you’re that kind of voter please go for a guy like that. It feels like between him and either democrat we’d have a decent choice. It feels like a healthier choice. We shouldn’t have to vote for someone because they’re not a shocking cunt billionaire liar.We should choose based on what direction the country should go.I get that all these people sound like bullshit soft criminal opportunists. The whole game feels rigged and it’s not going anywhere but down anymore. I feel that way sometimes.And that voting for Trump is a way of saying “fuck it. Fuck them all”. I really get it. It’s a version of national Suicide. Or it’s like a big hit off of a crack pipe. Somehow we can’t help it. Or we know that if we vote for Trump our phones will be a reliable source of dopamine for the next four years. I mean I can’t wait to read about Trump every day. It’s a rush. But you have to know this is not healthy.If you are a true conservative. Don’t vote for Trump. He is not one of you. He is one of him. Everything you have heard him say that you liked, if you look hard enough you will see that he one day said the exact opposite. He is playing you.In fact, if you do vote for Trump, at least look at him very carefully first. You owe that to the rest of us. Know and understand who he is. Spend one hour on google and just read it all. I don’t mean listen to me or listen to liberals who put him down. Listen to your own people. Listen to John Mccain. Go look at what he just said about Trump. “At a time when our world has never been more complex or more in danger… I want Republican voters to pay close attention to what our party’s most respected and knowledgeable leaders and national security experts are saying about Mr. Trump, and to think long and hard about who they want to be our next Commander-in-Chief and leader of the free world.”When Trump was told what he said, Trump said “Oh, he did? Well, that’s not nice,” he told CBS News’ chief White House correspondent Major Garrett. “He has to be very careful.” When pressed on why, Trump tacked on: “He’ll find out.”(I cut and pasted that from CBS news)Do you really want a guy to be president who threatens John McCain? Because John McCain cautiously and intelligently asked for people to be thoughtful before voting for him? He didn’t even insult Trump. He just asked you to take a good look. And Trump told him to look out.Remember that Trump entered this race by saying that McCain is not a war hero. A guy who was shot down, body broken and kept in a POW camp for years. Trump said “I prefer the guys who don’t get caught.” Why did he say that? Not because he meant it or because it was important to say. He said it because he’s a bully and every bully knows that when you enter a new school yard, you go to the toughest most respected guy on the yard and you punch him in the nose. If you are still standing after, you’re the new boss. If Trump is president, he’s not going to change. He’s not going to do anything for you. He’s going to do everything for himself and leave you in the dust.So please listen to fellow conservatives. But more importantly, listen to Trump. Listen to all of it. Everything he says. If you liked when he said that “torture works” then go look at where he took it back the next day. He’s a fucking liar.A vote for Trump is so clearly a gut-vote, and again I get it. But add a little brain to it and look the guy up. Because if you vote for him because of how you feel right now, the minute he’s president, you’re going to regret it. You’re going to regret it even more when he gives the job to his son. Because American democracy is broken enough that a guy like that could really fuck things up. That’s how Hitler got there. He was voted into power by a fatigued nation and when he got inside, he did all his Hitler things and no one could stop him. Again, I’m not saying vote democrat or vote for anyone else. If Hilary ends up president it should be because she faced the best person you have and you and I both chose her or him or whoever. Trump is not your best. He’s the worst of all of us. He’s a symptom to a problem that is very real. But don’t vote for your own cancer. You’re better than that.That’s just my view. At least right now. I know I’m not qualified or particularly educated and I’m not right instead of you. I’m an idiot and I’m sure a bunch of you are very annoyed by this. Fucking celebrity with an opinion. I swear this isn’t really a political opinion. You don’t want to know my political opinions. (And I know that I’m only bringing myself trouble with this shit.) Trump has nothing to do with politics or ideology. He has to do with himself. And really I don’t mean to insult anyone. Except Trump. I mean to insult him very much. And really I’m not saying he’s evil or a monster. In fact I don’t think Hitler was. The problem with saying that guys like that are monsters is that we don’t see them coming when they turn out to be human, which they all are. Everyone is. Trump is a messed up guy with a hole in his heart that he tries to fill with money and attention. He can never ever have enough of either and he’ll never stop trying. He’s sick. Which makes him really really interesting. And he pulls you towards him which somehow feels good or fascinatingly bad. He’s not a monster. He’s a sad man. But all this makes him horribly dangerous if he becomes president. Give him another TV show. Let him pay to put his name on buildings. But please stop voting for him. And please watch Horace and Pete. - Louis C.K.

#LouisCK #thetrumppapers #Hitler

25 posts!

More to come. As long as he’s running, I’m writing.

#25 posts #tumblr milestone #thetrumppapers

One on each shoulder: Contrite and Contrary

#thetrumppapers

Trump Schlongs Pope

This happened on another Numb to Trump day where I cannot stand to turn on the TV. But I did anyway, late in the afternoon, and the Breaking News flash at the bottom of the screen said: Trump says Pope’s comments about his religiosity were “disgraceful.” Something like that. It is not necessary to quote him verbatim since with the constant repetition of his diatribes, which I trust must be getting tedious even to his minions, the words change from time to time.

So now he’s taking on the Pope? I surfed the news channels and soon found out what the Pope said. Paraphrased, he suggested that a good Christian would build bridges, not walls. He didn’t mention Trump by name but the Donald took it personal. I thought the Pope won that one, on a moral technicality, but the next day,Trump schlonged him by pointing out there is a wall around the Vatican. One wonders if there was another insomnia-induced conversation between Contrite and Contrary and if Contrary bitch-slapped Contrite again.

This was before the Iowa primary where the word “schlong” entered the political vocabulary. And this is where Trump got beat by icky Ted who also claims the evangelicals. Trump was leading by 5 points on Friday and lost by 4 points on Tuesday. Just sayin’.

I don’t think evangelicals cotton to a candidate who uses “shit” and “pussy” and “F***You” even lip-synched, and the Donald has been called on the carpet by the disgusting media about this. In the interview I saw, Contrite certainly was sitting on his shoulder. Trump admitted he probably shouldn’t be using so much profanity and bragged that it would be no trouble for him to speak the English language without it. He said something like: ”I can be presidential if I have to be.”

He also said this, right there on TV a couple months ago. I found it so oxymoronic I wrote it down: “I can be magnanimous if I have to be.” We’re getting to know him.

#thetrumppapers #Contrite&Contrary

Potty-Mouth Trump

I saw this on TV. Trump was pontificating at a rally the night before the New Hampshire primary, occasionally spreading his arms wide like the Messiah and forming that evil oval mouth of his.

He mentions icky Ted Cruz and a woman shouts right in front of him, indistinctly on TV, and Trump stops his spewing and laughs…points at her…asks his minions if they heard what she said? Buys some time, his wheels turning, you can just hear them, shall he blurt this into the mike? Buying more time he mockingly scolds her…shall I tell them what you said? His minions scream for it. What’s a billionaire to do? “She said Ted Cruz is a pussy,” he said into the mike. It was reverse echolalia. The minions loved it. His poll numbers rose. He won with 35% of the vote, hah!, ahem…the exact ceiling I have predicted for him, and once more, hats off to those 65% of Republicans who, last July, swore they would NEVER vote for Donald Trump. They are living up to their word.

When I turned on the TV the next morning, there was the entire episode, although they never did get a camera on the lady minion. When Trump said the word “pussy” MSNBC bleeped it out. Later that afternoon, they ran it raw. Trump is right about all this PC nonsense.

Didn’t he defend himself by saying: “ I didn’t say it…she said it?” How does he get away with this? I’m old enough to remember “I Like Ike” and I cannot recall a candidate ever using the word “shit” at a campaign rally. What would he do about ISIS? “Bomb the shit out of them,” he said, bombastically. Never mind that it is mostly desert in ISIS-land and these pseudo-Islamic criminals live in villages and cities as bad cops, bad judges, corrupt mayors, armed with executioners and jails. How are you going to bomb the “shit” out of them when they live within the population?

In Viet Nam we once said, “We had to destroy the village in order to save it.”

I also hear he lip-synched “F***You” right there on TV. And got severely criticized for it, as he should. I didn’t see this, I was in a week-long Numb to Trump slump. My friends told me about it and I also read about it in the newspaper. Who was he saying it to? Fox News again? Icky Ted Cruz? ISIS? A protester? Kim Jong Un? Megyn Kelly? The Chinese, Mexicans and Vietnamese who stole our jobs? Trust me folks, we do not want his schlong anywhere near the nuclear button.

The question still remains: How does he get away with this crude talk as a presidential candidate? Perhaps he has a severe case of affluenza and one-third of the Republican Party forgives him for it. Kudos again to that other 65%! Let’s get together some time and have a beer.

#thetrumppapers #65%

Are we having fun yet?

#thetrumppapers

“10 FEB: Phil knows a lot about US primaries. Today he explains what the New Hampshire primary means. To learn more go to bbc.in/nhphil #USElection2016…”

Funny in a sad kind of way.

#thetrumppapers

Trump Thumped in Iowa

See? See? I told you so. I predicted the Donald would never get more than 35% in ANY election and he got only 24% in the Iowa caucus. Lost his first election…he’s a looooser. Lost to icky Ted Cruz who got 28% of the Republican vote.

I eagerly awaited his concession speech and dearly hope I get to write that sentence again and again. Would he come out and once again rant about “the stupidity of the Iowa voters?” Lately he’s been jabbing Cruz with the ol’ reliable birther punch and calling him the “nastiest” person in the senate and then there were those suspicious bank loans where his wife worked and Cruz’ poll numbers seemed to be falling.

For his concession speech the Donald came out on the stage with an un-Donald-like relaxed look on his orange doughy face. He admitted to second place and congratulated “Ted.” There were scattered hoots of disappointment from his minions, however nothing scary. They too, were subdued. He went on to tell the people of Iowa how much he loves them and was quick to add the people of New Hampshire and South Carolina to the list, sites of the next two primaries. He went on with some inanities so politely delivered, I wondered what he was up to. He was unnervingly gracious--- he must be up to something. So he can communicate without profanity. He said he was honored to run with so many qualified candidates (lie) and was happy with second place. I actually started to like him. Then he told the people of Iowa once again how wonderful they are and how much he loves them and threatened to come back and buy a farm. And calmly left the stage.

One can only imagine what went on in bed that night because he woke up snarling and tweeting. I visualize a tiny Trumpet on each shoulder giving him advice as insomnia raises its ugly head. They are dressed in tiny suits and each sports a red tie. One is called Contrite, he who delivered the concession speech. Contrite defends his calm language and rational thinking. The other, Contrary, is madly jumping up and down on the opposite shoulder, spewing profanity. A heated argument ensues and Contrary crosses over, grabs Contrite by the red tie and bitch-slaps him into submission.

The Donald woke up bellowing that nasty Ted Cruz had stolen the election. Yes, it was revealed over night that icky Ted’s campaign had announced the withdrawal of Ben Carson from the race the very day of the primary betting that Carson’s evangelical followers would flock to Cruz. The dishonest, disgusting media broke the story and many talking heads are saying it very well could be true. The Donald called it voter fraud and threatened to sue. He also demanded a “do-over” of the vote, but that jockstrap did not stick to the wall.

Kudos to the 65% of Republicans who, back in August as the Donald’s star was rising, swore they would NEVER vote for Donald Trump. You are honorable people, keeping your word like that. I salute you.

#thetrumppapers #thumpedinIowa

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