the ugliest crier

[theugliestcrier]

lifelong telephone wire love affair

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

note to self.

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

The dormancy

I let those grudges long ago 

But tomorrow they’ll be at the party.

The scars show up in twos and threes,

They match the remaining you can see

Even when I’ve been in the sun.

They black sheep me 

And keep forgetting to invite me 

When their kids have new babies.

I admit I did that first.

“I don’t remember when it started”

I remember when it started.

Compliments came before the concern.

Was it Helena hubris?

Petulant and precious.

Push every boundary

Past the point of address because

All I do is lie?

Am I addict behavior, expert suppressor?

Repeat inpatient to be sicker better.

Whatever they say about how time heals…

I still get so

Red in the face 

When I run.

Gin and catatonic 

When no amount of therapy 

ever relieved 

the spirit paralysis that sweeps

sharing space with

The non-protectors. 

They seem to forget and

don’t outsider anybody else.

I was ten and 

The others were younger but

Can you blame them? 

None of the others started starving.

At least the team gives permission

To do what you need

Family free. 

Take heed to take care. 

What a win, to get a handle on.

What work, to find peace.

Land in a subsequent lifetime with  

A new non-protector to leave -

At least the food and liquor raucous

is quiet, now. 

Whatever they say about 

how time heals…

Today, the best of it is 

I am happy.  

Today the worst of it is

Having had lunch already, 

If someone says I look healthy

And I don’t like their tone. 

The worst of it is a nostalgia mind,

Sipping wine. 

The worst of it is 

I still get so red in the face

When I run. 

The worst is of it is

The dormancy. 

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

sparkling water 

get tea go dancing, no falling in love

a little something rash

but you have no agenda.

at home, alone, to dress down 

finger, flick, camera, wait

admire instead the hopefuls you’ll 

someday send because

body looks good 

wait,

did you ignore that

open door, on purpose?

the thinking was for now,

but yes.

now. this isn’t but 

what was that question 

about limerence? 

this isn’t, but

seemingly all the right thoughts 

come

space. full up with ‘what about’?

what about this 

away complex? 

what was that about

image? 

what about living in lower case,

an academic.

what about, do you like This song? 

always. runaway train (car)

daydream musings,

self proclaimed fittest

muscle.

recently. 405 driving 

suddenly. on museum glass

and what about picture

frames?

How did those work out?

funny timing. 

get tea, go dancing, no falling in love

we haven’t even talked about 

blushing 

and how I wonder if it’s the most 

romantic thing.

table some other wonders. 

time for a drink, subtle.

time for a drink, not still.

table stakes and table games 

play 

on some words all you 

want.

laugh at yourself because,

parched. 

[theugliestcrier]

embrace

I’ve looked at clouds that way

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

NINE?! This day looms and creeps up all at the same time. 

2025 Louis J Sapienza

Some of what you missed this year: 

Finally got to wear my ‘You Need to Calm Down’ Eras costume, wingman-ing Royce at a fun Halloween party 🎃 

Me one year ago: “I have hope” Me today: !!!LOL!!! Do I?! UGH. To get it out of the way ~election devastation~. Every bit as bad as we thought and worse. We’re holding on and speaking up and peacefully protesting and marching and fundraising and, and and. The rules are nonexistent. Almost one year down. I am trying not to rant or completely go off the rails here but BIG FEELINGS AND SAD AND MAD AND truly sometimes physically ill. High drama bc bad fucking times. Sigh. No Kings salvaging some hope. I digress.

Things feel small to write about but I suppose that’s half the point. Still sober soOoOoo that’s defo something. 

Did a mid-Nov Coney Island trip and dip, as we do. 

Got a second visit in to Cooperstown. Yanks shit the bed last year and … also this year lol. Ah well. Baseball dunzo til ‘26. 

I found a lot of good new music and I wish I could show you. Of all the songs top of mind I jotted down “Merry Christmas, Please Don’t Call” << the honest approach 

Got strep throat just before Christmas. Gross and weird. 

Did a little in and out Vegas visit in Jan for bday :) and one last Killers at Caesars. Worth it. Sitting at 29, with them. 

Violet’s birthday desire was a belly button piercing and she wanted me to join her - obviously, yolo. We did this and then saw Gusto at The Capitol, I’d never been :) 

Work was Quite Challenging baaasically all year. Had some Paris trips. It has stabilized so I am grateful for that. 

There has not been such an Academy injustice since Rooney. 

We had the most epic surf retreat spring break. Violet is a natural. We will be surfing again soon over Thanksgiving 🏄🏽‍♀️ in Hawaii. We’ll be there on your birthday. 

Too much in May but best case, all in all. 

My besties, all still the best. All over! Rely on them and still feel the luckiest to have ‘em. World was introduced Bennett & James & Brody. Meg got hitched 🫶🏼 

Eurotrip. Met Ollie. Time with Vi in Nice. Time with Royce in Rome and Sicilia. The Mediterranean and Ionian were just as *chef’s kiss* as you could imagine. Applying for citizenship. 

Other worth writing home about goings on: … in no particular order: Vandoliers, Petey, My Mom Jayne, Tessa and Kevo and the girls DUH! Only Murders, Becoming Led Zeppelin was cool!! Jimmy Page creative genius Robert Plant dopey who knew. cooled on Bon Bon (in my heart maybe not in my consumption), hot on ☀️, hot on new couch. New couch is probably #1 update. Diane Keaton 💔

This year hurt! It’s hurts! On any given day it feels like an ebb and flow of blow after blow, a little bit. At the same time I can acknowledge tired and sensitive. Rather sensitive and angry and working through it than completely desensitized, I think. This year I feel I’m scattered and like I’m missing things to share. Trying to stay accountable. Minding my biz. Sincerely and deeply grateful, too. Doing the work and blah blah whatever.  

Vi and I got home late last night after visiting Elaine in FL ❤️ sun sun sun and fun fun fun. Idk a little numb but know I miss you so much. Miss you today and natch always, always Papa ♥️ 

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

Allergy Medicine | Memorial Day Weekend II

It's still Baby Magic Lotion

But no bar soap in the shower

A year and change

Can't overstate

The peace to sleep beside my niece

I don't smoke reds anymore

I just show up

It's good girl giving

Happy Birthday

Make Amends

A weekend that is, for

Crystals yes and precipice

The solstice

But there's no full moon

Out in place, but here, in time

This is visiting

[theugliestcrier]

The chance encounter

blushing in the car

because today he's a 10

to text me.

far away notes from LA to PA

for my eyes only

upstairs and all of these

simplified come Ons,

a plus decade

and we're still where we met

in the most honest place.

The chance encounter,

spending my youth

in basement booths,

perfume for rich dudes,

rarely kissing.

start, stop, fast forward and replay

fairy tale forest fires

and tears in the film

that we never try to fix

Do you ever think about

Topanga?

All that wine before

or 25th St, hotel window

36th floor

heart skipping

barstool tripping,

Lovers of Today

bottles strewn

dining room

blow bedsides

the perpetual 8, 9

ride

What is 10 now?

Do you ever come

To New York?

Have you come

without telling me?

Did you think about telling me, though?

I think about

Past Lives -

Had to be.

Next one?

I wish you'd at least

acknowledged my May pain.

given up on upstairs

I’ll still bring you up

when they ask

where my heart has been

"I was in something with him."

[theugliestcrier]

[theugliestcrier]

surf break