Can I Break The Spell of the Typical? @theultimatebasketcase - Tumblr Blog

40th Day Post-Licensure.

It's been forty days since I became a licensed physician. I have attended to random clinic jobs for several companies. The pay is okay considering it is at least twice the bare minimum even after taxes. So many realizations have dawned on me. From the time that I passed until the time that I realized there are other options for making a mark for yourself.

In any way I do not intend to belittle the achievement that I have made for myself although it feels empty: soul-crushingly empty. I feel trapped with what I do and headed on a one-way street where everybody expects me to tread sooner or later. It is now that I feel the let down, the disappointment that I have for myself the moment I jumped into this hole and turned back on my passions belittling and undermining my true potential for creativity. I thought I was destined for greater things. Some might assume that I took to heart my recent rejection on the only program I applied for next year's opening. It may not be so. Had I been accepted into the Neurosurgery program, I think I'd still be typing this entry from my bedroom counting the dwindling days of freedom until I surrender the next 6 years of my life to intensive learning and training again. As far as my life had been, everything was handed to me. Everything was easy. Everything was within my reach but now that the real world has opened up to me, I now feel the roof of comfort and ignorance gone.

I now learn that I have to weather the storm. I now learn that I still have another chance to pursue my heart's desire in which case, I have to turn my back on my supposedly chosen vocation, set my sails to the direction where the heart whispers where I am supposed to go.

Yes, guys. Never listen to anyone who tells you "Be realistic." The moment you accept those two words as a fact, the fire in your soul perishes and what's left is an empty vessel of life bound by responsibilities and worries.

Money comes after. The struggle is real but, always go back to where you are happy. I wish I still have the chance to do so.

rulesofthirds

lovequotesrus

Everything you love is here

People will kill you over time and how they'll kill you is with tiny harmless phrases like be realistic

I think as you grow older your Christmas list gets shorter because the things you want can't be bought

Boxed Friendships and Other Things.

I went out with a good friend the other night. It got me into thinking about friends, those that were, are, still are and will become. He kept on mentioning a specific relationship and how it took a nosedive. I simply reiterated what I have learned throughout the years: Some friends are come and go. Platonic relationships can be likened to fast food: you can have it for here, drive thru or to go. I mentioned to my friend that the relationship he was pertaining to seemed like a to go. What do I mean with these classifications anyway? Let me explain. 1) For here - To put on simple terms: these are the friendships that last. These are the friendships that are intended to last for reasons known or otherwise. I've always believed in the 7-year mark of friendship. Some have been purposely ended, some drifted apart but nonetheless, to weather the 7-year limit requires immense thought and effort on both parties. A friendship dies once it stops becoming a two-way street. 2) Drive thru - These are the friendships for convenience: the relationships we tend to have, most likely less than 7 years, and just because they are around. I tend to classify former lovers under this. For what is love, but a friendship set on fire? My belief is that you do not need to be friends with a former love especially if you were at the losing end of the relationship. If he cannot treat you right during the relationship, the person has no business being your friend. 3) To go - This, for me, is the most painful form of friendship. It is a marriage between for here and drive thru. You'd think that they are here to stay, that they are friends for life yet a nick or a thousand in the friendship will send it all crumbling down. That or not spending time together within a specific time frame which is tantamount to no effort of keeping the friendship alive. This happened to me. I have finally accepted the fact that some were never meant to stay. Sometimes I wonder if I am just pushing people away. Because I have grown to love my solitude so much, I have forgotten what it feels to be like with another: to be seen in a different light the way I fell for someone just because the lights hit his face perfectly the moment I laid my eyes on him. Or maybe, to realize that despite all the darkness, there is that someone else who will be the lighter side of life. You crave for that better side of life and when it goes away, the darkness consumes you again. Most days I wonder if I will ever be in the place where I am meant to be. The fulfillment of being a doctor does not equate to my imagined success of being a writer. My voice has to be heard, one way or another. There has got to be some way for me to find success. I'm happy to be a doctor but I know my heart is not in the right place. I know that I deserve to go back to the arts, to express myself freely, to live again and create with my thoughts, my experiences, my emotions, my soul. As we all know, everything comes with a cost. Sadly to live a comfortable life, I have to give away 6 years of my life just to gain my free right for self-expression later on. I just hope it is never too late for me to start again.

thegirlwhocrieswolf

Then there is the boy you can never stop thinking about. Whenever you see his name, it trips you up. Even if it’s one that belongs to many others, even if he belongs to someone else. You know he is a symbol of your weakness, your Kryptonite. How he rushes in like wildfire and burns through everything you worked so hard to build since he last left you in ashes.

Lang Leav (Signposts, Lullabies)

🎼I've got a soul but I'm not a soldier🎶

kushandwizdom

kkushandwisdom-deactivated20150

Good Vibes here

thebestsoylatteandme-blog

This reminded me of you. I wonder how you are and if you’re still pushing people away. I really miss you somehow.

theultimatebasketcase

Word.

animalsnaps

Snippet of my recent post for someone in the distant future.

I look forward to resting my head on the crook of your neck and breathe in your scent. It will be the comforting scent that will put my heart at ease. It will assure me that I am safe, that I no longer have to go through life alone pretending to be strong for myself.