Ollie

18 :)

[deanwinchesterapologist]

something either is or isnt happening to me

[hello-friends9500]

[griffin-girl]

Hi! Today I wanted to let a few built up emotions out in hopes that someone out there will relate to them and know they are not alone.

Maybe you know this feeling that, despite life going well, you still can't be happy?

That doesn't mean you're ungrateful, but you also don't have to pretend you're happy just for having or acomplishing things. It's okay to not be happy with your life.

Four years ago, I had everything. I was happy, my family was compleate at that stage, I had a loving boyfriend, I was good looking, I got accepted into Law university, I had a job where, despite working really hard at, it was fun because of my coworkers, I was having my secret passion for writing that I loved deeply, and my own community of wonderful people supporting my work. Life was at its peak. I had all the things that sounded like bragging. All that things that could make someone happy.

And I really was, in the most honest and real way, happy.

Then only a year later, my life collapsed.

My boyfriend broke up with me just because he wasn't ready for commitment. Two months later my mom got diagnozed with cancer and underwent surgery and treatments. A month later? Grandma was diagnozed with cancer too, she needed surgery as quickly as possible. We have lost her in 2 weeks after the surgery. Thieves broke into our house. I have fallen down the stairs and broke my ankle and had struggled with pain for a really long time. But what hurt really hard was losing my passion for writing. My grandma was my inspiration. She had been the woman who had taught me to love stories and how to woven them into words ever since I was only a toddler, and I felt like I failed her for losing that spark. I tried to keep writing a short while after her passing, more like forcing myself to do so, but nothing came. It also made me fail all the kind people out there who enjoied my work, and I regret that. I regret hurting those people feelings with my incapacity of writing again. Depression and grief got the best of me and turned everything I was into scattered ash. Pieces that I've yet have to reclaim and put together.

Two years it took me to start feeling anything else than an empty void filled with numbness inside me, if that makes sense. That and an all consuming anger. I was angry at myself, at the world, at life. At everything and anything at the same time.

Now my life sounds like it started getting better again.

It started sounding like I brag when I'm actually not.

I have a well paid job, my mom's cancer hadn't returned, my leg mostly recovered, I am now studying for a Master's Degree in Law, I opened myself up for relationships, I became a godmother, and I even started to try writing again. I built a whole world in hopes I'll one day write my own book that the world will love.

It had sat untouched on my dask for almost half a year now, and knowing me, it will remain like so.

A small part of me will always ache for that childhood dream of an innocent little girl to become an actress, to become an artist. Things all children dream of. Happiness, success, fame, their own family.

All I have managed so far? To be a dissapointment for myself in the first place, then for the rest of the world.

So just because your life seems like it's settling down, that everything is well, and yet you can't feel happy about it? Don't worry. You're not alone.

Don't get me wrong! I am grateful!

Grateful for my family, my job, my studies. Things that others would call acomplishments you got to be proud of.

I am not proud though.

And happiness is a far away utopia for me right now.

So don't feel guilty for not feeling happy despite having certain things.

Being grateful doesn't have to equal with being happy or content.

Overachievement is mostly stress, and less happiness.

I like to think there are so many people out there who feel just like me every day. People who pretend to be happy just to get through the day, yet on the inside they're dying a little bit more with each day they can't find their place into the world and feel like failures. People who get out of the bed in the morning just because they have to keep the appearances up.

We're not a failure, yet self-blaming doesn't let us see past that. To see past the mistakes. To see past the things we see as bad.

And I'm sorry if this is too long or if it sounds either like bragging or complaining online.

It's not.

But if at least one person, somewhere out there into this vast world felt a little less alone in their struggles after reading this, then I don't care about the rest. I'm used to the bad things and harsh words anyways.

If sharing helps, then I'm always here to listen.

Forever yours,

- R 🧡

[1nkera]

One of the most tragic things about MCU Nat is that we’ll never see her interact with the other SHIELD ladies…

I want a series with her, Maria, May, and Bobbi. That would fix me, I think

[onbearfeet]

So I was at SDCC this year, and I passed a stall in the ladies' and heard someone sobbing inside. Just bawling, fully melting down. My-dog-just-died levels of crying. And I've spent a lot of time in therapy trying to learn better boundaries around helping people, but I'm not made of stone, so I stopped outside the stall door and asked, "Are you okay?"

The woman's breath caught, and she said, "Yeah, I'm fine," in the least fine voice I have ever heard.

So I walked away. Made it all the way to the sinks. Washed my hands. And turned around and went back because nope, not fine, not okay.

"Look, I don't want to be a dick, and you don't have to tell me what's going on, but is there anything that would help? I've got water, ibuprofen, and safety pins, and I could find other stuff."

"No, no, it's fine. I have those too."

"...okay."

I made it to the sinks again. She went back to sobbing like her heart was being torn out one strand of muscle at a time.

An older woman sidled up to me. "Did she tell you anything?"

"Nope. I offered her water and ibuprofen, too."

"Oh! I've got snacks. Maybe that'll help."

"Worth a shot. Oh, hey, I think I have some of my business cards for my Etsy shop in here—I could write my number on one if she needs help later."

"I've got a pen!"

We hurried back to the stall, offered the snacks, and were rebuffed. Finally we slid the card and the pen under the stall door, explained that we were both mom friends/teachers/etc. and trying to help-not-creep, and reluctantly fucked off. I personally felt like shit about it, but I had places to be and I felt like I was close to overstepping the crying woman's boundaries if I hadn't already done so. And if I'd made her feel unsafe, well, she could toss the card.

The following morning, I got a text from an unknown number.

She identified herself as "Rose from the bathroom" and explained that she'd had a hell of a day, with multiple people being cruel to her, seemingly for no good reason. She'd hit her breaking point and fled to the bathroom to cry it out ... at which point two strangers had rocked up, checked on her multiple times, and generally done the dance of most social mammals when a member of their group is in unexplained distress. The two of us had, more or less accidentally, restored her faith in humanity by being worried apes at her. 18 hours later, she was having a much better time, and a lot of it was due to the two of us shoving things under her door.

Anyway, turns out we live about 20 minutes apart, and we're going to meet up for tea after we've recovered from con exhaustion.

So if you ever feel like humans in general and/or fandom humans in particular are irredeemable shits, remember that sometimes the same species who'll ruin your con day will try to slide trail mix and ibuprofen under your stall door in case it helps.

I still don't know what Rose looks like, btw (although apparently she knows what I look like—I mentioned I was in cosplay and she said she'd seen me around). I don't know whether she's cis or trans. So next time you hear someone bitching about trans women in the ladies', feel free to tell them that it never once crossed anybody's mind to ask. If you're crying in the bathroom, you're my sister.

Maybe take the trail mix, though. We apes worry about one another.

[indie-navarrete]

YELENA BELOVA and KATE BISHOP — THUNDERBOLTS & HAWKEYE // (2022-2025)

[rogers-carter]

yelena belova + death

[npd-vriska]

This whole thing about scanning your face to prove tour age is making me remember, in 2018 while out in paris we got our wallet stolen during a particularly busy night at a lesbian bar. It was very late and with no money to buy metro tickets we were effectively stranded, but some people helped us and we ended up staying the night at a really sweet older man's place. His face was deeply scarred and he was missing an eye. We chatted on our way and he told me about his life, probably to help calm me down. He explained he had been stuck in a house fire 20 years ago and had had multiple rounds of facial reconstruction and a skin graft, but there's only so much surgery can do so he just learned to live with it. I remember he said he liked the queer bars because they're the only place people don't really stare at him.

At some point I took out my phone, and at the time I was using face unlock. This prompted him to tell me all the ways this technology doesn't work on him. How his phone selfie camera doesn't focus right because it's not detecting a face. How he had to update his ID the old fashioned way, because the website kept rejecting his photos. And how it was becoming more and more common, and how it was making his life way harder.

This was 7 years ago, and now whenever I see this sort of technology I think of how that guy can't use it. And how house fires are pretty common, and how anything from being born this way to a skin condition to heavy tattooing can probably cause the same issue. Can these people get age verified ? Will they just lose access to all social media, which are increasingly necessary in society, if this becomes the norm ? These are people who are already driven out of public spaces due to how they look, and they're getting pushed out online too all in the interest of companies wanting more money.

[wereoz]

i think about the significance of young nat dyeing her hair blue all the time. for the first time ever, she’s far from the red room, able to at least pretend she has parents, has a sister who adores her, maybe has normal friends. and she dyes her hair bright blue to say “i don’t have to look over my shoulder. i decide what i want to look like, act like, be like now.” and that doesn’t last because she was never truly free

[nondelphic]

i love when my brain says “you’re not allowed to continue writing until you fix that one tiny scene in chapter 4” and then refuses to let me fix the scene in chapter 4. like okay gatekeeper. rot

[thequeenofstormsandcrows]

It sucks that Natasha Romanoff is the only female character that got absolutely no respect. She was sexualized in every movie until Infinity War (even in Civil War bc they refused to let her get dirty or actually bleed), plain, simple references to her past without actual details of what she went through, suits that made her look attractive instead of being functional, and a movie after her death while being the reason that every other female character got the respect they deserved. The entire reason why Yelena is allowed to express emotions is because Scarlett fought for Natasha to be able to and settled for Yelena getting the chance to. Peggy, Wanda, Carol, Gamora, Nebula, Hope, Pepper all got to be ppl that weren't objects simply bc the MCU used Natasha as their punching bag. Is this to say that there wasn't misogyny in the treatment of some of these characters in the MCU no ofc not. But they were focused on other things than their looks, got actual functional suits, movies and development. Natasha never even got a funeral and her movie was announced after her death. She deserved so much better, so did Scarlett Johansson who was the most perfect casting.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Oh hey. I learned a bit of magic at the jewelry store that I’ve forgotten to share, please pass the blessing along.

Have you ever had a knot or tangle in a metal chain? Especially the very fine ones, it can be impossible to work them out with your fingers.

My friends, all you need is a thumbtack. In a pinch, a toothpick, needle, or any fine thin stick will do. I have never been defeated by a knot with a thumbtack in hand.

You stick the pointy end into the trickiest part of the knot and slowly just work it in. The knot loosens around it, and I’ve used this metaphor for acupuncture too because it’s the same principle to me.

But anyway, I’ve untangled chains women brought in that have been stuck multiple hellish kinks and knots for decades. It never fails to astonish them, and honestly it’s fun. Very tricky knots can take longer but it always works.

[colorfulbibliostack]

!!! This has been tangled for nearly a year, and in only half an hour with the tack it’s good as new.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Hell yeah!! Post has reached its target audience!

[brainmoss]

IT FUCKING WORKED YEAAAAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH

I used the back of a pin : D this had been tangled for two full years, I'm so happy I got it back :, )

[lasrina]

Reblog to save a necklace.

[justangrymacaroni]

A witch puts a spell on a girl, a sleeping spell that promises the girl shall wake through true love’s kiss. Men come and kiss her. She slumbers. Women come and press their lips to hers, but still she sleeps. Many years past, and the girl remains still. One bright morning,  a lost little boy finds her resting spot and clears the dust and grime from her face. He offers her a kiss on her forehead, and her eyes flutter open. She never feels romantic love for a man nor a woman, and she cares for the boy until the day she dies.

A young woman is imprisoned in a castle by a monstrously formed prince. The servants of the castle hope for them to fall in love, and when the spell is broken they assume their prayers have been answered. They are all surprised, but nonetheless pleased, when it is revealed to them that the young woman and prince are the truest of friends, and nothing more.

They say the kingdom is ruled by an evil queen, a woman who is incapable of loving. She is unmarried, she has no consorts, and she wishes for no partner. She is the wretched queen, the heartless queen. She must hate her daughter, for her daughter is beautiful, and women are incapable of liking another woman who’s prettier than themselves. It must be for this reason that the princess was sent away, not for how she was attacked by a man in the woods. They say the kingdom is ruled by an evil queen because she cannot love. The queen loves her daughter, and that is enough for them both.

There lives a prince who is forced to choose a bride at the ball. He meets many beautiful women, but find none which he loves. He spies one in a gorgeous gown and wonder in her eyes, and he dances with her all night long. The kingdom is sure he has found his bride. When the clock strikes midnight he tells her how he will never love a woman, or a man, in the way he is expected to. The beautiful woman smiles and tells him she expects nothing from him. The next morning the prince and the beautiful woman are missing, having run off together to see the world. They leave their shoes behind in their haste.

Many kinds of love exist. It doesn’t all have to be romantic.

[irontinystar]

sometimes I think a little too much about Scarlett Johansson getting overly sexualised as black widow and I get so sad I feel like crying

[maiya-was-here]

ok i LOVE this duo omggg

[theunchosenonee]

NANCY WITH A GUN NANCY WITH A GUN NANCY WITH A GUN

[rose-fics]

I used to be kinda neutral on the whole likes vs reblogs thing but recently it’s started to bother me more and I’m getting where you’re coming from. People are coming in my masterlist and liking fics literally down the line and then leave without a single reblog or a follow. I get its the nature of the platform but like they clearly like my stuff so would it kill them to leave a little support behind

That's the thing anon, is that is isn't the nature of the platform.

Imagine if all the people you follow never reblogged anything.

Your dash would be empty. Nothing.

Tumblr, as it's original concept, was intended as a platform designed for sharing. You had to go seek out people with your interests and follow them precisely because they shared things from creators. Why would you follow a blank blog, or someone that never shared anything?

Things have changed a bit, yeah. We have the 'for you' page full of terrible recommendations, you don't have to go hunting through tags anymore and can just have them on your dash recommending you things passively, but the original concept of a platform built on it's main function being that of sharing works/art/media is still there. If we all stopped reblogging, hell if we all stopped tagging things, we'd never find anything on here. We have to reblog.

[flightlessangelwings]

IT ISNT THE NATURE OF THE PLATFORM

^ this 100%

Tumblr is a place where you reblog thing!!! It’s how this site works!!! Please please please reblog fics and art and posts you like so others can see and enjoy them too!!!

[oatmealaddiction]

I feel like some of you guys think "bad art" is like someone gluing rhinestones to a water melon, or a guy who made his own armchair out of Ohio license plates, or a trashy romance novel where someone says "the blue-eyed one kissed the brown-eyed one," when in reality bad art is a 1000000 Billion Dollar movie where none of the workers got paid and every single creative decision was market tested to see how lucrative of a profit it could foreseeably make to wow shareholders.

[teaboot]

Insincere, passionless, money-hungry art is almost always bad art