I Can't Be Happy Anymore

I'm just a girl trying to make sense out of the messed up life I was given. Music and Writing are the only things that give me something to believe in again. I hope that what i post helps someone out there or at least let's them know that there not alone.

[theunknowngirl18]

You know when you start to feel like your losing yourself but there's nothing you can do about it. Like you know you should go outside and get fresh air but still you lay in bed, or when you put off hanging out with your best friend even tho you miss them like crazy. Yeah well that feeling started about a month ago and now you feel lile you've lost touch with everyone you love and you feel like you can't say or do anything that doesn't lead to you feeling like a piece of shit who hyperventilates in your truck or the bathroom. And the only things that makes you feel a little bit better is being with him but right now it feel lile your a burden to his mental health and you feel like he doesn't really want you around but he doesn't come right out and say it so he just makes you feel crazy. Yeah that's depression and she's a BITCH

P.s here a picture of some crappy,flowers i made to try and make myself feel better. That's all thank you for time.

[theunknowngirl18]

I thought everything would change. Did it? No not really she's out of our lives but we are already damaged. Forever changed because of her. They are never going to be the parents that i remember I will never be as nice as I once was. My sister will never think she's good enough for someone because of her. Life should be great but somehow we are all stuck in the past I try to tell them just move on forget the past but do they? no because they still make comments about things that happened. She still flips out over nothing he still gets drunk every night I still hurt myself weather physically or mentally my little sister is still with someone who doesn't treat her right. We will forever be broken because of her. I try not to dwell I try to move on and not be stuck in the past but lately I've fallen back into old habits I wish i could talk to someone but I just don't know who would listen and not judge me.

[theunknowngirl18]

I want to die.

[theunknowngirl18]

Everything will change.

You will quit the job you hate.

You will find that guy you deserve.

You will finish college.

Your dad will divorce her.

Your sister will be happy.

Your mom will love you again.

Your mom will treat you with respect again.

Your mom will treat you like a human being again.

You will feel happiness again.

You will feel at peace.

You will not break.

[theunknowngirl18]

[theunknowngirl18]

[theunknowngirl18]

My Reoccurring Nightmare

I'm asleep in my bed like any other night. And I'm dreaming but I can't remember the good part of the dream. Only that the dream starts to turn into a nightmare. The first part of the nightmare that I can remember is that I'm asleep in my bed but my bed isn't in my room it's in a playground and the playground is in the woods. I start to toss and turn like I'm having a nightmare within a nightmare then I wake up screaming in my dream and see that I'm in a playground. I get out of bed a start to walk around but its really dark to dark and I start to trip over things. I fall a couple of times. I yell out for help but I don't scream anyones name I just yell for HELP! I start to cry I guess in my nightmare I'm more of a little kid. I'm standing in the middle of the playground but its like the world starts spinning around me. Like i'm on the toy with the rails the one where you see how long you can hang on for but this time I have nothing to hang onto. Then just as the world around me becomes on big blur I hear arguing and a shattering sound. I try to put my hands over my ears and close eyes but still the yelling and the feeling of spinning takes over. The arguing becomes so loud I let out a scream. And then its like I'm falling and the next thing I know I'm waking up and I can't breath.

[theunknowngirl18]

[theunknowngirl18]

[theunknowngirl18]

Its been awhile since I've posted but things are still crap at home we didn't move out and things are getting worse. But now me and my sister are fighting and there's nothing I can do to stop it. She says I pushed her away but I tried to include her she says I want nothing to do with her but I'm always trying to do something with her but she never wants because she's always tired. How am I supposed to get through to her when she's the one pushing me away. I can't win anymore. Hell when did I ever win? The only good thing in my life right now is i have a boyfriend my first boyfriend. But the thing is none of the people in my life really like him and I don't know why. He never did anything to them he's just super shy and doesn't really know how to just make conversation. He fine when he's with me and his friends but when he gets near my family and friends its like he doesn't know how to talk. I just don't know what to do.

[theunknowngirl18]

Separate

I can't breath something huge is about to happen and I don't know if I will survive it. My stomach has been folding in on its self And I have been stress cleaning. My bag is packed if it comes down to that. I am ready for this to End. I just don't this to be my End.

[theunknowngirl18]

Worst Fucking Christmas Ever💀

[theunknowngirl18]

The holidays just bring out the worst in people everyone is greedy and Spiteful😡 My wicked stepmother to be exact!

[theunknowngirl18]

What am I going to do now that inktober is over😢

[theunknowngirl18]

Day 31 of #inktober #lastdayofinktober

[theunknowngirl18]

Day 30 of #inktober #inktoberisalmostover

[theunknowngirl18]

Day 29 of #inktober