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Who knew that within the first 4 months of 2026

1. I would be on the news (again)

2. I would hook up with a guy 13 years older than me on my own terms just to feel something when I felt so hollow inside and devoid of any emotion

3. I would discover the Are We Dating the Same Guy Facebook page and find my friend’s psychotic husband on there

4. I would tell said friend about the group and seeing her husband on there and subsequently find out how psycho he is (he doesn’t work, put her in 180k worth of cc debt, and is actively cheating on her with hundreds of different women using her money)

5. My other friend’s predator friend would SA me

6. I would tell my other friend and her wife about the SA and they would both gang up on me telling me that it’s MY fault for not telling him my boundaries????

7. I would stop getting invited to events because I spoke up about the SA

8. Said friends would simultaneously exclude medically but then hit me up for “anti-anxiety meds” bitch I don’t do benzos and never have. Go fuck yourself and get a script from ur MD and while you’re at it go see a shrink bc ur tripping if you think I tolerate that kind of disrespect

9. I would unfriend/cut off one of my closest friends from residency for how she handled me telling her about her creepy ass friend SAing me and how she basically took his side and decided to defend his predator ass

10. My friend deciding to divorce her husband and trauma dumping to me daily about it

11. My friend telling me that she told her husband that I showed her the Facebook group and now this unhinged psychological liar who lives less than a block away from me knows I’m involved

12. Me getting closer to many friends who supported and believed me about the SA

13. Me reflecting on how my friends handled the SA and reflecting on how my other friend basically reacted the same with his friend Jerry sexually harassing me and defending his behavior and me getting extremely sad

14. Me seriously pondering if I should cut him off as a friend but ultimately deciding not to since he truly cares about me but just lacks capacity for a lot of things

15. Me spending nearly $1k in impulsive pottery class purchases

Pls I’m done with 2026, can I just get some peace in my life

I love Sam Sam

One of the few people I’ve genuinely felt better after talking to ❤️

I’m so fucking tired of being the strong one who lifts everyone up.

Everyone gets to benefit from me being their emotional anchor and for me doing their emotional labor.

But who does my emotional labor?

Bucket List

It seems so much less exciting creating a bucket list at 31 compared to when I was in my 20s

There was so much excitement of the unknown and potential when I was younger

Now everything seems… idk attainable? Money is no longer a barrier to anything I want to do and this is actually insane given that I was so careful with it when I was younger

I’ve also accomplished a lot of things from my previous bucket lists which is amazing but now it’s harder to get the same rush

Well here we go

Travel to all continents

Solo travel to at least one destination abroad

Go to the movies alone

Pick a hobby and stick with it for at least a year (focus on consistency)

Write more

Volunteer more

Live abroad

Wow I saw his new wife’s headshot for the job she works for and she looks so disheveled and sad…. There’s like no light in her eyes… it’s kind of killed the comparison narrative as in “how did she make him feel safe enough and not me” and it’s turned into pure horror. Horror at the thought that the same look could have been mine. I cannot deny that when I was with him my nervous system was in absolute fight or flight mode. I’ve never in my life been that anxious and nauseous. I thought it was stress from residency applications but after I matched it stayed. It was only after he dumped me did my anxiety resolve.

She looks so sad and haunted. I feel really sad for her and even more horrified that that could have been me. He had a way of charming you while simultaneously sucking out your life force

Never forget you are the sun. These parasites will always flutter trying to suck you dry for all that you are worth. God will always redirect what is not meant for you. I truly believe he’s been saving me from some demonic evil fate from the men that I’ve met. What’s waiting for me is special and will leave me fulfilled ❤️

Idk why but I get disgusted with girls who don’t respect themselves and always center men above everything.

I had a friend whose boyfriend would visibly check out other women when he was with her. When I mustered up the courage to tell her about it, she brushed it off as funny. She justified it saying she finds other men attractive so he’s in his right to check out other women.

I immediately felt a rush of distain for the friend. How do you have no boundaries? Are you that desperate to not be alone that you’ll settle for scraps?

The boyfriend had MANY other flaws as well. Making comments about her pale skin telling her she needed to tan, expecting her to cook for him after an exhausting shift in residency, lying about drug use. Once when I was visiting, she was in the other room and it was just me and him in the living room. I had been singing the lyrics to Sabrina Carpenter’s Espresso the entire day. While I sang the verse “I’m working late, bc I’m a singer. Oh we look so cute, wrapped round my finger” His head darted so quickly to look at me. Disgusting. As if I would even give your low class ass the time of day.

When we tried to raise our concerns, the friend consistently sided with her lame ass boyfriend. Now she’s in shock when none of us want to hang out with her.

I’m sorry I only surround myself with people that respect themselves. If you want to center men you can go off and be miserable with whatever choice you make. But if you think I’m going to welcome you back with open arms, you’re sorely mistaken.

I hold myself to an extremely high standard and I guess maybe one of my downfalls is that I expect others to share those same values. Unfortunately that’s not always the case and I’m left disappointed. While my close friend circle has gotten smaller, my satisfaction with my friends has significantly increased. When you cut out judgemental people, cheapskates, performative people, and women who center men and replace them with people who genuinely care about you and share your same values, your life improves significantly.

One thing u should know about my avoidant ass is that if you choose to end things with me, no matter how much I’m invested/care I will agree with you and the breakup in a heartbeat.

I KEEP TRYING TO MOVE ON AND THE UNIVERSE KEEPS INSERTING THIS MF INTO MY LIFE

now his sister is a resident at the same hospital I work at???

I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS LOSER PLS STOP DOING THIS TO ME UNIVERSE

Oh bby u will not catch me making the same mistake twice. I literally FLEE at the first sign of someone not being over their ex, being a loser, overall having shitty communication, or being hot and cold. Not going to relive that trauma again

Tired of being the manic pixie dream girl

I’m so sick of these “broken” or “sad” guys coming into my life and thinking that I’m the solution to all of their problems

Because I’m a bubbly and happy person, these men leech onto me like vampires and drain me completely

I’m not your savior. Go get some fucking help, and even better, get a life.

Ty for coming to my Ted talk ❤️

Pain is not artistic

It is not beautiful

It is not romantic

It fucking hurts

When ur delulu and ur ego is also the size of the moon so ur dumbass doesn’t realize until like 4 years later that u were getting played by a pathetic loser

It’s so sad

For someone of my class

To self compare herself to a trashy, ugly, box shaped erratic girl

This bitch isn’t even near my level and I’m out here spiraling

What a drug infatuation is

Self awareness is that I don’t have anxiety unless it’s related to my romantic life

In my free from residency, buying expensive sheets and making chia pudding era

Amazing how your quality of life drastically improves when there’s no men to disturb your peace of mind

I only post whenever I’m feeling emo, but honestly I’m doing amazing

Surrounded by genuine and supportive friends that I love spending time with

Living in a city that I’m obsessed with

And honestly after I started finally dating again, it’s become less scary and high pressure and more fun and interesting. SF defs has the most interesting people and it’s been hilarious getting to know them.

Really looking back I’ve done SUCH a long way. My mental health was at an all time low when I started PGY1 year. A weird situationship/whatever the fuck it was ended. It was the first time I had ever gone through something like that and needless to say I did not take it well. I didn’t even have time to process it since I had to study/pass my boards prior to residency starting and I put so much pressure on myself to pass them. Although I passed them literally against all odds on my first try, suppressing my emotions did not work out well for me as they all came bubbling up when I was on my first rotation. Having an extremely selfish and unsupportive and pretty much mean roommate at the time literally just made things worse. I don’t think I had ever been in such a bad spot than I was the beginning of PGY1. I was crying so much and I didn’t feel like myself at all. It was actually horrible.

I was holding onto something that really needed to be let go. Finally i had to make a choice of whether to shut the door for good on something that meant a lot to me. I picked me and it only went up from there. Although the journey was REALLY rough, I’ve learned so much from the mental anguish and I’m honestly stronger than I’ve ever been before. Sometimes you really have to hit your lowest to get to your highest. Here’s to many more years of laughter, joy, and overall happiness ❤️

I'm better off now that we don't talk

I wanted to call for days and days and days

I gave you all your space

Nothing's changed

I throw my hands up, no, this can't be love

Gave all of me but my all ain't enough

Miss what we were, I hate what we've become

Wish I could stay, but there's no saving us

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