if i had time machine i would go back n stop myself from idolizing my father. maybe then i would hurt less now
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@theunusualmesstuff
if i had time machine i would go back n stop myself from idolizing my father. maybe then i would hurt less now
you are too special for me to hate you
hug me.
kiss me.
hold me.
don't leave me.
cradling warmth between my fingers in the 1 am cold
expressing myself is difficult lately
but i find it easier if its you
but you dont listen anymore
im the flame from his flicker
rest of his world is the wind, the widespread reality
he casually flicks his flicker and im diminished by the wind
he brings his hand around the flicker carefully sustaining me, letting me breath, letting me live in his world
just to burn the cigarette of my time, my life, my love for his cheap thrill
while i wait for another chance to breathe with his hand around
to douse in his presence evertime i breathe
such a vicious draining cycle
but i never dream about getting out of it
is there ever an end?
nah im not interested.
can't even talk to chatgpt anymore
Time’s slipping through my fingers like it’s trying to escape, and I’m stuck in this mess of nothingness.
The future feels like a cruel joke,
Always out of reach,
Always taunting me.
Hope? It’s an illusion, something that shows up just to vanish the second I believe in it.
Loneliness is my shadow now, suffocating, relentless, and I’m so damn tired of carrying it - Pretending it’s not there,
Pretending it doesn’t eat me alive.
But it does.
Every damn day.
And I’m exhausted.
I’m frustrated to the point of breaking, yet here I am, dragging myself through the motions because there’s no other choice.
Why do I keep going?
Honestly, I don’t even know anymore.
But I do.
Somehow, I do.
You stayed when shadows consumed my mind,
Your words a balm, so gentle, so kind.
Now I’ve risen, my strength restored,
Yet you’re distant, no time to afford.
are you excited just to leave all this behind and never look back?
as long as you hold me beside you, i aint looking anywhere
I thought if I let myself get crushed and broken more n more...i'll end up immortal, leaving nothing else to be broken. but there is always a little more to be broken innit?
im not even my father's first choice lol
we wer so close one yr in same class havn utmost fun than anybody else...the entire skl knew it....nxt yr we wer frnds but he fell in love....then he started moving away frm his frnd to his love....and as a matter of fact he nvr acknowledged me as his frnds while he did for everybody else....i nvr called him out for it but was juz content wid the good times we had....wen he was missing his old frnds he nvr missed me....not complaining again.....but i always missed him....left him know once or twice like....miss u bro...tat was alrdy enuf...didn need to be emphasized much...nd bro was living his life....even back then he came to me only wen he needed stuffs to do...i ofc helped him but now forgot it....again he came recently wen he neeeded stuffs to be done....am all cool like the clown i am....give up anything for him....did everything he asked for....i was still thinking tat the one in shadow u randomly pops wen he nobody else to deal the shit....and now.....bro got offended....like fuck man???wat abt the times wen i needed u nd u left me stranded and made fun of me?? wat abt the times wen i came back to u wen u nvr saw me tho i was right in frnt of ur eyes??? he was the only frnd who meant a lot to me....but think i shld change my mind now...but dunno how....dunno how to be a clown
We were inseparable once, for that one perfect year. We laughed louder than anyone else, had more fun than anyone else. It was like the whole world knew we had something special, something unbreakable. And then everything changed. He fell in love, and I started to lose him. Slowly, I watched him slip away. Day by day, he moved closer to his new life and further away from me, like I didn’t matter anymore. He never once called me his friend, not the way he did for everyone else. And I said nothing. I just kept quiet, holding onto the memories of what we used to be, pretending they were enough to get me through.
When he missed his old friends, it was never me he missed. He never even thought of me. And God, that hurt. But I never complained. I let him live his life, let him forget me, even though I never stopped missing him. I’d drop the occasional “Miss you, bro,” just to remind him I was still here, waiting. But that was it. I didn’t need to say more. I was already invisible to him, and maybe I was starting to accept it.
Whenever he needed something, though, I was the first person he came to. He never came just to talk or to check on me—only when he needed something done. And I always helped, because no matter how much it hurt, I would’ve done anything for him. I told myself it was okay. But he never remembered those times. And now, out of the blue, he reaches out again. Not because he missed me, but because he needed something. And once again, I dropped everything. I gave him whatever he asked for, just like always. But deep down, I wondered, “Am I just the person you come to when there’s no one else left?”
Now, he’s offended. Seriously? After everything, he’s the one who’s hurt? What about all the times I needed him, and he wasn’t there? What about the times I was right in front of him, practically screaming for him to see me, and he didn’t? It’s like I didn’t exist to him unless he needed something. He was the only friend I ever cared about, the one person I thought would always matter. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s time to stop caring. But I don’t know how. I don’t know how to stop being the clown—the one who’s always there, always waiting, always hoping for something that will never come back.
i wish i get diagnosed with last stage of some cancer and being given few weeks to live
ppl around me will shower all their love...hide their sympathy...comfort me...la la la...and the best part!! i'd get to bid my final goodbye!! tats gonn b my finest nd happiest moment!
why nothing right happens to me?
i try to be a better person everyday...i try to acquire new skills and that very moment the something goes wrong in the webpage...i try to code a little after a very bad day and the program wont just run on the platform...my emotionally unavailable parents are an icing on the cake! they brag on and on about letting me do watever i wish but they cause so much chaos to an extent that it gets in my way. firstly they let me do watever i want coz they couldnt care less about me....lately days have been so tough and its becoming unbearable as each day passes. my peers are achieving and here i am stuck in the midst of no where. i dont know where i am. i dont know where to find me and pick myself up again. i dont wann look like a failure in tiz crucial time of lyf....one wrong thing rn will only cause domino effect.
but something gotta support me right...anything i wann do goes straight into failure phase before i actually do anything...i dont know if i am making any sense or not...but tiz is how i feel rn
i am very well aware that my life is very much in the comfort zone...i get food to eat...got roof on my head....got a safe shelter....while thy are many kids of my age struggling their ass off out there...maybe i need a lil warm hug to pull my spirits high? i dont knoww.....can something positive juz happen to me...like a lil reward...i dont have to go deeper deeper into the dungeon everytime right...righttt???
p.s. even posting this dint go well...got moderated twice for watsoever reason and was just not accepted or some bs....juz whyyy!!! should i get used to the fact that i cant get anything...even the merest of everything in the first attempt no matter the effort i put in???
#morirò da Re