it's been, what? 3 years?
this isn't my main tumblr. apparently, I can no longer access that one. I don't know why I made this one in particular. perhaps, my main was a conglomeration of things that represent how random and scattered I was back then. I admit that it's hard to look back on the person I used to be. but maybe I'll get there, maybe one day I will be comforted by the messiness, the uncertainty, the confusion, the low self esteem grumpiness anxious insecure state that was my youth. I can't say I'm a different person now but I surely have grown and tried. typing this is very nostalgic. this makes me sad. I had so many a night where I stayed up to copy codes of themes and tweak them to get what I want them to look like. I remember wanting to learn coding but not having the patience. I remember some people I used to obsessed about. people with no faces, people with no names. I remember Astrid who likes soccer a lot she makes gifs of it. she grew her hair to donate it for wigs. that was the first time I learned about growing ones hair to donate it for wigs. I remember seeing her look different with a short hair. I remember discovering that she might like girls. or was it a different girl that I talked to who has a softp0rn account but is thoughtful and sweet? I remember that straight filipino guy who was an instant Tumblr hit because he was straight and he was cute and tall was interesting. for some reason I remember their backyard, not entirely, just that open wide lawn that he posted a picture of. I remember they have a guy who maintains it for them and that he used to have this supplement that made him cum while he was driving in broad daylight. I remember thinking that was interesting. I remember that buff space engineer guy who likes boys and that I asked him if his workmates are cool with him being gay and he said they always knew and doesn't give a shit. I remember asking people questions I don't really need the answers to, only that they would notice me. I remember people who tried, people who left, people who came back. but I don't know where they are now and if they miss having to be here. nobody reads about random faceless people on the internet anymore.
I just miss this, I missed hiding in this hole on the internet where people hide.