Voice of Jupiter

writing about stories, life, anime, and the things underneath

[thevoiceofjupiter]

I'm Thinking About Peter and Kit

The confrontation between Kit and Peter was… real.

It was real in the emotions they were both feeling.

It was real in both of their points of views.

Peter felt average. He felt his work was unremarkable. That it dimmed in the light of Kit’s.

Kit’s work was constantly praised and consistently upheld first place. He was born with "natural talent” in Peter’s eyes. In all of their eyes.

That jealousy is real. It is a feeling that I and surely just about every person has felt at one time or another. It can be hard constantly living in someone’s shadow. Kit’s response is blunt and harsh, but achingly true.

He tells Peter that if he has time to worry about someone else's work and criticize someone’s skill. That he should have enough time to practice. Peter tells him that Kit wouldn't know how it feels to be unable to bring life to the image in one’s mind. Kit replies that Peter simply isn’t good enough. That that was what they were all there for. That if chasing praise and validation from others was his only reason for painting, then he simply shouldn’t do it all.

The delivery was perhaps cruel, but no less impactful.

In the end, Kit tells them that he’s never liked his own works. Never thought they were good enough, and that it’s why he draws so endlessly. Because of Kit’s skill, they assumed he thought he was better than everyone else, that he didn’t struggle or work particularly hard for his achievements. They thought him othered.  A step above the rest with some unfair advantage. “Built differently” as Joffery put it.

Whether someone agrees with Kit or they agree with Peter, both sides are real.

Both lack some level of understanding at the heart.

It makes me think of how much pressure could be lifted off of shoulders with understanding taking place in the absence of comparison.

If more took a moment to reflect internally and understand externally.

[thevoiceofjupiter]

I'm thinking about Love Through a Prism

I’m thinking of the scene when Lili returns to Japan and later learns that Kit died. That episode and the next are shown in black and white. It’s a beautiful representation of her feelings during the time. 

Of how her world lost its color without him in it. When she finally sees color again, it’s when he shows up in Japan actually alive and the first things that light up are his blonde hair and blue eyes. 

It’s beautiful beyond the fact that he was her color but also that even on the precipice of marrying Shin, nothing else had brought such color into her life. And despite that, she didn’t immediately choose Kit. 

It was so sweet when Kit then gave her a sketchbook filled with all things he had seen. Despite the longing she felt, she let him board his boat back to England. 

The next scene shows him holding a ticket intended for her to come with him. It was heartbreaking and warming all at that same time. 

That after 5 years, he had waited for her and wanted to take her with him. But when he learned she was to marry Shin, he made no comment. He chose to let her live in peace instead of disrupting her new found life. 

When she and Shin decide to break off their marriage and pursue their own goals, even then, she and Kit were still apart. It isn't until another year and a half later that they finally unite and acknowledge the color they bring to each other's lives. 

I found the seemingly endless push and pull and long waiting game to be so breathtaking. Across oceans, time, and the trials of life, their love that was so gentle and refreshing continued to shine through it all. 

When they finally admit their feelings to each other, they use so many words, but none of them were “I love you.” I felt like that in itself was so powerful.

For them, the knowledge that they brought color into each other's lives was more meaningful than those three words. Kit tells Lili that the landscape is nothing without her. She in turn tells him that a world without him was a world without color.

He then tells her that her being there fills the world with colorful hues and that it’s the color he needs. That it’s always been her. Those words to me are far more meaningful than just, “I love you.” 

It brings me to question just how important “I love you” really is and if it’s enough. If it adequately encapsulates the feeling of love itself. 

[thevoiceofjupiter]

thinking about fiction and how it shapes how I imagine my life

It’s hard to not model my life after everything I see and watch. In tv and anime, things often pan out so beautifully for the characters. I can’t help but think; 

“If I did that, would it turn out so well?”

“Would I find my purpose if I went to a new country?” 

Logically, I know it’s unlikely, but there is also still a possibility. 

When everything I do feels wrong or like a guessing game, it’s easy to search for answers, for the right way to do things in these success stories. But I know the way it pans out for others won’t be guaranteed for me. 

It makes trying things even harder. 

“What if this is the wrong path but I don’t know until it’s too late?” 

Television makes the decision seem simple. 

“Just follow your dreams and there’ll be a happy ending.”

Naturally, life is never so simple. I can’t help looking deeper into the characters I watch in anime and tv. 

Even though they’re essentially just drawings and figments of another's imagination, I always think more life into them. I ponder their decisions and actions as if they themselves truly made them.

It isn’t to say that I can’t differentiate between fantasy and life. It’s just always deeper to me than that. They are, after all, modeled after real life. Though there are spells, magic, dungeons, and dragons, the lessons, feelings, and desires are all very real. 

They’re interpretations of the life we’re already living. When I realized that, truly, it became far more than just a form of entertainment, it became something new to analyze and decipher.