a lot of shit has happened since chapter one. like how dani essentially started world war three between Kylan and I. that was honestly about a month ago tho. it was the night that jc told her that their relationship was bullshit. because she was “hurt” she felt the need to tell kylan that while she and jc were together, he was cheating on her with me. but kylan and i weren’t even together then. some how it completely escalated to me breaking off our engagement.
so i’ve basically been with jc since then, i mean i guess we’re in a relationship??? idk. sometimes it feels like i’m just here for when it’s convenient for him. and while we were in amsterdam, he fucking proposed to me. i didn’t tell him no, but i didn’t say yes. i mean i just got out of one engagement. on top of that, kylan was also in amsterdam at the same time, doing some drug run. of course i went to see him because i’m a weak, weak, weak piece of shit. in the few weeks we were apart, he got into heroin. i think that might have been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to hear. all i could think about was how easy it is to overdose on that shit and him doing it and no one finding him. spending those days with him, during his withdrawal i guess kind of led to a bit of a spat between jc and kylan on the dash. I don’t even remember how it started, but it basically ended with trevor and kian asking if I had cheated on jc. which i couldn’t do. at least i don’t think i can.
after getting back to la, kylan wanted me to meet this guy who basically raised him. i had never seen him so nervous, actually i don’t think i had ever seen him nervous in the two years i’ve known him. this night will forever be burned into my memory as the night i was nearly shot in the head, but for probably the fifth time, kylan saved my life. luckily it didn’t hit anything major and he’s fine, but fuck, i kind of wish he’d just have let it happen. I’ve had near death experiences before, but no one has ever tried to kill me. i don’t know what i did to piss him off...
i ended up making a deal with kylan that if he gets out of the gang, i’ll leave the studio. and honestly i don’t think he’ll leave.
after nearly being shot, i booked the trip for bora bora that connor and i had talked about. which i guess i should have left up to him, because me taking control and inviting trevor made connor feel left out. idk sometimes he just needs to chill the fuck out, like, he gets to be too much for me sometimes.
i’m also trying so fucking hard not to fuck some random local on this island, but it’s been almost a month.
honestly i’m just a terrible person and i’m so tired of hiding it. i’m just so tired in general.
kianamaiart
ellievsbear
amandla
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
