@theworldsamessandsoarewe - Tumblr Blog

i wish swimming was something you could do alone in your bedroom.

I've lost everyone I've ever loved.

Nobody is going to see this.

I'm finding it more difficult to continue, despite the commitment to see what I desire and need become reality, sometimes out of spite alone, the reasons are fading.

My best friend and romantic partner died on her kitchen floor. She asked me to stay the night before she died in the morning. I didn't go over there because I was trying to get my partner I lived with to be present and engage with me. I dont know how to live with the guilt and grief. My other best friend lost to drugs, my other best friend killed, my grandfather died alone, my grandmother died of a broken heart five minutes before we got to the hospital to say goodbye, my ex wife is living a life where there just isn't space for me. We wanted different things that now seem so small, and have always been on good terms, but life moves on. My partner of six years ended things when I needed them the most and asked for them to prioritize me after so much loss, I wish I could have gotten them to talk to me, I wish I knew what I did wrong, i wish i could have done everything different, i love them and miss them.

I can't continue having everyone I love taken away over and over and over and over and over and over and over

And over

Again and again and agian

And again

It hurts so much

I am unbearably sad

I've picked myself up and put myself back together so many times there's no more cracks it's just all dust