Dont get too close, it's dark inside, it's where my demons hide

Amber Davis, 19 , [Werewolf] Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, for it is when I am silent, I am quite deadly. RP account for 'A touch of darkness'

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

Be strong enough to let go and patient enough to wait for what you deserve

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

He feigns shock. “What, you? A veritable paragon of patience? Why, if you would be bored out of your mind waiting for a plane, imagine how the rest of us fare.” The Original teases her, knowing well it’s more like the other way around. Their relative impatience and short temper are flaws they clearly have in common, and yet still, somehow they managed to spend the better part of a year training every. Single. Day. It’s a feat for any two people, more so because they are cut from the same cloth. More similar, than they are different.

And yet for all of their success, it is their differences that Nicolas loves the most when it comes to Amber.  L o v e s … The way she  opens her heart, no matter how many times it’s been made to bleed. The fierceness with which she refuses to give up on him - even when he’s given her ample reason to do just that. He doesn’t know how she does it, or  w h y … Only that he’s come to respect her for it, in a quiet, unspoken sort of way. Some of the most profound moments in their friendship have been forged in silence. No words necessary; none, that could capture the lessons they have learnt thanks to one another.

“No promises on the incapable attendants, sweetheart.” Because it’ll take an old dog more than a few years in this town to learn some new tricks. A droll, whimsical pause, and then his voice takes on a quieter, more sincere tone that is reserved for very few people in his life. “But I do promise that I will return for you… And,” The vampire adds, witnessing the relief in her eyes upon hearing of Jacob’s demise, “- And, that I will  a l w a y s  protect you.” Once, every couple of decades - sometimes centuries - someone will come along and touch his heart in such a way as to earn that rare and valuable promise from the Original. But aside from his precious sister, none have received a verbal confirmation of his pledge up until now - up until Amber. Not just a word, but something to hold onto. 

So when she leans in to place a kiss on his cheek, he remains unwaveringly still. Memorizing the moment, memorizing  t h e  g i r l . But when she makes to pull away, he grabs her wrist gently, stopping her from withdrawing fully. “Until we meet again, little Gypsy… And Amber,” He continues, leaning forward just a fraction. “… Thank you.” He leaves the softest kiss on her own cheek in return, imbued with just as much meaning as the handshake from before. 

And then, before emotion can overtake either of them, before he can be tempted to balk and reconsider his plans, before any more of her tears can fall for his sake - Nicolas Clark is gone, nothing but a whisper in the wind to tell her it was  r e a l …

The end....

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

He’s speculative for a moment, wondering why her tone’s gotten gruff and expectant until she sticks her hand out and bluntly requests they shake on it. He can’t help it again, a smile tugs at the corners of his lips and Nicolas briefly wonders how it is that she brings so many out of him. He finds them, to be sure, but Amber succeeds nonetheless. And lately, he’s found the impulse more and more difficult to control. 

… Maybe some time apart will help him get a better handle on it and regain his pride.

“As you wish, then.” The Original replies, matching the girl’s stoic tone as he reaches out to clasp his hand firmly over hers. So they shake on it. And seeing as Amber is a business woman through and through, he has no doubts she’ll keep him to it. He also has no doubts that if he somehow fails to come back in an acceptable enough time-frame, the willful young werewolf will find him, burn him to cinders, and drink a sturdy ale spiked with his ashes. 

Of these things, he has little doubt. 

“No promises on staying chipper, however. Travel does have a way of wearying the soul sometimes. Flight delays, unwieldy routes, woefully incapable attendants…” He lists off his chief complaints, and they both know the list is likely a long one. Thankfully, the Original saves her the trouble. Although it’s not something he voices aloud, he looks forward to her communications - even if they’re through the equally infuriating medium of ‘texts’. Somehow, he suspects Amber will manage to lighten his days, even at a distance. And in return, maybe the little he’s about to tell her will do the same for her days, the ones to come. “I can hardly say I’m surprised as to the nature of your last run-ins with him. Had I known he’d caused you harm I’d have had his head on a platter sooner. In any case, I hope you’ll be relieved to hear that he won’t in fact be making good on any of his threats towards you…” Nicolas trails off for a moment, looking away so that she can digest the news in privacy. “ —  I killed him.”

Life is hard.

Life is confusing.

Life is just one fucked up moment after another where you have to grip the better times with both hands and hope in vain that they don’t slip through your fingers like grains of sand. 

Amber is pushing to maintain everything that she stands for, which might not be much to some, but it means everything to her.  The same applies to the handshake. It was done in humour but it veiled a little more than that and had nothing to do with not trusting him. It was her own belief in herself which curdled away into nothing--never really seeing anyone who would come true on their word--not as important as this anyway. She knows she is asking alot for Nic to come back for her--to make sure she doesn’t turn into another forgotten one who was thought of with the best intentions. He offered though--he said it first without her even stating so--though the young blonde was damn quick to take him up on it.

She’d never travelled to another country so Amber had never experienced these things he spoke of. Yet she can imagine her own patience.

“I would be bored out of my damn tree I reckon, if I was left hours waiting for a freakin’ plane.”

A thought pops into her head and she leans into him and smirks.

“Just refrain from eating any incapable attendants, okay?”

The playful expression which graces her face probably looks out of place considering the conversation subject, but this is Amber--a young incorrigible werewolf and Nic--an ancient incorrigible, deadly vampire, so yeah--it seems quite fitting.

Mentioning Jacob, is a sure fire way to knock the wind out of her. She has kept the facade up for so long to show he clearly didn’t bother her, when in truth, he always did. Time and time again she refused to steer clear of the vampire, knowing full well he loved any fear he could sense within the young wolf.

Maybe if Amber and Nic had been the sharing type, she would have told him of her last couple of times meeting Jacob and how badly it went, but she never wanted Nic to look at her with pity or to think she was only darkening his doorstep because she needed protection. After all, he’d once accused her of it when she needed a place to stay for the night. She chose to think he’d said it because this was his defence mechanism, a way for him to not get close--his mind not believing she would want nothing of him but friendship. She is also aware he conclusions might be completely wrong but it doesn’t really matter because she has no intention of airing it anyway.

“Well he might..I mean..it...”

Her breath hitches and Amber can only stop mid-sentence and continue to look at Nic.

“You killed him?”

She knows what he said, but somehow it is taking a little time to digest. She doesn’t feel sorry for Jacob at all, he was just like those vampires who attacked her that night when Nic had stepped in--no, no....in fact, Jacob was worse. He continuously kept her on edge, informing her he would end her life, but never saying when. So she knew one day he would just come and that would be it--death--but not before gloating on his part, she was damn sure of that.

But now?

It only begins to manifest just what a weight she bore on her young shoulders because of him and Nic has just alleviated that pressure. She breathes loudly for a few seconds as though her body is digesting the news. Amber blinks and swallows thickly. How can you repay someone for doing that? One thing she has learned is to show them, it’s not always about favours and doing something back--it’s about showing you care.

She inhales deeply through her nose and diverts her gaze before hugging him. It’s done with far more gentleness than ever before and she whispers softly into his ear.

“Thank you....”

A loud exhale leaves her lips and she repeats herself.

“Thank you.....”

She kisses his cheek and makes a noise in her throat as though she is trying to clear it when there’s nothing really there. Amber doesn’t want the details, doesn’t want to revel in every minute leading to Jacob’s demise, she isn’t like that. It brings her no joy--but she is still glad he is dead.

“Righteo...um...we should depart, right?...can’t have anyone thinking we have gone fuckin’ soft...or that I would wanna cry...because it would be lies...it would be wrong...”

She fights the pressure building behind her eyes again.

“I won’t let you down...”--and I am trusting you with everything I am to not let me down either.--and she truly believes he won't, especially now after what he has just told her. “So until we meet again, right?”

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

“Then it seems we’ve struck ourselves a bargain. I stay alive, return in some time - You stay out of trouble, and ensure my sister does the same.” And in doing so, she would earn Victoria’s limitless affection, and his sister would be equally if not more keen on ensuring that the young wolf stayed safe until his return. Because ultimately, he needed someone other than Amber to ensure that Amber stayed out of trouble. And he trusted no one with that task more than his own flesh and blood. Still, the impending loss - no matter how temporary - was no less difficult despite all of his careful arrangements.

And yet if his expression clouded over in response to his thoughts, it didn’t last long as she prodded a finger into his chest. He let his spine dip back in response, smiling as he captured her hand into his own. “You can say anything your heart desires, little gypsy. Though I do suggest you save something for the letters. You’ll write me those, yes? Maybe one over the phone as you lot do these days.” The Original scoffed, referring to a text. Despite insisting upon having the latest technologies at his disposal, he was still obstinately slow at making good use of them. Amber’s gratitude, however, had a much faster impact on him. “Is that a ‘thank-you’? Can I get it engraved and frame it in my living room?” Nicolas teased her fondly, before giving his head a shake and releasing her hand. “What you accomplished, you did so of your own labour and volition… You’ll thank me by remembering all that I have taught, and putting it to good use.” He didn’t want her to get rusty… Against a far older vampire, that often meant death. Even with Arcadia quieter these days, threats remained. “Now, we must come to the second matter. Tell me, when was the last time you saw Jacob Dashwood?”

“I do believe we have, yeah...” She looks at him and holds her hand out with a cock of the brow. “But we gotta seal the deal...we ain’t committed to it without a handshake.” A familiar smile bounces back on her face as Amber has never actually used this to seal any sort of deal--but it feels kind of appropriate and her line of thinking is that he is an ancient--handshakes will have been going for years and years--so, therefore, it will be his kind of thing. Her train of thought really can be debatable sometimes and most people really don’t know how she gets to the point she is at, but she does and so it makes sense to her. It is still classed as important to her though, the young wolf will do everything within her power to make sure she doesn’t let him down in any way.

The fondness she has for him hits her in waves and she no longer tries to put up the front of not really caring. Sure, she’s told him in the past she does, but they have gone through some difficult times too and on certain occasions, she was sure she would scare him away with any sort of open display of affection and care. So Amber poking him in the chest is her way of being affectionate--it’s weird yes, but resigned to very few indeed.

“Letters? I don’t think I have ever...oh but yes a text!” She is halfway through her sentence when she nods and sounds a little enthusiastic. Writing letters sounded like it could get a little tedious for her--a chance for her mind to wander, but texts for some reason, definitely wouldn’t do that. “I’ll text you...make sure you don’t go grouchy whilst away.” A small twinkle in her eyes can be seen. “Well...no more grouchy than you already can be.”

“Hey!” A chuckle leaves her lips and in that moment, she welcomes the small reprieve her brain has let her have. Nic is to take credit too because his teasing allows Amber to forget what this meeting is about--just for the briefest of moments as she laughs. “Be careful framing it, next time if I lose my shit....it might get knocked off the wall just like your favourite ornament.” She grins, not even thinking whether he will not take it as a joke like she has. Which is just like Amber--straight out with it--blunt as ever and no filter.

“I’ll not forget...I swear I won’t.” Her expression changes to one of a serious frown and she casts her eyes away from him for a moment. Now Amber could be all blasé about it and play down the whole thing between her and Jacob, but she owes Nic more than that. “I haven’t seen him for a while...last time was when I got my freakin’ head slammed into a wall...proper blurred my vision.”--and hurt like fuck but she refrains from saying that.  “Actually no...one time after that...he was on about coming good on the threats to me one day...I ain’t seen him since though....why?”

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

@bloodrageprince

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

‘You’ll return for me?…’  

Those words cut through to the quick of him, and he closes his eyes, chin still resting on her forehead. “I give you my word.” He tells her quietly, before pulling away far enough to look at her. “The hounds of Hell will not keep me from fulfilling it so long as there still is breath in this body.” The vampire realizes that some of his original plans need amending; he needs to return sooner than he’d intended if he wishes to see the same Amber that stands before him now. These years are critical, youth passes ever so quickly. He won’t have her endure alone.

 “And one day, if you wish to, I will show you the marvels that exist outside of Arcadia… For there are a great many, and hardly enough time to visit them all.” A hinted offer that comes no more lightly than does his oath to the girl. For just like her, he is accustomed to traveling alone, to catering only to his own whims. Nicolas reaches forward just then, to catch one of the tears that slides down her cheek. He hates the sight, the warmth of the droplet against his skin. She shouldn’t cry - and never for him. “But only if you promise not to shed a tear in my absence. I have my sources, you know, I  w i l l  find out.” His hand slips to cup her shoulder. “Now then, there are two orders of business that must be disclosed before I go. The first, is a request… “I need you to look after Victoria in my absence.” Unbeknownst to the little wolf, he has entrusted his sister with the same request; to look after his  f r i en d  while he is gone. More than that, he hopes they will be companions to each other, allies even. “Hopelessly gullible bird that she is, I’ve no doubt she’ll find some way to give me a headache while I am abroad. If she finds herself in cahoots with yet another miserable beau, do give him hell for me, will you?” He permits a smile to touch his lips, albeit briefly, before continuing. “If it is anything more grievous, contact me. I will leave you with the know-how before departure.”

He may not realise it, but those five words which leave his lips, mean absolutely everything to Amber, purely because they are said from someone she does respect and care about, but a nagging part of her had been expecting him to not make any promises. Of course, she prefers people to be honest if they are walking out of her life for good, but it doesn’t mean that it hurts any less, she has just learned to put a brave face on things.Yet raw unhidden honesty rises to the surface with Nic, it always has done.

“Then I’ll stay...so you’d better make sure breath still remains in your body.”

Her blue hues don’t shift from the ancient and she swallows thickly.

She has no real way of knowing that the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’ isn‘t going to apply once he has left Arcadia. Maybe the young wolf will be seen as naive by others, but she trusts him--something that is rarely given by her.

“I would...I would love that.” Amber has travelled from town to town, city to city, but rarely stayed past a few weeks until arriving in Arcadia. She has never got to really experience anything scenic--anything beautiful and regardless of what others think about her, she can actually appreciate real beauty in the landscape and surroundings. “And I will cook you breakfast too..make you my famous eggy bread..’cause it’s freakin’ awesome.” Through the tears that have fallen, Amber offers him a smile, genuinely finding things she can hold onto whilst he is gone.

“I pr..”

--she never makes a promise if in her heart she thinks she might not be able to keep it. Yet she also doesn’t want to ever admit any tears will fall either.

“I won’t....I won’t cry...I’m a badass fuckeroo....it’s those onion peeling ninjas that catch me off-guard..” She smirks because weirdly enough, she had started to find herself not swearing so much in front of him, but in one respect, swearing helps her to maintain her tough composure--almost like she can hide behind it. Yet in truth at other times, it just rolls off of her tongue like normal talk would to someone else. “Oh, I believe that...you have a way of finding out about everything.”

Amber is weakening again though, the ache in her heart--a constant reminder that for a while she will do what she usually does and push people away until any hurt has subsided.

So she looks up at him, eyes showing the emotions she just can’t hide no matter how hard she tries. Nic talking about his sister is enough to gain her attention though and she nods.

“Now that I can do...I’ll drop by sometimes too.” Victoria had been someone she didn’t expect to get along with, yet Amber had and even though she doesn’t say anything to Nic, she feels a sense of pride purely because she knows how much he loves his sister--even though he might not be open about admitting such a thing. “I won’t let you down...I can give hell if I need to...as you well know. You don’t have to worry about anything.” The brief smile he gives is enough to let her expression soften and the young wolf smiles. “I am gonna miss you...I can say that, right?..’cause I am....and...” She drags up something positive--something lighter and pokes him in the chest. “...you have busted my balls to get me to my full potential...I will never forget that...because it was hard freakin’ work...but..I staked you...and lived.....” The edges of her lips curl up to form a grin.

--she’s grinning--joking--showing him she can cope and she will do just that..

--but inside, she feels like her heart literally aches--as though someone has it in their hand and the grip is firm.

[pigmenting]

I will always love what strays. It’s just the orphan in me. I have stolen everyone I ever loved.

Rachel McKibbens, from “hex” published in Rumpus

@thexdarkxwithin

(via bloodrageprince)

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

‘It’s fine…’

He doesn’t have to look at her long to know that isn’t true, no matter how much easier it would make this ordeal for him. How much easier it would be to pretend he doesn’t know her and fool himself with the belief that his words haven’t dug deep beneath her tough skin and bruised a softer part of her. ‘ S o r r y ‘ is still not a word that comes swiftly to the Original, but the sentiment is there, behind his eyes as he searches hers. “Not forever. Merely for a time… To get away, ‘clear my head’ as they say…. And to take care of some matters.” It was a weak explanation, residing more heavily on the bit where he wanted to break free and less so on the actual requirment for his presence elsewhere. That was merely a convenient opportunity. 

And then the dam breaks. She begins to speak, to rail against him in an outpouring of words and vulnerable omissions. Nicolas lets her speak without interruption, nevermind the ache in his chest that sharpens as he listens. Finally, there is silence. Dismal on her part, contemplative on his. “Amber, you must know-…” But there the vampire falters, at a loss for words. What’s he supposed to say? That he cares about her? That he’s always cared about her, despite his own selfish interests?… It’s with no insignificant amount of effort that he finally moves his lips to form words. “You must know that my feelings for you were real.” 

“-… And that I’ll return for you.” the promise doesn’t come lightly, and the evidence for that lies in the abrupt motion as he pulls her into his arms. There’s something rough about it this time, almost desperate as he cradles the back of her head and memorizes her scent; the sound of her heart beating against her rib-cage. He wants Amber to know that she is  s p e c i a l , unlike any that have ever touched his heart before her. And if this is the only way he can communicate those words, the conviction with which he swears to return, then so be it.

Emotions she really doesn’t want to feel, go careering around her head at an alarming rate and Amber isn’t sure how to process them all. She wants to care about him greatly--so she is successful on that score, but it’s what’s hurting her right now that makes her want to run.

--yet the young wolf has progressed from what she used to be because here she stands, her walls of protection have disintegrated with every breath of honesty and what he is witnessing is Amber stripped of any facade she has ever put up for anyone else's show.

“A break’s good.....”

She nods, knowing her reply might not sound very convincing but she is still speaking with honesty and nothing she says or does during this conversation will be anything but that.

Blue hues look up to his and she hangs from each word that leaves his lips, somehow hoping there will be something that she can hold onto--something that will find him still sticking around.

--but she’s fooling herself. She knows full well he has already stated he is leaving and now Amber can only hope she won’t go tailspinning like in the past when people walk out of her life.

His own honesty, however, is something that has her caught off-guard. During there entire friendship, Nic has never been one to admit so freely what she thought he felt about her. So her expression can’t help but soften and even though her entire body actually feels lethargic from the unforeseen news, she is trying to salvage what she can and lock it away to keep for when he has gone.

“You’ll return for me?”

These are the words which have her staring intensely, they have such impact on the young blonde that all she can do is nod, emotion cascading over her in waves that she just can’t calm.

She wants to make him promise--tell her he won’t let her down--that he swears he will come back for her, but Amber thinks he deserves better than that, because one thing she does know about him is he wouldn’t declare something like this if he was going to walk away for good.

--and if she wasn’t certain about it, the hug he gives next just seals her trust of him.

He will never know the extent of what this action has on her. Amber who finds this kind of thing awkward herself, yet fully aware how he would never just throw out something like this without any sincerity accompanying it. So she gives him a hug back, the roughness of it is exactly what’s needed and for just a few seconds, she wishes she could lose herself in this moment so she doesn’t have to face what’s going to come.

“I’ll wait then....” Her head nods quickly as a gap comes between them again. “I can do that....” She doesn’t want to put any sort of guilt on him when he has every right to do what he wants. “You’d better come back....or everything you have taught me...I will use to hunt your fuckin’ ass down...” She forces some humour into it all--not knowing what else do apart from breakdown where she stands and cry--not something she has ever liked doing unless alone.

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

…Darkly, solemnly, softly, over and over,…

Denise Levertov, from Sands of the Well; “Fair Warning,”

@thexdarkxwithin

(via bloodrageprince)

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

“I am leaving.”

It comes out soft, but with no attempts at subterfuge or at beating around the bush. He holds her gaze long enough to see it drown, feels the respective twist in the pit of his own stomach. He doesn’t look away, even when she does. Consigning himself to watch and feel whatever nagging guilt is rightly due him. He wonders where it stems from, but doesn’t have to wonder long when the word dawns on him.  F r i e n d . 

She’d been the first to use the label, and he’d spent the better part of the next few months doing everything in his power to discourage her from it. Maybe he’d succeeded - she didn’t use the word very often these days - maybe she’d smartened up. 

… Or maybe he’d merely managed to convince her of his own stupidity. Because didn’t he feel it to? How else could he explain the present regret as he watched her smile falter, how else could he justify the pride he felt in her when she reached her goals, or the warm contentment when she jumped to embrace him just now?… Maybe he’d felt the world all along, but knew he’d never live up to returning it, no, not as Amber deserved. It was a thought he couldn’t push away - not this time. Instead, the Original opened his mouth in the hopes she’d do the same.

“Speak to me, little wolf.”

Three words--just three words and yet they hit her like a freight train, one which seems to derail her own train of thought for a moment. She can do little else but look at him, gradually feeling the buzz behind her eyes until she zones out enough so that she is now looking through him.

Never once in her life has she pleaded with anyone to not leave her. Simply because, someone staying out of some obligation and against what they want, is nearly as bad as walking out of her life. At least this way one of them will get what they want, no reason for them both to lose, right?

“You’re leaving?..right...okay...well I mean...everyone moves on eventually...so...no biggie ...” She tries to offer him her most casual expression, but the facade she wears so well to many starts to crumble and deteriorate. At this point her mouth opens, prepared to give a ‘don’t give a shit’ attitude--maybe thrown some aggression, but does he really deserve this after everything he has done for her for well over a year now?

--the simple answer is no, he doesn’t.

The young wolf knows he never owed her anything at all even from the beginning and yet he has given her more than she ever could have imagined. So she inhales and closes her mouth, coming to the conclusion she is being selfish, trying to keep him in her life--trying to not find herself alone again.

“It’s fine...”

She always moved from town to town, never settled for long and she realises the hurt that comes with not doing so. Arcadia was meant to be her home and with those she felt closest to not being around, it feels like her downfall. So no, as tough and composed as she really tries to be, Amber hears his words and can’t be so dismissive of the whole situation.

“I have learned that a place doesn’t make a home....people do...friends you love...family you love...and I don’t seem to have the latter anymore...saying that... I see you as both...I...... I don’t want you to leave, Nic.....” She presses her lips together, but she’s struggling. This is the girl that states she is always fine, the one that always gets by, the one that needs no help---needs nobody and goes through life without admitting to needing and wanting others around--well in this moment, that girl shows her vulnerability to someone she classes as a friend--someone she cares greatly for like she would family. “I-I don’t want you to leave me.....”

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

“-Oof.” The exhale leaves him sharply as the young werewolf practically bowls him over. It takes the Original vampire a few seconds - too many, really - to realize that it’s a  h u g . Too many seconds of tensing his muscles and then forcing them to relax, forcing them to flex into something unfamiliar. Haphazardly and perhaps a little awkwardly Nicolas finally returns the embrace; arms folding gingerly around the girl as he gives her what’s meant to be an affectionate pat. Whether or not the sentiment translates is something only Amber knows. Still, notwithstanding present expressions of amicability, Nicolas wants to laugh. It resonates at the back of his throat, and It’s part gratitude - part relief that she’s gotten this far. 

“Mmm, yes, yes…” He utters as Amber pulls away abruptly and almost shyly. “You should in fact be very sorry. I do have a reputation to uphold after-all, little wolf.” He self-deprecates in pompous tones, dusting off the front of his shirt before dropping the ruse with a playful wink. Because really, he is too happy to overthink the intimacy, to balk from it because of his neverending insecurities - and for a moment even his demons can’t catch up with him. It’s thanks to her hard work, no doubt. For all her pessimism and insecurity, the young werewolf was fiercely determined when push came to shove. He’d merely honed her natural talents, culled her attention and  o b s e r v a t i o n - taught her to predict an enemy’s pattern in battle. “'Tis as I told, Amber… You needn’t be stronger than your opponent - merely wiser.”

‘Sometimes you don’t need to be stronger than your opponent to win.’ 

He remembers Jacob’s words, and the smile falters. Although he hadn’t deigned the younger vampire with a reply then, it was one of the few beliefs they’d apparently held in common. It echoed what he himself had said to Amber for a year, at the beginning of every single one of their sparring lessons. Indeed, their training had gotten to the point where he believed that she too, might’ve managed to outmaneuver Jacob in a fight. But it was one thing to temporarily outwit - and another to decisively win. They needed more practice to guarantee the latter, and if ever that day came, he knew inherently that it was still not a battle he would have let her risk. Instead, he’d fought it for her. For her and Alexandre both. @jacobdashwood

“Amber… There is something I must tell you.”

A hug should be something that’s natural--it should be an action that represents an emotion of endearment towards another and Amber has always known this. It’s just not something she has ever found she can do that often. It wasn’t always like that, not when she was really young. There’s only so many knockbacks she could take from her father before she stopped trying altogether.

Being in Arcadia though, a certain few here--and the emphasis is on few, the young blonde really has found herself changing. She has progressed and developed with expressing herself, or at least she seems to think so--a little anyway. Though right now, she’s kind of glad she didn’t give herself enough time to think about her actions, because maybe if she would’ve, then the young blonde might have backed out.

His own embrace feels somewhat awkward and at the same time, she is smiling, not that he can see and as she pulls back to let a gap form between them again, Amber quickly alters her expression to one which she is hoping is quite neutral.

--but she fails.

Her eyes give away the ripple of contentment and how pleased she feels, which is probably why she made light of it all to spare both of them any more awkwardness in such strange territory as this.

“I am...I mean...I am massively sorry...like woaaaah..fuckin’ hell...humongous sorry...”

She chuckles and knows full well what kind of reputation he has and yet the young wolf has never been on the receiving end of such danger--not from him and she would never throw it out there for him to hear--or anyone else, but he makes her feel safe. Something she very rarely feels. Zach has managed it too, but that is all. Yet all the months that have passed, everything Nic has shown her--taught her, it has been invaluable and she has felt closer to him more than anyone. He stayed when he really didn’t have to, the ancient vampire could have left like everyone seemed to do and for that, he has somehow found a place in her heart--another thing she will spare him and not admit.

“I know I couldn’t have done it without you....”

“Amber… There is something I must tell you.”

She isn’t sure why, but those words have her mind doing somersaults. Has she just assumed the point she has got to with him and he is about to drop a bombshell? There’s a prick of insecurity that stabs at her and Amber refuses to show it in her demeanour and expression.

“Oh....okay....what is it?”

She shoots him a warm look that is veiling a more worried one.

In her mind the worst thing he can do right now is tell her is leaving--because everyone does in the end.

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

He’s endured the sensation many times, but that does little to dull the pain. Impalement is, after-all, an exquisite thing; a cross-sectional splice that inflames every single nerve-ending in its trajectory. He waves away her offer to help and wraps his own fingers firmly around the wooden stake. Blood is already spurting up his throat, dripping from his lips in crimson rivulets as he steels himself and takes a shuddering breath. In one swift tug accompanied by a low groan from the Original, the stake is out. It’s business as usual once the offending object is removed; he tosses it aside, presses one hand to his abdomen to ensure minimal blood-loss as his flesh restitches itself, and looks up to meet his opponent’s hazel eyes.

And then, slowly but surely… He smiles.

They say his heart is empty, but Nicolas wonders whether that doesn’t simply leave more room for the sensation that swells within him just then. P r i d e ; not in his own accomplishments - but in hers. It’s not the sort of superficial egotism that rings hollow and false in one’s lifetime - this is of the genuine variety; such as a gardener feels when watching his seedling grow into a majestic plant, sturdy enough to weather any storm.

“ W e l l  d o n e , little gypsy…” He murmurs, a mixture of pride and delight warming up his tone. It’s an uncharacteristic note to his voice, but more meaningful because it is so hard-won. He takes in her posture, the tension contained within the muscles of her slim arms, the alertness, even now. And the smile widens.

Are you really supposed to worry and stress over someone you have just purposely impaled?--No, Amber doesn’t think so either but she does. This is not the ‘norm’ though and she can honestly say the word normal has never been applied to her in her entire life. So yes her brow is furrowed and when he waves her away from pulling it out, Amber takes a couple of steps backward.

--she shouldn’t have done it, the blood which spurts from his mouth was kind of expected, but it still adds to the tension she is starting to feel.

Remain calm....

Amber knows that this is what she has worked her ass off for, it’s what Nic has busted her damn balls over for months and months. (because yes, if she had balls they would be busted.) She can’t help her feelings towards him though and for so long she’d tried to play it cool as though she couldn’t care less--but she does.

As the stake is pulled out, the young blonde has to take one step in his direction.

“Say something....”

There’s always this knot--this glitch in her thoughts which has her thinking she has screwed up in some way even when she knows on the surface of things, this is right. It has to come from years of being told everything she does is wrong.

So when that smile of his appears, Amber takes a couple of seconds for it to register, just in time for him to speak.

“ W e l l  d o n e, little gypsy…”

Two words that seem to be a rarity for Amber. Even when she tried as a kid, it was wrong--it embarrassed her father--it annoyed the teachers because her trying was just not seen. They saw some badly behaved kid who constantly got into fights and wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything for that long.

--but they are wrong, at least about the not being able to concentrate--she focused and worked with Nic and this is the result and she cannot hide the smile on her face when his words sound pleased and as her line of vision connects with his she sees...she thinks she sees....pride...

Without thinking and an action that doesn’t come that easy usually, Amber hugs him. Pride is not something she has seen when it’s aimed at her. Pride belongs to those around her--towards others....but this is hers and hers alone.

She does realise she is hugging him and pulls back quickly. “Sorry...fuck...got caught in the freakin‘ moment and totally your fault not mine.” A definite twinkle remains in her eyes though and she grins widely as she refers to the hug. “Bet that scared the fuck outta ya more than me impaling ya, right?”

[minima--moralia]

I like figuring you out. You are so human […]

Anne Sexton, from A Self-Portrait in Letters 

@thexdarkxwithin

(via bloodrageprince)

[bloodrageprince]

{The Mentor and the Protégé} Nicolas x Amber

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

bloodrageprince:

One year and three months later.

Nicolas Clark was a grueling task master. In four hundred and fifty seven sunsets, he’d allowed Amber a reprieve from her training on such few instances that he could count the days on his fingertips. Through rain or shine, sickness or good health, her prevailing pessimism or his own - he showed up at their designated spot in the forest, and worked the young werewolf to the bone. For hours on end; as Dawn gave way to an early afternoon sky - or as an evening’s sunset bled its colours into the darkness of an impending night.

Today was yet another such day. Only instead of dueling in the forest, they’d long since taken to abandoned interiors. He hoped the change of environment would invigorate him, and offer Amber a new sort of challenge to train her tactical instincts. Today’s particular site was an old estate that he and Victoria inhabited over a century ago. It was cloaked by a witch’s illusion; hiding it from sight and rendering it even lonelier than it appeared, on the outskirts of town. 

A hideout. 

“EASY!!! THOSE GLASS WINDOWS WERE MADE BY THE FINEST CRAFSTMEN IN SICILY! THERE REALLY ~WAS NO EQUAL, AMBER!!” He bellowed; recovering quickly from the blast and the rain of crystal shards as an equally priceless vase barely missed his head. Of course, it was only their third day and Amber had already made quick work of the interior. Subtlety, he’d found, was still far from being her forté. He, on the other hand, moved like a shadow in the decrepit mansion; leaving barely a rustle of wind in his wake. Only this time, the vampire was still on his knees, inspecting the damage with a moue before a blur of movement had him glancing up, disgruntled. “I’ll have you kn-…” He choked on the last word, chest jerking forward involuntarily as the object impaled him. It pierced up through skin and muscle, from the small of his back to the fleshy casing of his diaphragm. It wasn’t close enough to his heart, but it didn’t have to be in order to confer the advantage onto his young opponent. On the four hundred and fifty-eighth day, Amber Davis found her mark.

--So many times she wanted to quit.

--So many times she wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and walk away.

Amber isn’t sure whether it was sheer stubbornness alone that kept her continuing, perhaps the vision of failure...or the look of disappointment from the eyes of someone she had grown to care very much about. It’s the latter one however, which is the main driving force for the first few months. She flatly refuses to see any indication in his eyes which might represent she has let him down.

Of course there are times when he has been downright ruthless in his attitude and unwavering orders--morning seem to go by slowly, evenings so tiring and even more brutal.

Amber isn’t sure when it happened--but it did.....

There came a point--just past the one year mark and something changed in her head. The young wolf had never encountered it before. Then again, nobody had ever taken the time and energy to push her so far to the extreme, that she nearly broke--nearly fragmenting into a thousand pieces--but not to destroy her--to actually build her up..to care.

Nic knew what he was doing, he had her teetering on the edge of quitting--but still had her coming back for more.

So she starts learning and doing things for her own sense of achievement---for her own self preservation, something she has been lacking in for years. She looks inwardly to the insecure parts of herself that she has being gluing together with cheap pva glue--the kind kids use when they are schooling. Piece by piece she glues herself back together--only this time it’s with superglue--hardening the vulnerable parts that always damn well seep through when confronted by certain people--certain assholes.

--Amber Davis changes.

She is still the mouthy, confident blonde who turns the air blue with her swearing--she is still the same girl that most know--but where it counts-the points she was failing at before--she’s grown in strength. Even though she hasn’t quite managed to get one up on the ancient quite yet.

Until today.....

“EASY!!! THOSE GLASS WINDOWS WERE MADE BY THE FINEST CRAFSTMEN IN SICILY! THERE REALLY ~WAS NO EQUAL, AMBER!!”

Her eyes dart sideways to where the bellowing voice comes from.

“Then you shouldn’t have damn well brought me here...you know better than that!” Immediately she is on the move, not allowing the direction of her own voice to give her whereabouts away.

He is a hard teacher and as much as her mouth still tends to open before thinking what to say, in her own way, she holds so much respect for him.

Even as she impales him--there’s mixed feeling about doing so--though her face doesn’t show it. Mixed feelings that wouldn’t be there at all for anyone who she felt was a threat and Amber knows this is what will carry her forwards in life--the skill--the knowledge he has been teaching her is....invaluable.

She moves around to the front of him...her head tilts on one side as she does so. “Game over.....” Furrowed brow, she kneels down to his level and reaches out to touch slightly to the side of the stake--fingers pressing where his heart is underneath. She missed the heart on purpose--one thing she has always excelled in is accuracy with a weapon. Amber doesn’t want to kill him, but there will be those she does. Nic is her friend--someone who stayed in town to teach her--help her to stay alive and for that he would always be her mentor.

“Shit...can I ask if you are okay now?--that is allowed yeah?--because it aint like you are my enemy... I don’t want to fuckin’ doing anything permanent and...” She sighs and grips hold of the stake. “Deep breath....gonna pull the freakin thing out....”

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

zacharyhawtorn:

“Sometimes you just do things without a good reason. I have to say… as glad as I am that you’re here, I think I would sleep better, knowing you’d be somewhere out there, living your own life instead of being cooped up here with all the dangers that come with it.” Hunters, Erik being on edge because he was locked up and he didn’t know how many others like Erik there still were. Too many, probably. Everyone would be better off outside this… prison. “I’m trying to. There are a lot of wrongs I can never make right again… that’s probably why I try to play the small part that I play.” It couldn’t undo the loss and pain he had caused, but he could maybe prevent others from suffering the same fate. He sighed. “As long as you don’t start with Zachariah…”, he shuddered. “I hate that. And not just because it’s too long.” It had too many negative associations… his father, Nic… somehow he’d always be afraid if someone called him that. “Nothing good every came from being called like that.”

He shrugged. “I think I’ve earned the right to be stubborn after over hundred seventy years. I adapt, yes, I know how to work a computer, I have a smartphone, but that doesn’t mean I have very specific ideas about how I want things to go.” Then again, he had always had that… without it, he would just have been a village doctor who died a long time ago. “Trust me, you’re not the only one being frustrated about that.” He raised his eyebrows and a cocky smile appeared on his face. “You won’t? Well, we just have to wait and see… I think you’ll settle down eventually. With whoever manages to tame you. Slightly, that is.” She’d never completely lose her wild streak and he wouldn’t want to. That was what made her Amber. “I don’t doubt you. You’d have a problem yourself as well, after all.” Besides, he did trust her. She might be a loose projectile from time to time, but she was also his friend. And someone he felt very protective about.

He cocked his head. “Then you just have to take care not to be locked up anymore, don’t you? It’s not that hard, trust me… most people manage just fine.” He didn’t, but then again, he wasn’t exactly a model citizen either, so… he had been arrested and usually been broken out before anything could come from it. Locking up a vampire with unknowing humans usually wasn’t a very good idea, especially if said vampire had control issues. “You’re the one who can change it, Amber. Not me. Even when I’m trying.” He knew his opinion mattered to her, which is why he was letting her know what he thought and what he’d like. She didn’t have to turn into a saint -that thought alone amused him-, but she was so much more than what she was doing now. “And she couldn’t help that. I mean… she just did what was necessary, that’s all. But it all came out fine in the end.” He raised an eyebrow. “I only gave you chocolate after you managed not to trash the room, remember?”

Right. Amber’s self image was something she did need to work on. Just like he did, to be honest. “Well, if that works for you… but in the end you’ll have to do it for you. I won’t always be around. Some others won’t be there either… so if you don’t learn that you’re worth the effort, you will have a problem later.” He wasn’t planning on leaving her, but he knew how unpredictable life was, especially when you were forced to move every few years. She wouldn’t always be able to follow him. “I wouldn’t dare…”, he laughed, raising his hands. He remembered their first meeting, with him telling her that he’d deny he liked her… somehow some roles were reversed over the years. He shook his head. “Nah… it’s Vegas, not some upper class island. Although there will be people in suits and dresses. Not all of them though, so you’ll be fine. As long as you keep your hands to yourself. There are cameras everywhere, you know.”, he warned her. “I implied the trash.”, he winked. “Can’t have my well thought interior disgraced by whatever it is they sell over there.” He stood up as well to let her out of the house and patiently waited until she was dressed for the outdoors again. He smiled when she hugged him, without being prompted or forced to do so… they had come a long way, so he squeezed her tight before letting her go. “You always turn up again, I’m not afraid of that. Take care, ok?”

The end..

[thexdarkxwithin-blog]

jacobdashwood:

“That wasn’t an effort, love. That was a pleasurable pastime.” Something he should do more often, if he encountered something or someone who couldn’t completely get his stamp of approval. “Maybe I should have finished the job back then… it would have saved me this highly unpleasant experience.” He grinned when Amber got to the conclusion as well that he simply enjoyed it. It didn’t matter to him what the other thought of what he did, of what society thought. He had been his own category, had always been exactly that.

He smirked. “If you ever attempt to come to my house to kill me, you know what you’re fate will be, won’t you, darling?” No matter if he wanted to use her at a later time, if she would cross that line, her friends could pick her up in pieces. He’d find another wolf… there was no shortage of them in this town. He didn’t think she’d actually be that stupid, but before he had to clean wolf stench out of his house… it was better to be clear. “Ah, it seems you don’t even need me to talk you down. You can do that perfectly fine on your own.”

He sighed. She didn’t understand why he would give Lexi some time while he believed Amber a lost cause already. “Lexi has an eternity, your life will be over in a heartbeat. She has time, you? Well, even if by some kind of miracle you live out your lifespan, it still will be over in the blink of an eye.” Was it fair? Probably not… then again, why would he be fair? He had never been fair. Besides, Amber was the last person he would give an explanation to about his reasons. “So he told you the entire sob story. Including his own part in it? The way he butchered my father?” It hadn’t been plain murder, after all… not that that had been easier to forgive, but if that would have been the case, he might not have wished for such an ugly revenge. “Then again… I wouldn’t pretend to know how I work, my dear. It might scare you if you dive too deep into my mind.”

Finally she stopped talking. He didn’t know if it was something he had said or if she finally started to see reason, but for one moment it was quiet. “Then those who don’t see it are a bunch of fools…” He had enough of her, and the moment she looked at the door, he decided that he wouldn’t let the fact that she wanted him gone as well stop him. “Oh, I will. There’s only so much time I can endure being in your presence, love.”

“Yeah well...I hope karma finds its way back to you one day and some badass fucker finds that their ‘pleasurable pastime’ is kicking the shit outta you.” Her words come out without thinking as he always has this unwavering ability to get under her skin. There’s nothing she would like better than to know someone has come along and treated him like he apparently treats everyone else who he perceives as lower than him. “To be honest...I sometimes think you should’ve finished the job as well....least I wouldn’t be constantly pissed off that I can’t rip your heart from your chest and shove it up your damn ass.”

Amber gives a shrug and goes for the whole nonchalant reply. “Course I know what my fate would be...which is why, the only time I’d ever pay a visit to your house, would be if I was totally sure I could pot you off.” She plasters a fake ass smile on her face and throws a wink his way. “So no..you’re right I don’t need talking down from anything.”

Shaking her head, she makes a small scoff noise. “So shallow of you and you know what, Jacob?...I didn’t expect anything else...because time goes by the same for all of us...you vampires just have endless amounts of it and I like Lexi a lot... she’s far better than you will ever be--but she is no better than me...has no more right to live than me and has no more fuckin’ right to act like she does just because she is young and needs to find her own path...because I do too....so fuck you!...fuck you sideways...and fuck you every which way till sunday...your reasoning is piss poor.” Okay, whether he was trying--he’s done it and succeeded in pushing the right buttons. All her life she has been told others are far more worthy than she is and they have better chances in life--she isn’t about to take it from some douchebag who really claim he knows best.

“Good...leave then...get out of my sight...because frankly you make me wanna fuckin’ puke..” She knows she should have kept half of what she said, to herself. He just brings out the mouthy side of her--always putting her down--always making out she is nothing--useless--no good and with all that and the growing concern that something bad has happened to her brother--Amber has had enough--far more than she can normally take from somebody who means nothing to her.