Slept most of the day today, had my first ketamine shot of the year and it was awful. I felt like I couldnāt breathe, and I lost sense of reality, I kept trying to remember whatās real and whatās not.
I felt like there was veil over my face and I couldnāt breathe, it gave me a lot of anxiety and I panicked.
It was really uncomfortable. Everything felt dark and heavy, violent.
I gave in and just let myself feel but it was awful, and I felt so nauseas afterwards.
At one point I even thought I was given a higher dose than usual but I think it felt this way because itās been a few weeks since the last one because of the holidays.
It started really fast and heavy, but it took some time to slow down.
Have another shot next week, hopefully itāll feel better.
Second shot of the year, hell on earth.
I couldnāt breathe again, I felt like I was in an airplane that was taking off, I felt all that pressure.
It was so heavy and I tried taking deep breathes but it didnāt work.
It came on really slowly and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. It took me some time to feel better but itās been about an hour and Iām not dizzy which is great.
My dog has been at the vet since Tuesday due to an infection and will be discharged today. He was throwing up blood on Tuesday morning but is okay now. Weāre going to pick him up and Iām really happy, the house feels so empty without him.
I had some uncomfortable thoughts during the shot, just bad feelings. I kept thinking about the movie Wild Child and Terrace House Aloha State, but everything felt so awful and negative.
I couldnāt wait for it to be over, it was the longest hour of my life.
Last year the shots didnāt feel so heavy, and the dose is the same so Iām not sure whatās happening. I also gained 4 lbs which makes me really upset. Yesterday I bought a ton of tea to drink when Iām hungry, hopefully Iāll shed those end of the year lbs.
Had my third ketamine shot of the year, it was hard, very heavy, hard to breathe, but I recovered quite fast.
My doctor decided Iāll be getting shots every other week rather than weekly. Iām not sure how I feel. Iām definitely scared that the shot will feel heavy now that itās less frequent.
Next week Iām doing a tattoo removal session and going to the movie theater, and we have a family members birthday party. Itās going to be busy but hopefully itāll be okay.
Iām also looking to start a graphic design course, hopefully itās going to work.
Had a shot today, the last one two weeks ago was fine, nothing new, today I realized that if I didnāt sleep well the effects are heavier, I feel dizzier after.
The whole experience is very psychedelic. I do keep my eyes closed and I even fell asleep today.
Is it possible to be addicted to something you donāt do often? I could do this everyday. Even though I only do it every other week I want it all the time.
Itās not like Iām getting drugs off the streets either, this is a medical procedure, this was prescribed by a psychiatrist, a specific dose, administered by a registered nurse who monitors you the whole time. Everything is done in an hour and itās fully legal and government approved but I want it all the time.
No shot today. Last night I threw up three days worth of food and had horrible stomach cramps. But on the bright side I might lose some weight.
I barely got 4 hours of sleep last night. Everything hurt so bad and I was so uncomfortable. This morning I woke up with low blood pressure, since I havenāt eaten anything for about 12 hours. I stood up for 2 minutes and felt like I was going to faint.
Had the shot on Tuesday, very trippy, very uncomfortable, I still canāt breathe very well, still feel like thereās a veil over my face. Did manage to get some sleep while coming down, it was a quick nap but it helped a lot.
Had therapy on Wednesday, and today I went to get my hair done. Iām now thinking of dyeing it like Christiane F in the movie.
Ketamine day. New nurse, the other one had a family matter and had to travel, hopefully sheāll be back soon.
Didnāt feel a thing. Just laid there for an hour feeling mostly sleepy but nothing else, no trip.
The other nurse has a calming energy, this one feels more chaotic. I didnāt love it.
Not even tired after. I was hoping to get some sleep when I got home since I didnāt sleep well last night, but now Iām not sure itās gonna happen.
Ketamine day
I felt like melted cheese the entire time, and it was the same nurse as last time which is disappointing, the other nurse had a more calm energy like when you arrived you felt calm. Thereās something about the way she talked and even the way she moved that was just very calming.
This nurse isnāt bad and Iām sure sheās qualified, otherwise they wouldnāt have hired her, but sheās a yapper, and a hugger, sheās chaotic, sheās not calm. She does have lighter hands so the shot doesnāt hurt as much.
I listened to Weightless by Marconi Union and it was a huge mistake, the original song is fine but all the others are awful. I didnāt feel calm, I felt anxious. The songs were too fast and there was too much going on.
I felt like melted cheese. Literally. Like melted mozzarella cheese, which I ate last night with my pasta. It was not enjoyable.
I did feel this shot way more than the last one. Got home and slept all day. Not going to crochet class today.ļæ¼
