Three Goblin Art
noise dept.
KIROKAZE
DEAR READER
shark vs the universe
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Xuebing Du
ellievsbear
★
Kiana Khansmith
Product Placement
tumblr dot com
One Nice Bug Per Day
Claire Keane
Love Begins
⁂
JVL
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Origami Around
NASA
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Italy
seen from Brazil
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Canada
seen from Trinidad & Tobago
seen from United States
seen from T1
@thingsdoofwouldprobablysay
Everything in this room is edible, even-even I am edible, technically, but…but that’s kinda frowned upon, kids, that’s called-that is what we call CANNIBALISM. Which is very much frowned upon in most societies…though…though I guess, I suppose under that context it would be acceptable under certain conditions. That being said, I personally wouldn’t advise it, I…I’m a little chewy.
How would you know that, Doof?
The less you know, the better, kid.
Everything in this room is edible, even-even I am edible, technically, but…but that’s kinda frowned upon, kids, that’s called-that is what we call CANNIBALISM. Which is very much frowned upon in most societies…though…though I guess, I suppose under that context it would be acceptable under certain conditions. That being said, I personally wouldn’t advise it, I…I’m a little chewy.
“Fickle is another one of those words I can’t take seriously, no matter how hard I try. Every time I hear it I can’t help but think of a pickle dipped in fudge, which is disappointing because I use it a lot.”
“It’s funny, I remember every moment of my early years with disturbing clarity, but if you asked me what I said five minutes ago I wouldn’t be able to say. Was I ranting about an inator? Talking about cheese? Both? I’ll never know, and you won’t either.”
“You see, Perry the Platypus, when I was a child back in Gimmelshtump I accidentally set my mother’s rose garden on fire. Don’t ask how, I have no idea either. I didn’t even know roses were flammable, not that I was even doing anything that involved fire at all. I was playing with a Doonkle Truck! Seriously, Perry the Platypus, how is driving a toy truck on mud going to cause a fire? Bah, no matter, from that day forward I swore revenge on Schimmelman toys for their faulty products! BEHOLD the anticombustioninator! Once I power this inator, none of their toys will ever combust again!”
“You think you had a rough day, Perry? I just spent five hours developing a soft drink only for Alice to inform me she wanted grape soda. Now I’ve got fifteen cans of crêpe soda and I have no idea what to do with them.”
“(Taking a sip of the crepe soda out of curiosity)…Heinz, why does the crepe soda taste like…ape? Specifically a purple back gorilla?”
“I’d ask how you know what a purple gorilla tastes like, but I really don’t think I want to know the answer.”
“You think you had a rough day, Perry? I just spent five hours developing a soft drink only for Alice to inform me she wanted grape soda. Now I’ve got fifteen cans of crêpe soda and I have no idea what to do with them.”
“When I was a little boy back in Drusselstein, a lot of the other boys in our village formed the Goozim Schutzgesellschaft. Loosely, the Society for the Protection of Goozim. They organized a protest around the goozim cage, made signs and everything, but I was the only one to show up. Turns out that the entire club had been concocted to pull a prank on me specifically, and most of the town was in on it.”
“Then, mysteriously, the beloved Goozim was poisoned nights later. We still don’t know the actual culprit, but now there’s an ACTUAL Society for the Protection of Goozim. So, you know - silver lining.”
“I never thought I would ever be this unimpressed with an attempt at my fucking life, but you really exceeded my expectations. And when I say exceeded I mean…like…the opposite. I’m incredibly disappointed. The sharks were a nice edition, really had me going there, but really? Lasers? What, do you just have a book-list of contingency James Bond themed murder attempts? Lame. Totally lame.”
“Girlfriend, do I have a story to tell you!”
“Fuck, he wears it better than me.”
“And for my ultimate Christmas-themed scheme, I once planned to construct a massive dome over the Tri-State Area that would serve as an isolated meteorological biosphere in a constant state of snow and nighttime, ensuring that Christmas eve would last forever! Imagine the people’s constant anticipation of waking up the next morning and opening theirpresents, only for the realization that Christmas morning would never arrive to slowly seep in! My plan in simple terms? In an eggshell, cease day, oh! It would have been hilarious, Perry the Platypus!”
“Yeah, this is my plan now. Thanks Gnomey. Plagiarism, the BEST form of evil~.”
“Alice, no!”
“And for my ultimate Christmas-themed scheme, I once planned to construct a massive dome over the Tri-State Area that would serve as an isolated meteorological biosphere in a constant state of snow and nighttime, ensuring that Christmas eve would last forever! Imagine the people’s constant anticipation of waking up the next morning and opening theirpresents, only for the realization that Christmas morning would never arrive to slowly seep in! My plan in simple terms? In an eggshell, cease day, oh! It would have been hilarious, Perry the Platypus!”
“There I was, backed into a corner, my only defense is the broom I picked up when I ran through the kitchen. Thousands of the little pests were swarming all over the floor, I couldn’t even see the tiles! It was a nightmare, Perry! I can still hear the clicks of their legs, the gnashing of their jaws, their bloodthirtsy chirps and cries. It keeps me awake at night. Anyway, long story short I’m not allowed to babysit hamsters anymore.”
“When I was a little boy back in Drusselstein, a lot of the other boys in our village formed the Goozim Schutzgesellschaft. Loosely, the Society for the Protection of Goozim. They organized a protest around the goozim cage, made signs and everything, but I was the only one to show up. Turns out that the entire club had been concocted to pull a prank on me specifically, and most of the town was in on it.”
“Ii was supposed to be the Methaneinator, but the guy I hired to do the slides had a weird sense of humor.”
Nerves
Doofenshmirtz: The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them.
