Because someone has got to ask: wtf is going on with David's hair in his Subwave Network Watchalong tweets last weekend? The very visible underpinnings of some kind of weave were frightening-- and I really can't take one more assault on The World As We Know It in this dystopian nightmare we're all living through right now. Depending on you to restore equilibrium in the cosmos with your usual research & interpretation skills. You have the thanks of a grateful nation.
Yes, it is indeed dark times, my children have found the 50 pack of emergency goldfish I was hoarding for the corona endgame, and have gone feral, my cat has determined that his asshole + my face= Prozac and is doing his level best to be a contributing member of our quarencrew, my f*cking brother in-law thinks that if he doesn’t visit his elderly parents he might get “sick from stress”.
What the world really needs now is more of my sartorial bullshit incisive research & interpretation skills. So in the interest of the common good here you go.
Now one of the more alarming things happening in the world right now, at least for people like myself who are of a certain age, is that we are starting to see fashion trends we thought dead and buried clawing their way back into the public consciousness like a crop top wearing pack of zombies intent on defiling the asses of otherwise innocent young girls with high rise mom jeans.
Seriously, my sweet summer children, step away from the tattoo choker, I dressed like the Spice Girls so that you don’t have to.
Anyway, to understand this:
We have to travel back to circa 2003-2005 and the brief flicker of time when David John McDonald was somewhat cool. I mean, not so cool that he didn’t wear these shorts:
But still cool enough to hang in the vicinity of Billie Piper, who is actual cool.
(It doesn’t rub off David, no matter how hard you try. Plus you’re wearing an Atari shirt sweetie.)
Anyway, these were what David, and many others of his generation would end up looking back on as their glory days. Back when he was only called Daddy in his dreams... and I don’t mean that in a kinky way, the dude is broody.
So now that the fashion of the aughts is swinging back around like a bad case of pleather contracted athlete’s crotch, there’s two things a parent can do:
Ignore it, and embrace the fact that you will never again be on trend.
Lean in real hard and dig through your closet for your old Y2K clothes.
What David’s doing here is the latter, because let me tell you, there was a time when the man headband was pretty much the coolest most irreverant fashion item a Euro dude could sport. Trust me, my 2002 roommate was dating a German guy.
David’s reaching back here, to a fashion trend he was absolutely not cool enough to sport during it’s first wave. Now whether the longer hair is a quarantine thing (Georgia, I love you, but I don’t think I’d trust you to cut my hair either.) or if he’s growing it out for a someday, eventual, light at the end of the tunnel, fucking hell when is this going to end for the love of god!!!! role, that I can’t say. It does all look like his actual hair tho. But rest assured the styling happening here, is David thinking he’s super cool.
Anyway, now that we’ve addressed the more obvious issue of the hair, I’d like to solicit the thoughts of my lovely followers on what I feel is the more pressing issue that has arisen from these photos:
Whhhhyyyy is he so swole? It’s like Dr Pepper shirt levels of pecatude going on there. The Beatles are holding on for dear life, that’s not what they meant by “we can work it out”!
Anyway, please send in your thoughts. Is he working out for some sort of buff long haired role? Has he been scraping the barrel on quarantine amusement? Has Georgia been so busy with homeschooling that he’s preening to get her attention? Has the lifting of the eighteenth toddler to spring from his loins finally given him some definition. Seriously David, I know the future of humanity looks bleak but you can’t singlehandedly repopulate the world with tiny blonde thespians, leave some babies for the rest of us.
On a serious note, love to you all, stay home, stay safe, remember to lotion after the bazillionth time you wash your hands. Take time for self care, cry into your quarantini if you must (I am), and I’ll see you all on the other side, bullshit intact.
dededos
romaincrisis
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
titsay
stormborns
kaledo-art
