*Poison*Pen* @this-life-line-blog - Tumblr Blog

It's so painful

It hurts. It physically hurts to breathe, to live every moment in fear because your mind, your body, the very core of you has been conditioned to fear the worst when the yelling gets a little too loud, when someone gets a little too close, when a discussion gets a little too personal. And it aches when you feel like your the one to blame. And it tears you apart when you see yourelf in the mirror. Because that's when it starts to dawn on you that it's real. Every time that you had laid awake at night; too scared to sleep, too scared to dream, too scared to relive everything. And the days you couldn't eat anything because you threw it all back up because you just couldn't stomach it down. And all the times that you drank until you felt n u m b. It all became real and that was the most painful

Things people don't understand about abusive parents

The thing that people don't get is that sometimes it can be so hard to hate your parents. They may have hurt you in ways unthinkable but some days you feel like it's wrong to hate them. Because for some reason you still remember all the good things they once were and all the great things they used to do. And then you try and validate and reason and defend their actions; like every cut, gash, bruise and word they spat had a greater cause. Then you begin to doubt yourself and shrug the hurt like it's nothing because you feel like your overreacting. But even doubting yourself is hard because you don't know what a normal parent and child relationship looks like. So maybe there's actually something wrong with me.

depression is like trying to breathe under the water.

Child abuse. We desperately cling on to that tiny sliver of false hope that as time passes and as we grow up things will get start to look up for us. That it will get better. I truly believed that it would get better. but the nightmares still continue to taunt me. And I continue to cling on to that hope.

#child abuse #ugh fml #whyyyy

Sometimes . . .

Sometimes I feel ready to take on the world, Sometimes I feel like I could carry the whole universe on my shoulders and not break a sweat, Other times I can't even find the motivation to get out of bed, Other times I can barely even manage to catch my breath. most days i spend my time convincing that i am okay

#dreaming #reality

Ex's

I loved every little bit of him. From his goofy smile to his bright blue eyes to his perfect dimples to his poofy styled hair to his contagious laugh that sometimes, scratch that, always managed scare the crap out of me. I loved him more than he could ever love me. Keyword: lovED.

#love #pasttense #memories #respect

I found comfort in the dark; the silence and isolation. It was finally quiet.

#comfort

Time.

Timing is everything. It has the power to determine life, death and everything else in between.

#time

One sip, bad for me, One hit, bad for me, One kiss, bad for me. But I give in so easily and no thank you is how it should’ve gone. But i’m weak.

[song] Weak by AJR