This is Dead. Please Ignore.

This is an old blog that is now 1000% dead. But I don't want to delete it becaue memories, so please ignore!

[sixpenceee]

[thisisdeadpleaseignore]

Wow what am I doing on tumblr at 5 am on a wednesday?

Is it 2012 again?

[pandaaamonium14]

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[skrillcholas-cage]

oh my god these are great

[princemetalthunder]

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

[ripndipcl]

[powerburial]

[just-shower-thoughts]

Searching for a Google image of something and getting a Pinterest result is just basically saying “Guess we’re not looking at that one today”

[outcastsuggestion]

*suddenly opens my eyes at 3:37am* i can’t tell if my friends still want me around or are just tolerating my existence

[mcrisdeadbutimnot]

QUICK! REBLOG IF YOU’RE A REPRESSED EMO OR MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE WILL NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER!!

[out-of-my-interest]

Clarence

[expulsi0n-deactivated20150723]

Proud of Cartoon Network for taking action so quickly.

[starwhal]

wait what happened

[kiltyascharged-deactivated20170]

The creator of Clarence sexually harassed a female storyboard artist. They kicked him to the curb and he’s no longer allowed in the studio 

[etoapia-deactivated20150703]

good job, CN

[cosmic-noir]

[boarcriminal-deactivated2018052]

when you change angles and lighting but your selfie still comes out ugly

[pgcclibrary]

Kwanzaa is a cultural holiday observed from December 26 to January 1 every year. It was created by Dr. Maulana Karenga in 1966, based on several African harvest festivals. 

The Seven Principles

Umoja- unity Kujichagulia - self-determination Ujima- collective work and responsibility Ujamaa - cooperative economics Nia- purpose Kuumba- creativity Imani - faith

[jemvevo]

gay Barbie

[ukej-deactivated20190221]

2018 Barbie is a black lesbian reblog to get her blessing for a good 2018

[owen-w-archive-deactivated20230]

She wishes you good luck for the new year.

[countryboyskywalker]

me, whispering softly at the edge of a forest: hozier, bro, i need your advice for a romantic date with my girlfriend

hozier, appearing out of the mist: oh, take her to an empty field and lie on the ground until you decompose and get eaten by foxes. it’s classic, timeless, 

[grumsal]

they’re *finally* making sexy oliver twist

[ajyson]

“please, daddy, i want some more”

[jonbutter]

not only do i want this post deleted, but i want the entire channel of NBC deleted right this minute

[iwishyouwouid]

hey

guess what

you’re so close to surviving 2017

you can make it

i’m so proud that you’re still here

keep going buddy

i love you

[hullabaloon]

Whenever I come across a trainee in customer service (like a cashier, or a sales rep), there is usually a senior/experienced employee with them doing the training and they always apologise for the trainee. “Sorry, they’re learning.” And I always respond with, “That’s good! We all have to learn.”

Even when I got a new phone and had to wait five hours for them to process the purchase (it was on a contract so there were a lot of forms and regulatory steps to finalise), when the trainee went to the back and I was alone with the store manager, I made a point in how impressed I was with the trainee’s performance. The relief on her face was prudent and they were extremely grateful for my patience.

We don’t discourage children from learning. We don’t lambast them when they can’t perform a task that an experienced person can do. Humans aren’t born with the inherent ability to work a credit card facility. We are born to learn and develop skills that help ourselves and each other.

The only decent thing we can do is be patient and encourage each other to become the best at what we do.

[bundyspooks]

This is so important

[nightinngales]

bruh…

[thisisdeadpleaseignore]

Wow I literally haven’t posted/been on here in 4 months, but I just wanted to say something and tumblr is a great place to yell into the void.

Its been exacty a year and a week since I tried to kill myself and HOLY FUCK how my life has changed since then.

Actually never thought I could be this happy. While my life isn’t perfect, its 1000% better and I’ve never been more grateful.

That is all.