SHORT STORY TIME BITCHESSS
Nervous energy
My heart rate rises higher, higher up
Walking into the party felt like stepping into some weird fever dream. Half the senior grade was already there. Shouting over music that was way too loud, dancing on top of each other, and overall getting pretty fucked up. I told myself I was just going to grab a drink, lay low, and look for someone I actually liked. Then my eyes locked onto someone in the hallway door. Sophomore year hit me right in the gut before my brain could even process that face. It was him...
He noticed that I was looking at him and I would look away quickly but this time, I didn't break eye contact. He would be the one to look away this time. He looked away rolling his eyes and I did the same. I headed to the backyard for a more quiet area, It's been 10 minutes and I'm already overstimulated as fuck.
I walked to the fire pit the part host had and sat down. As I stared into the fire, I thought to myself "why am I even here?...". Every time I get invited to one of these stupid things, I say to myself "maybe it'll be different this time" and I am never right about that.
I was scrolling on my phone out of boredom and then I hear the back the door open and then close. I looked up to see who it was and jesus fucking christ..it's him again...
He walked up to me slowly and we locked eyes again, "can I sit here?" he asked, I nudged my head to the empty spot next to me. He sat down next to me and he watched the fire and spaced out for a moment. I leaned back into my spot on the couch and had my leg up trying to get comfortable for an awkward moment. "Sooo...how've you been?.." he asked breaking the silence. "uhmm, I've been pretty good, and yourself?" "yea yea uhm, fine". The only thing going on through my head is me asking jesus to help me get out of whatever the fuck is happening..but I decided to be bold and really figure out his intentions.
"Don't mean to be a bitch but, is there something I can help you with?" I questioned. He looked down into his cup and swirled his drink around, "I guess there's no use in running away from it now..". I tilted my head waiting for him to continue. "I'm really sorry for everything..I'm sorry for scaring you, never making you feel safe around me, and saying all those things behind your back. I didn't mean any of it" He said voice low while carrying a burden in his eyes. I sat up to hear him out because we've never had a real conversation until now. He fixed his position towards me and continued.
"Look I know you may not forgive me but at least hear me out, plz...". I gesture for him to continue and he starts to ramble nervously and I listened because he seems genuinely sorry for the damage he's done.
but the moment got harder to digest when he told me, "I just-I just hated how I felt for you and I guess I had different ways of dealing with those feelings...". I was shocked but also confused, "Wait wait wait-felt what for me??" I asked. He looked back at his cup and looked back at me. He moved closer to me and we just made eye contact which seemed like forever. He took a deep huff and puff and said the words I never expected from him, "I liked you, in fact..I was crazy about you."
I was a bit speechless because what the fuck? I always thought that's why he was such an asshole but I didn't think I'd be right??? He waited for me to say something, anything...but when the silence continued, his jaw started to tremble. He looked down and let out a shaky breath. When he lifted his head back up, he could barely look at me with those shining eyes. A single tear fell and he opened his mouth, "shit..I-I'm so sorry". My eyes widened and he watched my face as I continued to stay silent, but how could I say anything..
"Just, forget I said anything..I'm sorry..." As he was about to get up and walk away, I grabbed onto his arm and he looked back in confusion. I pulled him down towards me and I leaned in closer. I rested my hand on his cheek and wiped his tears away. I continued to hold his face while he held onto my wrist. I finally spoke and asked, "how long have you felt this way for me?" "Remember when Sarah introduced us to you. She was part of my group before she started hanging out with you. Since then." He said in a low voice.
Hearing that, knowing he’d been carrying this stupid, heavy secret for two whole years while treating me like shit made something click inside me. I gave him a slight smile and slid my hands down from his face to the back of his neck. I let my arms rest on his shoulders and did something that I still couldn't believe I was doing. I looked into those deep brown eyes, still wet with tears. Then, I leaned into him and put my lips to his. The sharp taste of his drink still lingered on his mouth, but I didn't care. We sank into the cushions of the couch, with the fire pit crackling in front of us. Something about this felt wrong on so many levels, but for some reason, completely right at the same time.
